Mako261 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I have always felt my girlfriend and her cousin had a thing in the past just from the way they talked to each other over the phone and how the conversations were very awkward and short when I was around. I raised this issue with her the first time it made me uncomfortable and she told me off, and questioned how could I even think of her stooping that low with a cousin. In between, we have been going through a lot of ups and downs, mostly because she would appear to be flirting with other guys and when I ask I was told either its just another old friend or relative. We talked about it, told her I wasn't happy and she stopped talking to most of them (well, at least not in my face anymore). She had to confess so many other things because I had found out the truth by myself. In the process of rebuilding my trust in her I asked her one last time, and this time she admitted that yes she had sex with the cousin for sometime, what I suspected all along (maybe she thought I already knew by this time). I was happy she opened up to me because I don't care about what she did in the past. Because I wasn't comfortable with the fact that I knew they were constantly in touch with the cousin (not sure about what since most of it happened behind my back), but I wanted to give her a chance because of how much she had opened up, I asked my girlfriend to text her cousin that she had told me everything because I didn't want the cousin to ever talk to me again as I felt he was taking me for a fool. The cousin called back immediately, and girlfriend asked me if she could take the call in privacy, and I lost all my strength and chose not to fight and said OK. She went away but then I made up my mind that whatever she has with the cousin was clearly more important to preserve than what we had, that this conversation couldn't happen in my ears. What's there still to hide??? Am I overacting (given she finally confided in me)? Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 It's inappropriate - all of it (past and even what's going on now). I'd call it a day and end it. Take care of yourself. Link to comment
Jewels465 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I would say you are not a priority to her. She had sex with her cousin! That’s disgusting. I would run if I were you. Link to comment
irka000 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 He will always be there ... always. How old are you both? I am so sorry you are hurting. I would leave this scenery. It will cause you more pain that you can possibly imagine. Link to comment
Mako261 Posted December 21, 2019 Author Share Posted December 21, 2019 I'm 29 and she's 26 Link to comment
SherrySher Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 What the heck? This is a type of incest and it's quite sick. Why are you still talking to this girl, let alone dating her? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 At the very least your girlfriend should not have anything further to do with her cousin but apparently they have a bond past a family dynamic that you would do well to get yourself away from. Don't feel bad about leaving her after she confessed. She needs to learn that she can't hold onto him like she has been if she wants a life partner. Clearly they are having a hard time hiding their bond/attraction for one another since you sussed it out rather quickly so she needs to learn that her behaviour with him is going to cost her her romantic relationships if she doesn't clean up her act with him. I don't think you'll ever be able to trust her or get over what you know (do you think you can?) so cutting ties with her is probably in YOUR best interests. Keep whats in your best interests the focus and don't worry so much about her right now. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 Is she from a culture that arranges cousin-marriages? Middle East, Asia, etc. Is it consensual or incest? Make up your mind. Stay away no matter what. There are plenty of other girls to date so why bother with all this? She went away but then I made up my mind that whatever she has with the cousin was clearly more important to preserve than what we had. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Ick. Please dump her. That is disgusting. You are not overreacting. if anything, you are underreacting. You should dump her. Now. No third of fifth chances. Sometimes the truth is so vile that a person should not be rewarded for "opening up and being honest". And she got what she wanted if your solution was to tell the cousin not to contact you. In that case, they can carry out their illness behind your back really easily. Just leave her already Link to comment
jimthzz Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 OK, if she and her cousin had a kid, would that be her son or daughter, or her first cousin once removed? Do you really want this in your life? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 She is a liar and has emotionally cheated. Not long term partner material. The thing with the cousin is off. She still has a thing for him. End it. Link to comment
Capttrae Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Was it 3rd cousin or later? Link to comment
Tandra Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 You sound like you really love this girl so here is my advise: It may be hard to let go but please take care of yourself first, stop investing in this relationship. If she really wants to have a life with you, she is the one to find ways to convince you so. It was probably hard for her to open up that as well so, forgive her but, don't dwell on any feelings of hope towards reviving the relationship and let her work to get you back, (that's if you think she genuinely wants to be with you). Always remember, whatever a girl opens up to you, in most cases it is by far away from all there is to be told. Most people cheat but they do it far. Think of it this way.. if she is that easy and cheap to do it with her own relatives, and you insist in bringing her into your family, sooner or later she will be doing it with your own relatives (your cousins, brothers, even father). Link to comment
Tandra Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 Forgot to mention, I know you are really hurt and I feel sorry for you. It's not just about your girlfriend, but I would not wish for anyone to marry into such a family with creepy cousins like that... These are the people who would attend your wedding, most of your happy and sad moments. If you two end up together, I hope you will be comfortable leaving her in the company of even her own relatives? Link to comment
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