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Thread: Bad Behaviour vs. Clueless, How to Tell the Difference….

  1. #201
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Then there is a part of me that's so tired of playing it safe, never taking any risks, always having my wall up, not trusting, being guarded, blah blah blah.


    I agree, it has the potential to go either way. I'm not going to do this blindly without considering all the risks, so thank you for enforcing what I may miss.
    Some things about him…he's had a crazy, rich life…lived in third-world countries, overly educated (holds TWO doctorates and fluent in three languages), only a few years older than I. I'm sensing he's kind of a loner, kind of mysterious, never been married. He'll do thinks like ride his motorcycle up to the mountains and camp alone for days. Which is completely opposite of me because I'm more like I need wi-fi, hand sanitizer and Chanel lipgloss. He's curious and simple, street smart and book smart. He seems like he could be a spy or a Jason Bourne type, along those lines. I don't know. Oh, and he's hot

    I just couldn't resist and quote Naomi from her first interactions with him.
    Apparently nothing much has changed and she read him pretty right to begin with. She was pretty spot on about her own self assessment.

    The very things that attracted her to him are now the very things she can't handle.

    Makes for an interesting read. .

  2. #202
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=reinventmyself;6752670]
    Then there is a part of me that's so tired of playing it safe, never taking any risks, always having my wall up, not trusting, being guarded, blah blah blah.


    I agree, it has the potential to go either way. I'm not going to do this blindly without considering all the risks, so thank you for enforcing what I may miss.
    Some things about him…he's had a crazy, rich life…lived in third-world countries, overly educated (holds TWO doctorates and fluent in three languages), only a few years older than I. I'm sensing he's kind of a loner, kind of mysterious, never been married. He'll do thinks like ride his motorcycle up to the mountains and camp alone for days. Which is completely opposite of me because I'm more like I need wi-fi, hand sanitizer and Chanel lipgloss. He's curious and simple, street smart and book smart. He seems like he could be a spy or a Jason Bourne type, along those lines. I don't know. Oh, and he's hot

    I just couldn't resist and quote Naomi from her first interactions with him.
    Apparently nothing much has changed and she read him pretty right to begin with. She was pretty spot on about her own self assessment.

    The very things that attracted her to him are now the very things she can't handle.

    Makes for an interesting read. .


    WOW!!! That is from before we took that magical vacation!!!! Thank you for posting that!

    After an intense three months, I can safely add to the list "cheap bastard."

  3. #203
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by notalady
    If I didn't buy my boyfriend a birthday card until the last minute, which I have, I'm going to say I've been lazy / didn't plan ahead, not "I love messy and chaotic life and it's beautiful".

    If I forgot to bring my phone charger or whatever else for a trip away, and end up needing to use my boyfriend's, which I also have done, I'm going to say, oops I was forgetful and I knew you would bring yours, so I guess I was kind of relying on that. Not "I love a messy and chaotic life".

    We all forget things or get lazy or unplanned at least sometimes. We don't find excuses to make it sound special and somehow justifiable.
    Yet he did both of these things to me. I always have his back like he gets to use my wrapping paper to wrap his xmas gift TO ME! And he forgets basically everything so he has to use mine, which means then *I* can't use whatever it is he forgot because HE'S using it! Yeah, life is beautiful for HIM because it's at MY expense! Annoying.

  4. #204
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do you think he's being a turd and looking for hookups/fwb? Do you think whoever he's staying with is being eaten out of house and home?
    Don't know. Don't care.

    I don't think he is turning me into a booty call because we spend way too much time together doing other activities.

  5.  

  6. #205
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    He's still wanting to get back together again, I keep saying no.

    I don't understand why he can't see the obvious…we are way too different PLUS he is leaving! I'm trying to make sense of his motives; if he's just a spoiled brat who is throwing a hissy fit because he's not getting what he wants, or if he truly loves me and wants to make this work.

  7. #206
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    what do you want Naomi? Do you want to get back together and work through his issues and then move with him (or he with you?) or would you rather just cut it off now for good?

  8. #207
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    *
    Originally Posted by annie24
    what do you want Naomi? Do you want to get back together and work through his issues and then move with him (or he with you?) or would you rather just cut it off now for good?
    Oh, Annie, such a loaded question. I could just work through the issues for the remainder of his stay here, and then just call it quits at springtime when he finally leaves.

    I rarely address life issues on ENA and mainly use this place to byotch about men. But ever since the doctor days, my life has plateaued and been stagnant….I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. That's why I went on the trip with him, kinda. And if I really want to shake my life up, moving across the country with him would be exactly the type of change that would create a new spankin life for me. I'm talking all the way down to a career change. I would be with someone I know and trust, he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, and plus he would be working 80 hour weeks, so that gives us our own space. This would be unlike ANYTHING I'd ever done before. This, of course, would never happen unless these issues I have with him are discussed and on their way to being resolved.

    On the other hand, moving with him looks like I am chasing a man across the country, who is chasing his dreams. I would be moving with him while he's fulfilling his life's purpose. My purpose would only be to satisfy an untimely itch. What happens when that itch is satisfied? Move back here and be lukewarm again?

    Whimsical and lighthearted is so difficult for me. If I died today, I would not be satisfied with all the things I failed to explore. And exploring doesn't necessarily HAVE to be with him, but he does provide a safe outlet for me to do this with. I've had more adventure with him in the past three months than I've had in the last three years. And I'm not dead. Yay.

  9. #208
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    He's still wanting to get back together again, I keep saying no.

    I don't understand why he can't see the obvious…we are way too different PLUS he is leaving! I'm trying to make sense of his motives; if he's just a spoiled brat who is throwing a hissy fit because he's not getting what he wants, or if he truly loves me and wants to make this work.
    I can appreciate how these threads can push you into defense mode, so maybe just try relaxing from that for a moment.

    Think about what you want.

    There's no need to answer to us about that. None of us are living your love life for you, so none of us get a vote.

    You don't even need to answer that question here.

    Privately, think about what you want. Then consider how much of your agitation toward this guy has been fueled by the dark cloud of March looming over you and pressing your fear button.

    It's okay to admit your fears to yourself. It's also okay to recognize that your reactions to things as inconsequential as granola bars might be a hyper-reaction to something else...like a fear of March.

    Nobody here can help you go to this place. You've withstood jabs about coming off as petty over pens and fruit and sports bars, but how useful was any of that? It misses the point. You're holding a fear of the choosing a move away from you. Everything else is just noise.

    Uhm...it's been umpteen pages of noise before I came to learn that the two of you were operating under a deadline. You may have mentioned this, but I never caught it in all the noise.

    March is the whole driver behind all the petty stuff, isn't it?

    Decide what you want and whether it's negotiable. You don't need to tell us your thoughts on this unless you think we can be helpful, and you don't need to defend what you come up with.

    If it's negotiable and you WANT to negotiate this, then tell us how we can help. The rest is just fruit and granola.

    Head high, honey.

  10. #209
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    *

    Oh, Annie, such a loaded question. I could just work through the issues for the remainder of his stay here, and then just call it quits at springtime when he finally leaves.

    I rarely address life issues on ENA and mainly use this place to byotch about men. But ever since the doctor days, my life has plateaued and been stagnant….I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. That's why I went on the trip with him, kinda. And if I really want to shake my life up, moving across the country with him would be exactly the type of change that would create a new spankin life for me. I'm talking all the way down to a career change. I would be with someone I know and trust, he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, and plus he would be working 80 hour weeks, so that gives us our own space. This would be unlike ANYTHING I'd ever done before. This, of course, would never happen unless these issues I have with him are discussed and on their way to being resolved.

    On the other hand, moving with him looks like I am chasing a man across the country, who is chasing his dreams. I would be moving with him while he's fulfilling his life's purpose. My purpose would only be to satisfy an untimely itch. What happens when that itch is satisfied? Move back here and be lukewarm again?

    Whimsical and lighthearted is so difficult for me. If I died today, I would not be satisfied with all the things I failed to explore. And exploring doesn't necessarily HAVE to be with him, but he does provide a safe outlet for me to do this with. I've had more adventure with him in the past three months than I've had in the last three years. And I'm not dead. Yay.
    Finding safety with him while satisfying your itch to break out: that seems oxymoronic. Move across the continent, without him. Look him up when you are out there.

  11. #210
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Exactly. If I wouldn't be moving to a new location by myself, then I shouldn't be going for another person.

    Have so many doubts. I think he is trying to get back together because he has nothing to lose, so he just does whatever he pleases. He doesn't care because what does he have to lose? Nothing.

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