Trust broken, should I move on?

I’ve been dating this man since I was a sophomore in high school. So we have been together for over 5 years. During this time, we have been through a lot because we both have undergone so much personal growth. Ultimately, a few months ago, we broke up because it simply wasn’t working. However, I had no idea that there was something big he was hiding from me. A few months after we broke up, we tried to become friends because our breakup was mutual and simply to give us space for personal development. He treated me very poorly during one of the hardest parts of my life (my mother facing terminal cancer, I was diagnosed with chronic illness). For example, he knew of my situation and what I was going through and invited me to a football game with some of his friends. The entire time he practically ignored me, and he just got extremely drunk and ended up leaving with his friends. I got lost and was by myself and tried to get ahold of him, but he didn’t answer. Situations like these have been common in our relationship. Me being the best person to him and he just treating me like a chore. It ended in me going back to his house with him yelling at me beligierantly drunk to get out of his life. Then, he revealed something. He had an addiction to opioid pills throughout our relationship and during one of his points of depression he was high for about a month on them. Flashfoward to now, he was diagnosed with PTSD from childhood abuse and has apologized for the numerous wrongs, so I agreed to try dating again. Well, I have realized that I don’t trust him. I have dreams of him shooting up heroin, smoking crack and cheating on me all of the time. I feel bad because I don’t want to invalidate what he’s going through and he says he’s gotten better, but my heart drops into my stomach every time I hear that he’s with his friends out partying. What the do I do? Should I drop this guy? Hard cuz I’m in love with him and our relationship spans over one of the most important parts of my life.

If he's still out partying with his friends then you should leave him. He's not serious about his sobriety and his drinking will just get worse, more likely then not, as he replaces one addiction with another.

Don't hook your star to this guy. You'll be sorry if you do. One day he may get serious about life (not likely without rehab and a continuous 12 step program) but he's nowhere near that point now and you shouldn't hold yourself back from finding a good man that doesn't have the problems this guy does.

Be strong and look after yourself. Leave him to figure himself out without you... staying with him won't do a thing to get him to be serious.

Break up with him. He's a monster whether he's drinking, high on drugs or not. Why bother with this when you could date decent guys who wouldn't get drunk and scream at you when you are struggling with your mother and your illness?

Do not feel sorry for this jerk and don't believe his crocodile tears and faux confessions and fake "childhood trauma" as an excuse for his horrendous treatment of you..

Your bad dream is nothing compared to the real nightmare you'll face having a creep like this in your life. He belongs in rehab or jail, not a relationship. His drugs and drinking are more important than other people, including you.

him yelling at me beligierantly drunk to get out of his life. I agreed to try dating again. I have dreams of him shooting up heroin, smoking crack and cheating on me all of the time.

Based on the way you wrote your post, it sounds like you know the relationship is not good for you but you feel guilty for "abandoning" him in his time of need (like he did to you!). I assure you that your concerns about his using patterns is valid, and you will never win the battle against his addiction. Separate from him for your health and sanity.

If you are dealing some serious stuff of your own, you don't need to be dealing with his on top of that. You are better off being single, and work on yourself. Be there for your mother, and get counseling. In time you will be grateful for the healthier choices you make, and flourish, knowing you did it on your own, and became a stronger person for it. Best of luck

I think it's time to call it a day on this relationship.

You're both still so young, and have so much growing and learning yet to do. I would wish him well in his recovery efforts, but I would look out for myself and move on to happier, healthier pastures.

I would move on. You have enough to deal with. I am very sorry about your mom.

He needs an addiction program and a counselor. Not you. You are not qualified to help an addict, and the worst thing you could do is date. He must focus on his problems, and this will take years,

You need to cut him from your life.

Unless and until he gets professional help to deal with his problems and is successful in the program, you should not date him. He needs to do the work to improve himself and change himself for the better. If you continue to feel bad for him you will stifle your own life and waste time worrying about him. Let this go, take time for you, and move on.

You've got to stop going back to this guy. I know he's probably the only boyfriend you've ever had, but you can't trust him, he treated you poorly, and he's no good for you. And apparently his behavior is so bad, you didn't even notice he was doing drugs. Time to tell him goodbye.

You've got to stop going back to this guy. I know he's probably the only boyfriend you've ever had, but you can't trust him, he treated you poorly, and he's no good for you. And apparently his behavior is so bad, you didn't even notice he was doing drugs. Time to tell him goodbye.

Op: Opiate abuse can be insidious so don't blame yourself for not noticing. There are a million stories out there from parents/partners of the opiate addicted that had no idea they were as deep into the drug as they were until the 'chit' hits the fan one way or another. Unfortunately that "other" is often overdose, financial ruin or arrest.

Get yourself away from him. Wish him luck and congratulate him on working on his addiction but the two of you are just not compatible in your need to party and then say goodbye so you both can get on with getting over the addiction of being with one another.

This is very important. It indicates that on top of being an addict, he's just a jerk.

apparently his behavior is so bad, you didn't even notice he was doing drugs.

Based on the way you wrote your post, it sounds like you know the relationship is not good for you but you feel guilty for "abandoning" him in his time of need (like he did to you!). I assure you that your concerns about his using patterns is valid, and you will never win the battle against his addiction. Separate from him for your health and sanity.

agreed 100% I read it as she already knew the answer.