MissCanuck

I think you are right. I'm sorry. Leave them to each other, extract yourself from their lives, and find people better to surround yourself with.

You're right, it's not about money. That wasn't my point. My point is that she is collecting all these numbers and going to have sex with men...where is she meeting all of them that she gets random guys' contact information and addresses?

OP, I don't mean to be funny - but are you sure she's not working as an escort? Advertising herself somewhere? She's amassing an unusually large amount of numbers and meet-ups. It seems a bit more to me than a woman who's just a run-of-the-mill cheater.

Leaving for good? If so, I am not sure I would bother asking for number.

There is zero reason to stay with her. You should have been done a long time ago.

I don't think it's worth it, only because the sort of problems you describe aren't the kind that therapy will resolve. You are incompatible on many significant levels. I would respectfully part ways and not force something that just isn't working.

Exactly. They both know what's wrong with his behaviour. Now she has to figure out what's up with her behaviour. He couldn't be like this without her tacit consent and participation.

Tell her you will call Animal Control unless she is more attentive to them. And send her the bill to patch up the fence.

Yeah, she sounds like she knows how to flirt and work a guy - and she's already got someone else she spends time with outside work. I think she enjoys your company and might indeed find you attractive, but she knows exactly how to butter up her regulars.

I would wager your suspicions are not correct. What reason would your neighbours have to clone your phone? It's unlikely they're that interested in your digital activity, OP.

Probably. I wouldn't waste any more time with him.

I don't think anyone - man or woman - is quite that simple or one-dimenstional.

You can't. You have tried that and it doesn't work. He isn't willing to listen. Nothing you can do about that. If he's not willing to meet you halfway, you're out of luck. Instead, have a productive conversation with yourself: where do your enabling and codependent tendencies come from? What gave you the impression that this is a healthy way to love?

What advice are you looking for at this point, OP?

How is this even relevant to your issue? I ask that almost rhetorically, by the way. It's clear that your conscience is eating at you here, and that perhaps you are sexually attracted to the one you want to go cycling with. Otherwise, why even bother adding that little disclaimer? Based on what you have written in this thread (and without judgment), it seems you are bored and unhappy in your marriage and are looking for an escape. The issue of the cycling trip is not really the problem here, but it's representative of bigger issues that exist between you and your wife.

No, it is not. You are looking for signals that are not there. This is not how women send "hints" to men anyway. Have you dated much before, OP? Local women?

You won't succeed by having affairs with married men either, OP. You chose someone who cannot be in a relationship with you. That is on you. When you make poor choices, you're going to get poor results

A selfish and uncommitted woman would be this way, yes.

You knew he was married. It is wrong to accept the advances of someone else's husband. That is your fault. Unless and until divorce papers are signed, no.

What are your feelings for this other lady, if you're being compeltely honest with yourself? It's quite the leap to go from having some things in common with other friends to wondering if you should divorce your wife. So, what is really underlying this? What sort of problems exist in your marriage apart from different hobbies?

If everything has been fine and this seemed out of the blue, then there is probably more to it than she's telling you. And you're right that in times of distress and difficulty, solid couples tend to lean into each other. Not away from each other, to the point of being unable to commit anymore.

You aren't responsible for her now either, though.

Out of curiosity, what prompted this conversation with her? Had she been pulling away, or..?

Understand what, specifically? Unless you have also lost a parent yourself, you probably can't really relate. As much as you want to help her, you have to respect her decision to step back from the relationship. You don't have to wait idly by, as you're free to walk away any time, but you can't make her let you in when she doesn't want that. It hurts, but it's not under your control.

What do you want to ask her that you don't already know?