This is my lie ...

[tanya70]

I've been dating the most amazing guy for three months now. We had known each other for about half a year prior to dating as we used to work together.

 

I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love with him, and I'm almost as sure he's in the same boat. Like I said, he is the most amazing person. Among the things I like most about him are his integrity and his honesty. I know he will always have my best interests at heart.

 

Here's what I've done.

 

When I took the aforementioned job, I lied on my resume about my education. During a conversation with my boss a couple of months in, I talked about this phantom education. My now boyfriend was within earshot the whole time.

 

Since we've dated, rather than tell him I just lied on my resume, I reinforced the lie. There have been two incidences now where I repeated it. I also had drinks with his best friend's wife last weekend and repeated it to her, too.

 

I'm not a pathological liar, and this is the only thing I've lied to him about. It's a big one, tho, and one that can easily be discovered, obviously.

 

I know that I have to sit him down and tell him what I've done before this goes any further. I also have to tell the woman I lied to last weekend as well. What a mess I've made!

 

I'm so scared of losing him over this. I know he will probably have trouble trusting me again, and will question everything I've told him so far.

 

Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement before I put my relationship on the line? I'm crying as I type this, I'm so scared of losing him.

 

Thank you in advance.

[Creamybutter]

Hey,

 

Its okay, i dont think he'll take it that hard. He may feel like he doesnt know you or trust you for a while, but it'll all be back to normal in time.

 

But its best you sit him down and tell him the truth, and how bad you have been feeling about it.

 

You'll be fine in the long run, i promise.

 

good luck

[arwen]

Hey tanya,

 

Your guy sounds like a great guy, and I think he will appreciate that you tell him what you did sooner than later. Why not first find out WHY you did come up with a phantom education in the first place? Are you insecure because of your real education? If so, you can use that as a starting point. Start like "I need to tell you something that embarrasses me to a great extent and which I really regret I let myself do." Then tell him what happened and the reason you think it did.

 

I think that getting it out in the open will relieve you a lot!

 

Arwen

[HellFrost666]

Yes, you lied, but it's not like you lied to impress him or to directly decieve him. You lied for a job. You think you are the only one who has ever done that? Most resume's are at least embellished.

 

I know somone who is litterally a Rocket Scientist. Shw works on projects for the space program, and makes well over 100k a year. She told them on her resume that she had two years of Aerospace engineering expirience. You know what that "expirience" was? She had a job where she was given a list of locations to look up on GoogleEarth and print out the photos, then re scan them and ad some text to them. She did this every day for two years and now works as a Rocket Scientist based on that alone.

 

I am sorry to ramble so far off the subject here. Yes, you should tell him. But I am sure he will understand. You have to make a living. It isn't like you cheated on him. If he really loves you he will understand.

[itsallgrand]

So what exactly did you say that wasn't true? Did you add an entire college education, or embelish on the details?

 

I think you will be ok. Your guy will most likely understand. The lie has more to do with career than relationship.

 

You sure aren't the first one to lie to an employer but oh man! I am more worried about how this could affect your career than you relationship, honestly.

 

Why did you say it could be easily uncovered? Are you now fearing being discovered for some reason - why dish now?

 

That is a good question to prep yourself for a genuine answer to. He may want to know 'why tell me now? why not before?'.

 

And do you expect or want him to cover for you after he is let into the secret?

[Daddy Bear]

If he's really "amazing", he'll understand and forgive you, and will appreciate that you corrected the small mistake you made by lying about your education. Get it off your chest, and the sooner the better before it eats you alive.

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with SB, tell him the truth so you can get it off your conscience. And after that, stop lying. Lies have a bad habit of building on themselves and you dig a bigger and bigger hole, until you get to the point that no one knows who you TRULY are, including yourself.

[tanya70]

So what exactly did you say that wasn't true? Did you add an entire college education, or embelish on the details?

 

My resume includes and undergrad degree plus a college diploma. The college diploma is correct but the university education isn't. I did take a few courses via distance ed at a university for purely interest's sake, but that's it.

 

You sure aren't the first one to lie to an employer but oh man! I am more worried about how this could affect your career than you relationship, honestly.

 

I don't work there anymore, so it's no biggie.

 

Why did you say it could be easily uncovered? Are you now fearing being discovered for some reason - why dish now?

 

He could easily mention it casually to a friend of mine or member of my family, none of whom are under any impression I went to university.

 

 

I feel like such a jerk.

[Daddy Bear]

I feel like such a jerk.

You should! Nobody else on Earth has ever told a lie.

 

Seriously, though... stop beating yourself up and just fix it. You could sleep better this very night.

[renaissancewoman101]

You might have other things to worry about besides lying to your bf about your education. If you are listing incorrect information about your university education and your employer finds out, you can be summarily fired from your job because of your lying about your educational background.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Tell him! You will feel better, and you will be in charge of him finding out, rather than him finding out in a BIG crowd at a restaurant, when about twenty people are staring at you and saying 'no, tanya never went to university - why do you think that?'!!

 

Be in control of telling him - and just tell him the way you told us; no one here is judging you, are they? And to be honest, it makes you sound more honest than not in a weird way, that you are not prepared to keep lying about something. He might well respect you more for standing up and saying that you made a mistake, and for valuing him enough to tell him straight.

 

Honestly - bet he is cool with it!! Let us know how you get on WHEN YOU TELL HIM IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO!!!

 

Good luck.

[nomoretears4uboo]

Just, like everyone else said. here you lied because, you wanted a better job. He cant blame you or be mad at you for wanting to do something good for yourself. You say hes a great guy so I'm sure he'll undstand. So good luck =)

[CallingAllAngels]

Tanya...

 

As someone who has JUST been lied to, here's my advice:

 

You guys have only been together for 3 months, so it's still a new relationship.

 

Lying on your resume is NOT that HUGE of a deal. TO CONTINUE on with this lie is.

 

Tell him NOW, while it's still early. BELIEVE me when I say it will be much worse for him to find out "by accident" down the road.

 

I just found out my husband had an affair SIX YEARS ago. I would rather have known about it 3 months later, believe me.

 

Not equating what you did to the same thing as an affair. I would just tell him you "embelished" a bit on your resume. Lots of people do...doesn't make it right, but, I do NOT think this is going to cause an end to your relationship.

 

What would be worse, is for you to NOT tell him, and have him find out 3 years from now.

 

Go with your heart hon...let me know how it works out. I bet it's not as bad as you think it will be.

 

My best to you...

Allie

[tanya70]

But what about the fact that I've lied to his best friend's wife, too? She asked where I studied my undergrad and so I immediately just assumed they had mentioned my education to one another at some point and went through with the lie. Now I have to sit her down and tell her the truth, too.

 

Won't that be a total embarrassment for him?

 

Thank you all so much for your advice so far. This is really helpful ... glad I registered here!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Nah, I think it'll be fine. Put it like this, the longer it goes on and the more lies you have to tell to keep it up, the worse you'll feel, until you just have to run away rather than face them!

 

Ask him what he wants to do - he might have a quiet word with his best friend, and ask them not to bring it up again. I don't think it's the big deal you think it is; just be upfront, say you did it for your job, and you've been feeling AWFUL ever since, and can't live with it on your conscience etc.

 

No matter what, you will feel so much better once you've fessed up, honest!

[itsallgrand]

Oh Tanya, good to hear your answers to my qs.

 

I feel even more strongly now that this is going to go well for you. He will understand.

 

You seem so genuinely sorry, and the lie isn't complicated.

 

Good luck. I'm betting he is going to be touched and get warmy melty feelings when he hears you tell him...because he will realize he is genuinely dealing with someone who takes the truth very seriously!

[tanya70]

The worst part of all of this ... he told me something that I KNOW had to be unbelievably hard for him to disclose. And this was maybe three weeks in. His doing so made me realise I was with someone I could trust implicitly; I think I fell in love with him right then and there.

 

And then there's me, lying about inconsequential stuff (he has one year of college and could likely care less what education I do or do not have). I do hope all of you are right and that he understands and doesn't dump me. But I can't blame him one bit if his trust in me is shattered.

[Gath]

I take since he was in earshot when you told the lie originally, that he works for the same company. So if you tell him the truth now, you're making him apart of the lie, an accomplice.

 

If you tell the company you lied, in all probablity they will fire you. Integrity has been a core value for every company I've worked for. Lieing to get hired would get you fired. I don't care what anyone else says in this regard.

 

In my opinion the only honorable thing you can do at this point, is resign your position, say it isn't working out or whatever. Perhaps list not wanting a personal relationship to get compromised by work. Do not disclose your previous embellishment, just resign. Fix your resume, but list the other company as a reference. Then tell your boyfriend the real reason you quit.

 

With a good employment reference, even for such a short period you should be able to find another job within the field, without having to lie.

 

As for your boyfriend, I would expect him to have some difficulty trusting you again, but the coming clean now and leaving the position you got through illegitame things is a respectable decision, and he should be able to forgive you. Or he probably isn't the person you think he is. Continueing to lie will only dig yourself deeper.

[Batya33]

My friend's husband lied to her about his education and then told her the truth three months in to their dating relationship. She was upset but got over it. For me it would be a dealbreaker because of my personal values and standards about material lies and in particular lies about level of education. I am glad you feel sorry about it and glad you are going to tell him - that is the right thing to do.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Nobody knows for sure how he will react to the disclosure. Also, the fact that you also lied to his best friend's wife might make him feel uncomfortable. Making up a University degree on a CV is not trivial. Lying on a CV is not a trivial matter. It may not have anything to do with your relationship per se, but if I found out that someone I was dating did that, I would no longer want to date them because I would question their integrity and character. I think what concerns me about all of this is that you are more concerned about the lie and how it will affect the relationship because you don't want to lose him, rather than on the fact that by lying about something that big, you are doing a disservice to yourself. Also, you say that it is no big deal with regards to the company since you don't work there anymore. That is not the point...the point is, you should feel badly for lying on your CV because it was the wrong thing to do and it is bad for your character...not simply because you don't want to lose someone. You have to have dignity and self-respect to do the right thing, not because you want to look good for someone else, but because you want to look good for yourself. Regardless of what happens with the relationship after disclosure, know that coming clean is the right thing to do.

[Rabican]

I think if your relationship is going to last at all, then it can last through this. If your bond isnt strong enough to handle you fibbing on your resume, even if he heard it, then you wont last anyways. Id just tell him, being that this lie doesnt really affect him he would probably appreciate the honesty and understand (at least I would).

[Batya33]

I have to say I disagree with this. A relationship can be very strong and a material lie or a betrayal can be a deal breaker if it radically changes the image you have of the person and what you believed that person's values to be. You can describe this as a "fib" on her resume - and that's fine - to someone like me, it would have multiple issues with me - first the original lie, then lying to me and my family, the fact that people like me who worked hard and spent thousands of dollars and years without income to get degrees - or whose family did, or friends did, or who believe in not getting someone else's job under false pretenses, etc etc probably do not want to see someone get a job by lying about getting a degree, and probably would be uncomfortable with the motivation for coming clean. I'd also wonder what else this person would lie about to do "something good for herself" as someone who posted on here said.

 

I don't mean to be harsh on the OP - I don't know all the circumstances behind the lie so I am answering only in general- but I disagree that her bf "should" be ok with this - he might be - and that's fine - but if he is not it is not necessarily because of a weakness in the relationship - it might simply be a dealbreaker for him, as it would be for me, particularly because the relationship is new, no kids are involved, etc.