G/F Faking Orgasm From Cunnilingus

[Cardinal]

My girlfriend and I have just started being sexually active this past week. So far I have gone down on her twice. I believe she is establishing a pattern of faking her orgasms from the get-go. Outside of her moaning, I am having trouble identifying any physiological or psychological signs that she is actually having a real orgasm. With other women I have slept with, I am used to seeing at least some physical signs of orgasm. I also usually have a pretty good intuitive feel for how she is building up to orgasm. Typically it takes some work and technique on my part. Psychologically, there seem to be several indicators that she is in fact faking.

 

Prior to this, she has mentioned that she doesn't orgasm very easily (a vibrator works fine from what I understand though). I assured her that was normal and didn't put any pressure on her to orgasm at all. I just made it clear that I was happy and I wanted us both to enjoy the experience. If anything, I'd have to say it puts a damper on the mood. I feel somewhat disappointed that I think this is happening and found the actual experience lame. I also think she is establishing what could be a very long-term pattern.

 

How would you handle this situation?

 

Many times when the woman has always faked but wants to stop, people suggest her gradually slowing down her orgasms to the point where she eventually learns or only does it when they are real. So far I have been pretty indirect about my approach. I tend to think telling her would break trust. I am hoping she will get the hint indirectly and will get to a point where she is comfortable being honest with me and to where we can explore our bodies and learn from each other (a concept I have definitley bought up to her).

 

Thoughts?

 

I am doing my best not to assume anything here though it is pretty obvious I do have a bias toward thinking she is faking it. While I admit that it is possible she is having a real orgasm, given the entirety of our experiences together so far, it is exceedingly difficult for me to find any sort of indicator leading me to think they are real.

[tylercdurden2004]

How would you handle this situation?

 

 

 

Give her one!

[J6hn]

Try different speeds/techniques.

She may achieve orgasms in different ways that previous women you've been with do.

Get to know her body and it'll pay off.

[Locke2121]

Improving your techniques can't hurt.

 

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[BellaDonna]

I think you need to be honest, yet gentle in the way you approach this. Don't come rght out and accuse her of faking it...because it could lead to her getting defensive or embarrassed. But maybe you could say something along the lines of "Is there anything I can do better?" "What do you like?" etc.

 

You could read all of the articles in the world but she may not fall into any of them. There are a lot of differences in what makes women tick.

 

Prior to this, she has mentioned that she doesn't orgasm very easily (a vibrator works fine from what I understand though).

 

 

You may want to think about incorporating a toy into the mix if you are both comfortable with it.

 

BellaDonna

[Locke2121]

You may want to think about incorporating a toy into the mix if you are both comfortable with it.

 

WOOHOO! Naughty shopping trip!

[Cardinal]

Keep in mind I have been in bed with her no more than about 2-3 hours in aggregate over a two day period. That is the full extent of our sexual experience together.

 

I am glad some of you brought up the technique issue. She doesn't have as much experience receiving oral as I do giving it (she wasn't aware of the need to trim/shave or to wash all the soap off afterwards). She did get some pleasure from it prior to her fake orgasm, that is for sure. Her technique consists of basically moving her hips in a very haphazard and completely unpredictable albeit rapid manner. In that situation, I improvised by using either a flat, soft wide tongue or a pointed tongue. It was difficult to maintain contact at times. I pretty much stayed still while she moved. There was very little in the way of licking that I was able to do past that point. On our second attempt at cunnilingus, I am fairly certain that I did not maintain the right sort of contact with her clit. The timing was completely off and there was no buildup whatsoever.

 

As long as she is willing, I am fully confident in my ability to help her achieve orgasm. Between the two of us, I have a few little bullet vibes, a bigger massage unit, and she has some vibes and dildos. I also suspect I can help her reach a gspot orgasm using manual stimulation. Part of the problem for me is that watching her fake orgasms takes some of the fun out of our experience together. In a lot of ways it is a big let down. It is also not fun to know that she already has it in her mind that she is going to fake an orgasm. As far as I can tell, I haven't given her any indication that I have an ego or that my pleasure is somehow dependent on her ability to orgasm. Nor have I done anything to discourage her from orgasming. Further, I find it odd that she can be so brazen as to fake an orgasm through oral with so little experience on the receiving end of things. That is the hardest way to fake since you are right there to notice all the signs! I have definitely read some good info on cunnilingus techniques (3 books and have used several websites/forums with excellent info and suggestions). There are many things I'd like to explore and try with her. I have also been fortunate enough to sleep with women who knew their bodies inside and out and were fully willing to teach me how to bring them to orgasm orally. I learned more from experience than from anything else. It made all the reading I had done make sense.

 

Bella Donna I am definitely concerned that a direct approach won't produce good results. I very much think she will get defensive and embarrassed. It wouldn't surprise me if she lied about it directly if I confront her directly. Perhaps a good approach is to ease off the oral for awhile and use it mainly as a quick part of foreplay. We haven't had actual intercourse. I know I can do a lot also with manual stimulation of her gspot also.

 

I'll definitely let you all know how this weekend goes. I am very curious to see what sort of behavior she exhibits when we have actual sex and when I try different techniques. I suspect she will fake an orgasm, but I am going to try my darndest not to assume anything and come at it with a clear open mind and just enjoy myself. In short, I know I can sit on this a week or two and learn a lot more.

[BrokenHeart82]

Wow, i think maybe you should just come out and inform her that you are the world expert on female orgasms..that should shake her up!

 

Sorry for the sarcasm but I am actually annoyed by your post "she didnt know to shave or trim" guess what? Some people dont! I do btw, that is beside the point.

 

Every woman is different...some are loud and thrashing about when they orgasm..with lots and lots of build up. Others barely make a peep until they orgasm and then all you know what breaks loose! Unless you have tongued every woman in the world, you DO NOT know as much as you apparently THINk ya do!

 

I tend to be pretty loud during sex, oral, manual stimulation..even when im not close to orgasm...because it FEELS GOOD. Ive had one guy in the past say to me that he couldnt tell when i came because i was always loud..well boo hoo for him...im supposed to be a mime unless im cummin?

 

DOnt worry about what the other women have done..but if you are truly concerned about her then maybe gently ask afterwards (preferably out of the bedroom) if she was satisfied...what techniques felt best to her, etc, etc....

 

Trust me, shes going to eventually notice your scrutiny even if it is silent (with no buildup lol sorry couldnt resist)

[Locke2121]

You know....have you ever tried to manually excite her g-spot? I honestly don't think any women, if the is properly done, who could fake it! I've actually heard of women who are limp and unresponsive for half an hour after this!

 

I honestly think something that can be as earth-shattering as that would really start to bring her around a bit.

[sophie274]

I have to admit I sort of agree with BrokenHeart. The sexual activities you and she are starting are individual to your relationship - and I think you should approach them that way, rather than from the basis of your past experiences and relationships. Do you know she's less experienced that you? If you are just assuming on the basis of her pubic grooming, I think that's a huge assumption, just as I think the assumption that you are making in regards to her faking is massive.

 

I agree with BellaDonna that you could ask her what she would like, what you could do to improve, etc ... I would not tell her that you think she is faking - if I were in the situation, I would find that question extremely offensive if I was not!

[Cardinal]

God may have created me. Someone else may have made me. But whoever put my bony butt together forgot to include a very big ego. I am however, doing my best to learn not to make assumptions. I am not much of an expert on anything. It is true that many women fake orgasms. It is also true that a fair number admit to doing it, sometimes all the time.

 

So in the interest of being unbiased, I definitely do not assume her orgasms are real. Neither do I assume they are fake. All I have to go on now is very limited information. By taking more time, observing and learning, I will likely increase my certainly one way or the other. I am also not the curious type that has to know in the next ten minutes for sure if these first two orgasms were real or not.

 

The only person in this world who can know if her first two orgasms were real is her and her alone.

 

For the record, I am fully aware that many people do not shave or trim before performing oral sex. Many don't shower either. And I 100% agree that is beside the point. There is no need to ask her outside the bedroom. She claimed and stated directly that she had an orgasm. So basically she either had an orgasm or lied about it directly.

 

I hope you understand that it is not possible to assume she did have an orgasm. I simply don't have any evidence that indicates what she experienced was real.

 

I definitely gently asked her what techniques felt best to her and very tactfully let her know that I wanted to do what is possible to make sure she experienced as much pleasure as she can. I mean that and am very much a giver in the bedroom. That will always be my focus. And if it appears as scrutiny, then so be it.

[Cardinal]

You know....have you ever tried to manually excite her g-spot? I honestly don't think any women, if the is properly done, who could fake it! I've actually heard of women who are limp and unresponsive for half an hour after this!

 

I honestly think something that can be as earth-shattering as that would really start to bring her around a bit.

 

We worked with that very briefly last night. I found her gspot fairly quickly and gentle stimulation started to feel pretty good to her. Then she felt the need to pee which we both agreed was a good sign that we had found the right area. However, she wasn't interested in continuing for fear of actually peeing.Next time I will do the usual and suggest she go before we start the gspot if she still has the fear of peeing.

 

I also think a really good gspot orgasm is probably the way to go with it next. I am not going to pressure her but if I let her know that stimulating her like that really turns me on, I doubt she will have any problems letting me have fun down there.

[Cardinal]

Do you know she's less experienced that you? If you are just assuming on the basis of her pubic grooming, I think that's a huge assumption, just as I think the assumption that you are making in regards to her faking is massive.

 

I agree with BellaDonna that you could ask her what she would like, what you could do to improve, etc ... I would not tell her that you think she is faking - if I were in the situation, I would find that question extremely offensive if I was not!

 

She specifically stated that she hasn't had oral sex performed on her very much in her life and that she is 'inexperienced' with it (her words). I know coming out and stating that I think she may be faking is a massive assumption. But given the experience I have had with her thus far, I think it would be an equally massive assumption to state that what she is experiencing is real. More time for observation, learning, exploring, etc etc is very definitely needed.

 

Do you agree?

 

I am not expecting my current g/f to have orgasms like my other g/f's have in the past. But it would be crazy not to suspect some similarities! There is no sensitivity at all afterwards. No increase in fluid at all. No flushing at all. Funky timing. No pulsation at all after the orgasm. No goose bump. No shaking or obvious weakness afterwards. Makes me at least start to question things. So far she has also been unwilling to give me any details on how she achieves orgasm or what the orgasms are like for her. I am more than willing to wait though and give her a chance to let me in on how her body works. it will take time.

 

There are several good reasons why she might have faked the first couple of times. All heresay, but the pieces do fit together.

[Locke2121]

However, she wasn't interested in continuing for fear of actually peeing.Next time I will do the usual and suggest she go before we start the gspot if she still has the fear of peeing.

 

Good idea....it will ease her fear and let her enjoy it! And that sensation is perfectly normal.

[sophie274]

I can see both sides of the coin. It sounds like to me like she is quite shy - which could be making her hold back in her expression of pleasure. Also I have found that if you are nervous, your orgasms will be less intense, so ...

 

I do retract what I said earlier - I think your approach sounds healthy, and not all that presumptuous at all. Sorry for the misinterpretation! One last idea: maybe your expectations for the sex are making her nervous? Could she be faking because she thinks you expect an orgasm and she wants to perform? I would try not to emphasize her inexperience vs. your experience too much - I imagine it would be a source of stress/worry for her.

[zerohalo]

And that sensation is perfectly normal.

Matter of fact, it could even indicate that she could squirt. It's a totally normal feeling, and there's pretty much no chance that she'll actually pee.

[Grosse vache]

My god, you make it sound like a military operation. I never thought I was a prude but i find the whole guy going down on a girl thing so unbelievably uncomfortable. The two times I let it happen (and both times I had to get drunk beforehand) I just felt completely uncomfortable and ewwwww.

 

Sorry, no advice but there you go.

[MrCrazy2u]

Matter of fact, it could even indicate that she could squirt. It's a totally normal feeling, and there's pretty much no chance that she'll actually pee.

 

Lol I wouldn't say "NO" chance

[Cardinal]

One last idea: maybe your expectations for the sex are making her nervous? Could she be faking because she thinks you expect an orgasm and she wants to perform?

 

I think this is very possible. I did what I could to let her know that everything I did was enjoyable to me (trying not to put any pressure on her). Long before this I also let her know that it was very normal for a woman not to be able to orgasm easily and that I too have problems orgasming sometimes. Nothing to feel bad about.

 

But I do think she pretty much misinterpreted what I was doing. She perhaps linked my alacrity and willingness to give her oral to an expectation to achieve an orgasm. She may have assumed I am largely reward driven, with the reward being orgasm. I don't think she yet understands that it can be pleasurable for both of us and can go on for quite awhile even if she doesn't achieve orgasm. So after some time, when I didn't stop pleasuring her down there and 'give up', she may have felt the need to fake an orgasm fearing the consequences if she didn't. Definitely NOT my intention, but I think that is what happened both times if I had to make a guess. I tend to very much lose track of time down there but I'd say I was going for maybe 10-20 minutes the first time. I was too happy to care =D

 

My g/f already has a tough time believing that I give her massages purely b/c I like to please her physically and emotionally. She is very happy with me and wants everything to go well. wrt to experience, I think she got the impression that I have more experience than I actually do. I think we cleared that up briefly last night though. I definitely will take your advice and won't focus on the experience aspect though overall in the bedroom we may be pretty much on par. It would make me nervous if a more experienced partner kept focusing on that aspect!

[Cardinal]

My god, you make it sound like a military operation. I never thought I was a prude but i find the whole guy going down on a girl thing so unbelievably uncomfortable. The two times I let it happen (and both times I had to get drunk beforehand) I just felt completely uncomfortable and ewwwww.

 

Sorry, no advice but there you go.

 

She was definitely nervous but not b/c I went down on her. She was tight and sex would have hurt her pretty bad that night I think. One finger worked okay for the first few inches but when she wanted to try two, she couldn't take it. It was just too tight.

 

Nerves definitely play a role. Oral is one of the few things I can do when with a new partner that doesn't make me nervous. You and I have so very different views. I feel nothing but pure pleasure going down on a woman. I could stay down there all day if she let me. When you are with someone who truly loves to do it, it is tough to justify being uncomfortable given time!

[Cardinal]

Lol I wouldn't say "NO" chance

 

I think it would be pretty hot actually if she squirted. Come to think of it, if she peed, that could be pretty hot too. I definitely don't mind that there is a chance....kind of looking forward to the possibility.

[applepie]

I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I've been a bit of a faker on quite a number of occasions. Mostly it comes down to the fact that the guy is determined to give me an orgasm when I can't have one that way. Even if I tell them that, they persist until I just want them to stop, so I fake it.

 

I have actually been accused of faking at times where I was not. I'm rather quiet and I don't get earth shattering shakes, nor do I scream at the top of my lungs. I'm totally subdued, from what it seems compared to other women. I find that this is the only way I can achieve an orgasm when I'm with someone else. I really need to concentrate, but apparently this causes men to believe that I'm faking. Needless to say, this type of accusation doesn't get taken lightly. I find it deeply offensive (when they're real) and it makes me not want to sleep with them again because there is no way I could let go after them saying that. If they accused me of faking when I actually was, I wouldn't be offended, just highly embarrassed.

 

Anyway, you suggested that she would be open to using some toys. I think this would be your best bet at this stage. I'm sure that will help her show you what she likes. She might just be the type that can't orgasm from oral sex and needs some extra buzz. Don't mention the faking, just try different things and see what really works for her.

[EvaGina]

I have faked, plenty of times

NEVER with someone I was planning on doing anything long-term with tho.

OP, she probably doesnt want to insult you by saying that you cant make her cum with your techniques, and she is probably too shy to tell you what she wants... its Hdifficult to go "up a bit" or "not so hard" during the act!

 

Tell her you know she has been faking (in a nice way) and that you arent angry, you just want her to be comfortable iwth you.

 

Another option, be AMAZINGLY open and dirty around her, when she realises she can say/do whatever she wants, she will

[Cardinal]

Even if I tell them that, they persist until I just want them to stop, so I fake it.

 

applepie Interesting comparison. If a guy correctly assesses that you have faked, you get embarrassed. You get to the point of not wanting to sleep with him if it is real however and he blunders by coming to the wrong conclusion. I tend to think my g/f might react similarly, hence why I don't think I will put any direct questions to her. I am patient and I need a lot more time with her anyway. Even assuming she is faking, she may get to the point where she doesn't feel she needs to. That is what I am aiming for anyhow.

 

In any event, applepie. As long as you have time to explain to your partner how your orgasm works and he is patient enough and a good listener, there should be no need for accusations. And if he wasn't so persistent or you were a bit more directive in some ways (like speaking up when it gets boring) you might not even need to bother with faking or wouldn't need to do it often at all.

 

OP, she probably doesnt want to insult you by saying that you cant make her cum with your techniques, and she is probably too shy to tell you what she wants... its Hdifficult to go "up a bit" or "not so hard" during the act!

 

I suspect this is another way of interpreting what she is doing and likely quite accurate. One difference between she and I is that I think she expects to go from nothing to everything in one night. It happens to take me time to get comfortable with a new partner and I simply don't have expectations for the first time or even the first several times I have sex with a woman. She very definitely did and does. I think it is hard for her to understand me in some ways given our very different approach to first times.

 

She literally went from nothing more than light pecks on the lips and massages (me giving her massages) to wanting to do full out intercourse in one night. That will make a lot of people nervous, hehe.

[Karhu]

So basically she either had an orgasm or lied about it directly.

 

I hope you understand that it is not possible to assume she did have an orgasm. I simply don't have any evidence that indicates what she experienced was real.

 

 

I know coming out and stating that I think she may be faking is a massive assumption. But given the experience I have had with her thus far, I think it would be an equally massive assumption to state that what she is experiencing is real.

 

So what you're saying is you don't trust your girlfriend?

 

You are supposed to trust your girlfriend for a relationship to work; if you don’t trust your girlfriend then the relationship is doomed. Irrespective of if some orgasms were real or fake.

 

Do you do the same when she goes to a club and talks to some guy, she says she’s not fooling around on you. Well with your reasoning it’s a big assumption that she was sleeping around on you, it’s an equally big assumption that she was faithful…. Here comes the doubt every day of your relationship. Then comes the break down of communication and distrust, then comes the barriers between you two, and then it’s all over.

 

Forget about if it’s real or fake. Please work on building bonds of closeness and communication instead of doubting things she says/does.

 

Please stop doubting your SO!!!!

just work on building a better relationship.