Approaching the ex

[Eliza82]

I won’t do any more contacting that’s for sure. I was just hoping to break the ice after so long and thought we were on friendly terms.

[Eliza82]

I know right!!? She must be the jealous type.

 

Maybe there’s more to it that I don’t know. That’s not my issue though. I feel relieved to know I’m not the only one who didn’t think this was a big deal.

[MissCanuck]

Don't go out of your way to approach them, no.

 

If you happen to bump into either him or his wife, just say a friendly hello and keep moving.

 

To be fair, you know nothing about their marriage or why his wife might be uncomfortable that an ex reached out to his sister. Heck, maybe the dude has had an affair and she is now more sensitive to these matters. My point is, try not to apply what you or your husband would do to another couple's dynamics. There are too many variables that influence how a couple reacts to and handles different situations, which you would naturally not be privy to.

[Eliza82]

I get what you’re saying. What myself and my husband would do was my only point of reference, which was why I was friendly. I’ll be more aware now.

[MissCanuck]

Another thing to keep in mind is that you also have no clue what your ex might have told his wife about you.

 

Maybe after you contacted his sister, he tried to spin it as you still having some sort of soft spot for him. Maybe he's exaggerated your interest level in him to puff up his own ego. His wife might simply be reacting to a less-than-kind impression he has created of you, however far from reality that might be.

[Eliza82]

Yes that’s very true. I hadn’t really thought about that. I’ve seen them both from a distance and walked past her one day and I could see her watching me (lumbering along in my 35 week pregnant state lol). It was a few months after that that her request went in. Maybe she’s decided ima. Threat based on things he’s said too. It’s hard to know. I’ll just be my usual friendly self and try to be confident.

[RayofLighten]

Thank you! I’ve spoken to many many friends about this and they also think it’s bizarre! I honestly did not think it was a big deal to tell him to say hi. The only reason I contacted his sister was because I had no way of contacting him. I don’t think she thought it was an issue either, as she replied quickly and was lovely. I was really hoping he would, simply just to get it out of the way before I went on maternity leave.

 

He and his wife clearly thought it was an issue. It is a bit weird tbh. Also just a little heads up, you need to 'reply with quote' so people know who you are responding to :)

[Wiseman2]

You are not a threat, you're an unwanted intrusion in his current life. Notice he made zero effort to contact you, stay in touch and even after you did your end run around that and contacted his sister, he made zero effort to contact you. Leave them alone. He doesn't want to be pals. Be professional and leave the past in the past. His wife is not "jealous" of you. That is your imagination/ego. He is the one who did not contact you. Take the hint.

Maybe she’s decided ima. Threat based on things he’s said too. It’s hard to know. I’ll just be my usual friendly self and try to be confident.

[Eliza82]

He and his wife clearly thought it was an issue. It is a bit weird tbh. Also just a little heads up, you need to 'reply with quote' so people know who you are responding to :)

 

Thank you. I didnt know how to do that.

[Eliza82]

You are not a threat, you're an unwanted intrusion in his current life. Notice he made zero effort to contact you, stay in touch and even after you did your end run around that and contacted his sister, he made zero effort to contact you. Leave them alone. He doesn't want to be pals. Be professional and leave the past in the past. His wife is not "jealous" of you. That is your imagination/ego. He is the one who did not contact you. Take the hint.

 

You know what, they are an unwanted intrusion in my life. I was simply trying to make something positive out of something awkward and uncomfortable. I hadn’t been in touch with him prior to this and never thought I would see him again.

 

I don’t believe she is jealous and never said that. I said a threat - to her mental health, or something I don’t know.

 

I don’t want to be “pals”. Since I contacted his sister it had been a year. I’m not bombarding them or harassing. I sent one message. The only reason I’m asking for advice now is because I’m going back to work soon.

 

You may be a “wise man”’, but you are not a very nice man.