Incredibly Offended

[rose2summer]

I met a new guy and was interested in him and then he stopped talking to me. I was curious why and talked to his friend and his friend told me that one female student who happens to be a good friend of mine told him I am not a good catch in terms of attractiveness, so he listened to her and stopped pursuing me. I didn't believe she had said that and decided to confront her whereby she admitted to it.

 

Then I was also told another female student said that I am ugly. I don't even know this other student personally. Let me add this is professional school and I would think that gossip like this wouldn't exist at this stage in our lives.

 

My feelings are really hurt that people are judging me alone on looks, and being so biased and cruel. I have never dealt with a situation like this before and I am really disappointed.

 

I am very nice to everyone that I meet so I just find it very saddening and immature that professional students would be so catty especially one that I considered a close friend.

[Kalika]

Wow.. I'm sorry that happened to you.. You really are a very nice and caring person. You don't deserve that..

 

As for that girl that was your good friend.. Apparently, she wasn't!!

[Daddy Bear]

Rose, the people who are worth your time, and whose opinions you should take to heart, are not the ones who think on such a shallow level. I have no idea what you look like, but after reading your posts for many months I know what a truly wonderful woman you are. Surround yourself with the kind of people who understand what's really important in this world - the kind who have the wisdom not to judge a book solely by its cover.

 

SB

[Creamybutter]

Oh my god! Cant believe adults are like that! which part of the world are you at?? Im sorry you had to go through that, people can be incredibly shallow, insensitive and just plain horrible.

 

And the fact that he actually listened to her, makes him no less.

I'm sure you're beautiful in your own way, so please dont let such rubbish people affect your self esteem or self worth.

 

As for the close friend, well now you know better, and as for the guy, just ignore him back. You deserve much much better.

[Dako]

So this guy needed someone to tell him who to find attractive?

What an absolute idiot.

[annie24]

Oh rose, I am so sorry to hear about this!!! ((((HUGS))))) if it is any consollation, I had somewhat similar experiences when I came to grad school. I thought that people would be above this sort of stupid drama, but OH NO!!!!! it's like it's even worse! there's a lot of jealousy and competition and it is just plain stupid. I have seen photos of you and you are GORGEOUS! seriously, I am not saying that to make you feel better or whatever, simply because it is the truth. You can't tell me you don't notice mens' heads turning whenever you walk down the street.

 

It sounds to me like this girl is very jealous of you and is trying to make you feel bad. Think about it - would she actuall go up to a genuinely ugly woman and tell her that she is ugly? doubtful. And as for your guy friend, if that is the reason he stopped talking to you, he is a MORON. you should be glad to have him out of your life. If he needs to be told whether a woman is attractive or not, um, is he smart enough to suceed in his professional career?

 

When I encountered issues such as these, I decided to make friends with people outside of my program, and interact with them only during school, in a professional context, and I think that was a good decision. If you can, try to find some new friends, outside of your program. they are just enjoying gossip, it is lame and worrying you and you really don't need that. I've heard others in law school have similar complaints. it really is high school all over again.

 

And go read DN's signature! "nil carborundum illegitimi" Roughly translated, "Don't let the bastards get you down."

 

(((HUGS))))

[rose2summer]

Thanks everyone so much for responding.

Your comments made me feel so much better, because I felt so offended at hearing all these things. It was really quite painful.

I wish I could have friends outside my program, but unfortunately we are isolated here and the only people I can interact with are my fellow students, and they are so caught up on how they are going to make 6 digit salaries and how great they are.

We are in constant close proximity so I just get to hear their lovely comments. I am trying so hard to be as nice as I can to them despite their opinions, but it's really quite difficult.

I just am trying to stay focused on school and ignore the drama but it's really too much.

A great deal of the people that I know who came into the program have a bf or gf back home, and they have slept with 5+ people here while keeping their significant other back home unknowing of what's going on. It really is very disheartening and I refuse to be a part of that.

[annie24]

if it is at all possible, I definitely suggest meeting new people. what about going to church and meeting some of the locals? I think you'd be better off befriending some 40 something women rather than putting up with your classmates for the next 4 years.

 

here is the thing about professional school - all of those people were towards the top of their class in undergrad, and now that they are all together, not everyone can still be #1. so they are going to try to take down others however they can. i fear that it would be like this no matter where you went to school. I don't think it is just your university. Things may calm down after your 1st year. Hopefully people will become more focused on school and less on gossip.

[hosswhispra]

That was extremely rude of those girls! You are certainly not ugly, rose. Those girls are probably really jealous of you.

 

Professional school is veiled in competition (as I recall from my own personal experience). Competition gets the best of people and their manners at times.

 

Hang in there,

hosswhispra

[arwen]

Ugh, the Green-Eyed Monster showed its ugliness... I am sorry rose, what a strange thing to have happened. All I can think of really is that the girls are insanely jealous of you. You are gorgeous and smart. I don't know, this kind of thing happened to me at my first job, where I was younger, taller, slimmer and higher educated than all of my colleagues. They shut me out from the first day. Just don't let it get the better of you, be strong, smile and ignore this ugly kind of behaviour. You're better than that

 

After all, a guy that listens to this kind of advise... is not worth your time either

 

HUGS!!!

 

Arwen (aka ilse )

[Honey Pumpkin]

I met a new guy and was interested in him and then he stopped talking to me. I was curious why and talked to his friend and his friend told me that one female student who happens to be a good friend of mine told him I am not a good catch in terms of attractiveness, so he listened to her and stopped pursuing me. I didn't believe she had said that and decided to confront her whereby she admitted to it.

 

Oh my god. I don't know which of them is the worst - the vile 'good friend' who would talk about her friend like that. Ewww. Karma is definitely going to bite her on the (probably boil-ridden) bum. Hopefully quite soon. Definitely jealousy - did she want him for herself? That's such a weirdly horrible thing to do. Poor you.

 

And how gutless is he? Dear god. Talk about a lucky escape you had there - a man who would change his mind because of some catty comment? I can't think I would respect any bloke who did that under any circumstances. What a twit.

 

Drop them both - I don't know what it's about, I suspect it's a combination of nastiness, jealousy, her wanting him, and his sheer, jaw dropping gutlessness.

[rose2summer]

Well, I told her that I was interested in him, she made that comment soon thereafter, and then they slept together. So how did I feel, betrayed beyond belief.

 

But I thought it was a one time event until this other woman made a comment and then I was really offended.

 

Then she gets mad at me for talking to him, yet I was interested in him first, and she slept with him. What an all around great situation. It makes me wonder about this. He then was upset when she slept with 4 guys after him within 1 week and she has a boyfriend back home. Too much drama.

 

And she also added that I am short, when I am 5'5", which I thought was average. When I confronted her she admitted it and laughed and told me that she wouldn't be offended if someone said that about her because if she was ugly she would accept it.

[annie24]

oh wow, she is just plain evil. both of them. forget them.

 

seriously, I cannot stress this enough. you are NOT NOT NOT ugly! by any stretch of the imagination or by anyone's standards. You are totally beautiful, and perfect body. I think you are totally lovely, so anyone saying that you are ugly is only saying that to hurt you, not because it is the truth, because it isn't. My guess is that she has some really good radar, to find a person's weak spots and jump all over those, and now is a good time in your life to learn to just let it slip off your back. don't talk to either of them again, and the guy is a complete bonehead.

[hosswhispra]

Well, I told her that I was interested in him, she made that comment soon thereafter, and then they slept together. So how did I feel, betrayed beyond belief.

 

But I thought it was a one time event until this other woman made a comment and then I was really offended.

 

Then she gets mad at me for talking to him, yet I was interested in him first, and she slept with him. What an all around great situation. It makes me wonder about this. He then was upset when she slept with 4 guys after him within 1 week and she has a boyfriend back home. Too much drama.

 

 

rose- the 'him' in question sounds like a 'loser' to me. You're certainly not missing out on much, in my opinion.

[shikashika]

Those people sound like idiots..

and the guy does too... who needs someone else to tell them what they find attractive or not.. Everyone has different tastes

 

My best friends boyf is a skinny dweeb.. but she thinks he's sexy.. i thought my ex was incredibly attractive, but my friend thought he had too many muscles..

 

either way, she's not going to listen to me about my opinon of her boyfriends attractiveness. and i'm not going to listen to her..

 

Sounds like you are better off without those losers!

[rose2summer]

Thanks so much everyone. It really means a great deal to me so get so many loving and caring responses.

 

I am trying so hard to stay focused but my feelings are clearly very hurt.

 

I am trying to keep a straight face in the library, but it's hard.

 

I wish I didn't have this added stress of cruel classmates in addition to my 18hrs of studying per day.

 

I know I should just let it slide off and ignore it, but whenever criticism arises, I think it's hard not to take it to heart slightly.

 

I just have never faced a situation quite like this one, especially from grown adults who are going into a profession to help others.

[CarterJonas]

Sorry to judge your friend but from what you say above she has some serious problems.

[RayKay]

I am in a professional program as well, and I can say there are plenty of people there whom bring the same high school drama with them I remember from high school! Heck my undergrad was not even so bad!

 

These are people whom are supposed to serve the community in the future, and meanwhile they take pools on whom is going to sleep with who, and post about their drinking escapades in a place where future employers can see!

 

A few weeks into my program, a classmate started giving me evil eyes as she was interested in one of my classmates, whom always sat with me...I was like sheesh, he is all yours!

 

 

Don't stress about it. Whatever age someone is at, when they make comments like that, it reflects more on them than anything else. And the guy...well he was spineless and not worth your time if that is how he operates!

[annie24]

see rose? you, raykay, and I, we've all experienced the ridiculous drama of graduate education. a friend of mine, her classmates in the first year made bets on who would drop out first and my friend was voted "it." in fact, she recently graduated (she was among the first to graduate) and with accolades and landed a really great job. i am glad she didn't let the gossip get her down. many of those people who bet against her are still there and suffering.

[brando]

Hey ROse,

 

Sorry you have to experience this sort of behavoir, but it is all around us even in the professional business world. It is something i dont think any of us can fully escape, it is human nature.

 

What really mattes is how you feel and view yourself. I understand your felings were hurt, but I also know you do not truly value other peoples opinions that highly, especially when they are about you.

 

Perhaps you needd to see this to learn that this guy and this girl are the people you do not want surooundign you as friends.

 

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, I believe Elanor Roosevelt said that.

 

Be well Rosie,

 

Brando.

[shikashika]

yeah rose.. its not jut in grad school.. but at work i work with people who bring in brownies and say "lets give one to her but not to her because she does this or that. bla bla bla!'

 

ugh... and I thought grade 8 was bad!

[4answers]

So this guy needed someone to tell him who to find attractive?

What an absolute idiot.

 

Hi Rose

 

I am sorry i dont understand ! The guy does not know if he finds you atractive but he did, now he doesnt !

 

Solution: write to his Mum and ask if he is allowed out to play, as long as you have him in before 10. lol.

 

Sounds like this girl fancied him and slaged you off, so she can be with him. Harsh when this happens, but the loss is his. If she can do this now, imagine if you were engaged or married to A Guy, not just this guy !

 

Bloody lucky ascape with this false friend !

[ghost69]

they probably had some other motives with the guy maybe. for themselves. jealousy happens at every age.

[Altruist]

Here now, come and get some hugs

 

 

 

 

Don't worry, that guy doen't deserve you if he was silly enought to lsten to your 'friend''s vitriolic words. You are a great person and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.

[ghost69]

this behind the backstabbing is little kid stuff. forget all of them.