Birth Story - BornToResist

[arwen]

Hey sweetie,

 

Congratz with your beautiful little one... and hugs for your difficult time which makes this a bittersweet experience. I hope that soon, things will be resolved. You can always come here, you know you have a tight circle of friends here, right?

 

Hugs,

 

Arwen (ilse)

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

benjamin is my cousin's name who ended up playing college football and baseball! good luck with all!

[charley]

Congratulations!

[BornToResist]

Thank you SO much you guys!!!!

 

Things have been so great these past couple days. I have spent a lot of time scared out of my mind because I have no idea what the future holds...but when I think about it logically, I know there's not much for me to stress over.

 

Once we get the rules defined by the courts, everything will be fine. The only thing that stresses me out is R. I'm always nervous that he'll show up or call. But I was told that if he does, call the cops.

 

My soon to be sister in law has been through this before and offered financial help for as long as I need it for a lawyer. R's mother is loaded with cash, but my new sister in law is too apparently. She said if anything, we can "run him out of money..." I feel so lucky to have such a great family around me.

 

It's hard to have a newborn (obviously) but I have a few people here that are more than willing to help me out. They let me get caught up on my sleep and everything...they're so great.

 

Anyways. Life will be great.

[Hope75]

Hey BTR,

 

You have the right idea. You just have to be consistant. What I mean by that is if sometimes you are calling R and inviting him over, and other times you are calling the cops when he shows up- a judge won't understand why and will find your actions very inconsistant.

 

Right now R is just giving you trouble and I think until you see a judge to determine paternity and work out custodial rights, you should keep away from R and do call the cops if he shows up- but you need to file a restraining order first- they won't just pick him up for showing up and knocking on your door.

 

Hope you are enjoying your first days with Baby Benjamin!

[snowgirl]

Congratulations, BTR!

I am so happy for you and your beautiful baby! And what a great big boy he is!

I am sorry that your ex is a drama queen, and that he is making this all about him. It puts a cloud over the joy of Benjamin's arrival. I hope he realizes that and leaves you alone.

[rocio]

Congratulations! I'm sorry it hurt so much ( sorry for you and for me !! ) but I'm glad you got a beautiful, healthy boy. It sounds like, despite the challenges surrounding the birth, you were still able to bond with your son and that's the most important part.

 

R is not acting rationally or intellegently, and that is another bonus on your side. You have your head on straight and he clearly doesn't. In the end, his antics are going to be his weakness - and your ability to rise above that crap will be your strength.

[Dilly]

Hey BTR,

 

You have the right idea. You just have to be consistant. What I mean by that is if sometimes you are calling R and inviting him over, and other times you are calling the cops when he shows up- a judge won't understand why and will find your actions very inconsistant.

 

Right now R is just giving you trouble and I think until you see a judge to determine paternity and work out custodial rights, you should keep away from R and do call the cops if he shows up- but you need to file a restraining order first- they won't just pick him up for showing up and knocking on your door.

 

Hope you are enjoying your first days with Baby Benjamin!

 

BTR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO So happy for you!!!

 

I agree with Hope. Time to let the authorities take over. Be consistent and focus all your attention on this little Benjamin!!! Love the name!!!

[Ash]

Wow, wonderful to hear about Benjamin. I'm very happy for you mom!

 

Too bad about the negatives ...

 

But focus on enjoyng the first (and every!) little bit of your son's life. I know you'll be the best mother in the world to him and that's what's important right now.

[scarew]

BTR! CONGRATS!

 

I am sorry I haven't been responding to quickly I have to use the computer at school now (puter at home crashed).

 

I am SO happy you had such a healthy boy and Benjamin is a beautiful name. Thats a big baby! Good for you for getting him out!

 

Remember that R is dillusional because he does drugs. He will never have his head on straight unless he is sober for like a year. Why in the hell would you give Benjamin his last name?????? That makes no sense, whatsoever. It's absurd! He says that's depriving him of being a father???? HOW SEXIST IS THAT? Thats like you saying that giving him R's last name would deprive you of your motherhood!

 

You are the one who will be responsible for this baby. For god's sakes don't let R or his crazy mother sucker you into giving this child their last name.

 

If things get better in the future, you can always change it to R's name if he proves himself a worthy father. Until then, he has done nothing to show that. So screw him. What an irrational man (boy).

 

Again BTR, I am so proud of you, you have come such a long way. Keep that good head on your shoulders, you will be an awesome mother!

[BornToResist]

OKAY Hi guys!! It's so great to be getting such positive feedback from everyone!

 

I changed his name though.......I just couldn't call him Benjamin. I love that name, but I just couldn't say it. It's the weirdest thing. So I guess it was a little premature to come online and announce it. But I named him Daniel James. I'll probably delete this a little later because I don't want anyone ® finding this site and linking me to it.

 

So.......I'm so in love guys. And healing is the ultimate worst! I'm still SO sore, I still can't sit right (they didn't give me an episiotomy, they let me tear) and my milk is coming in, and nobody tells you ultimately painful THAT is. All for a good cause though!

 

I talked to R briefly on the phone today for the first time. I told him I named him Daniel and he asked about what last name I gave him. I didn't answer him. He said he's not going to get upset about it anymore. He said he loved me again and he knows he hasn't shown it and he'd like both of us to have his last names. (nice guy again!) I didn't say much. He started his new job today and told me it pays way more money than he thought so this kid is covered financially. He said he wants to see us both more often, and all I said was I hoped we could work something out for the sake of this child. I can't be a very good mother when I'm stressed out and worried someone is going to try to take my baby. *sigh*

 

Pregnancy was so much different. I cared about R, you know? I tried to make things work and I cared about him until the very, very end. But once I looked into this beautiful boy's eyes, I'd do anything for him. R doesn't matter anymore. At all. It's the weirdest thing.

 

So I flip-flop all the time from being extremely happy to crying my eyes out. They told me it's normal, and the more stress you're under during pregnancy increases the chances for post-partum depression. So I'm going to wait a little while until my hormones calm down a little, but I might have to see about medication.

 

Anyways, I'm a mommy and it's the greatest but most natural feeling ever. He is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.

[jengh]

wow, im sooo glad your baby is doing well. i'm so happy for you.

what a wonderful, strong name too. I love it.

As for what you're doing through with his father, I am truly sorry. He sounds so toxic. Everything will work out in the end

[BornToResist]

Thank you so much!

 

It's strange because I haven't been the most religious person for years, but lately I'm keeping the idea that you're not given more than you can handle. You know? Whatever I'm brought to is hard for me, but so many people have been through SO much more. And in the end, I'm going to be stronger for it. While it's hard right now and I don't really understand just WHY it's happening this way, I'll survive. Everything is going to be great.

 

Nothing can keep me down. My life has meaning finally!

[jengh]

"Nothing can keep me down. My life has meaning finally!"

 

I think those 2 sentences just made my day

 

I know what you mean about the religion part... it seems like, though things are INSANELY hard, they're still manageable... I don't really know how to explain what i'm thinking but I know exactly what you're talking about

[ReadyorNot]

Congrats!!!!!

[Hope75]

Hey BTR,

 

What you are feeling is totally normal, and to be expected. But you are thinking along the right lines... it's all about you and Daniel now!

 

As for your breasts being sore.... are you breastfeeding? If so, a supportive bra worn at all times will help, and, taking a warm shower and letting the warm water fall over your breasts will help relieve some of the pain, as well as Tylenol. If you are not breastfeeding, a tight fitting bra, ice packs, and NO stimulation (which will keep the milk coming- so turn your back to the warm shower and don't let the water fall on your breasts) will help with the pain until engorgement subsides.

 

A sitz bath is a great thing to use for your tearing.. and make sure you use the peri-bottle they gave you each time you use the bathroom to keep the area clean, and pat it dry gently. You may even be able to pick up a numbing spray to help soothe the area.

 

Hope this helps a bit with the physical pain...

 

As for the rest- you are doing great and taking it in stride! Don't let R stress you out or bully you in any way- this is all about you and your son now!

[Ash]

It sounds like you are breast feeding which is great. I'm glad to hear that. That's good for the baby. With our last baby we had to supplement with formula as well which worked out fine in the end. My partner didn't quite produce enough milk but she didn't give in and switch to just formula.

 

The ups and downs after birth can be quite marked. Don't let it get you too down when you're feeling blue, hopefully that will all soon pass.

[Dilly]

I agree with everything. COngrats on the name change!! I am glad you are going with your own feelings on this! You're right - everything you have before you is no more than you can handle. You are a strong, strong person and I admire your courage!!! You are heroic in many ways, BTR! I know these hormones can trip you up (they are hell to deal with), but keep in mind, it will pass and you will be your normal self again soon, only more enriched and wiser for the wear. I am very, very proud!!!

[redrose85]

Oh shoot this is late. Congratations! I'm sorry R is being such a dork (to put it mildly) but it is so great to hear how much it doesn't matter to you anymore! You are going to be such a wonderful Mom!

[afonselaca]

Congratulations! Smell that baby hair every chance you get. They grow so fast, the baby stage doesn't last long enough IMO.

[Scout]

My congrats is a bit late, but heartfelt all the same, BTR! I'm so happy for you, and little Daniel sounds like a gorgeous baby!

 

However, your description of the pain of labor is making me whimper in fear. Gulp!

[BornToResist]

My congrats is a bit late, but heartfelt all the same, BTR! I'm so happy for you, and little Daniel sounds like a gorgeous baby!

 

However, your description of the pain of labor is making me whimper in fear. Gulp!

 

Haha yeah it's painful, but I already know I'm not done having children, so it really isn't that bad.

 

I had them set up a mirror so I could see everything, and it really helped for me. I know it probably sounds weird to some, but when the pain got really bad, I could look and actually SEE the progress and watch him enter the world.

 

Plus, when you think you can't possibly take any more, you're done and they put the most beautiful thing into your arms and you completely forget everything negative.

 

[BornToResist]

I just wanted to update a little.

 

I FINALLY saw a lawyer. He put my mind at ease a whole lot.

 

R's been bullying me a little bit about the last name...he wants the baby to have his last name, and the lawyer didn't really seem to act like that mattered though. But he has my last name.

 

He also told me that I'm in the driver's seat. He said I have all the cards and the only thing R can get (even if he was being really good) is a couple hours of visitation a week, and I wouldn't have to leave the baby with him. The courts would re-evaluate in a year or so and maybe give him one overnight, depending on how mature the baby is and if he has his own room and whatnot.

 

So what he suggested I do is go to a state office and say that yes, he is the father and get child support started. If R acts up, I'm not going to be afraid to call the cops and get a restraining order set up.

 

I'm not scared (as much) anymore.

[Hope75]

Hey BTR,

 

So glad that you talked to a lawyer! I'm very pleased with what he had to say. He's so right that R hasn't proved anything and no judge is going to give him anything until and unless he's proven himself for a while first.... and Daniel so still so young and is very much in need of your care.

 

Let's see if R actually comes through with any child support first- something tells me he'll be ticked off about that and change his tune and demand that paternity test that he keeps flipping back and forth on at his convenience.

 

I'm glad things are going well for you and you are in love with your baby boy.

 

Don't let R bully you any more- your new knowledge is power!

 

You are the mama lion!image removed

[BornToResist]

Thanks Hope!

 

I feel SO much better. I keep getting everyone telling me their opinions and I know it's all because they love me and want what's best for me, but honestly it's been scaring me so much.

 

R did see the baby last week (one time since I've been home from the hospital) and it seemed okay because he brought his daughter, and that was kind of cool. But it's not going to happen again. He gave me forty bucks(for child support, wow) and my belated b-day present. Then he acts like we're so in love and everything AGAIN. So I haven't taken his calls for a couple days and have to once again let him know where we stand. *sigh* It's so tiring. Ever since then, he's been pushing the name thing on me and pressuring me to let his mother see the baby. All I said was we'll see...I wanted to talk to the lawyer first. I know saying anything will send him off into that mean-guy part of his oh too familiar cycles.

 

It's difficult dealing with all of this the first couple weeks after having a baby but I knew it wasn't going to be easy. You're right though, I'm mama lion and knowledge IS power.