MissCanuck

You are making a huge mistake by prioritizing sex over any shred of self-respect. This is not going to last, no matter how you slice it, so you might as well regain some of your dignity and walk away now. It's only a matter of time before she ditches you for her next punching bag anyway.

Perhaps you should. The way he talks to you is gross.

No, you did not. She did. Her behaviour is atrocious for a grown woman. Most men with self-respect would tell her to go fly a kite.

She's a rude and entitled brat. You're signing up for ridiculous drama if you are foolish enough to continue dating her.

I wouldn't think twice about dropping this angry and volatile stranger.

We can't tell you that. Only you can. Personally? I would feel that there is way too much damage done here to ever recover.

I would have discounted this as an old crush flaring up, but you actually called him. Even if he didn't realize it was you, you stepped over the line. I would ask yourself what's up with your current relationship that you're escaping into this fantasy again and again, and have actually thought about breaking it off with your boyfriend just to have this guy again. I know you came back to your senses, but it's telling that this has occurred to you more than once. My guess is that this is less about this specifc guy, and more about boredom with your current boyfriend - or something else lacking altogether.

It's a terrible idea to try polyamory if you are not naturally inclined that way to begin with. And it's very clear that you are not. This is going to end in disaster.

Yes. It's game-playing and you two have shaky foundation to begin with. It will backfire.

So she lives on government money and yet borrows thousands from family to buy a car? OP, this woman is a trainwreck. The marriage is a trainwreck and it's pretty clear that she is not with you because she loves you, but because she doesn't want to have to stand on her own two feet. She has evidently been enabled and coddled far too much, and you're seeing the unfortunate results. It is unlikely that she is suddenly going to change her entire character.

Well...that escalated quickly. Run, don't walk, to your nearest divorce attorney. There is no viable reason to continue this marriage. It is an absolute train wreck and it's only a year old. Call emergency services if she threatens suicide. But get yourself out of this.

Even still, it is not healthy to make grand future plans without ever having dated in person. Or commit to someone you cannot meet in person. It is also surely a factor in the problem here: she doesn't really consider you her partner, at the end of the day. You're someone she's talked to online for 5 years, but the novelty has worn off for her. She is exploring the possibility of real a relationship with someone right in front of her. The fact that you're now just 2 hours apart, live on your own and still haven't met says it all, unforunately. I think it's time to walk away from this. In the future, try to meet girls locally. This sort of cyber romance almost never pans out in real life, because it's largely built on fantasy. You both sound very young now, but when you're older and more experienced, you will see why this was not the stuff a relationship is made of. Unplug and work on enriching your life offline, and connecting with people around you. It will be so much more rewarding and fulfilling than a nebulous digital romance.

Oh, dear. I was worried about that. I am going to be blunt and I don't mean to be unkind, but this is not a real relationship if you have never even met. And this has been going on for 5 years? That is way, way too long. Why haven't you met after all this time? It was a big mistake to plan your whole life together when you've never spent any time together in person.

I hate to say it, but I believe you are right. She is lying about who she's talking to when she's talking to you, and is dismissive and disrespectful. Those are big red flags. So while I agree that you do need to develop your own social circle and life apart from her, I disagree that it will help you be less "weirded out" by her behaviour. It's concerning in and of itself, and it has nothing to do with you having other friends or not. She sounds resentful and like she's mostly lost interest in you. How often do you two see each other in person? Has it always been long-distance?

I wouldn't even attempt to over-analyze or over-complicate this, OP. At the end of the day, you know that you don't find her attractive, to the point that you don't want to have sex with her anymore. This relationship is toast.

Can you define what "neglect" means to you? For example, how often does he spend time with them, and how often does he spend time with you? You said he's previously canceled plans with you to hang out with them - does that happen often? And do you make any effort to hang out with them, or do you say no every time? I would also remember that we can't make someone pay more attention to us or be more caring if they're just not feeling it. We sometimes have to step back and observe what our partners do of their own volition, with no prompting from us. And if they choose to drop the ball again and again, we might have to face the fact that they are losing interest in the relationship. That could be what is happening here, if it's happening with increasing frequency.

I would not keep sleeping with this guy. His pushiness and entitlement would turn me right off. Next.

This is your answer. Usually when people say this, they already have someone else in mind. I realize he has told you this is not the case, but I don't think I would be so quick to assume he's being honest about that. A man in love isn't going to encourage his girlfriend to see other people - unless he is already curious about another person himself. I am sorry, OP. I think your relationship is coming to an end and he is trying to make it about you not being experienced or your strict parents to distract from the simple truth that he has lost interest and wants to move on.

You're going about this all wrong, OP. If you want to see if she is genuinely interested, tell her to contact you if and only if she breaks up with her boyfriend. All you're doing right now is helping her stay in her relationship, by making their low points more bearable for her. When they fight or something, she knows you will be there as back-up to pay attention to her. Stop doing that. It's not going to make her come to you. Find out if she is serious about all these feelings she claims to have, and set a firm boundary. If she disappears, you will know that she still wants to be with him more than you. The prospects here aren't good anyway. She is showing you that she's the type of girl who cheats. Granted, she is young and inherently immature and bound to make poor choices as she goes along, but you will probably not enjoy being the guy who helps her learn how to behave like a mature adult. I have a feeling that even if she does break up with him and come to you, there will be a lot of drama and back-and-forth with him and all kinds of other noise.

He sees you as a friend, OP.

Yes, it sounds like it. It's not normal, no. It sounds like she is lining up her next boyfriend until she finally breaks up with you. And even if she isn't cheating, she is definitely over your relationship anyway.

But it's a huge issue, OP. It affects the very core intimacy of your relationship, which is a big part of what distinguishes a romantic partner from a friend. It's not as though this is a minor niggle. It is a problem that cannot be corrected, and it impacts your ability to be intimate with her. I do not think you will regret letting her go.

He's still hung up on her, clearly. I would get rid of him. His heart and mind are not with you at all.

Extremely unlikely. She was using you for attention while going through a rough patch with her boyfriend. That's all there was to this.

What is your question, exactly? This woman is done with your relationship. She just hasn't told you yet.