bebopower793 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 I've been married to wife for five years now and have known her since 2009. Lately we have been arguing a lot about her decision to take our daughter (who was born in 2017) away from me abroad for months at a stretch. Her fatherhood and pregnancy took a toll on me financially. I was literally broke earlier in the year but managed to salvage the solution. She wanted to travel abroad to visit her sister in Scotland for 50 days knowing that I just faced a crisis. Along with my infant. Upon her return I had to spend my resources throwng my daughter her first birthday party. Children are expensive. She never shares her money and only usues it for her trips. Again, last month she left alone for a friend reunion which was expensive yet again. Now her other sister is expecting her fitrst child in Canada. She left the country on the 4th of December and will only return on the 21st of February next year. Again with my daughter. She chose to skip our fifth anniversary and my birthday. I work hard right through the year and when I have time my daughter is never with me. I feel hurt and miserable beyond belief. I have always catered to her financial needs but for her it's her family first. Am I overreacting or is it normal to feel hurt? Thank you all in anticipation. Link to comment
bebopower793 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 Oh must I mention that this happened once before in 2016 when I spent my resources so that she could visit her friends in India and then she took off to Canada without me. I didn't have the money! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 It doesn't sound right to me. How is your relationship outside of this? What is it like when she's home? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 I don’t believe this story entirely. To bring an infant outside of the country, you need both parents or a signed note. Right? Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 I don’t believe this story entirely. To bring an infant outside of the country, you need both parents or a signed note. Right? From the OP's previous thread, it looks like they live in India. Different laws. OP, you've been having issues with your wife prioritizing her family over you for years. Now, she's taking your child along with her. You're allowing this. There's no compromise here. And because I'm unfamiliar with your laws, I'm unaware of anything you can legally do to stop this. Have you talked with her about this? Although I have a feeling that no amount of talking will make a difference. This is a crummy situation for you to be in, and I empathize with you. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 From the OP's previous thread, it looks like they live in India. Different laws. OP, you've been having issues with your wife prioritizing her family over you for years. Now, she's taking your child along with her. You're allowing this. There's no compromise here. And because I'm unfamiliar with your laws, I'm unaware of anything you can legally do to stop this. Have you talked with her about this? Although I have a feeling that no amount of talking will make a difference. This is a crummy situation for you to be in, and I empathize with you. Air India indicates there needs to be permission. Maybe it’s different in India, but the laws will really be dictated by the arrival country. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Since we are not international lawyers, we can only work with the OP on the emotional aspects here, which is, I believe, is why he wrote. Plus, this has been going on prior to this child being born. It would be highly inaccurate for any of us to speculate on the legality issues here. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Since we are not international lawyers, we can only work with the OP on the emotional aspects here, which is, I believe, is why he wrote. Plus, this has been going on prior to this child being born. It would be highly inaccurate for any of us to speculate on the legality issues here. It’s fair to ask - is he granting permission? Why grant it if he’s not ok with it? Doesn’t he get some claim to the child? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Oh must I mention that this happened once before in 2016 when I spent my resources so that she could visit her friends in India and then she took off to Canada without me. I didn't have the money! Then why in the name of all that is good are you catering to her? Do you not know how to say "NO?" Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Then why in the name of all that is good are you catering to her? Do you not know how to say "NO?" Was going to ask same. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Then why in the name of all that is good are you catering to her? Do you not know how to say "NO?" This is the relevant question. She's doing this because you're allowing it. You're allowing her to walk all over you, come and go as she pleases. Link to comment
thisisrichey Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 it sounds like bad news. i do believe you need to stop as this is no longer a marriage - you are her traveling budget and atm for anything she doesn’t want to pay for. its time to get a divorce and hire a very good lawyer to fight for you so you pay as little as possible for the child since she keeps taking your child away from you ON HER OWN ACCORD.. therefore she needs to pay for her child for all these things she insists on taking her on. NOT you. good luck. Link to comment
DanZee Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Where is she getting her money? Cut her off. You're the man. Put your foot down. Apparently she doesn't work. Don't give her any money to travel. Link to comment
bebopower793 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Share Posted December 7, 2018 In the best interest of my marriage I have always given the consent form. Not giving it will only make matters worse I guess. But you are right, I should start putting my foot down from here on and man up. Link to comment
bebopower793 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Share Posted December 7, 2018 My parents give her forex when she travels to cater to her needs. They are very affluent people. But I need to make it clear to them this should not happen the next time. The problem is that when I say no to a foreign ticket she is quick to respond and says her sister will pay for it. I am embroiled in tough circumstances. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Do you need to consent to your child leaving your country? If so it is your right to refuse. I’m Canadian and both parents here must give consent for their child to leave the country . Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Of course it's irrelevant if she is "allowed" to travel with your infant. This is not a child abduction case. What is relevant is that these extended trips to her family have been a fixture for a long time. Each time during the holidays, your birthday, etc. She seems quite close to her family and her family all seem to operate in this manner. Is it possible for you to join her? The problem is that when I say no to a foreign ticket she is quick to respond and says her sister will pay for it. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Of course it's irrelevant if she is "allowed" to travel with your infant. This is not a child abduction case. What is relevant is that these extended trips to her family have been a fixture for a long time. Each time during the holidays, your birthday, etc. She seems quite close to her family and her family all seem to operate in this manner. Is it possible for you to join her? It is absolutely relevant. If he is allowing it, then she clearly thinks it’s ok. He can say no. Link to comment
Andrina Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 There is little mention of "we" or "our" in your statements--mostly "my daughter," not "our daughter." You two are not a team. You are lacking an emotional connection. Loving, healthy couples have discussions about major issues and come up with a consensus. If a couple can't achieve these communication skills by reading books about couples communication, marital counseling will be the only way to achieve this. If she won't agree to that, tell her of the seriousness of the matter and possible consequences so she will agree. If she doesn't care about your feelings, you have some serious decisions to make. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 OP, have you ever discussed these issues with your wife? Link to comment
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