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Thread: Approaching the ex

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do not involve his family or suggest he should contact you. If you see him/them at work act friendly and polite. Nobody wants issues with an old flame at work or with a wife and kids. Allow any contact to happen naturally in the course of work. Back off and don't stir the pot for old time's sake. Let bygones be bygones .
    Originally Posted by Eliza82
    I contacted his sister on messenger as he was not contactable and said that I had found out his family were at my work. Told her to tell him to pop his head in and say hi.
    He has avoided me since then, even though I was heavily pregnant and about to go on maternity leave. Since being on maternity leave, one of my colleagues informed me that his wife came to see them about ďthe blonde pregnantĒ person and requested that her child not be placed with me as it would be too awkward.

  2. #22
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    So his wife is worried about a woman he dated fifteen years ago? Yeah, sure, you love him so much that you have been apart 15 years. Wow, what a big threat you are, lol

  3. #23
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    Thank you! Iíve spoken to many many friends about this and they also think itís bizarre! I honestly did not think it was a big deal to tell him to say hi. The only reason I contacted his sister was because I had no way of contacting him. I donít think she thought it was an issue either, as she replied quickly and was lovely. I was really hoping he would, simply just to get it out of the way before I went on maternity leave.

  4. #24
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    I suppose because I work there I feel a bit of a professional obligation to be nice, because I know him.

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  6. #25
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    Being a wife myself for many years, I wouldnít be bothered at all. I trust my husband implicitly and vice versa. My husband is such a friendly guy that I know he would say hello to an ex and is actually still on friendly terms with his first gf.

  7. #26
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    I wonít do any more contacting thatís for sure. I was just hoping to break the ice after so long and thought we were on friendly terms.

  8. #27
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    I know right!!? She must be the jealous type.

    Maybe thereís more to it that I donít know. Thatís not my issue though. I feel relieved to know Iím not the only one who didnít think this was a big deal.

  9. #28
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    Don't go out of your way to approach them, no.

    If you happen to bump into either him or his wife, just say a friendly hello and keep moving.

    To be fair, you know nothing about their marriage or why his wife might be uncomfortable that an ex reached out to his sister. Heck, maybe the dude has had an affair and she is now more sensitive to these matters. My point is, try not to apply what you or your husband would do to another couple's dynamics. There are too many variables that influence how a couple reacts to and handles different situations, which you would naturally not be privy to.

  10. #29
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    I get what youíre saying. What myself and my husband would do was my only point of reference, which was why I was friendly. Iíll be more aware now.

  11. #30
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    Another thing to keep in mind is that you also have no clue what your ex might have told his wife about you.

    Maybe after you contacted his sister, he tried to spin it as you still having some sort of soft spot for him. Maybe he's exaggerated your interest level in him to puff up his own ego. His wife might simply be reacting to a less-than-kind impression he has created of you, however far from reality that might be.

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