black_magic

but yeah, thanks for the posts guys. I can understand and relate to alot of them

smiles* I like dako. No im not putting you on. And i wasnt trying to be bigheaded when i said i believe my own lies. Its simply because I prefer them to reality. I had a whole lot of secrets so to speak that exploded yesterday so i guess this is the oppotunity to stop lying and rebuild tracks. Like i said, they werent major things that affected those around me greatly, but they set a standard you know? ( well they did end up affected those around me, but theyre not dramatised or anything that strictly, straight away causes attention) I lied (like i said) to someone im seeing, which ive now put into light.. what he cant understand is im so obsessed with the truth. I know its hard to understand, but i try to create answers that makes everyone happy. So, whilst doing it i lie. I dont lie to everyone. Either way im aware that its wrong. I know i have insecurities, To a degree i know when im putting a face on to cover these insecurities, thats where part of the lies begin. I use cover ups so i dont need to tell anyone anything (its easier to say it on here, no one knows you.) Its hard to even overcome it, like dako said, well, he didnt say, but implied ... at what point can you start believing me again?

I naturally lie. I do it almost as though it feels right. I justify it that way. I live my lies. BUT through it all, I know I'm lying. I caught myself one day, joking with a close friend, saying; "I'm so good at lying I almost believe it myself" I know that sounds sick. But, that was just a joke. Yet, at the same time it was representative of the situation i was in. I create the perfect answers to a situation and am capable of portraying them in such a format, no hinder of disbelief from others can be displayed. I push boundries. I started seeing someone, telling a whitelie at the beginning which has niggled me ever since. He turned to me one day saying "I'm usually a good judge of charachter and you seem really genuine, I hate people who lie, but I dont think you could do that" (in which i responded) "But what if I'm just amazingly good at it" (him) "Well that would put me in my place then!" Lying has almost become a talent. ............................................................................................. I'd like to say I DONT lie about things that would seriously affect someone, more like minor lies that can accumalate, lies that create a better surrounding so to speak. The perfect answer. Looking at me now, I dont like it. But I genuinely feel like this is natural. I Just speak it.

thanks guys, i thought they were pretty much the jist of things. i just wanted it confirming.. wow, im a twin by the way! thats great. i have a twin sister, shes 15 mins older, were really close. Congrats to their birth ages ago. And yay to miracle29 this has been great advice for me, ill get back to you all. black magic.

What are the first signs of a pregnancy? thanks. black magic

This is something i writ for someone special...a little too late anyway...the poem: Title: Every Puzzle Needs All The Pieces There's so many things about you So much I managed to lose When luck was based on a four-leaf clover And you were standing in my shoes You took one step to look back at me You gave me that extra chance I walked you back into my life To only give out a glance Pushing you away with such a force I denied what id already seen What came to be a magic part of my life I'd lie and forgot it had been You'd offered me much more Than I could ever ask Its gives rise to the reason Why I felt it would never last Setting yourself up for a fall Instead of standing graceful and tall Leeds you only to a bend A place with no escape – a dead end You were crazy And you were special A real magic soul As what I thought was a friendship had blossomed Id let a barrier grow My heart is weak And emotions uncontrolled I live every day To not feel exposed I didn't want to get close So took that step back Contradicted the move you'd made Taking the wrong track Words don't often speak enough To tell others how you feel Its odd to believe something's are false And others are real If you read this and wonder.. Why I've made it for you You had an impact on my life Which I never expected you too I want my tea and my zoo I want my hillbilly back But most of all I want someone (had to delete last line incase someone knew the person....respect for them, but it rhymed kel

Do you believe that this world is empty? or do you question what others seem to believe? It appears as if you have your own rules and your own guidelines that form some kind of its own religion, its almost asking people to believe in something new, almost something as ironic as what they believe in already. I feel, when reading this piece, that you want to give of an impression that anyone can create any idea -so why believe it? i mean after all god, or what youve written could be nothing but riddles. kel

Heya, only read your poem today, know the feeling at times (your responce) i think your poem was creative, i think youve moved away from the idea of ensuring the rhythm was right and instead youve chosen to have impact through your words. i thought you were creative, i must admit i did read it a few times, trying to suss it out. i dont actually know what calamity means, so maybe if you could define that i could give you a better opinion. (i like to assess poems but arent sure on some of the words so ill leave that for a while) Kel (ill take a look at some other poems)

you run your poison through my veins encouraging me to feel this pain an ounce of pleasure is seen in your eyes this satisfaction has no disguise you lick your lips with temptation i can see this destruction comes with no hesitation i turn my face, you stand aside a small attempt to run or hide you push me back and pull me near my body errupts with years of tears this body trembles a bismal life of corruption it does resemble kel x sorry this is in general advice, i should have put it in poetry

That was beautiful thankyou! ihave never had someone write something for me so i truly appreiciate it, you know where to find me. and ever though it had beauty as a dave, i can reassure you that i am a homing pigeon so i will be returning! thankyou. black magic

Thank you for your responce i really appreciate it, well more so i needed to hear it, i glad you saw a message in what i writ and hopefully you can relate in the sense that you understand, being the book may be hard but i believe in myself that it has made me gain some of the most rewarding and most understandable moments! thanks again black magic

i liked your poem, i know you have already received my opion but with the ending poem ive just written i wanted to last respond to you, i think that your poem is full of emotion and rightly said before powerful, i think you put into words what others would not want to remind themselves or possibly realise, i think you put reality, intent and beauty in something so negative to show the world that this shouldnt be happened to show what purity is lost and to reinforce reality. my views anyway, thanks for sharing it. black magic

A poem to you all for you all: Have you ever had a person a person like you and me you know that simple person - that neither of you could see someone who belonged you never stringed along i mean this person was a pinicle of the happiest song i learnt through my experiances of all that i gained that the person you first see is never the frame! look into the heart deep in to the eyes let me assure you, there is a disguise my dreams never used to allow me to follow what i first saw but my heart and its intensions have now opened the door for all that i have lost but more so gained a place in my heart you shall all remain! Thankyou! There really is meaning behind ''dont judge a book by its cover'' as sad as it is to say i first learnt because i started off as the book! thankyou all, bye black magic

Hey everyone, thanks for the responces already, and yes i have a relationship as you said s4d only i didnt want to get started because we both know i can talk about him for an amazingly lengthy amount of time. i think for me, when i wrote a strengthening relationship it was because i honestly felt that there couldnt be something greater, almost when i love him so much and realise i still have more to give, it shocks me to what degree i care for him and thats why thats up. Hey swiss chic, i havent mastered the talking to anyone about anything yet so that is deffinitley something very positive, i like to hold quite a bit in and release certain amounts to different people for different reasons. Im not too great at soccer but i must say i love rugby! i hope that counts, and educations will be shown by results yet to come, although i do believe i can relate when you say supportive relationships! they do make me feel great about myself, i think finally im happy with me, well at the moment, and to some degree i do believe in having to love yourself to be yourself. black magic

hey everyone, I guess since my life has took a turn in the right direction i just wanted to know whats making everyone else around here feel positive about their lives? For my it would have to be: A strengthening relationship. Great family, who are all doing well. Im very active socially, and my calander is booked I have quit a job that has become stressful and now am waiting for results. And im more optomistic! but thats just a few, how about you?? black magic

I really liked your poem, i think you used a wide range of methods to express feelings or atleast show them as vissions, i liked the line as you say you were embraced by there perfume ... like an envelope i thought that was pretty impressive. so yeah, i like your poetry! black magic

Hey i really liked you poem, like dead eyes writ, your write really personal and i think that way your open and honest, i liked your poem even though i felt sorry for the content, i had a friend use me once and i felt the same way you writ, so i hope everything works out for you! black magic

Hey guys, thanks for the responce, i viewed it the same way as most of you, we always talk about how things will work out, like the other day when i was talking about where he would be in so many years and he was certain of how he felt, i just wanted when the time was right (which isnt yet) for me to have the chance to show how much i loved him, and im glad the majority of you guys would take it in a proud manner, and enjoy that moment, my boyfriend is really sensitive so i think he would have taken it in the same way even though he talks to me about how he would like to propose..but i guess we will have to see what comes off it. thanks for the responces so far! black magic

How would you feel if the woman in the relationship proposed? Its not something that i am planning to do now, but its something that ive wondered, would you feel comfortable by her doing this? I guess i just wondered howd you would take it, would you feel proud, or what i guess? And women would you feel it your place to and would you ever consider it? thanks, black magic

i guess to some degree you dont miss or desire there company as much as you used to, sometimes things can begin to feel awkwarr or uncomfortable in diferent situations. its often than conversations and arguments can be a little but more, and often that conversations arent as open. sometimes contact can become a minimum or even become more so that its more sexual. there are a lot of ways that you can see it. but i think in yourself you can tell and you will know. black magic

Your welcome and im glad your more comfortabel and confident about it, do the parents not know then? or to what degree do they know? have you been dating long? black magic

LOl scary thought isnt it, but still i know what you mean with the two sides of the coin, but you can either risk that and possibly go for the happy ending where you do stick together or you could leave it and not find out, you say you love this girl then she is worth the try, i think that maybe you will work out, it will last and the date she has set will come true, but if it doesnt that just something you will have to experiance together. you cant sugar coat your life, sometimes bad things come, but how will you know if you dont take that road in the first place? black magic

hey, i wouldnt worry about the spelling, its not my strong point either. i liked your poem, i think maybe because you seemed to have writ it how you would have said it, like you didnt change it to make it perfect but made it real. thats how i took it anyway,its great in my eyes. black magic

This is sweet, your almost sounding like someone whos about to get married the next day and are worrying about if its the right thing. It seems like your worried about a few things, which i dont know if its normal which i presume so, or maybe a little worrying because you have now thought about if its right or not. Youve answered the vital question in saying that you love her, and i hope that you wont want anyone else and that it will last for ever, it may be that people around you say that there are loves after loves but why have loves after loves if you are perfectly happy with who you are and who you are with. your right, the world to day still doesnt want young marriages, but in its entirity your just showing your love, i had someone i knew (before i hit college) who was with her boyfriend and they were engaged, right people didnt think they would last, two years later she is still wearing that ring and i can assure you the relationship is going strong. I dont think you have anything to worry about, you may be that one out of ten that is perfectly happy and willing to commit to one person already, well thats my view i guess. I know that i thought about proposing to my boyfriend, and he has spoken about it, and were not much older than you so there is seriously nothing to worry about as long as you are sure on your feeling and none of you will get hurt, talk to her about it, tell her you feel the same but you got a little nervous, she will understand, i can assure you, i mean like you said, its been a bumpy ride for the both of you. I have a question, im not planning it now, but as a male how would you feel if a girl proposed to you? would you think its right? or did your girl propose, still, good luck! black magic

Hey i know where you are coming from on this one, i wouldnt call it a feel but i used to dislike being on my own or even silence, for me this was merely because i am a twin, i have been used to being around someone, so close they have become a best friend, to be honest i havent truly experianced lonliness, for me when i first think of a time when someone could be lonely it would be within their home or schooling (besides relationships) and i guess i havent experianced that before, with having a twin, but i remember times where we are apart and i almost felt as if i was alone, i dont believe i was scared like i said before, but it wasnt something i had experianced, it was almost like being small again and having to adapt to your surroundings, for me i felt vulnerable. Your right though people do like to speak to others and have their company, but now i value my own time, i dont see a relationship as somethign to mess about with, so one ends i dont hunt for another, i feel for me that bieng alone is something i like, your right by saying you see crowds and maybe you see yourself preferring that but i have actually come to terms with shopping on my own, which isnt something most of us women do alone, or maybe i justv havent seen it, so i guess thats where the empowering comes in and others telling you whats right or wrong, your so used to having it there. For me i feel that if i was alone now it would only be a further adjustment from what ive already experianced, its not a negative or bad thing i guess for me, its just not preffered, other than that you have a great point! black magic