MELISSA999 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Hi, I would like to share my experience and have your insights. My husband and I got married after 2 years of dating and we can't communicate anymore! He gets angry very fast, I am not saying that I don't have any part in this because he explained to me that he never felt heard, that I don't listen to him! But when he starts talking it always starts with a negative thing so I shut down and I move. Now i feel like he is using the marriage and the second time that he brought it, he said that I have 3 days to pack. My theory is that he is using the marriage to get what he wants but the problem is for me everything went well until now. He said that he tried to communicate his feelings with me and it never came across!! Today I am writing here because we just had an argument and he locked himself. I have no idea how to approach things anymore!! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Well, he can’t kick you out of your home. Personally, couples counselling is probably something that is needed to learn to communicate. Link to comment
j.man Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 First, Sera's right. He can't just kick you out within 72 hours. You've got rights. Second, while not impossible, I highly doubt this is just some 180 after two years of happiness. What are the negative things he brings up? What specifically are you arguing over? How old are you two? There's something to be said for marital counseling, but there's also some wisdom in calling it quits while annulment is still fairly streamlined. We don't have a lot of details to work with, though. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Why did you get married if these problems existed? If he does not agree to couples counseling, then seek out a lawyer. Is there somewhere you can go, as this sounds like a miserable situation. Who's home is this? Link to comment
MELISSA999 Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 That's what I want to explain, he said he was never happy with me but he was waiting for me to be in a better situation ( I quit my job to start a business)because my job was very stressful before. He said that he was waiting for change after that and that he never felt listened to. I have to say that what is important for him is not that important for me and vice versa. For me I was as good as I could but not for him! We are not talking about divorce anymore but our relationship still in trouble Link to comment
j.man Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 What kind of "business" did you start? How's your business going? How much positive cash flow do you have coming in? For instance, if you being a financial contributor to the household is something that "matters to him but not to you," that'd have me pretty quick to part ways. It sounds like you started a marriage on unstable financial grounds, which is probably the worst thing you could do. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 That's what I want to explain, he said he was never happy with me but he was waiting for me to be in a better situation ( I quit my job to start a business)because my job was very stressful before. He said that he was waiting for change after that and that he never felt listened to. I have to say that what is important for him is not that important for me and vice versa. For me I was as good as I could but not for him! We are not talking about divorce anymore but our relationship still in trouble I cannot fathom why you would stay in this mess, Your relationship has no future, if it has never been good. I do not get any if this! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 So he was never happy with you but married you ? What? He is full of you know what. He lacks communication skills too. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Hi, I would like to share my experience and have your insights. My husband and I got married after 2 years of dating and we can't communicate anymore! He gets angry very fast, I am not saying that I don't have any part in this because he explained to me that he never felt heard, that I don't listen to him! But when he starts talking it always starts with a negative thing so I shut down and I move. Now i feel like he is using the marriage and the second time that he brought it, he said that I have 3 days to pack. My theory is that he is using the marriage to get what he wants but the problem is for me everything went well until now. He said that he tried to communicate his feelings with me and it never came across!! Today I am writing here because we just had an argument and he locked himself. I have no idea how to approach things anymore!! "he always starts with a negative so I shut down" - why don't you let him finish - listen to all he has to say, and don't put up a wall if the first thing that comes out is negative. Someone who does not feel heard needs someone to listen. I am going to strongly suspect not everything was peachy before - you just ignored it or you managed because every time he would bring up a concern you did not want to hear it. I am not saying he is totally in the right either, but either he is a jerk or he is not and something is at the breaking point. I have friends who have been married 20 years. Their marriage started off with a bang because the wife was verbally abusive because thats how her family talked. The husband laid down the law and said "I don't know if you are aware, but this is is what i hear when you talk to me. I won't put up with being abused or belitteled." she honestly had NO IDEA how she sounded and their marriage has been strong since. She was not a mean spirited person and loved her husband but she was talking in a way she didn't realize. How is he "using the marriage to get what he wants?" Or you can call his bluff and pack. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 So he was never happy with you but married you ? What? He is full of you know what. He lacks communication skills too. well.,..my ex said he never wanted to marry me so I get what that is like Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 If you and he dont want to get marriage counseling it's time to call a lawyer and end this. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Can you explain what you mean when you say he's using the marriage to get what he wants? Maybe one of the things he wants is for you to be a contributor to the household expenses. Has he been paying for everything? Is your new business bringing in enough money? I have a sneaky feeling that the source of your issues is money. When he says that he hasn't felt listened to, what is he wanting you to listen to him about? Responsibility? Not quitting your job just because you're stressed? If so, those are legitimate concerns on his part. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I'm not sure I understand your situation. Did either of you talk about your new business venture together before the plan to quit your previous job? There's a lot that goes into starting a new business. If there are disagreements from the start or one person goes ahead while the other has reservations, it's usually not good in the long run. Try going through the series of decisions and thoughts that caused the rifts between the both of you. Some of them may be difficult to reverse now but it helps to recognize them and it might help both of you come to a solution together. The key is to come to solutions together. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 If my husband ever threatened divorce, I'd tell him to move out and go and get one. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 That's what I want to explain, he said he was never happy with me but he was waiting for me to be in a better situation ( I quit my job to start a business)because my job was very stressful before. He said that he was waiting for change after that and that he never felt listened to. I have to say that what is important for him is not that important for me and vice versa. For me I was as good as I could but not for him! We are not talking about divorce anymore but our relationship still in trouble If he was never happy with you, why did you marry him? He waited to marry you until you were in a better situation or waited to leave you when you were in a better situation? "what is important to him is not important to me" speaks of having very different goals and values - you should not have married in the first place. If he tells you he was never happy - then when things are acceptable to him, he will raise the bar higher. Link to comment
Lester Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 ...and the second time that he brought it, he said that I have 3 days to pack. He sounds like an abuser who has a girlfriend. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Is this an arranged marriage? Is he having an affair? Was he this abusive while you were dating? Read up on abusive relationships. Do nothing with him. Do not discuss your feelings with him. Instead talk to close family and friends about what is going really going on. Immediately make an appt with an attorney and a therapist. Consult with the attorney regarding your options in the event of divorce. Consult a therapist regarding the threats and mental abuse. Do this privately and confidentially. Do not discuss seeing an attorney or therapist with him. Check your bank records, credit cards and credit score. Something is up.Hi, My husband and I got married after 2 years of dating. he said that I have 3 days to pack. My theory is that he is using the marriage to get what he wants but the problem is for me everything went well until now. Link to comment
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