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Thread: Asian girlfriend pregnant

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    As you yourself realise, getting pregnant before marriage is frowned upon in the Asian culture. Her family will probably face a lot of shaming from their community if it gets out. How conservative are they? I remember reading about honour killings in the UK a few years back. Could she be in danger? There are helplines in the UK that might be able to provide support for these kinds of situations.

    Has she decided to keep the baby? Do you intend to marry her? If yes, getting married before the pregnancy shows might help take the edge off of her community's outcry. Either way, if you are willing to stand by her, being disowned will be tough but not the end of the world. Just make sure that she stays safe...

    There is also the scenario of trapping you into marriage. Only you know her enough to judge whether that's a possibility. However, I doubt that she is lying about her culture. Lying due to societal pressure is bad but I wouldn't judge women coming from such conservative cultures as harshly because in certain cases it can be about life and death. It was reckless of you to enter such a situation in the first place but that's history now.
    Last edited by Clio; 11-05-2019 at 12:10 AM.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    If you married her, you put your other children's welfare on the line , not only you.

    Not romantic but it's not a romantic situation. Be smart.
    How? he has to provide for his kids whether he marries her or not...

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    But then I also think having a baby shouldn't be the only reason that marriage should be brought into it I'd marry because of love and that she wants to be my wife
    So marry her out of love for her and not because of the baby.
    The baby is coming whether you marry her or not , so that’s not deciding factor as to whether to marry , or is it???
    Are you suggesting that she would not marry you if she were not pregnant?

    She certainly does sound more concerned about losing her inheritance than anything else?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She’s an adult, so she needs to suck it up and her parents too. Sure they will be upset but they will soften up for their grandchild. Let her deal with it and just be supportive.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    How? he has to provide for his kids whether he marries her or not...
    If he marries her he may end up providing for her on top of providing for the children. He's stated she fears being cut off by them. They both fear what they may do. This suggests to me a woman who is not self sufficient, and is looking for someone - be it her family or a husband - to take care of her. She hasn't shown a willingness to stand on her in her decisions.
    If he pours time, resources, money into caring for her, that's less going towards his children. She's an adult too, who has a responsibility towards providing stability and resources too, but she's not in a position to do so.
    If he marries her, her family would likely see it as his job to do that for her now.
    So it would be better to let her live with the concequences of her decision to rely on her family so heavily. Allow them to carry some part of that load, rather than take it on himself.

    And that's what I mean by protecting himself and his kids futures. If she drains him, she drains those kids too. They didn't get a say in this situation. They deserve some boundaries and protection from this mess.

  7. #16
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    What happens if she doesn't tell them by the end of the month, OP? What's your plan of action?

    It's not like she can keep a pregnancy a secret forever. They're going to notice her midsection is growing. Are you worried she will try to cut you off to please her family? That they will try to force her to place the baby for adoption? Or?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was she scheduled for an arranged marriage? Will this be her way out of that?
    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    I've been seeing my partner for two years now. Over the years I've tried to get her to tell her parents about us. But she's been scared too I'm white British and she's British Asian. We have recently found out she's pregnant before marriage obviously this is a big thing in Asian culture.

  9. #18
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    No she wasn't but I know that her parents would want her to settle with a asian man.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok then she is rebelling and getting pregnant may be her only way of getting out of this and having her parents (albeit reluctantly) stop expecting her to marry traditionally.
    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    No she wasn't but I know that her parents would want her to settle with a asian man.

  11. #20
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    I got engaged to her last year but she couldn't bring this out into the open or wear the ring now this has happened she is backed into a corner by their ways saying this is the only way they would accept this due to shame in their community

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