Therapy?

A good friend of mine who I have a lot of respect for came out on FB today and admitted he'd been to therapy. Our stories are so much alike it's not even funny, relationships, jobs, addictions, likes / dislikes, apperently self confidence issues, but good at covering it all up.

I was raised to belive that being a man means taking care of your own crap, showing no weakness to anyone. But isn't that what therapy is about? Showing your weaknesses? How can that even remotely be a good thing? Or could that be part of being a man? Knowing when to ask for help. Guess I'm just thinkin that if he can do it and be proud of it and say that it helped him, maybe I should give it some consideration

Therapy is very brave . Therapy is knowing when you need to work something out that you can't work out for yourself and reaching out for help . Thinking that nobody ever needs help it's kind of an old 80-year-old or older idea . Considering people with mental health issues or having had therapy as weak it's kind of a mean spirited and not an informed idea or attitude. Probably more than half the people you know have had therapy . I have had 4 1/2 years worth of therapy for a lot of severe child abuse . My husband has had at least 10 years worth of therapy . Almost everybody I know has had some in some form or another .

In therapy you just basically work out with a therapist what you can't work out on your own.

It's not weakness, just talking to someone about your stuff and getting a pros take on it.

When I got back from Iraq, I made the mistake of not going through therapy. The environment has gotten much better since, but a good chunk of folks in the military did see it as a sorta weakness back then. Now it's almost universally accepted. I now very occasionally see a therapist. If I feel like I might be coming up on a significant PTSD relapse, I'll go in to talk. Probably once every year and a half or so.

That said, whether you need to see a therapist is entirely subjective and ultimately up to you. People had nearly identical experiences as I did but legit have been able to cope with them. Different things impact us differently. Definitely no harm in checking one out if you think it'd be a help, just don't feel like you should be simply on account of how he copes with matters.

nope, it's about taking charge. very "manly" and self-sufficient imo. not a cheesy princessy process either. i had a therapist whom i would laugh with loads, and my issues weren't discussed in a patronizing or excessively emotional way. the conversations were mano-a-mano style, empowering and uppity.

styles differ from therapist to therapist, but i think people who resist it are the ones who have the completely wrong idea about it.

also, many therapists offer the first session free- this allows you to be an "informed shopper". you definitely need to stick with it to see improvement, but a lot of the times you can get the feel whether something just feels like a good fit or not from the first session. the atmosphere, their demeanor, their vibe.

if you feel burdened but like you have to try hard to hide it, maybe check it out and see how you feel about it. especially now, with a new loss in your life. god knows i needed therapy then.

if you think you can cope now, it may come in handy some day to know there was a professional you felt like you could talk to. you never know when times get rough.

My father suffered from a mental illness for almost 70 years. When it was diagnosed in the 1950s or so it had a huge stigma. Had he not agreed to go to therapy and take meds he would have died. Instead he has a 50 year professional career, a good marriage and great grandchildren. How would it have been grave to refuse to go to therapy and miss out on a full life?

But isn't that what therapy is about? Showing your weaknesses? How can that even remotely be a good thing? Or could that be part of being a man? Knowing when to ask for help.

I went to therapy when I was a kid because I wanted to be strong. I guess I kind of had a similar but different outlook than you, in that I didn't want to hide my weaknesses. I wanted to see what they were and get stronger in those areas. Like going to the gym.

I was raised to belive that being a man means taking care of your own crap, showing no weakness to anyone. But isn't that what therapy is about? Showing your weaknesses? How can that even remotely be a good thing? Or could that be part of being a man? Knowing when to ask for help.

Ignoring your "weaknesses" is a sure-fire way of making sure they stay as weaknesses. One of the useful things about therapy is that it allows you to explore all aspects of your personality, and assess their true value. I found very early on that all the things that I could safely throw overboard were horrible, and I'd be quickly very much happier without them; on the other hand, aspects of yourself that you try to keep hidden may well be things that you need to open up to. All emotions are useful, but we don't necessarily use them to our advantage - therapy enables you to do that.

It frees you to use all the energy you currently expend on pretending to be someone you're not, on creative and positive things. It lets you be your best self, and enables you to cope with whatever life throws at you - and isn't that what being strong is all about?

Go for it!

When I was younger I used to think of people who needed therapy were weak. Boy was I wrong. My brother became a PhD in psychology and I learned a lot from him about people and what makes them tick. It is NOT a sign of weakness. If you believe you need to give it a try, then do it. I'm glad we live in a more enlightened age where people dont need to sneak off to see a counsellor in order to sort themselves out. It used to be a badge of shame a long time ago, and it's good those days are gone.

Thanks for the input y'all, I'm going to give it some thought the remainder of my hitch then maybe talk to my taxidermist and go from there

A good friend of mine who I have a lot of respect for came out on FB today and admitted he'd been to therapy. Our stories are so much alike it's not even funny, relationships, jobs, addictions, likes / dislikes, apperently self confidence issues, but good at covering it all up.

I was raised to belive that being a man means taking care of your own crap, showing no weakness to anyone. But isn't that what therapy is about? Showing your weaknesses? How can that even remotely be a good thing? Or could that be part of being a man? Knowing when to ask for help. Guess I'm just thinkin that if he can do it and be proud of it and say that it helped him, maybe I should give it some consideration

Therapy is about regaining control and about seeking help. I don't see it as about weakness or about being strong, just more about common sense and looking after yourself.

Real self confidence is about having faith in yourself that you can deal with any unexpected turn of events. This starts with challenging beliefs you were 'raised' to believe in which detailin maginary things that constitute 'being a man' - freeing yourself from pressures associated with being a man and learning to guide yourself through mindfulness is essentially what therapy is about (perhaps simplistically). It's never perfect but you notice the difference in difficult situations.

The concept of not showing weaknesses is more a strategy for business relationships and to an extent, social life. It's not relevant to doing therapy.

Where it might be relevant is in terms of going on social media about it. Talking about it publically is brave, not weak. But wise? If you do something like this ensure you genuinely don't care if someone snipes about it. There's nothing worse than thinking you can deal with trash that comes your way but then when the moment happens it sets the therapy back and you're in tears more than you expected.

You'd be shocked how pig ignorant people are. Someone who I avoid in my circle writes off mental health as 'throwing a strop'/ 'made up' and craps this disgusting notion down people's throats on a regular basis. I've had steam coming out of my ears dealing with her - the clincher was when she described therapy as 'avoiding your problems' (wrong - therapy is about facing pain) and a crutch based on a local therapist she knows that unnsuccesfully treated her granny. Seriously - aside from the uninformed comments she struggles with the basic concept that not all therapists are the same.

Ultimately there could be someone like this lurking in your network that blind sides you with abuse. Luckily for me these comments came long after I'd done therapy so I had enough sense to ghost her.

I just did a group therapy and there were about 5 men in a group of 20 people. By the time I completed it was nearly half and half. Some men were professionals as well. I have to say it really helped me to me it was more like a class with a bit of therapy thrown in. But yes it can be very beneficial. I saw the changes in several of the men from the start to the end. It's well worth it, give it a shot it can only help.

I used to think it was a sign of weakness. I couldn't have been more wrong.

After my devastating breakup, it was the best thing I did besides going NC. It actually took a lot more strength to verbalize and think about who I am, why I function the way that I do and why the situation affected me the way that it did....rather than stay at home going out of my mind, wallowing in the pain, obsessing about my ex or trying drink the pain away.

This is going to sound bad for a 40 year old grown ass man, but I mentioned it to my dad that I was thinking about going, even came clean about the cutting, after he got done I felt embarrassed that I'd even thought about going, so I reckon I'm just going to do like always and deal with it the best way I know how, just suck it up and go on about my business.

Older generations have a very dim view of therapy. Why? Fear. Doesn't make them tough though . They just lack the knowledge needed for the most part.

This is going to sound bad for a 40 year old grown ass man, but I mentioned it to my dad that I was thinking about going, even came clean about the cutting, after he got done I felt embarrassed that I'd even thought about going, so I reckon I'm just going to do like always and deal with it the best way I know how, just suck it up and go on about my business.

I do think there was more of a stigma in past generations. I know many many people my mother's age (80s) and younger senior citizens who do not believe in that stigma and believe in therapy when it's needed.

Also, it's often counter-productive to ask either family or partners in dysfunctional relationships for support when you're going into therapy. They have got used to you being a certain way, and it will make them uncomfortable if you change.

Our family is often where we learned our problematic behaviours in the first place, so they're likely to take a dim view (or we THINK they will) of any attempt to change ourselves.

Many people only go into therapy when the pain of their own lives becomes unbearable. My parents were both very much against any kind of counselling/therapy - but in my late teens I'd taken three overdoses in four years, used to cut, had an eating disorder and suffered intermittently from crippling depression. The slow, painful journey out of that pit is the best thing I've ever done, and by that time I really didn't give a **** what my parents thought!