Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 72

Thread: She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

  1. #1
    671672
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    12
    Thanked
    1

    She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

    Basically my girlfriend is desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready, I want kids and I want kids with her but I'm not ready and I don't know when I will be, the only problem is my girlfriend has got fertility problems and has been told she has very little time left, apparently she has a year at the most and even then there's no guarantee, it has become an issue recently and has upset her a lot, I don't know what to do and worried I'll lose her and what that means for us. I know this means everything to her and I don't want to take this from her but at the same time I'm not sure I can just go ahead with this when I'm not ready. I then worry that what happens when I want it as much as she does but time has run out? I don't want to loose her and fear I could, part of me wonders whether I should just suck it up and do it so I don't loose her but then I worry I will regret it and resent her.

  2. #2
    Boughtandpaidfor
    Gold Member Boughtandpaidfor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    535
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    78
    You are very clear that you're not ready. That's enough. Just be clear with her and take what comes. If you compromise everyone will be miserable eventually.

  3. Thanks Hollyj thanked for this post
  4. #3
    Batya33
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    43,954
    Thanked
    3460
    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?

  5. Thanks annie24, Snny, melancholy123, Fudgie thanked for this post
  6. #4
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,400
    Thanked
    1564
    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 [Register to see the link]
    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?
    I agree with Batya - I don't think you should be strong armed into this if you are not ready. Make sure you are using condoms. I'd hate to see her suddenly get pregnant without your being on board.

  7. #5
    mustlovedogs
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    2,376
    Thanked
    2137

    She's desperate to have a baby but I'm not ready

    I'm generally in agreement with the other posters. HOWEVER...

    This fertility thing is heavy. You say you want kids with her. Under what time frame? Because it could be now or never. If you think you could want them in 2-3 years, I would encourage you to sit down and think really hard if this is something you could do. Otherwise you may miss the chance - and so could she.

  8. Thanks annie24, Waraqqa thanked for this post
  9. #6
    agent
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    England
    Age
    34
    Posts
    10,446
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1844
    Do not mess her around when she asks you about children. Tell her bluntly you're not ready. She needs to be able to make the choice to stay with you and risk it, or leave and try to find someone who can give her what she needs. But do not lie to her and then take the choice away from her.

  10. Thanks annie24, Snny, mines, Waraqqa, faraday thanked for this post
  11. #7
    East4
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    728
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    273
    67... you own it to your girlfriend to take her predicament seriously and overcome your fears if you really see a future with her. If you love her, see a future with her and you want children with her in general, then what is your problem to father children in the near future? I have to tell you that there is no perfect moment for having children, there is no perfect time, if this is what you are waiting for.
    I would suggest you go to a therapist/close friend and discuss your own fears.
    Just to make sure you understand fully the tech. stuff, I would meet the gynecologist and discuss your girlfiend health condition ans possible alternatives.
    In any case do not allow your cold feet ruin your relationship and hurt the woman you love.

  12. #8
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,400
    Thanked
    1564
    Quote Originally Posted by mustlovedogs [Register to see the link]
    I'm generally in agreement with the other posters. HOWEVER...

    This fertility thing is heavy. You say you want kids with her. Under what time frame? Because it could be now or never. If you think you could want them in 2-3 years, I would encourage you to sit down and think really hard if this is something you could do. Otherwise you may miss the chance - and so could she.
    Yes, I agree. Also, OP doesn't say how old he is. But it's worth thinking about their ages. If he's 40 and doesn't think he'll be ready for kids for another 10 years or so, then he's being unfair to the gf and himself. If he's a younger guy, then i understand being hesitant to have kids so soon, but still, I think you need to make a decision quickly, one way or another (either have kids now, try again in a year, or let her go).

  13. Thanks mustlovedogs, agent thanked for this post
  14. #9
    Snny
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,752
    Thanked
    1572
    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 [Register to see the link]
    If you're not ready, not 100% enthusiastic, then it's not fair to the child. Can she freeze her eggs and buy some time that way?
    There's also adoption.

    Focus on marriage first before settling down with children.

  15. #10
    Birdie
    Gold Member Birdie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    539
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    360
    How old are you and she? How long have you been together? Are you financially secure?

    I don't think it's fair to bring a child into this world when your most enthusiastic statement is you could "suck it up". The child needs to be priority.

  16.  

Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
I have a great boyfriend but sometimes I am rude to him
Hi Enotalone, I've been dating an amazing man since February. I feel very lucky to be with him. He's kind, handsome, smart, communicative, the
Should I ask for my furniture & t.v. back?
I have a long thread about my recent breakup. Ex continually lied to me, kept in touch with multiple exGF's, always placed blame elsewhere (it was
What would you say is a typical reaction in such a scenario?
So imagine in the heat of a crazy fight, the guy gets carried away and says to his girlfriend, "have you looked in the mirror?" (implying that she is
Was I justified to be annoyed?
I am nearly 8 years married, mostly happy and have no reason to question or doubt my relationship. Over the weekend, I found a text message from
Is there any hope for me.
Hello all- My boyfriend and I have been together for what is coming up on two years, at least until last Friday night. We rarely argue, and
Boyfriend won't acknowledge my accomplishments and feelings, tricks me into thinking im wrong
I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months now. He is an artist and paints, pretty well actually. I am also an artist and do fine
Coping with your S/O being friends with an Ex
My Boyfriend (22) has this ex that's from a pretty long term relationship in the past- they cut ties when they broke up and then later on down the

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
The ex that wouldn't go away
I am engaged to the woman of my dreams. After a couple dates I told everyone I was going to marry her. She told her friends the same. My only hang up
Crying
IM A 63 YEAR OLD WOMAN ,and my life has turned upside down. I cry day and night. For some damn reason I'm lost , alone and just cant figure things
SO (girl of 23) doubting our relationship, won't let go of ex
So currently going through a very complicated situation with my SO. I started seeing this girl in November of last year, while she was still with
My friend has no life...No job and currently lives at home. At nearly 30
One of my very good friends has always been the impressionable type. When I encouraged her to have stronger boundaries, to be less passive and to
Ex is getting married
Hi, I went into no contact with my ex around 14 weeks ago. I had decided that there's nothing left for me to do or say that would bring her back to
Friendless and Lonely
Hi all, I've decided to turn to an online forum for advice on a current friendship issue. I want to say thank you in advance to those who take the
Swapping childcare, she stopped responding...
Background: I struggle with intimacy and relationships in general. Coming from abuse and neglect means I've always struggled with trusting others
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •