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Thread: Just married. Did I make a mistake?

  1. #11
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    Sad thing is, if I tell him heís got to move out he doesnít have anywhere to really go. They already replaced him next door so doubt he could move back there. And if I move out thereís not way he could afford the place or find someone to share a 1 bedroom apartment with.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Jennifer2018
    you married someone you have known for 3 months without a real relationship, and you arent sure why there are issues?
    umm...
    I know why theirs issues and I know that was a big mistake getting married so soon. What could I do about it with out completely ending the relationship? I still see him as a boyfriend, not a husband. Probably because he behaves like a boy and not a man.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Mfawn
    I know why theirs issues and I know that was a big mistake getting married so soon. What could I do about it with out completely ending the relationship? I still see him as a boyfriend, not a husband. Probably because he behaves like a boy and not a man.
    But in some ways it doesn't matter. He's legally your husband whether you see him as a boy or a man or a tadpole. Do you want a boyfriend who acts like a boy? (I didn't and yes marriage is different for us than it was when we were dating but that's also because before we were married we didn't have a child or officially live together -shortly after marriage, we lived together and became parents!).

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But in some ways it doesn't matter. He's legally your husband whether you see him as a boy or a man or a tadpole. Do you want a boyfriend who acts like a boy? (I didn't and yes marriage is different for us than it was when we were dating but that's also because before we were married we didn't have a child or officially live together -shortly after marriage, we lived together and became parents!).
    How did you make the adjustment? We do not have a child, so that makes my decision a little less stressful because I donít have to be worried about how it would effect a child. He uses the excuse that ďthis is how I was before we were married and you knew thatĒ actually I didnít because he was working when we got married and moved in. He says heís happy sitting at home all day and heís been doing it for 18 years since his disability started. I asked ďdoesnít that make you feel lazy?Ē And things are different now that heís a husband and not some single, stoner guy living with two other stoners who have no motivation. Maybe thatís why I donít take the marriage seriously . I didnít think of that before.

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  6. #15
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    Well, what you want described sounds like bf/gf not marriage.

  7. #16
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    What were you thinking? Yes you made a mistake and you married a big baby. Of course he's taking advantage of you. Your best option is annulment or divorce. I dont see a hope in hell of this lasting.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    What were you thinking? Yes you made a mistake and you married a big baby. Of course he's taking advantage of you. Your best option is annulment or divorce. I dont see a hope in hell of this lasting.
    I guess I was wearing rose colored glasses, idk. I have no idea what I was thinking! . I wish I could rewind time to when we were living apart. Although even then he hardly gave me my space. Iíd get off work or be cooking dinner then Iíd hear him unlocking the door. Hated it. Do you think itís possible to still be together after moving him out and getting an annulment?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Mfawn
    I guess I was wearing rose colored glasses, idk. I have no idea what I was thinking! . I wish I could rewind time to when we were living apart. Although even then he hardly gave me my space. Iíd get off work or be cooking dinner then Iíd hear him unlocking the door. Hated it. Do you think itís possible to still be together after moving him out and getting an annulment?
    Caring about someone is not a reason to stay together. What is the desperation about ?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Caring about someone is not a reason to stay together. What is the desperation about ?
    I guess I just miss the way things were in the very beginning. Before I gave him a key. When he was proud and working around the property. Seemed like different guy then. Then again when he got the roofing job and I was actually getting some time to myself when he was at work, that would actually make me miss him. It felt nice. But this anxiety I have doesnít seem worth it. Iím also worried about how heíll react to an annulment. Heís very very weak and sensitive. Heíd be the kind to have a mental break down and hurt himself. Or maybe even try to hurt me. Who knows! Not me because I married him with out getting to know him.

  11. #20
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    I may ruffle some feathers with this opinion and advice, but here goes, fwiw.

    >>I donít want to break up or necessarily divorce but I wish I could rewind time to before he moved in and set more boundaries as far as him just walking in my place.<<

    You stated you still love him, he loves you, but you wish you could go back to just boyfriend/girlfriend, with each other you having your own place. That your RL worked beautifully that way!

    So instead of divorcing and going back to bf/gf, why not simply discuss with your husband, redefining the terms of your marriage?

    There is not a ďone size fits allĒ re marriages, every couple defines it depending on what works for them, as a couple and individually.

    In your case, you need a lot of space. Perhaps he does too, so a solution would be to live separately. Stay committed to your marriage but live separately. He can continue getting his sh** together, while you continue with your career, etc. Same thing you would be doing if you lived together, but in this case, you're living separately.

    Many couples who prefer or require "space," do this believe it or not, itís unconventional, but so what? There are married couples who actually conduct their marriages long distance too, there is no right or wrong, again itís whatever works for ďthem.Ē

    My ex bf and I lived together but had separate bedrooms! Our sex life was amazing pretty much till the end, that had nothing to do with it. And we often slept together too, but nevertheless, we each maintained our own separate space. It worked for us and we didn't give a flying fig what anyone else thought! lol

    To negotiate this properly you may need a third party, like a marriage counselor. Discuss the options. Or maybe you can come to an agreement on your own, without the help of a third party.

    Anyway, there is no law that states a married couple must live together in a conventional type marriage where they go home to each other every night to be happy and committed. And I don't see why you need to end the entire marriage when there are other options.

    And you can always change your minds later down the road, and decide you do want to live together, if that's what you want.

    Anyway that's my suggestion. Making the best of a very poor decision, and somehow making that decision work for both of you.

    Best of luck!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-20-2019 at 04:09 PM.

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