teacup12 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I am 38 yrs old 2 kids ( 8 and 17) I was in a relationship with my ex for 21 years and things ended. Fast forward 6 months I met a wonderful man who I am with 10 months and in love. He is married but separated 2 years now but I have been told he had affair on wife who was with 17yrs and left family home.i was also told he fractured wife's face years ago and was mentally and physically abusive with gambling issues. I think she just obsessed with him and controlling him. I have never met his kids as she stopped contact cuz his 6 yr old daughter said she was smacking her but wen investigated by police was dropped by lack of evidence and also that he was restraining and handling his disabled son inappropriately. His oldest son has not been in contact since marriage ended.. I can't see any truth in this as I can't see him capable of any of this. The ex has never contacted me or bad mouthed me so not that we have any history. There are no signs of divorce and I have never been married but would like to be some day. I love this man so much. Any advice or thoughts on this? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Advice get rid of this guy. Bad news. Bad. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 You are really taking a chance on a man like him. I wouldn't give him the time of day because he's a cheater and an abuser and he's not even divorced which means he's still married. Get away from him. His oldest son won't even speak to him. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Do not stay with this man. He is married, accused of abuse, and a cheater. What makes you think he will be any different to you? Save yourself and your youngest child from what will surely turn into a life of misery. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 When your own kids won't see you, BAD BAD news. RUN AWAY. Link to comment
teacup12 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hey guys Thank you. I know it's the right thing to do but I keep thinking it couldn't be possible. He is so calm caring and romantic. His ex asked him to reconcile at start of our relationship and he said no?? What if she is just controlling him and jealous that he is with me ? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Most abusers are very charming at the beginning. Until they feel they have you stuck or trapped and then you're in for trouble . And what if everything you hear is true too? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hey guys Thank you. I know it's the right thing to do but I keep thinking it couldn't be possible. He is so calm caring and romantic. His ex asked him to reconcile at start of our relationship and he said no?? What if she is just controlling him and jealous that he is with me ? So was mine, until I saw at the end his callous nature rear its ugly head. I'm not judging, mine has a first wife on a missing persons list, I still got involved. He divorced his second wife. I knew of the domestic assaults because he told me. Who picks their wife up and puts her out on the porch and locks the door? I thought wow she must have really ticked him off, because he's so sweet and calm and good natured. Pfftttt....... abusers are really skilled at hiding their true nature. I advise you seriously get out of this before you fall deeper in. And his ex wanting him back is meaningless. Abused women typically seek reconciliation with their abuser. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Besides the cocktails of winning traits and past history, stay away for your kids. If his OWN kid refuses to see him, that says SO much. Be a good mother and protect your children. He is going to show his true colours in time. Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Where did you hear all of this? From a reliable source? I would think that what you've heard is likely to have a least a kernel of truth to it, and a kernel is enough to say this is not a wonderful man. So many serious red flags here that to bring your own children into his sphere is extremely troubling. I'm sorry. Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I am 38 yrs old 2 kids ( 8 and 17) I was in a relationship with my ex for 21 years and things ended. Fast forward 6 months I met a wonderful man who I am with 10 months and in love. He is married but separated 2 years now but I have been told he had affair on wife who was with 17yrs and left family home.i was also told he fractured wife's face years ago and was mentally and physically abusive with gambling issues. I think she just obsessed with him and controlling him. I have never met his kids as she stopped contact cuz his 6 yr old daughter said she was smacking her but wen investigated by police was dropped by lack of evidence and also that he was restraining and handling his disabled son inappropriately. His oldest son has not been in contact since marriage ended.. I can't see any truth in this as I can't see him capable of any of this. The ex has never contacted me or bad mouthed me so not that we have any history. There are no signs of divorce and I have never been married but would like to be some day. I love this man so much. Any advice or thoughts on this? One more thing. For me, the married aspect is the least of it. The stuff I bolded is the horrifying stuff for me. In terms of your own reaction to these aspects, are you saying that he didn't fracture his wife's face and had gambling issues but that these were stories made up by a controlling wife, or are you saying that he did fracture his wife's face and had gambling issues but her controlling nature somehow justifies it? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hey guys Thank you. I know it's the right thing to do but I keep thinking it couldn't be possible. He is so calm caring and romantic. His ex asked him to reconcile at start of our relationship and he said no?? What if she is just controlling him and jealous that he is with me ? Think of his son. Their is a reason why he wants nothing to do with him. Find a more compassionate and caring partner. He knows. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I'm sure you can find a legitimately kind man who isn't married and who doesn't punch his wife. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 What is your source of this information? Link to comment
teacup12 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 What is your source of this information?His ex wife's friend who I didn't know was my mutual friend . She's not a close friend though . Link to comment
teacup12 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 His ex wife's friend who I didn't know was my mutual friend . She's not a close friend though .Also she had a restraining order against him for 6 months as she said she felt threatened but that is lifted now. They have been in and out of courts since I met him Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Also she had a restraining order against him for 6 months as she said she felt threatened but that is lifted now. They have been in and out of courts since I met him And yet you think he's great relationship material??? Link to comment
teacup12 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 And yet you think he's great relationship material???He said everything she said was lies and was given an emergency order but he never got a chance to contest it??? I'm so confused Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Well, I can say I'm the Duke of Earl but saying it doesn't make it true. And you know for sure the "in and out of court" thing is true, correct? So what is it about a man who is in and out of court with his (not even ex yet) wife is appealing to you? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I can't see any truth in this as I can't see him capable of any of this. Firstly, he cheated on his wife. He ADMITS this to you. Secondly, his own child - his own flesh and blood - refuses to speak to him. Boys especially usually crave contact with their dads. The fact that he was even ACCUSED of hitting his daughter to the point that charges were filed -- doesn't that make you think? And he physically abused his wife. ALso HE IS STILL MARRIED!! He cannot commit to you because he is married. I knew someone whose husband was a raging gambler and alcoholic and you know what she said "well, he never told me he was an alcoholic. If he did, i wouldn't have married him" despite it being obvious. Go get your head on straight and find a decent man who didn't cheat on his wife and now is cheating on her with YOU. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 You will wise up perhaps when he starts hitting you or your kids, money starts disappearing because he gambles, etc, but don't wait until then!!! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 He said everything she said was lies and was given an emergency order but he never got a chance to contest it??? I'm so confused Lying goes hand in hand with being a person who hits and cheats. Link to comment
teacup12 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Lying goes hand in hand with being a person who hits and cheats.I'm starting to realise this x Link to comment
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