ddp0109

i was in the sameboat..trust me..your not alone...my ex is on xanga and would post pics and say how she loves her new bf...after 2 weeks of breaking up with me..and i use to check it everyday..it just hurt too much!! so i stopped..its pure self control..just hang in there!! and know that things happen for a reason..and karma will get back to you...having no sympathy for someone you supposedly loved just shows what type of person he really is...you dont need that in your life..totally disrespectful and unsympathetic...surround yourself with positive ppl..not negative ones..and always remember..your not alone

the reason for NC is not to get him to call..but to heal your heart...you have to stop looking at what you want to happen..and look at whats going to happen..or what already has..NC is the time for you to release all sorrows and pain of the past and rebuild...use NC to help yourself to get your life back on track for YOU..not him...time heals all wounds..trust me..you sound like a great girl..im sure NYC has someone there waiting for you...just give it time...

you cant force love buddy...trust me..i think of my ex alot as well...but the best thing for you to do..is take the precious moments you had with her and cherish them..and move on...just dont force it...if its meant to be..it'll happen..just be happy your ex is happy...life goes on..trust me..i was in a relationship for 4 years as well..keep strong!

My friends, i think we just discovered our quote of the month...good job..very inspirational

i think we should make a club for the ppl going through exactly what we are going through..haha..jk but its good (in a positive way) to see ppl going through the same situations...i find myself sometimes wondering if i was the only one..and your right about jumping from one relationship to the next..so much unwanted baggage that it will be hard to keep things "real" for so long.. i mean it may be good for the first couple of "honeymoon" months but after..ha..just wait and see!... im glad to see everyone is healing in some sort of way...i wish you all the best of luck and i am now going to save this post to my favorites..lol..

Hey sm, Trust me buddy, im in the same boat....met what i thought was the love of my life about 4 years ago....i was in toronto..she was in cali...and i basically fell for her having a LD relationship..everything seemed great..i was traveling to cali as much as i could (atleast 2 to 3 times a year if not more) and then about 5 months ago..i was blessed to receive a J-1 visa to work in the states...my sponsor was through my university and the international YMCA...i was soo happy because i felt it was my obligation as a man..to move to cali.. I got to cali (where i am right now btw) in june...everything seemed great with my ex and i...i was soo in love with her i couldnt believe it....she actually spent the night a couple of times and i remember looking at her and thinking " my god, if i was to wake up beside this girl EVERYDAY for the rest of my life i would be in heaven" ...well about 3 weeks after i felt there was some change in her...i finally got it out of here that she didnt love me anymore..and that she was talking to some next guy.....this new guy was really good within the family..so i guess thats the big reason why i was kicked to the curve...i wasnt too intuned with her dad...his way of raising my ex wasnt totally my cup of tea..i guess you can say..alot of abuse...mentally..physically..emotionally..etc..and iw as the outlet for all of it...she gave me that fire to be angry with him..thereforeeee i really didnt respect him...i know its my fault for that..but if i believe in something...esp when it comes to abuse..im sure as hell going to fight for it... anyways she broke up with me in august...went to vegas with this new guy in mid august while i was in toronto visiting my family...and to top it all off..she has sent me these hate emails how she doesnt want nothing to do wit hme..and she says he loves this new guy etc....i mean its funny how ppl can switch from one thing to the next..and i truly believed that our relationship was eternal..and i thought about suicide..trust me..i did..i even told her that i wanted it...but i mean what do you get out of it? your ex is still going to be with that other person at the end of the day...so i mean it isnt worth it.. something to think about sm...was she IN love with you or did she just love you? from the way it sounds bud, you were very much in love with this girl..and she just loved you...do you really want that? i mean if you invest soo much into a relationship you expect something in return right? i know for a fact that im getting very little if not nothing...in my past relationship... i mean i love my ex as a person..but i dont love who she has become..and the way she just left me...alone...here in cali!! i have no family and very few friends...for someone to be soo cold hearted..i have no idea how she sleeps at night... my advice to you buddy...just keep your head up...think about it..would you let just anyone treat you taht way?? if you were giving advice to one fo you friends...what would you tell them?? its one thing to want to be with someone..and another thing to be with someone for the right reasons you know?? you sound like a good guy...and with every good guy theres a good girl..you just gotta go through the bad ones to recognize exactly what you need for later on you know? so next time you can filter yourself and get the RIGHT one for you..lifes the hardest teacher sm, it gives you the test first then the lesson after...we BOTH gotta learn our lessons and move on..and trust me bud, you arent alone...just keep your head up..and as time passes..youll get better.. sorry for the long reply...i just connect to exactly how things are going in your life....you arent alone.

Your words are an inspiration..thanks ps. the bolded sentence is something ive come to realize as well...

I agree with hock, the right person can't get away i too agree with hock...if the right person is there..he/she wont want to leave..if there is abuse or any type of issues that may hurt the relationship...then the person isnt right for you.. i thought i was with the right person..loved her more than anything..moved to a different country by myself to be with her..and she gave up on me a month after i was down here...do i feel that she was the right person? Yes, up to a certain point of this relationship. and how did i know that she wasnt? the way the break up took place...it was very rough and not nearly as gentle as i thought it would be..and to top it all off..she got with someone else within the month she broke up with me...my ex gave up on me...thereforeeee she isnt the right one for me. Period. one thing i worry about is if i can give my heart away like i did..because i would have never thought i would be soo hurt you know? how many of you guys feel that way? ps. make sure the both of you are in love with eachother..not just one person is in love..and the next just loves you period...two different things that ive learnt after my experience: To love someone and to BE in love with someone

yea i know your feeling...just hang in there..your at the right place...i must say this site has helped me alot...your not alone..

hey guys, just a quick question..how many of you guys have been going through a break up and you keep the NC going for quite a while....and you feel good during the week..and then you suddenly feel like crap?? as for me..i was doing soo well this week..and now today (saturday) i feel so depressed!! every song on the damn radio makes me sad....even if has nothing to do with my ex..and me being in a small town....that doesnt really have much of anything to do..i can honestly say my time isnt being as occupied as i would like it to be..... esp. for those who was in a pretty harsh break up..how long did it take for you guys...to not have this up and down feeling??? what did you guys do when you suddenly had that "depressed" feeling?...i myself drove all the way to work to get on this site...since i dont have internet at my house!...i just need some feedback to those that are kind enough to share them....thanks guys

NC works very well if you know how to handle it....and as the previous poster stated...it sounds like it worked very well...the whole thing about NC is to let your heart, mind and soul rebuild itself...you cant do that when you got the one you want to be with in constant contact with you...bc if he/she is there constantly while your trying to heal..all you really doing is keeping a wound open that should be healing....NC has worked for me..but i have my days..like today for example, for some reason i always feel soo BLAH on the weekends.(i hope she doesnt read this...if she does im sure she's smiling...sigh)..its probably bc i can just picture my ex with her new man...hanging out etc..stuff i wish i could have done but cant...your going to have the ups and downs..but i personally think you arent ready to even establish a phsysical (hang out type) of friendship right now...but thats just my opinion...good luck to you though..your not alone..so dont stress that much

it doesnt matter what situation you are in..the point is..we have to start living our lives for us!! no one else...i find that alot of us have invested alot of things into our relationship we feel that we are losing out soo much...i feel the same way....its just time to live for ourselves rather then to live for our ex's...thats where we went wrong...its time for US...

im in the same boat....my ex hasnt contacted me in awhile also...but im glad..the last couple of emails were very rude..basically stating that i was nothing to her..and how she threw all my stuff out that i gave her....i dont need that negativity in my life...i just wish her all the best..and move on...you really got to ask yourself..is it really worth the pain your going through now?? if your ex is happy..then i guess we should be happy..we may not agree with the way the handled our break up (cause i sure know that i despise the way she did ours)..but at the end of the day..NC is the best!.....just think of it as, your ex opened doors for someone BETTER to enjoy your love and loyalty..cause thats what we gave..nothing but love and loyalty....things will get better...trust me...hey herewegoagain you didnt respond to my last pm....respond back when you can just in conclusion..we all have to ask tell ourselves..our ex's are doing what they want to make THEM happy..why do we have to suffer...we must get it through our heads that its time to make US happy..and that doesnt mean going back to them necessarily!!..just because its the comfortable route to go..doesnt mean its going to stay comfortable...and herewegoagain, i got the same feeling about the "first they love you..and 2 days later...they dont" feeling..ive named it "the switch" ....its just how life goes..sooner or later your ex will realize what a great guy you are..and by that time..youll be happy and moved on..just keep your head up...pm me when you can