she stopped having sex with me....uses vibrator

hi. my girlfriend and i have been together for about 4 and a half months now and she wont have sex with me anymore. we used to have sex almost every day for 2 or 3 times a day. then it started going away slowly. down to once a day. then every other day. to nothing at all. i mean sex isnt the most important part of a relationship to me but it definitely does matter some. the decline in sex started after i intruduced a vibrator to her to be used while we have sex to highten her pleasure. well two weeks ago i tried having sex with her 2 nights in a row and got shot down both nights. then the next day i got off work early and came home early to be with her for a couple hours before she had to go to work and came home to her pleasuring herself with the vibrator. she was obviously turned on already so i tried to have sex with her at that moment and i do admit at first thought it really turned me on that she was doing that until she said no and went and got in the shower. i confronted her about it and she said she just wanted to try it once on herself to see what it was like. i told her i was upset that she wont sleep with me and choose to use the vibrator over me. i said if you wanna use it on yourself then do so but i dont want it to replace me. after that she started her period. now her period is over and i tried to have sex with her last night and i got shot down again. before i went to work today i looked at how the vibrator was in the night stand that we keep it in. then when i got home from work i checked and sure enough it had been moved and she washed the sheets on the bed. so i know she used it even after she promised to me that she wont use it on herself anymore. i keep asking her why she wont have sex with me and she says she is stressed about work and other things and says there is nothing wrong. i asked her if there was anyone else and she said no. then told me to relax. i love her with my heart and soul. i dont want to lose her. i am afraid that if i give her an ultimatum about the vibrator that she will get mad and leave me. what should i do????? please help!

rejected in pa

This is really early in your relationship to be having these issues. Sex is a great stress reliever. Plus you came home to find her with a vibrator. If she isn't going to be honest about what is going on, you should move on. You don't love her you barely know her.

not worth the trouble. leave. find someone else and dont introduce the vibrator until you are sure they are decent people.

I agree that it's early for these kinds of issues. If she's being dishonest, there's not much you can do about it but move on and find a more willing and honest partner.

You've been with her 4 and a half months, so this feeling for her is not love, it's pure lust. Then, she is turning down sex with you and using a toy instead. This speaks volumes to me. She is obviously disatisfied having sex with you and this might be because of how you come accross in the sack. Perhaps she things you are too pushy, too self focussed or something and the vibrator gives her exactly what she needs. Alternatively, something has happened outside of the bedroom that has caused her to go off you and not want to be intimate with you.

The answer is to get her to speak up about what is truly going on, or walk away.

How long ago did she get the vibe?

Maybe she's never had really good orgasms until now. Could be she just is totally absorbed in the discovery.

This is really early in your relationship to be having these issues. Sex is a great stress reliever. Plus you came home to find her with a vibrator. If she isn't going to be honest about what is going on, you should move on. You don't love her you barely know her.

She's replacing you with a machine. That doesn't sound like someone who really gives an eff about you.

I don't think I have to say that the lust is gone and she doesn't have strong feelings anymore, but can I ask what has happened outside of the bedroom ? Something had to turn her off.

It this kind of behavior which causes men to NOT want to let their partner experience a sex toy.

It's a shame she exhibits this kind of behavior.

I think you know that many women are not like this.

The possibility is that she finds sex with you something she does not enjoy.

Of course who would want to say that to anyone!

It this kind of behavior which causes men to NOT want to let their partner experience a sex toy.

I'd say that MANY women do have and use sex toys, especially when they are not in a relationship. You know, to take care of those urges when there is no man around. However, when there IS a man and the relationship is good, he's #1, and maybe she uses the toy if she's turned on and he's away on a business trip, etc.... I think many women would rather have the real thing than a BOB.

got the vibe a lil over a month ago. its only a bullet so it cant even be inserted. just got it to give her a better orgasm during sex by putting it between us for clit stimulation. apparently it worked and it also blew up in my face. i cant think of anything outside the bedroom that has went bad. we kind of fell hard and fast for each other very quickly. right around the same time as the vibe came into play she gave me a key to her house and i moved in with her. she acts like she loves me.she is nice to me but the last tie we had sex was july 1st. i dont know. she might even be cheating on me. i cant tell for sure though. i wish i never suggested the vibe.

Welli, you could try one more attempt at talking to her but there have been countles similar threads on here and it seems once a partner loses interest in sex the relationship doesn't last. Not as a happy one anyway.

I'd say that MANY women do have and use sex toys, especially when they are not in a relationship. You know, to take care of those urges when there is no man around. However, when there IS a man and the relationship is good, he's #1, and maybe she uses the toy if she's turned on and he's away on a business trip, etc.... I think many women would rather have the real thing than a BOB.

Yep. I like my BOB but only because I'm in a 4000 mile relationship. The only reason it comes with me when he comes over is because we MAY incorporate it in sex. Other than that, I'd much rather have my hot blooded man.

She is replacing you with a machine and being dishonest. Move on.

I really don't think the vibrator is the real issue here. It sounds to me like the relationship just moved too fast...4 months into the relationship and you are both declaring love and moving in with each other...that's rather fast. If a simple vibrator can spell doom for a new relationship I would say that the relationship was in trouble anyway and would not have lasted..even without the vibrator issue.

Dude, she told you all you need to know when she "washed the sheets".

There's a guy or gal who is taking your place while you are at work. Pack her bags for her.

Welli, you could try one more attempt at talking to her but there have been countles similar threads on here and it seems once a partner loses interest in sex the relationship doesn't last. Not as a happy one anyway.

I didnt want to be the one to say it, Im glad DN did. Move on.

Washing the sheets could be a coincidence. But when she prefers the BOB over a caring, loving B/F...that HURTS!

Time to send her packing, with her new "friend." IMHO!

Hear me out. My gf does similar things with saying no. Not because of a vibrator. But you see all the guys telling you to quit it and move on are lazy woman users. And wanna-be players.

So when she's telling you no its probably because you expect it and it annoyed her. She uses the vib because she likes sex. Or she wouldn't do it. You need to seduce her stop being pushy and forward and be sexy and seductive whisper sweet nothing's into her ear. Nibble on her earlobe and neck. Kiss her back make her feel beautiful and wanted. Don't expect it like she's some kind of toy. It's unattractive and rude. If you feel your a good guy. Maybe u are but maybe you don't see her feeling as well as you think you do. If you are romantic: candle lit room to get home too. Offer foot massages or something lol idk keep trying bro

Leave her, let her have fun with her machine alone. I would have left a long time ago, or at least ignored her and stopped chasing. Shes sinking this relationship, not only because she is being selfish with pleasure, but she is being selfish by not helping to address a concern. Its become a fantasy, and not everyone just lays there to feel pleasure, they feel the pressure and fantasize in their head about 'something'- which could cause an argument.

And i wouldnt fear a vibrator, many women use it, they dont stop having sex. You have to pop that in there, say sexy things, work on your behavior leading to sex- she cant get that with a machine, you need to be her fantasy, and avoid routine. Stimulation of the mind first - if she had this, she would need to fantasize about anything. i was actually the guy that would want sex "less"- and it was mainly due to the negative behavior of my ex.

I think this relationship is a sinking ship and the vibrator is just a small part of the problem. She sounds very selfish and I would leave now and keep what dignity you have left.

This thread is from 2010.

This thread is from 2010.

Lol so it is....O.o

It could have something to do with your lovemaking, but even so, why couldn't she be honest and open in order to save you all this worry? I think that the writing is on the wall - I'm sorry.