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Thread: Narcissist or normal?

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    That's too bad.

    It's sad that you believe this is what love is. I wonder what happened to you that you accept so little for yourself.

    He'll keep coming back as long as you keep accepting his poor treatment of you.
    He never sees wrong in himself.
    Always puts blame on others. His dad tragically died when he was young so Iíve put some of his ways down to not dealing properly with this.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stargazed
    I just donít want to write him off if he has this condition as Iíd feel sorry for him..
    If he was a narcissist, he's the last person you should pity.
    It's not a condition, it's a disorder. Disorders don't change.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Stargazed
    He never sees wrong in himself.
    Always puts blame on others. His dad tragically died when he was young so Iíve put some of his ways down to not dealing properly with this.
    Hm, I know lots of people who lost their parents at a young age. Me included.

    I don't treat people the way he does.

    I presume you want to reconcile with this man?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stargazed
    I know. But to me it has been love. Heís
    Told me he loves me and I believed him. and I appreciate all people are different and act different. So Iíve put it down to that. Maybe I am being naive.
    Ya think you are being just a tiny bit naive and completely desperate, stage 5 clinger? I mean if I told you that I have ocean front property in Arizona for sale, would you believe me too? Come on, lady, wake up. You cannot be this foolish, but you are this desperate....or just trolling....I don't even know to be honest. Your attitude is too absurd.

    Dude dumps you, but since you don't believe it's for the right reasons, you go get him back.....and you are accusing him of being narcissistic? You might want to take a real good long look at yourself first. You've got some serious issues. Sorry for being blunt, but you need to hear it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What you call deep I call damage. Not trying to win an argument, just telling you what I see. My personal definition of "deep"? People who face their own damage, head on, and learn to live alongside it with grace rather than be lead around by it like a pound puppy.

    My dad did drugs, straight-up ghosted me at a vulnerable juncture in life. I won't give the details, not because I'm shy about them, but they're too easy to trot out for sympathy. Point being, I've got sob stories. But I suspect that if I acted the way he's acting with my girlfriend she'd choose, quick, to no longer be my girlfriend. And that right there? It's what I love about her, among other things.

    If this is what you want love to look likeówell, then you're golden. You've got it. If you want it to look differently, and maybe feel as deep as you think he is? Well, then you're going to have to face some of your own demons head on.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Stargazed
    We are 37 and 39!! He is very deep. Makes him seem secretive. I just donít want to write him off if he has this condition as Iíd feel sorry for him. I know he has down the same in last relationships and Buries his head in the sand rather than talk.
    I love him and he has been amazing in times so itís hard.
    This is almost a shopping list of red flags! If you were to stop romanticising all the above, it translates as follows:

    He is very deep. Makes him seem secretive = he is a poor communicator
    Buries his head in the sand rather than talk = " " " "
    I don't want to write him off if he has this condition = I'm going to hang around despite knowing that this is the way it will always be
    ...as I'd feel sorry for him = I need to feel needed

    For what it's worth, he doesn't actually sound like a narcissist.

    He does sound like an immature drama queen, incapable of open, honest communication. Rather than trying to figure out what's wrong with him, you need to accept that he doesn't want you in his life any more, and doesn't want to discuss it with you. Sorry to sound harsh, but you really need to focus on being kind to yourself, letting go of your dream that this guy was ever going to be what you wanted him to be - and move on with your life.

    And if you ever get into another relationship where the guy dumps you as a means of punishing you - take him at his word, and RUN LIKE THE WIND. Because that's a relationship which is never going to work.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Yes heís a narcissist...

    Ok now what?

    Serious question.

    Even if we had the capability of diagnosing someone based on a few paragraphs, what would that do?

    You still want him back right?

    Is that not the real issue?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare


    And if you ever get into another relationship where the guy dumps you as a means of punishing you - take him at his word, and RUN LIKE THE WIND. Because that's a relationship which is never going to work.
    . .And you've been rewarding him for his bad behavior all along, so you are partly responsible for this dynamic.
    Why does he push you away and punish you? Because it works.
    There is nothing loving going on here. This is dysfunction at it's finest.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stargazed
    He told me I was the love of his life. He spoke of kids and marriage, he brought it up not me.
    When we get back he is always sorry. His family and friends say this is the way he is towards everyone.
    Did he speak of having kids with you specifically? Marrying you, specifically? Or just in general that he wants to get married and have more kids one day... and you took that to mean he wants them with you?

    Iím sorry but so far I am not getting how you are the love of his life when he keeps trying to break up with you...based on what you described it seems like the only reason you guys are even together is because you beg and plead until he feels bad and takes you back.

  11. #20

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Hm, I know lots of people who lost their parents at a young age. Me included.

    I don't treat people the way he does.

    I presume you want to reconcile with this man?
    Heís thatís true I have another friend who did and she doesnít act this way. Itís not just me he is like it to. And I guess that why I worry about him. He can be lovely. Weíve had lovely times.
    I would like to get back because I do love him.

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