bigsteve1

I absolutely agree. Going into this I knew that despite how mature she came off, that age is still a factor. Not her fault, just is what it is. Yup, she's from the mid-west. Just haven't been involved with anybody from there on a romantic level. I live in california so I think that hard ass religious mentality isn't prominent here. I agree. I have too much respect for myself not to prove my worth, I never have done that to her. I let my actions do the proving and when there are issues on her end that is for her to figure out, not my job to convince her. I agree. What I meant by pause was exactly what you said about reconnecting down the road. I have big focuses on my own life right now so even though I won't be looking for women I will still be open to it. She's not going to prevent me from doing anything. YES! She did mention that to help her figure it out she will "seek council". I've heard of that before but never have been with somebody who's done that, so a new concept to me. When I have issues I ask my family or friends. I completely respect their way of life, but they don't respect mine 😕 I mostly agree. Time always tells too. When you're fresh out of it you want it to work but as time goes on you get more clarity and less emotional. Been through it. Haha that's real when you say the family hates me, that's what it feels like. They were in town for a week visiting her and they didn't even want to meet the mystery guy who's been dating his daughter. My own parents found that extremely odd. Her parents had so many question marks about me(age, how many girls ive slept with, my religion, my job). Usually parents would want to know what they're young daughter is getting themselves into! I've told her numerous times that we are going to get ripped apart because of her family or if we do work out she will be the black sheep of her family. She agreed. I told her ultimately she's going to pick her family over me, it's just natural. She's known me for 3 months and her family forever. We respect each others beliefs and like learning about each others opinions/beliefs, but yes we don't share them. While that is not so important to me, it is for her which is why this issue exists along with the fact that her family and friends will probably never accept me.

Hi all. I have something I'd like to get off my chest and get feedback on as well. Whoever takes the time to read this and respond, I really appreciate you. I met this amazing girl out one night. She and I have a considerable age difference(I'm 30, she's 21). She's also not from where I am from. She was here for work. I got her contact info because why not? We had a great conversation when we met. So the weeks went by and we started hanging out and really fell for each other. I've had my fair share of experiences with women and I am usually very picky so this one really lit up the christmas tree for me. Good values, beautiful, smart, ambitious, funny, everything I could ask for. We both understood the circumstances with her having to go back home a few states away. We made a decision to try out the long distance thing. We had a few plans to make it work. We are both very busy so until she got done with school we were going to do the best we can but at the same time not create big obligations for each other, keep it light. I have before considered moving out of my state or preferably having two residences since I still have family here. That's way off in the future, but just saying I am open to it. Here's where the issue rolls in. Everything between us is amazing, but religion is a big deal to her. Not only her, but her family and friends. I grew up catholic myself having gone to catholic private schools my whole life, so I understand it all and I am at peace with anybody who wants to be apart of anything, so as long as it is peaceful and good. In my teens I started to go my own direction with my beliefs. I consider myself spiritual. A lot of the stuff that I believe in and the way I live mirrors her way in terms of values, the problem is that I don't believe that Jesus died for our sins and that we are all cleansed and whatnot. I believe in god and spirits and whatnot, but I don't really believe the bible. So it bugs her that those particular things don't align with her beliefs. Everything else is perfect. The really sad part is that her parents & grandparents want nothing to do with me. I have never spoken a word to them. I don't fit their criteria. In their mind, if their daughter doesn't bring home a man of faith then he is not welcome. While this girl is open to me, I think she still has a bit of that influence from her parents since that is the way she was raised, so she struggles with it. I've never met her friends from back home either, but the first question they had about me is, "where is his faith"?. It is very disturbing for me. Having grown up around catholics/christians for many years I have never met people like this before. My ex girlfriend of 5 years' parents were religious and not once did I feel like it was a factor in how they viewed me. I come from a family/belief system that as long as you are a good person you are welcome. My family loves her. I told her that I know her beliefs are different than mine but for me it just isn't a factor. I focus on her character and integrity. Unfortunately, she, her family and friends come off as highly judgmental, and don't care much about my integrity, but more so that I share the title of being a christian and believing in jesus. Very hypocritical if you ask me since apparently only God can judge man. I've always been weary of religious people my whole life, but always give people a chance and try to be understanding. For months I tried being understanding with snickering stuff from her family but eventually I let her have my piece of mind. Despite her believing in what she does, she still questions it. With that being said, along with her parents & friends views about me, I can tell she needed time to figure things out. So I told her that I am going to take a step back and while we can still contact each other, it won't be the same because I have to protect my heart. I am all in with her but she is not, so I have to make an adjustment. She completely understood. Fast forward to the next night and she brought up ANOTHER issue that we've talked about before. She will be very busy with her stuff and she feels really bad that she can't give me her all. It makes her feel guilty. I've told her time and time again that I am not needy and am busy myself. She tried explaining to me that she doesn't want to be tied down, not because she wants to be with anybody else, just more so mentally. She doesn't want to worry all day about not being able to get back to my text or phone call. I understand this is as well and I honestly do trust her. So with that & the religious thing, she was wanting time to make a decision, but I honestly I've heard enough and me being older I know where she is at so I made a decision for her, and ultimately us. I decided to put everything on pause for the next 3 years(timeframe of her school & obligations). I told her she can write me letters, but that's it. That will be her time to get through her stuff and ample time to figure out where she stands with me in terms of the religious stuff. When I was younger I used to feel the need to convince somebody to be with me. Now, I know my value and I know where I stand with her but with time she will have to prove to me if she wants to be with me. I told her that as the years pass there is no guarantee that I 1. Feel the same way, and 2. Have not found somebody else. She agreed to everything and so far its been a few days since we've spoken. I know it was hard as hell on her and I. Our very last time hearing each other on the phone and talking about this was tough. She didn't want to hang up, but I had to. Time will tell. I know that was very long. I hope some of you enjoyed it and would be very grateful of any honest opinions. Thank you!