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Thread: She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

  1. #1
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    She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

    Basically my girlfriend is desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready, I want kids and I want kids with her but I'm not ready and I don't know when I will be, the only problem is my girlfriend has got fertility problems and has been told she has very little time left, apparently she has a year at the most and even then there's no guarantee, it has become an issue recently and has upset her a lot, I don't know what to do and worried I'll lose her and what that means for us. I know this means everything to her and I don't want to take this from her but at the same time I'm not sure I can just go ahead with this when I'm not ready. I then worry that what happens when I want it as much as she does but time has run out? I don't want to loose her and fear I could, part of me wonders whether I should just suck it up and do it so I don't loose her but then I worry I will regret it and resent her.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Boughtandpaidfor's Avatar
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    You are very clear that you're not ready. That's enough. Just be clear with her and take what comes. If you compromise everyone will be miserable eventually.

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    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?

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    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?
    I agree with Batya - I don't think you should be strong armed into this if you are not ready. Make sure you are using condoms. I'd hate to see her suddenly get pregnant without your being on board.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

    I'm generally in agreement with the other posters. HOWEVER...

    This fertility thing is heavy. You say you want kids with her. Under what time frame? Because it could be now or never. If you think you could want them in 2-3 years, I would encourage you to sit down and think really hard if this is something you could do. Otherwise you may miss the chance - and so could she.

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    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    Do not mess her around when she asks you about children. Tell her bluntly you're not ready. She needs to be able to make the choice to stay with you and risk it, or leave and try to find someone who can give her what she needs. But do not lie to her and then take the choice away from her.

  8. #7
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    67... you own it to your girlfriend to take her predicament seriously and overcome your fears if you really see a future with her. If you love her, see a future with her and you want children with her in general, then what is your problem to father children in the near future? I have to tell you that there is no perfect moment for having children, there is no perfect time, if this is what you are waiting for.
    I would suggest you go to a therapist/close friend and discuss your own fears.
    Just to make sure you understand fully the tech. stuff, I would meet the gynecologist and discuss your girlfiend health condition ans possible alternatives.
    In any case do not allow your cold feet ruin your relationship and hurt the woman you love.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    I'm generally in agreement with the other posters. HOWEVER...

    This fertility thing is heavy. You say you want kids with her. Under what time frame? Because it could be now or never. If you think you could want them in 2-3 years, I would encourage you to sit down and think really hard if this is something you could do. Otherwise you may miss the chance - and so could she.
    Yes, I agree. Also, OP doesn't say how old he is. But it's worth thinking about their ages. If he's 40 and doesn't think he'll be ready for kids for another 10 years or so, then he's being unfair to the gf and himself. If he's a younger guy, then i understand being hesitant to have kids so soon, but still, I think you need to make a decision quickly, one way or another (either have kids now, try again in a year, or let her go).

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?
    There's also adoption.

    Focus on marriage first before settling down with children.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Birdie's Avatar
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    How old are you and she? How long have you been together? Are you financially secure?

    I don't think it's fair to bring a child into this world when your most enthusiastic statement is you could "suck it up". The child needs to be priority.

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