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Thread: Talking to guy with mental health issues

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Poptart66
    I know i cant help him and i dont take anything personally. He hasnt done anything that i could even remotely take personally anyway.
    I was just looking to see if people had any thoughts on how to show him he wasnt alone when im not actually there. But the general advice seems to be either that i already have, so thats fine, or that i shouldnt.
    I think you're doing enough. Anything more and it appears like you're over-concerned and this isn't your battle. Just be compassionate like you are but if it doesn't appear to be going the way you wanted or hoped and he's not responding to you, yes, you are taking his behaviours personally or letting it bother you too much. That's what I meant by taking a step back for your own emotional/mental health.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Poptart66
    I know that i cant help him or 'fix' him or anything like that and that he has to do all for that himself but i also know through family that it is easy to push people away without realising it and feeling like you have no one so i just wanted to show him that he wasnt alone
    "You are not alone. Please let me know if I can help you find some online resources for support. I'm happy to ask around. I want to help."

    With all the downsides of starting a long distance relationship with a stranger I would not meet him in person given the added huge obstacle of his mental health.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Are you interested romantically?

    Doesn't he have a therapist?
    I dont know him well enough for anything like that. Although we do sometimes have conversations about things like that.

    No he doesnt have a therapist. He sees the dr and has prescription medications though. It is mostly due to the lockdown at the moment that he is struggling with. The being stuck indoors all the time. We're in the UK, so im unsure if the rules of our lockdown are any different here as i dont follow too much.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I think you're doing enough. Anything more and it appears like you're over-concerned and this isn't your battle. Just be compassionate like you are but if it doesn't appear to be going the way you wanted or hoped and he's not responding to you, yes, you are taking his behaviours personally or letting it bother you too much. That's what I meant by taking a step back for your own emotional/mental health.
    Its not bothering me. And he is still communicating. He has spoken quite abit today. There is nothing he has said or done that could be taken personally

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  6. #25
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    Do you usually choose partners that need help or emotional support? Also, do you also tend to offer extra emotional support to friends?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "You are not alone. Please let me know if I can help you find some online resources for support. I'm happy to ask around. I want to help."

    With all the downsides of starting a long distance relationship with a stranger I would not meet him in person given the added huge obstacle of his mental health.
    I am not 100% sure about meeting yet anyway. He is the one that wants to meet. I dont think it is to pursue a relationship though. I think he just wants to meet because we have been talking and get along well.

    That being said, even if it was that he wanted to meet to start a relationship, long distance or otherwise is it not abit of a move to rule him out as an option purely because he suffers with depression? If everyone thought like that then how would those that suffer ever get a chance in life?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Do you usually choose partners that need help or emotional support? Also, do you also tend to offer extra emotional support to friends?
    I havent chosen him as a partner. But yes i try my best to be there for people just as i would hope if ever needed that they would do the same for me. Isnt that what friends do?

  9. #28
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    I am assuming you've already expressed to him that he can open up to you if he chooses, right?

    If so, as the others have said, you don't need to do more. He knows where you are if he chooses to take you up on it. If he doesn't, then just operate under the assumption that he isn't comfortable sharing more than he already has.

    It isn't really your role to get him to open up, as you wondered about in your initial post on this thread. Just continue being a friend.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I am assuming you've already expressed to him that he can open up to you if he chooses, right?

    If so, as the others have said, you don't need to do more. He knows where you are if he chooses to take you up on it. If he doesn't, then just operate under the assumption that he isn't comfortable sharing more than he already has.

    It isn't really your role to get him to open up, as you wondered about in your initial post on this thread. Just continue being a friend.
    I obviously wasnt very clear in my original post. I didnt mean that i wanted to get him to open up to me. He has already explained to me some of what hes feeling. I meant more that i wanted him to know that i was there if he did want to open up and talk about anything. That he knew he could trust that i wouldnt judge him or question him or anything like that. I have told him this, yes. And i havent pressed the issue. I was just looking to see if anyone had any views on ways i could show him that i was true to my word. Anyone can say they wont judge you, but most still do. Most will still look at you differently or think differently of you. Everyone has said that just saying it is enough and i have left it at that.

    I understand that he is technically still a stranger, we have never met and have only been talking online for around 4 weeks. I know that i know very little about him and i am not currently looking for a relationship with him or anybody else. I know people think i am crazy for even talking to him. But i honestly dont see the harm in talking and getting to know him and meeting up with him like he wants when all this is over. Yes, we live a few hours apart but he has said he is more than willing to make that journey so i dont see what the problem is.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Poptart66
    I obviously wasnt very clear in my original post. I didnt mean that i wanted to get him to open up to me. He has already explained to me some of what hes feeling. I meant more that i wanted him to know that i was there if he did want to open up and talk about anything. That he knew he could trust that i wouldnt judge him or question him or anything like that. I have told him this, yes. And i havent pressed the issue. I was just looking to see if anyone had any views on ways i could show him that i was true to my word. Anyone can say they wont judge you, but most still do. Most will still look at you differently or think differently of you. Everyone has said that just saying it is enough and i have left it at that.

    I understand that he is technically still a stranger, we have never met and have only been talking online for around 4 weeks. I know that i know very little about him and i am not currently looking for a relationship with him or anybody else. I know people think i am crazy for even talking to him. But i honestly dont see the harm in talking and getting to know him and meeting up with him like he wants when all this is over. Yes, we live a few hours apart but he has said he is more than willing to make that journey so i dont see what the problem is.
    I think until he is ready to give you the opportunity to prove you won't judge him, you just have to fall back.

    If he feels he can confide in you, he will and when he is ready.

    Truly showing someone who you are, what you offer as a person takes time and shared experiences which can be hard in a long distance relationship/friendship. its time in person that builds the real foundation, as we say, where the rubber meets the road,

    there is harm in being long distance for a long period of time, without real time experiences. It can set one up for major disappointment and can also cause one to miss opportunities to engage with others in real life.

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