MissCanuck

I'm 40 myself, so I'm in your age bracket. I'm not single, but if I were, I would be looking for a man with some degree of responsibility and establishment. Owning a home and having a high-paying job would not be absolute necessities but I would be searching for someone who knew what he wanted in life and had an idea of how to achieve it. I would not be particularly interested in a man who seemed a too adrift and coasting through at my age, without any real sense of direction or purpose. So, I would start there: what are you future goals? How do you intend to get there? This is not unusual for our ages, OP. I know plenty of people around my age who do such things, whether single or committed. I live abroad and when friends do happen to venture to my side of the pond, I open my home to them. Not weeks and weeks, but a couple days or weeks here and there. I don't see the issue with that.

Can you elaborate on what sort of lifestyle you lead?

So that means they have been sexually active together recently - possibly when you two were already dating. Big red flag right there. No, girl. This is way too much for such a short relationship, and not a burden you should volunteer to take on. Moving so fast was a warning sign in and of itself, but add in all these other serious stressors? This is not your guy. It is going to be best to cut all contact with him.

Yes, it was rude. Is this typical for your brother?

Why not? If she has restricted people from sending friend requests (and only allows requests from mutuals on her Friend list, for example), you can be fairly sure she isn't interested in connecting with people from work that she doesn't know very well. That's entirely possible. Or maybe she just doesn't check it. I had messages over a year old sitting in that folder before I realized they were there.

Maybe he's just met another girl he's interested in.

Agree with this. Not responding isn't working, OP. He isn't thinking about your feelings or respecting your obvious desire not to interact with him, so you don't need to be too gentle here.

Nope. I would've ended it right there. Not only was he trying to sneak around with other women, but he lied when confronted and then blamed you. That says a lot about this guy, and it tells you that he is a snake. I would not continue this relationship one more day. It would be foolish to do so.

I wouldn't bother with this. It's a break-up. If you two happen to reconnect someday, down the road, so be it. But I would not put myself on pause for any length of time for someone else. I would simply aknowledge that this is not a match, and part ways - without a timeline to reconnect. It doesn't sound as though this is going to work out, now or 3 years from now.

It does, if he wants you to stick around until he's had his fill of you.

That would be an understatement. Get away from this guy, forever.

Bingo. This guy is not boyfriend material for you, OP. You have known that for a while.

Yeah, exactly. OP, this wouldn't have anything to do with your girlfriend not wanting to have sex with you, would it? (as per your previous thread) Are you still trying to find ways to get her interested in sex with you?

It sounds like she's essentially ended it now, yes? I am sorry, OP. You two would not have worked out in the long-run and it's time to spread your wings and each find someone else more compatible with you.

OP, to clarify: are you in a relationship with him? Or just dating exclusively, but not actually a couple?

Nope. This would be a drop-dead dealbreaker for me.

You need to get the bottom of why this is so important to you.

I was wondering about this, too. You have flip-flopped in a few short days here on this thread. What has changed between then and now that leads you to believe your initial concern (that she isn't there for you) is no longer a problem?

That's what I'm saying, yes. I've been in that position once, and I didn't really care who my ex had been with in the time we were not together. I assumed there had been others, and that was fine. It was unrelated to our relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I really don't know what to recommend here, since I can't relate to that mindset. Sorry, man.

So insecure in general, then. That is where you need to concentrate - why do you not feel secure with yourself and your own sexual experience? I wouldn't have even asked about how many people they'd been with, because it's none of my business. But I generally have never cared how many people a partner has been with, and never compared their prior sexual experience to my own. I've never asked for numbers, nor have I revealed mine. It's a non-issue for me.

How well do you suppose that will work when he finds a new girlfriend?

It sounds like this is all coming from a place of feeling very insecure in this relationship. She's now more experienced than you, and you know that she's sexually attracted (and attractive) to other men. My sense is that you don't feel good enough for her, and that likely in part stems from a very unstable history with her. Do you tend to fixate on other things in your life?

No, I think this relationship is well and truly over. And no, I don't think you need to speak to him in person about this. The next time he messages or calls you, tell him that you no longer want to communicate because it's clear you two do not have the goal here and it's preventing you from accepting the break-up and moving on.

OP, you broke up a while ago. It would have already happened if it were going to. All you're doing him right now is keeping him warm until he finds someone else. Also, if he broke up because he wants to be single, you need to realize he's probably had sex with other girls by now too. It's time to face reality and let him go before you get your heart crushed.