Pregnant BPD ex

I had been with my girlfriend for a year. The first 5 months were heaven, with only two incidents that I should have recognized as abnormal. The first was when she asked me if I still loved my ex wife. I answered with "I guess so. To the extent that she is the mother of my child." She held those words against me for months as if I confessed my undying romantic love for my ex wife. The next episode was when my ex girlfriend called me out of the blue. I answered when I guess I shouldn't have, but I did not lead her on and told her that I was in a relationship.

She has 4 children with 4 different fathers. I was somewhat disgusted by this at first, but chalked it up to victim of circumstance. I loved and treated her kids tje very same as I do my own daughter. Our children had to witness all of the arguments and physical abuse!

We moved in together after just 4 months, but it only lasted 3 months before she moved back out. After that first break up, we were off and on for the last 5 months. As time went on the splits became more frequent, and longer. The jealousy and accusations were off the charts! I could not be left alone in tje same room with my phone! I even want as far as to take a lie detector teat to prove that I was faithful. Did me no good! She was extremely physically abusive! Biting, scratching, kicking in the genitals, slapping, you name it! It started to have an effect on my job always showing up wounded and mentally distraught!

We had always talked about marriage and in desperation I went through with proposing this last Christmas. We planned on having a child and she got off birth control and we ended up pregnant in February!

Every time we would split she would immediately talk to other guys including ex boyfriends. She would send me screen shots of their conversations that read some really disturbing things about pretending to make the baby together that was already inside her. She would tell me that she slept with guys, just to say she was lying just to hurt me! She would call me names and say I'm ugly and boring just to hurt me!

I finally had enough and demanded that she apologized for everything she has done to me or I was done! She refused and just called me more names, beat me up and left. We talked for the next couple days, but didn't get anywhere but more guys, threats, and screenshots. I told her to leave me alone and she said "Happily!" Less than a week later she had a guy stay the weekend at her house! This was just days ago!

I'm in bad shape! I can't sleep! I can't eat! And I just don't fking know where to go or what to think at this point!

Think that you were darned lucky that she ended it with you, and pray that her new "relationship" lasts and she doesn't come back to you.

More than that, I don't know what to tell ya... I do realize abuse goes the other way too, it's not only women who get abused by men, and clearly you are a victim of abuse...but you need to somehow find a backbone and a couple of cojones and start standing up for yourself. I can't fathom why you would love someone who beats you, bites you, cheats on you, insults you, so my only advice is to talk to a professional and try to figure out why you have let this atrocity happen.

Unfortunately, the girl is pregnant....again. This would make the 5th child. He should NEVER have wanted to make a baby with this woman. They both need LONG and in-depth therapy sessions.

"Our children had to witness all of the arguments and physical abuse!"

This is dreadful, Joseph.

Get away and stay away. You do not need insanity in your life.

She is way to unstable to be around. Run for your life and get a lawyer to talk to about when the child comes and what your responsibility is... if it's yours. Get a restraining order. Change your locks. Worry about your daughter and her safety mentally and physically. Get this woman out if your life! Netflix "Fatal Attraction" for strength and conviction that this woman must go.

I had been with my girlfriend for a year. The first 5 months were heaven, with only two incidents that I should have recognized as abnormal. The first was when she asked me if I still loved my ex wife. I answered with "I guess so. To the extent that she is the mother of my child." She held those words against me for months as if I confessed my undying romantic love for my ex wife. The next episode was when my ex girlfriend called me out of the blue. I answered when I guess I shouldn't have, but I did not lead her on and told her that I was in a relationship.

She has 4 children with 4 different fathers. I was somewhat disgusted by this at first, but chalked it up to victim of circumstance. I loved and treated her kids tje very same as I do my own daughter. Our children had to witness all of the arguments and physical abuse!

We moved in together after just 4 months, but it only lasted 3 months before she moved back out. After that first break up, we were off and on for the last 5 months. As time went on the splits became more frequent, and longer. The jealousy and accusations were off the charts! I could not be left alone in tje same room with my phone! I even want as far as to take a lie detector teat to prove that I was faithful. Did me no good! She was extremely physically abusive! Biting, scratching, kicking in the genitals, slapping, you name it! It started to have an effect on my job always showing up wounded and mentally distraught!

We had always talked about marriage and in desperation I went through with proposing this last Christmas. We planned on having a child and she got off birth control and we ended up pregnant in February!

Every time we would split she would immediately talk to other guys including ex boyfriends. She would send me screen shots of their conversations that read some really disturbing things about pretending to make the baby together that was already inside her. She would tell me that she slept with guys, just to say she was lying just to hurt me! She would call me names and say I'm ugly and boring just to hurt me!

I finally had enough and demanded that she apologized for everything she has done to me or I was done! She refused and just called me more names, beat me up and left. We talked for the next couple days, but didn't get anywhere but more guys, threats, and screenshots. I told her to leave me alone and she said "Happily!" Less than a week later she had a guy stay the weekend at her house! This was just days ago!

I'm in bad shape! I can't sleep! I can't eat! And I just don't fking know where to go or what to think at this point!

Man... You put your d**k in crazy... Never... NEVER... Put your d**k in crazy... This is a perfect example of that rule...

Talk to a family lawyer... Most will give you a private consultation for free.

Honestly? You're sorta f**ked... You're a dad now... Adopt your legal obligations like a boss and be the best damned father you could ever be. If you don't make a certain salary, you can't legally pay child support, but if you're an awesome father the courts will recognize that...

EXCEPT you have no legal obligation until the child is proven to be your own... So... If you think there's any doubt you're free to request a DNA test....

After being a responsible dad, with reasonable cause, you can maybe file for full custody if the mom's a dead-beat....

Also.. Lie-detectors don't work... They literally do nothing that's significant... Their entire use in the legal field depends on uising it as an interrogation technique.

That's the sum of it Pixels

" You put your d**k in crazy... Never... NEVER... Put your d**k in crazy... This is a perfect example of that rule..."

OP. You remark:

"in desperation I went through with proposing this last Christmas.."

Why would you even want to be with, let alone marry someone so deranged.

Don't take responsibility for this baby until you get a valid, legally viable paternity test.

Man... You put your d**k in crazy ...

I thought crazy is what men loved?!

I thought crazy is what men loved?!

No, no... We do love crazy... We just don't want to take responsibility for your luntatic *ss once sh** hits the fan...

With all due respect though... Most women are awesome, and most men are lucky to have you. Take my bullsh*t with a sense of humor...

But seriously I'm hesitant to touch OP's situation with a 10ft stick...

That's the sum of it Pixels

 

" You put your d**k in crazy... Never... NEVER... Put your d**k in crazy... This is a perfect example of that rule..."

 

OP. You remark:

 

"in desperation I went through with proposing this last Christmas.."

 

Why would you even want to be with, let alone marry someone so deranged.

I bet the sex was off the charts!

It was! But not worth the bs in hind sight!

You said it for me Bolt! lol.

Exactly. It is how the BPD operate. High octane, off the wall, (at the outset), or as the OP himself put it: "heaven" (depending on one's perception of heaven, of course.

Intense, anything goes....

"People with BPD often engage in idealization and devaluation of themselves and of others, alternating between high positive regard and heavy disappointment or dislike. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care."

Thanks Pixels! Ya, I should have known better. I am already putting together a strategy for custody if and when it comes to that!

You are absolutely right Hermes! I have been reading countless articles on BPD in the past week! I can't believe I was weak and insecure enough to let someone do this to me!

For future reference...sane women can be good in bed too.

Heh heh Bolt.

Not sure though if we have a tendency to swing, lethally, from chandeliers, à la "War of the Roses"

You are absolutely right Hermes! I have been reading countless articles on BPD in the past week! I can't believe I was weak and insecure enough to let someone do this to me!

Not to mention what the kids had to go through.

Putting the kids through this mess just because her vagina felt good...I have no words.

Please get your child into therapy. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to get her kids some help. Those poor kids.

Wondering where are the four fathers....

It is truly appalling.

Just go away from her, do a test and if it is not your child dont look back. You dodged a shell, 5ton gustav shell.

OP, how to do you know that your EX has BPD? Was she diagnosed by a certified psychiatrist?

Very often people here engage in armchair psychology/psychiatry, I guess it is easier for the human nature to move on if they blame it all on the ex partner, by convincing themselves that the other person is mentally ill. The downside of demonizing an ex-partner is that it is a common well known principal that "water seeks its own level". Assuming that your ex was mentally sick, and that YOU chose to be in relationship with her and father a child with her, then it means that you were not different to her (i.e. sick too, with a complimentary to her sickness). I would be careful to throw labels around like that, because these labels stick to you too. So, once again, was she officially diagnosed with BPD?

She was diagnosed with something similar to bipolar, and was on a variety prescription drugs. Let me rephrase it to suit your liking. I believe she is BPD due to my investigation into what went wrong in our relationship. She fits EVERY part of the condition to a T. I know I'm not perfect, and there is obviously something wrong with me to have let this happen. But, I have contacted one of her ex bf's that she has a 12yo with, and he said that she has always been going through this cycle of abuse and promiscuity!

That sounds more consistent with your description. Regardless, my advice from before stands firm...Run!!

She was diagnosed with something similar to bipolar

Exactly, run and don't look back, Joseph.

What are you supposed to do? Become a psychiatrist, "fixer", psychotherapist and "minder" all in one, and overnight?

BPD isn't bipolar.

BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder. A completely different personality disorder.

Anyway, please get your child into therapy. You've just taught your child that love equals abuse. And that it's right to stay with (and procreate with) someone who hits them. And to tell someone who hits you that you love them.

Therapy, STAT. For the both of you (you and your child).