Rebecca81

Hi Hurtin, I wish there was some sort of standard procedure in learning how to move on from a past relationship. It would sure make things easier. However, no matter how you look at it, time is the only answer. Time is simultaneously an enemy and friend, a hurter and a healer. I think the best thing to do is to not igmore your feelings. It is OK that you are depressed and sad, no matter what others may tell you. You must revel in your pain. However, the pain must not cause you to be unable to function in everyday life. Start focusing on outside activities, even if when you do them it sucks. Also, consider counseling! I am in counseling, 5 months post break-up and it is wonderful. The growth I have acquired is unique in that, regardless of whether or not my ex and I get back together, I will not lose the growth or progress I've made. Sometimes writing things down helps too. I keep a journal of all of the thoughts I have, both rational and irrational, and go over them on a wekly basis. It's my hunch that after about a month or so, as you reflect back on your entries, you will recognize some sort of progression, or at least a change in behavior. Good luck, and know that I am rooting for you. Take care.

Hi Ticklebug- Thanks for the post. Actually, he is in therapy as well. I think that is a big part of the reason that he wants to talk to me again. During this time apart, we've both been able to focus on what is going on inside of ourselves. As for the idea of bringing him to therapy, I think that is great...when we are official again. But see, that's the problem. I don't know if we should rush the official label as yet. Things are going slow, and issues really aren't getting pushed under the rug. We talk about all of it. We laugh, cry, the whole thing...I am scared that if I bring up actually becoming offical again, I will scare him off. I tend to do that. I analyze things to the point where it blows up in my face. I think I should just enjoy the time I am spending with him. Do you agree?

Hi everyone, It's been a few months since my last post so here's a recap... My ex and I broke up at the end of July. I lied to him (not about another guy) and he felt he couldn't trust me. Both of us were completely crushed, as we were incredibly in love. We saw each other twice and he decided it was too painful to see me and that even though he still loved me, he couldn't be with someone he didn't trust. Well, he IM'd me out of nowhere on my birthday last month. We chatted for 2 hours about old times and how much we still care for each other. He said he wanted to marry me and that he could never feel that way for anyone else ever again. He sent me an ecard for my birthday the next day and I IM'd him that night to thank him. During hte chat we agreed to meet up that weekend to hang out. Well, we've seen each other two times since that conversation and things are great. We are taking time to get to know each other again and really enjoying each other's company. We talk on the phone during the week too. We are seeing where it goes. I just can't help but be scared though. We've both admitted the comfort level, the passion and the commonalities are still in place, but I just don't want to get my heart broken again. I am also working on myself, through therapy to find out why I felt I had to lie to him. He says that he is so happy I am getting help for myself. I just talked to him tonight and he told me about the funweekend he has planned with his dad and cousins. It's just so nice to talk to him... The problem is that I find myself wishing for more...already. I've never been one to take it slow and I am completely in love with him. Should I even be worrying about anything? Maybe it's nothing...Is there any other step I should take? I'd appreciate any advice or comments so very much! Becca

I can totally relate to the "non-eating" problem. Whenmy boyfriend broke up with me this past summer, I lost 22 pounds in 6 weeks. Like the previous replier said, when I saw my ex, the only thing he could say to me was, "You look amazing." But, amazing as the weght loss was, I wasn't healthy; I ended up contracting a peptic ulcer. Believe me, I know ow difficult it is to eat when your heart is in so much pain. All I can tell you is that time will bring your appetite back. In the mean time, be sure to drink plenty of liquids. At least that way you will keep yourself hydrated. Take care... It does get better, Becca

This is so similar to my situation...My advice is to see her. You know that you will be devastated if you don't. But I will say to use extreme caution when you do meet. You will feel like the two of you are in a surreal time warp, I assure you. Everyhting will appear normal. You will laugh, cry and share many things, but when the mroning comes, you will feel awkward. You are lucky in some ways since you are moving, but whatever the case this will not be easy on either of you. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen my ex and I received a heartwrenching email yesterday from him telling me that it is just too hard for him to see me anymore. Anyway, to make a long story short, it will not ease your mind or emotions, it will further complicate things. But let's be honest, most of us would see the other person...Good luck! Becca

I completely agree with the previous reply. I recently saw my ex and we had sex. While it was beautiful, it made things so awkward. We didn't end up getting back together, and like you, I wasn't completely sure I wanted that in the first place. BUT, sex brings a new level of intimacy to the table. I feel like since I saw him I've actually fallen back a few steps. Please be careful and I wish you good luck. Love, Becca

Hi everyone! Ok, so I saw Dan again last night. He saw me online yesterday morning and im'd me. He asked how I was and I said alright and that I'm dealing. He said he keeps thinking about me and hates how we left things when we saw eachother last week. In case you don't know the story here's a brief recap... He broke up with me a month ago because I told him a bunch of lies about myself to look better. I wore a necklace from a previous ex, no sentimental value, I just liked the way it looked, and I told him it was from my parents. He always suspected but I never came clean. He asked me so many times and I lied to his face. Anyway the truth came out and it snowballed into a break up. He felt and still feels incredibly betrayed. We were so in love, it was so intense and emotional. Anyway, we've seen each other once since the breakup (until yesterday) and it didn't go so well. He was so angry and devastated that I would lie to him. He wanted to marry me, etcetera and he felt that he couldn't trust me now. We left each other on undecided terms. So that brings us to yesterday. In the midst of our im session, he called me and we started talking. He said he wanted to see me so I went last night. We got there and it was abit awkward but for the most part everything was normal. We missed each other so much. He told me I looked amazing and we held each other. He asked me why I lied and cried with me. He said that he was having a hard time balancing the heart and head. He misses me so much but his head has these rules that he can't see me, we are broken up. By calling he said that he is trying to listen to how he feels. He says there are no rules, he's never felt this way before. We watched TV, layed together in his hammock and talked about old times, the past month, and our feelings. We ended up making love and it was amazing. Waking up with him was incredible. This morning was a little weird, and we both commented on how quick we fell back into normalcy. He said it was so fast. I told him I know, maybe it was too quick. He said let's take it one step at a time. We kissed and held eachother tight for a long time and as I was leaving I told him that if his heart says that he needs to be with me, then he's not wrong. It doesn't mean that we are forgetting or forgiving what happened. I said, will we talk again? he said ABSOLUTELY! So what does everyone think? Good/bad, etcetera? Should I do anything? I appreciate the comments. Love, Princess

Hi All! Just wanted to update everyone on the situation with Dan and I and to ask for further advice... RECAP: He broke up with me over some lies I had told (no cheating, etc), just lies about myself told because I was insecure...I will elaborate if you want, just ask I saw him yesterday and it was a lot tougher than expected...We made plans to hang out so I met him at his parents' house (he spent the night there) and as I rang the bell, my hands became clenched. His mom answered the door and she was surprised to see me. We hugged and then she asked me take a seat. When Dan came down the stair, all my feelings resurfaced. I said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He said, sure, let's take a walk. We walked a couple of miles to a park and our conversation ranged from everything from small talk to the issues at hand. I informed him that before I came by I dropped off s2 poems I had written him and confessions and lessons learned since he broke up with me. He asked me to tell him about what I wrote. I admitted that the necklace i wore was from my ex, even though i had lied to him numerous times before that. I told him that my negative attitude has begun to change. I am in counseling and am learning to value myself. He said he is so proud of me. Then we talked about how he felt. He said that he feel so betrayed that I would lie to him, especially about something from an ex. He said the lies, and the others I told weren't trivial because he had asked me to come clean numerous times and I lied to his face. I made no excuses for my actions, I just explained that there was never an intention to hurt him, I was just insecure. We talked about the future and he said he can't close the door on me. I asked if he still loves me and he said of course, he can't turn off his feelings. He said that there is no one else, and he can't even consider dating. I told him it is so hard not being able to touch him and he grabbed my hand. I rolled into him and cried for a few minutes. He held me and rocked me and cried as well. He said, my heart wants to hold you all day, but my head can't trust you right now. I told him I didn't come here to beg for him back, i just don't think it's worth it to throw away our love. He said seeing me, smelling me and touching me mad him realize the feelings he still has for me. I never realized how much I devastated him, and it hurts so bad to know I was responsib;e for this. As we walked back, he told me it took a lot of courage to fess up to the lies i told and to come out to his house like I did. He respects me and is happy that I am not lying. He said he'd like to see me again and he'll call me this week. As I was getting ready to leave, he pulled me in and kissed me. he said he wanted to make love to me so badly, but it just wouldn't be fair , it wouldn't make his decision easier. I told him I loved him as he touched my hair and kissed my neck and back. He said he loved me to and he needed to go before it got too hard. I told him I caouldn't go because it felt like the last time I would see him and he said it wouldn't be...He grabbed my hand and told me to have faith. He said he'd talk to me this week. I said I just want to hear you say you need time and everything will be ok. He said "I need time and I hope everything will be ok." Just let me call you. Last night, around 9:30, he text messaged me and said "Thank u for the poems, they are so beautiful. You are a great writer." And that's the last I've heard. I'd like some opinions on this situation and some advice for me. Love, Princess Becca

Thanks for the advice. Honestly, I don't feel he wants to see me because of lonliness. Our breakup was not necessary and I think he realizes that. No doubt, I was in the wrong for hurting him, but some relationships aren't worth bailing on. I am just so nervous. I think I'll take the advice and get a new outfit, but I'll pass on the gift. Any other ideas or advice??? Princess

Yes, I used to always feel the pee coming on during sex. I now make sure to pee right before sex, or right before I start getting serious with my guy. After a while just went away. I think a lot of it has to do with the comfort level you have with your partner. Good luck! Love, Princess

Ok everybody, Some of you know the story. Dan and I dated for 5 months, discovered we were soul mates and then broke up because I lied to him about several trivial things...nothing to do with another guy, etc. just some insecurities I had about myself. It's been about 2 1/2 weeks and we've communicated a few times. During our conversations he says how awful and incomplete he feels without me, etc. I feel the same. He says he still loves me and misses me, but he's still healing. So, currently I emailed him and let it out about how this "space" thing is eating me up inside. I put it out there that I'd like to stop by and see him. He emailed me back the same day and said he's been having a terrible time with the space thing too, and that he'd like to have seen me. (Except he went out of town). He said he'll call me when he gets back from his trip (tuesday night) and that he'd really like to see me. I am freaking out here!!! Besides wondering what the hell I'm going to say to him when I see his beautiful face, I just hope he follows through and we make plans. Bottom line---we are so incredibly in love with each other and we need to be together. I am soooo nervous. Please give some advice Love, Becca _________________ Princess Becca

My bf LOVES to give me oral. He says he loves to watch me feel pleasure. I actually had a problem giving oral, but now I love it. There is definitely something to be said about pleasing the one you love. I just started swallowing when I give too. I never used to do that but with Dan it's different. Maybe I'm crazy.

So, I broke down and emailed Dan last night, asking the boundaries of the "time" he needed. I decided to be honest with him, etcetera, and asked him to respond. Well..... he did!!! He wrote back saying that this was way harder than he thought too, and he'd like to get together with me next week to talk things over. He will call when he gets home from his business trip next week to arrange the details. For those of you familiar with my story, I lied about trivial things to him and he was betrayed. I have decided that when we meet, I will be 100% honest, about everything. I am so grateful that things will probably work out. Our relationship is a testament to the existence of true love. Thanks to all for your support and comments. More would be appreciated. Love, Becca

Thanks! I think it sounds promising. I never thought it would be this hard to give him space. It is making me crazy, I swear. I have so much to tell him. What makes me wonder is that, when we initially talked after the breakup, I called him first. He was so happy I initiated contact. You still think I should wait a while?

Hi all! It's Rebecca. I posted about 2 weeks ago about my breakup with my boryfriend Dan. As you may recall, I lied to him about trivial things and he felt incredibly betrayed. He told me he still loved me but couldn't bear to hear my voice, etcetera because it hurt so bad. He said I was the love of his life. Anyway, on Saturday, I called him to see how he was. He was so happy to hear from me and said that I sounded as though I was feeling better as well. We talked for 1/2 an hour and he said that he was so scared when our relationship hit this bump that he freaked out. He said it's like I'm still with him. He doesn't sleep, and thinks about me constantly. He wasnts to get together in the next couple weeks to talk. Later that night, he sent me a beautiful email saying how much he still loves and misses me, but htat he still needs time to digest what happened. He says that he doesn't expect me to wait for him, but to just keep a door open in my heart for him and he will call me soon. He signed it "monkey" my nickname for him. I was delighted that we are both feeling the same way, so I texted him saying that the door was never closed and I love him. Then I talked to him Monday and he was a little surprised. I could sense a little discomfort, not necessarily about me, but he was at work. After we hung up, I emailed him and apologized for calling at work. I explained that I felt awkward and that I just want to be with him. I asked for him to call me that night. So now it's wednesday and he hasn't called. What's the deal? I know how he feels, so why won't he just contact me? What should I do? Love, Becca

I agree, Quintana. If we force ourselves to move on instantaneously, and forgo the grief process, then we end up worse off than before. Pain needs to be experienced. Before the healing stage comes the acceptance stage. Accepting takes a long time in itself. The important thing to do during this time is to let yourself bgrieve, but to also keep on doing your daily routine. Don't let this adversly affect other areas of your life. It is only human to feel a sense of loss. Rebecca

Well Lilyjean, We are going through the same experience. My boyfriend broke up with me over lies as well. I think that men in general tend to view lies as the ultimate deception. If the lies in your case are absolutely untrue, then maybe you should try to contact him. If the last contact you had with him was over the phone, then maybe he is just too hurt to talk to you. This can be good or bad. Hopefully he is spending time by himself, evaluating and reflecting on your relationship, and with time, he maytry to call you. But, sometimes men, especially when they think the person they love lied, cannot forgive. They feel that their trust has been betrayed. In my case, I am deciding whether or not to go by his house in about 2 weeks, to clear up the lies and be honest about everything. If the two of you are that in love, it may work out. It's so difficult because there is no time estimation here. Do what your heart says to do sweetie. Good luck!

Do you think we have a chance?

Tell me if you think this is a good idea... I will wait a month, and if there is no contact with him, i will call. problem is, will he answer my calls? i've never seen him so hurt. should i just drop by? that way maybe, he couldn't shut me out?

Hi, I'm Rebecca and am brand new to the sight, so I'd appreciate any advice or support. My boyfriend, Dan, of 5 months, broke up with a week ago today. He said that he cannot trust me. Now before you judge, hear me out... Dan lives in LA, about an hour from me, and we see each other on weekends and once during the week. From our first meeting, we new it was an amazing and surreal connection. Our entire relationship was utter bliss, and we fell in love quickly. We are both in our twenties, and have been through the ups and downs of relationships, so we knew this was it! But, I have told him a few white lies throughout the relationship. He has more money than I and I told him that the car my mom drives is really mine, not her's. At first I was embarrassed about my real car, but by the time I figured out that he wouldn't care what I drove, I felt trapped and decided to keep up with the lie. I also told him that a necklace I wore from my ex was from my parents, and when he asked me if I swore on our relationship that it wasn't from an ex, I did. I lied to his face. The incident that pushed him over the edge last week was when he had a horrible day at work. He was almost fired for turning in 2 late stories (he's a writer) and was reprimanded. I was worried so I emailed him from my work and called him about 4 times. He said that he had to finish a story by 5pm and he'd call me later. I was upset at that message and so when he called, i lied and told him that i was going out with friends to a bar. He couldn't believe that my first instinct was to lie to him when he was so low. All he wanted was, me his love, to support him. Sorry this is so long...Later that night, he made it official and said he needed space and he'd call as soon as he processed things. we talked sat. and i told him some frightening news about my dr.'s appt. that day. he cried and was so upset. he said he'd call to check on me later that day, but never did. i couldn't take it anymore and i called him mon. night spilling my heart out. he said he didn't know what to believe anymore. he doesn't feel he can trust me. he said his love for me makes it so much harder and it pains him to even hear my voice. he said it feels like a piece of his soul is being torn out and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Tues. i talked with him online, after i'd written him an email, and he concluded that right now, he just cant trust me. he is in so much pain, as am i, and can barely function. i asked if i could call, and he said it hurts to even hear my voice. i asked to drive to LA to see him, he said no. WHAT DO I DO? This man is my love, and I am his. Please help... Thank you, Rebecca