black_magic

but yeah, thanks for the posts guys. I can understand and relate to alot of them

smiles* I like dako. No im not putting you on. And i wasnt trying to be bigheaded when i said i believe my own lies. Its simply because I prefer them to reality. I had a whole lot of secrets so to speak that exploded yesterday so i guess this is the oppotunity to stop lying and rebuild tracks. Like i said, they werent major things that affected those around me greatly, but they set a standard you know? ( well they did end up affected those around me, but theyre not dramatised or anything that strictly, straight away causes attention) I lied (like i said) to someone im seeing, which ive now put into light.. what he cant understand is im so obsessed with the truth. I know its hard to understand, but i try to create answers that makes everyone happy. So, whilst doing it i lie. I dont lie to everyone. Either way im aware that its wrong. I know i have insecurities, To a degree i know when im putting a face on to cover these insecurities, thats where part of the lies begin. I use cover ups so i dont need to tell anyone anything (its easier to say it on here, no one knows you.) Its hard to even overcome it, like dako said, well, he didnt say, but implied ... at what point can you start believing me again?

I naturally lie. I do it almost as though it feels right. I justify it that way. I live my lies. BUT through it all, I know I'm lying. I caught myself one day, joking with a close friend, saying; "I'm so good at lying I almost believe it myself" I know that sounds sick. But, that was just a joke. Yet, at the same time it was representative of the situation i was in. I create the perfect answers to a situation and am capable of portraying them in such a format, no hinder of disbelief from others can be displayed. I push boundries. I started seeing someone, telling a whitelie at the beginning which has niggled me ever since. He turned to me one day saying "I'm usually a good judge of charachter and you seem really genuine, I hate people who lie, but I dont think you could do that" (in which i responded) "But what if I'm just amazingly good at it" (him) "Well that would put me in my place then!" Lying has almost become a talent. ............................................................................................. I'd like to say I DONT lie about things that would seriously affect someone, more like minor lies that can accumalate, lies that create a better surrounding so to speak. The perfect answer. Looking at me now, I dont like it. But I genuinely feel like this is natural. I Just speak it.

thanks guys, i thought they were pretty much the jist of things. i just wanted it confirming.. wow, im a twin by the way! thats great. i have a twin sister, shes 15 mins older, were really close. Congrats to their birth ages ago. And yay to miracle29 this has been great advice for me, ill get back to you all. black magic.

What are the first signs of a pregnancy? thanks. black magic

This is something i writ for someone special...a little too late anyway...the poem: Title: Every Puzzle Needs All The Pieces There's so many things about you So much I managed to lose When luck was based on a four-leaf clover And you were standing in my shoes You took one step to look back at me You gave me that extra chance I walked you back into my life To only give out a glance Pushing you away with such a force I denied what id already seen What came to be a magic part of my life I'd lie and forgot it had been You'd offered me much more Than I could ever ask Its gives rise to the reason Why I felt it would never last Setting yourself up for a fall Instead of standing graceful and tall Leeds you only to a bend A place with no escape – a dead end You were crazy And you were special A real magic soul As what I thought was a friendship had blossomed Id let a barrier grow My heart is weak And emotions uncontrolled I live every day To not feel exposed I didn't want to get close So took that step back Contradicted the move you'd made Taking the wrong track Words don't often speak enough To tell others how you feel Its odd to believe something's are false And others are real If you read this and wonder.. Why I've made it for you You had an impact on my life Which I never expected you too I want my tea and my zoo I want my hillbilly back But most of all I want someone (had to delete last line incase someone knew the person....respect for them, but it rhymed kel

Do you believe that this world is empty? or do you question what others seem to believe? It appears as if you have your own rules and your own guidelines that form some kind of its own religion, its almost asking people to believe in something new, almost something as ironic as what they believe in already. I feel, when reading this piece, that you want to give of an impression that anyone can create any idea -so why believe it? i mean after all god, or what youve written could be nothing but riddles. kel

Heya, only read your poem today, know the feeling at times (your responce) i think your poem was creative, i think youve moved away from the idea of ensuring the rhythm was right and instead youve chosen to have impact through your words. i thought you were creative, i must admit i did read it a few times, trying to suss it out. i dont actually know what calamity means, so maybe if you could define that i could give you a better opinion. (i like to assess poems but arent sure on some of the words so ill leave that for a while) Kel (ill take a look at some other poems)

you run your poison through my veins encouraging me to feel this pain an ounce of pleasure is seen in your eyes this satisfaction has no disguise you lick your lips with temptation i can see this destruction comes with no hesitation i turn my face, you stand aside a small attempt to run or hide you push me back and pull me near my body errupts with years of tears this body trembles a bismal life of corruption it does resemble kel x sorry this is in general advice, i should have put it in poetry

That was beautiful thankyou! ihave never had someone write something for me so i truly appreiciate it, you know where to find me. and ever though it had beauty as a dave, i can reassure you that i am a homing pigeon so i will be returning! thankyou. black magic

Thank you for your responce i really appreciate it, well more so i needed to hear it, i glad you saw a message in what i writ and hopefully you can relate in the sense that you understand, being the book may be hard but i believe in myself that it has made me gain some of the most rewarding and most understandable moments! thanks again black magic

i liked your poem, i know you have already received my opion but with the ending poem ive just written i wanted to last respond to you, i think that your poem is full of emotion and rightly said before powerful, i think you put into words what others would not want to remind themselves or possibly realise, i think you put reality, intent and beauty in something so negative to show the world that this shouldnt be happened to show what purity is lost and to reinforce reality. my views anyway, thanks for sharing it. black magic

A poem to you all for you all: Have you ever had a person a person like you and me you know that simple person - that neither of you could see someone who belonged you never stringed along i mean this person was a pinicle of the happiest song i learnt through my experiances of all that i gained that the person you first see is never the frame! look into the heart deep in to the eyes let me assure you, there is a disguise my dreams never used to allow me to follow what i first saw but my heart and its intensions have now opened the door for all that i have lost but more so gained a place in my heart you shall all remain! Thankyou! There really is meaning behind ''dont judge a book by its cover'' as sad as it is to say i first learnt because i started off as the book! thankyou all, bye black magic

Hey everyone, thanks for the responces already, and yes i have a relationship as you said s4d only i didnt want to get started because we both know i can talk about him for an amazingly lengthy amount of time. i think for me, when i wrote a strengthening relationship it was because i honestly felt that there couldnt be something greater, almost when i love him so much and realise i still have more to give, it shocks me to what degree i care for him and thats why thats up. Hey swiss chic, i havent mastered the talking to anyone about anything yet so that is deffinitley something very positive, i like to hold quite a bit in and release certain amounts to different people for different reasons. Im not too great at soccer but i must say i love rugby! i hope that counts, and educations will be shown by results yet to come, although i do believe i can relate when you say supportive relationships! they do make me feel great about myself, i think finally im happy with me, well at the moment, and to some degree i do believe in having to love yourself to be yourself. black magic

hey everyone, I guess since my life has took a turn in the right direction i just wanted to know whats making everyone else around here feel positive about their lives? For my it would have to be: A strengthening relationship. Great family, who are all doing well. Im very active socially, and my calander is booked I have quit a job that has become stressful and now am waiting for results. And im more optomistic! but thats just a few, how about you?? black magic