Mfawn Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I met the guy in late November. He was my new neighbor. By late February we got married. It was quick but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. He’s 40 and I am 31. We got married before I let him move in because he had to pay 50% of his way, that was my rule, my morals. When I decided I wanted to married him he had a job, not full time but he worked a few days here and there under the table since he’s on disability. He was working for the landlords around the property, kinda like a handy man. They stopped using him since he kept calling in sick (I think he was not really sick but being lazy). So, I wouldn’t let him move in yet because his disability alone won’t pay half the bills. We were already married before he got fired. I am someone who needs my space, my time alone. I’m very independent with a great job and he’s very codependent. He had a key to MY place and would come and go as he pleased, even when I had he doors dead bolted he’d still try to get in. I told him he needed to stop doing that, to give me my space and that he doesn’t live there yet. He’d throw a hissy fit then agree and next thing you know he was doing it again as if I never asked him to stop. Finally a few months went by and he said he got a full time job under the table doin roofing. I thought that was great! So I decided it was time for him to move in, even though I was concerned about my space issues. He was already going into my place all day when I wasn’t home so might as well get half the bills paid out of it. Sure enough a few days after the move in the roofing guy no longer needed his help. I had a feeling he knew it wasn’t full time but just wanted to move in. He can only pay half the rent with his disability. I started learning he’s not really disabled but he fudged to get it. I pay all utilities, food and supply’s. I calculated that I pay about $500 more a month than he does. All he does is sit around, watch TV and smoke weed all day. He does help around like cleaning a little and dishes, but that’s almost like having a house wife. I’m sure you’re thinking (well he’s your husband and you should support him). I don’t see the marriage like he does. I don’t see it as “us” and “we” like he does. When I get home from work (I work in construction) I never get a moment to myself even though I ask him for some space. Before he moved in he said he’d give me space when needed and he’d go next door and hang out with his old roommates, no problem. Two days ago when I finally had enough and said I needed space he started crying and throwing a pitty party like a kid and said he didn’t want to go next door because its “icky”. He cried and cried and it repulsed me. I was so turned off and it made me want to repel him more. I had no idea things would turn out like this. A few months ago I was happy and in-love. My mind and heart took a 360 and now I just want to be alone. I don’t want to break up or necessarily divorce but I wish I could rewind time to before he moved in and set more boundaries as far as him just walking in my place. I don’t see the apartment as “our” apparent, I see it as mine and everything in it. Should I ask him to move back next door? I’m worried that would kill the entire relationship. He’s not on my lease. Is this something that will pass or get worse? Is he taking advantage of me because he knows I make way more money than him? Is it because when he lived next door he lived with 2 other guys and it was a mess and my place is very nice? Someone please tell me what to do, because I feel like I’m losing my mind. Link to comment
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