the_tiger_striped_cat

Sounds like your asking three questions: Moving in together Here's something that I've said over and over. Why move in? How long have you been dating? Please do the research about moving it. It can be bad, and it can be good. But I've always thought you can have the best of both sides if you move in only after you have a ring on your finger. You can live together for a year, your not married yet, and you don't have all the problems associated with men getting used to the living together situation and neglecting their gfs. Do the research, looking at the statistics alone, cohabitation is not the best idea. Neglect Now you maybe very nice, but I seriously doubt this is the problem. If a guy takes a girl for granted it is the guys fault. That's what we do. We get lax when it comes to a relationship. If your lucky, maybe your new beau has had some seriously heartache in the past and hit rock bottom. When you're down there you think about EVERYTHING. So hopefully he realized never to neglect someone he is in love with. Or maybe it came about by another way, but the biggest complaint of women is neglect. And having a man that won't take you for granted is 1 part your ability to communicate, 1 part his ability to communicate, and two parts luck. Hopefully hes emotionally mature enough to know how to create an everlasting bond and not get stuck in a rut. Chirstmas present Stop overanalyzing. It seems to me that if you solve this problem, relax, and communicate your feelings with him, it will go a long way to solving your worries of neglect.

Let me give you the brutual truth. You are not a bad looking guy (as hard as it is for me to say being a guy). The others look older and you look more nerdy than first. When I look at the first I think, this is some cool 20something that is sitting at a couch at a party. When I see the other three I think that your Mom took them. Now the others are correct. Your course of action should depend on what girls you want to attract. 1) leave the pics and wait for the girl that wont worry about looks so much. Let her be pleasntly surprised when she sees the real you. 2) Get a digital camera and take some new pic. If you cant afford it, borrow one, or buy a webcam. They even have cheppy digitals Now all this hinges on your entire philosophy of how you should persent yourself. Should you go all out and try to attract as many as possible and then show them the deeper you, or do you want to show real pictures that will attract a girl that is attracted to you in less than ideal conditions. I'm starting to babble, I hope some of this helps.

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all sooooooo much! I passed this information on to her, and once she has medical insurance again she's going to get another opinion. But thank you all so much for the invalueable information. The women of eNotalone are godesses!

anyone else have any specific examples of how you get turned on, because I got one example this entire thread!

Ok I don't know how other guys feel, but I like to go deep and hard. Now although this feels great for a man, it may not feel so great for a woman. Will the average penis hit the cervex? Is having a penis all the way in ALWAYS too deep? What is the biggest problem going too deep or going too hard? That is to say, if a guy isn't going too deep (I guess it would have to be someone shorter than average) can it ever be too hard but not too deep? What's your opinion on your man's thrusting power/technique? Thanks

Actually I wasn't referring to dirty talk in particular. Sure 2 of the things I wrote were "dirty", but do you consider "I want to hold you naked," dirty? Maybe, but definitely not "I want to give you a message. I just said that I'm tyring to turn her on and I'm trying different things, and she doesn't get turned on easily. If you reread my question it was: How can you turn on a woman that just doesn't seem to want sex as much as I do?

Please understand that there are other possibilities. I really think you're way off on this one. Let me give you another possibility. -She has had problems with pain with sex for years with different partners -We talk about what makes her feel good. She just called me wanting to fool around on the phone. -Yet I came to this forum looking for ways to spice up the sex. Ways that we both might be unfamiliar with. And I'm also looking to help her with her medical problems. -Yet we are both VERY HAPPY being in this FWB relationship. Isn't this at least POSSIBLE? It can be possible right? Your idea that this FWB idea is waining is completely wrong. I am receptive to advice on here, and I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but you are just wrong in this case.

thanks for your help tickle. I don't think it's a matter of lubrication. This is a chronic problem that has happened for years. I mentioned the method of birth control, because I have heard of cessation of ones menstral cycle with this injection form of birth control, and found this very weird that she hadn't had her period for years. Doesn't that sound strange? But about the other problem. I don't think it's lubrication, but I can always try some KY to find out for sure, but like I said, this has happened with other guys, after other times, and at various states of arrousal. Is there any frequency of yeast/bladder infections that one would need to start going to see a doctor?

But don't you see? Just because people like to help people it doesn't mean that this is some reason to live. And I bet I could find a few people who don't really enjoy or care to give back. And actually, probabaly the same number of people like to sleep, eat, have sex, enjoy pleasure, but I would never call those a meaning to live. I mean why not just make pleausure a meaning to live. Humans like to seek pleasure, it's pleasureable to you and others to help others. Mabye the meaning of life is just to seek pleasure?

But don't you see? Just because people like to help people it doesn't mean that this is some reason to live. And I bet I could find a few people who don't really enjoy or care to give back. And actually, probabaly the same number of people like to sleep, eat, have sex, enjoy pleasure, but I would never call those a meaning to live. I mean why not just make pleausure a meaning to live. Humans like to seek pleasure, it's pleasureable to you and others to help others. Mabye the meaning of life is just to seek pleasure?

GENERAL QUESTION: 1) How often do you women hurt during sex, and under which circumstances. SPECIFIC QUESTIONS: I'm with a girl that has had the following problems: 1) She was on birth control years ago (shot form), and perhaps because of this she didn't have her period for years (not sure exactly). 2) Sometimes sex hurts to her, sometimes it doesn't, but if she has sex 5 times in 2 weeks, she sex is painful to her a few of those times. 3) She gets bladder/yeast infections periodically. As far as I know it happens every other month if not more. She has been to an OBGYN and she says that they are never very concerned with any of these problems. What do you think?

Day_Walker sometimes I can't turn her on with my actions either. I'm looking for general and specific information. Reread through my posts if you don't understand -- general information (look where I talk about future marriage), and specific information (to my current situation with a girl that I'm not really in love with). Also I never mentioned anything about trying to say that I love her. I think you misunderstood me. Tickle and I were talking about something else. And Tickle, why the straw man? You're being presumptious. Who said I didn't go and talk to her about these things (many times she says "I don't know"). And of course I'm not telling her "I found this on page 43." I'm making HER say, "Wow I had no idea that that would turn me on." The whole point of my last post was to show you that I am not only talking to her and trying to get in touch with what she knows, but also to try to surprise her and understand her in ways that she doesn't even know.

Actually they're are books on it. Look up "how to give her absolute pleasure". I'm just looking for more opinions (plus I haven't finished the book yet) The problem communicating with women (or people in general) is that most of the time people don't know themselves. I once picked up a girl while i was still inside her and walked her over to the bed. She later told me, "I almost came when you did that, I had no idea how much that turns me on" Many times people know some things that turn them on, but don't know everything that turns them on. Hence, the reason why I'm asking in a forum.

You know I find the same thing when volunteering too. I've always figured that the world is a horrible place and if I can give anyone else some part of my luck, then I better do it. But do you really think that everyone should think that helping others is the meaning to life? It could be the case that we have just evolved to be altruistic beings, and our psychology, sociology, physiology, all tell us to help others. And even though you can find it personally fulfilling and a meaning to YOUR life, I don't see that it follows that this is somehow a meaning to EVERYONES life.

You're right I might not be CERTAIN. But I do know that I am in a better position to judge that you are. I know the guy she likes, and we talk about him. We are both in love with other people that we cant be with and we both know we are not really right for each other. So I may not be CERTAIN that she is looking elsewhere, but I am fairly certain. Well I think you missunderstood me. Men get turned on more visually than verbally, women are the other way around. That's what I meant. you're right, but are you telling me after 10 years she wouldn't want "just sex" again? how about after 5? How about after 2? You're right, women don't want to have "just sex" but they do want "just sex" sometimes in their life, so if we are both available and wanting, then thats what FWB comes to life. [qutoe] the person you need to ask this question to is your partner....if you are really looking to make sex more enjoyable for her then you need to understand that with women, it is a very personal thing. So there is nothing in common between any two women? That's what I mean about specific examples. This is what I'm looking for! I guess it doesn't apply to my situation right now, but like I said, I'm also looking future to marriage. Thanks.

Don't rely on the unexplained, it's one of the worst ways you can justify anything. As long as you understand that this has no baring on anyone else in the world but yourself-. But as long as you don't expect anyone to find this convincing then you're right.

The term "neat freak" need not have a pejorative connotation. I think you can be as neet as possible as long as it doesn't hurt relationships or you end up managing your time inefficiently--maybe that last hour of cleaning would be better spent volunteering.

thanks for the response tickle bug. But can you think of something that was said or done that turned you on in the past? There's a book called "10,000 ways to say I love you" Now a book like this is able to give me 10,000 examples of how to say "I love you". Now I know that it isn't that hard for women to come up with a list of examples, "I was so turned on when my bf/husband ______" So what's if for you? I have had several women tell me they love it when a guy picks them up. And about the FWB thing blowing up. I think yours is the relationship example that is misapplied to FWB. If two adults are mature enough to enter into a FWB then it doesn't follow that this relationship will blow up, it will remain unfulfilled, which is why we are both still looking elsewhere.

But the funny thing is, ask the the question "Why?" to any of the above and there's nothing much anyone can say except more unjustified assumptions. A depressing answer is that we are just a collection of chemicals that irrationally want to find meaning in a world that contains none. In the end we are only a collection of quarks, leptons, and messenger particles demanding meaning of a world which provides none. But I bet if answers do exist, they are still deeper that the platitudes listed above.

Possible Responses: 1) There is an answer 2) There is no answer 3) The question is meaningless 4) Religion. (so many) 5) Our nature (Darwin?) 6) The future of humanity (Marx?) 7) You make your own meaning (see any Existentialist writer) 8) Search wikipedia for "meaning of life"

Sorry I disagree. Angelic, you should decide on your own. But you are more mature, and if anything, you are better able to make this type of relationship work, and I know you said you aren't in this type of relationship, and OF COURSE you shoud be looking for love. But say you have a close friend, and you both establish that you aren't right for each other, then what is so horrible about a Fbuddy relationship? I take it that most people on here have never even been in this type of relationship I really don't know where people's conceptions on the sucess rate of this type of relationshiop comes from. But the FACT is, if you're mature, it really isn't all that hard to have this type of "relationship". It is the immature that have all the problems, but I made it work very easily and any willing couple that are mature enough can make it work

I'm with a girl that I want to turn on. I can turn her on when: We go dancing. She has a little alcohol in her. When I make her feel like she is the best lover (gives the best BJs, turns me on like no other, etc.). When we cuddle and cuddle and move towards dry humping When we reminisce about good sex But unlike most women, she doesn't seem to be turned on verbally. I say things over the phone: "I want my mouth where it was last night," "i want to look up at your breasts from between your legs" "I want to just hold you naked" "Do you want a massage?" Sometimes I try talking a little dirtier too Is there anything I can do? Note: We are pretty much just "friends with benefits" so I can see that we don't have the deeper connection so this might be a problem. But if there is anything that I can do to turn her on I'd like to try. I worry that when I'm married and in love that I might have this same problem. So let me try a different question: How can you turn on a woman that just doesn't seem to want sex as much as I do?

I'm in a fbuddy "relationship" Many of the negnative opinions of this "relationship" is due to it's low success rate and peoples notions of sex. But what if you could have a close friend and have your enjoyable (doctor recommended) sex? Wouldn't this be a sweet deal? I have a very close friend. I just flirted with her more and more and eventually you know we decided to go away somewhere together and take care of each other . Now I'm not saying that my case is the norm. But we don't argue, we don't use each other for only sex, but we both love how great sex feels and making each other feel better.

I lucky found my way into a friends with benifits "relationship". She's a good friend of mine and will always be. But I don't see her as anything more than a friend. She's a very sexy friend, and somehow, after the flirting go more and more steamy, we eventually got into talking about Sex and then I sort of assumed that we were going to have sex the next time we see each other. But I made it clear to her at the outset that I am not interested in her more than a friend. She agrees, and feels the same way about me. So in about a week we are going to be tearing each other's clothes off when we go away together. But our situations are different. I wouldn't call it a friends with benifits, if the "benifits" is usually the sex part. Secondly, I would never do this with someone I was romantically interested in. You can't start with sex and end in love. I agree with the others that you should just back away before things get too serious. She seems a little immature if she wants to jeopardize a potential future because she likes to flirt so much. Good luck

That's a great question. You want to distinguish love from other factors. If you have no history to go off of (if you've repediately been wrong in the past) then you can't look to that. And you can't look at the facad of other relationships--good on the surface doesn't mean a good relationship. I think you really need to try and understand yourself. You may not have a good relationship, but maybe you know a bad one. If you keep doing the same things, and are in the same vicious circle then you know that you need to do something. So you may not know what love is, but hopefully if you had enough bad relationships you'll know what a bad one is. The only analogy I can think of is this: The first time I seriously dated a girl she had lots of experience being in a relationship. I had none. Now I had no idea how I compared to her previous bfs, so it was basically hit or miss. Now I can look back, after a lot of heartache and realize what she wanted in a relationship. Where I did well and where here pervious bfs did better. Looking back, I could say to myself, "I should of been more mature, I see now why women like that." etc. I suggest you try and do some deep self reflection from all angles. Search "Dependent personality disorder" (or just "personality disorder"). Not that you have said disorder, but maybe you'll learn more about yourself, think about psychological problems born out of your childhood, think about your defense mechanisms (look up introjection). See if this wishy washyness is just regular cold feet or if it really is something else. Then try and think about if there really is something wrong with him. Maybe he really is a great catch but you cant see it. I'm sorry. I know you've done a lot of soul-searching, so my advice might just be more of the same. But I really don't know what else to tell you. You need to find out if this is something that is you or him. And baring tharepy, only you can find the answer to this question. (Well, unless all your friends tell you he's a jerk, then maybe you should trust the consensus.) GOOD LUCK!