Do you have the right to ask your partner to stop going to lap-dancing clubs?

[valiantv]

Inspired by the "Do you have right to ask your partner to stop looking at porn" post but taking it a step further...

 

What do you think (esp. the ladies) if your partner is going to lap-dancing clubs? (And getting lap-dances, of course).

[Baby Carrot]

I think he has the right to go lap dancing clubs, brothels, orgies, swing parties.

 

The same way I have the right to walk away and find someone else that is not into that.

[jsx730]

I think you have the right to ask, however I would also think your partner had the right to say no.

[anggrace]

I think he has the right to go lap dancing clubs, brothels, orgies, swing parties.

 

The same way I have the right to walk away and find someone else that is not into that.

 

Right on!

If it bothers you, he should care enough to stop. If he doesn't, your better off without him!

[BellaDonna]

What do you think (esp. the ladies) if your partner is going to lap-dancing clubs? (And getting lap-dances, of course).

 

I would never be with someone who spent their time and money that way to begin with. -If he started doing so later in the relationship, I'd show him the door fast.

 

BellaDonna

[votregitan]

I think it's ok as long as you have an agreement on being able to do that, but if it's bothersome then yes I believe you should be able to ask them to stop going.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am with Bella on this one. This issue is a peliminary aspect of a relationship. This is a topic that is covered in the very beginning for me. If he is into that and if this is something he does on a regular basis OR views is it as NOT cheating, I would not get involved with him in the first place.

 

If this is something that is not talked about in the very beginning, then it does not make sense to give ultinanums after the fact. Communication is the key.

[jengh]

Okay, here's my take on this issue. You have every right to ask your SO to stop going to strip clubs. But, he also has every right to say no. but, in my opinion, if he's actually getting lap dances, I find that to be VERY close to crossing the line and if it bothers you, he should respect you enough to stop going.

 

If he's simply going to unwind after a long day at work, to look at the girls and have a beer, then I feel it's as harmless as looking at porn.

 

However, if it's ruining your intimacy (i.e. he's no longer interested in having sex with you) or it's causing financial burdons, then, he should respect your wishes.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I would never be with someone who spent their time and money that way to begin with. -If he started doing so later in the relationship, I'd show him the door fast.

 

BellaDonna

Yep!

That's what I think.

 

If he wants to waste his money on strippers he's not going to be doing it on my time.

 

Ex Bf meet curb. Curb, Ex Bf, play nice.

[Northalius]

Imagining I did, or even lied to my girl and said I did just to see her response, and she was "okay" with it, I'd question what she's doing while I'm at the strip bar. lol

 

I look at this issue the same way I look at porn: It's not good for a relationship... well, at least my relationship.

[Day_Walker]

As I stated in the other thread of course you have the right to ask your partner anything and they have to right to say no I am not going to stop that.

As I stated in the other thread that if she wanted me to stop going to strip clubs (which I dont go to often) then I would know that it is the end of the relationship and it is time to get out. I am not going to give up doing these activities because she has a problem. It is not something I am addicted to but it is something that my friends do on occasion.

[chai714]

Inspired by the "Do you have right to ask your partner to stop looking at porn" post but taking it a step further...

 

What do you think (esp. the ladies) if your partner is going to lap-dancing clubs? (And getting lap-dances, of course).

 

Certainly. You can ask your partner anything you want.

[CarnelianButterfly]

As I stated in the other thread of course you have the right to ask your partner anything and they have to right to say no I am not going to stop that.

As I stated in the other thread that if she wanted me to stop going to strip clubs (which I dont go to often) then I would know that it is the end of the relationship and it is time to get out. I am not going to give up doing these activities because she has a problem. It is not something I am addicted to but it is something that my friends do on occasion.

Would you be offended if instead of asking you to stop, she dumped you?

[chai714]

Yep!

That's what I think.

 

If he wants to waste his money on strippers he's not going to be doing it on my time.

 

Ex Bf meet curb. Curb, Ex Bf, play nice.

 

Let's be realistic. Women don't leave men because they visit a strip club and get a lapdance. There would be underlying issues to cause that breakup, not a single event such as this. This especially wouldn't happen if the couple had been together for any significant amount of time and emotional attachment has taken place.

[Day_Walker]

I would not be offended. If this is an issue that she believes that firmly in and has the resolve to break up with me for it then that is her choice. We have a disagreement over a key issue that is important to both of us. I would actually be impressed because she was strong enough to make that decision instead of just tucking it away and letting it eat away at her.

[BrokenHeart82]

Depends on the places hes going really

 

I have been to strip clubs before with friends and even boyfriends..its fun! The music is usually pretty hot, and being open to have that experience with your SO is refreshing!

 

Now I mean if it was a habit and he was going quite often it might be an issue.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Let's be realistic. Women don't leave men because they visit a strip club and get a lapdance. There would be underlying issues to cause that breakup, not a single event such as this. This especially wouldn't happen if the couple had been together for any significant amount of time and emotional attachment has taken place.

Actually I would, because any man I date would know my views of strip clubs. I happen to think poorly of people that are willing to pay others to take their clothes. Its not too far from prostitution and its not honoring our commitment to be exclusive with one another. Can you really say that a man going to see other women strip is going to enhance the relationship for both parties. Its a wholly selfish act of gratification of the part of the person who goes there. I believe in balance and sharing within a relationship and not do things that are exclusive of my partner. While there might be some women who would attend with a boyfriend, I would not. Its a question of the compatibility of personalities. For me this would be a big indication that the person I am dating is not right for me.

[BellaDonna]

Let's be realistic. Women don't leave men because they visit a strip club and get a lapdance

 

Well , in my own experience, I have been with my husband for 11 years. He knows how I feel about it. If suddenly he began going to strip clubs and getting lapdances he would first receive an ultimatum. If it continued, I would leave. No doubt about it. I would see him as a different type of person all together. Not the one I fell in love with and the one I am attached to. I'd view him quite differently.

 

If it's something you feel strongly about and which you feel is tied to respect and commitment, if it is violated -it is enough reason to leave. Some things are just dealbreakers for certain people.

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

My boyfriend and I have had good discussions on our boundaries and have agreed that the occasional trip to the strip bar (for a bachelor party, birthday party for a friend is acceptable)...he is always honest when he has gone (i.e. when he went while on trip for work with coworkers) and we talk about it (and even laugh about it as it is not his "scene" so to speak).

 

HOWEVER lap dances are not tolerable for either of us and we certainly draw the line there. Nor is a regular habit of going something we would condone.

 

And yes, honestly if suddenly that changed and he did start going frequently, and getting lap dances, I would leave; because it would be disrespectful to me knowing my feelings of it from the outset, and it would also be a change in whom HE was, and is....that is definitely not his character!

 

That does not mean he does not have the "right" to do it, it just means that is not a right I would share with him, and I would not be wth him if that was a lifestyle he was into. It would be a big personality incompatibility, and lifestyle incompatibility.

 

This is why you need to discuss these things early on, and know where you stand. Just because you are fine with one thing, does not mean you are fine with another (I for example am quite agreeable to porn within reason for masturbation, and as a shared experience together; but am not okay if it replaces me, becomes an addiction, nor am I fine with lapdances at all!).

[Mythical_Suicide]

I think he has the right to go lap dancing clubs, brothels, orgies, swing parties.

 

The same way I have the right to walk away and find someone else that is not into that.

 

 

Amen Sister! I couldnt have said this any better.

I refuse to have someone im dating going to strip joints or any of the like while he's with me. Its a matter of respect in this situation and I will walk out on the relationship before I am ever disrespected in that manner.

[notsomuch]

The real question here is; Why does he need to go to lap-dancing clubs?

[Day_Walker]

The real question here is; Why does he need to go to lap-dancing clubs?

 

It is not a need to go to a strip club but it is fun. Now for all the ladies whose bf have or currently go to strip clubs, it strikes me as odd that you believe that your bf would a) tell you that he went to a strip club considering he knew how you felt about them and b) tell you that he got a lap dance when he knew how you felt about them.

 

I think that is placing a lot of faith in your bfs and I understand that you probably do trust them. Most men that I know that go to strip clubs lie about it to their wives because they do not approve. I think it deserves to be taken into consideration that if your man went to a strip club odds are that he got a lap dance and probably didnt tell you about it.

[cantexplain]

The real question here is; Why does he need to go to lap-dancing clubs?

 

Because he is a mindless animal!!

 

Sadly, strip clubs are a really prevalent fixture in our current society. In my own city (Atlanta) I can only imagine how many 10s of thousands of women have worked in or are working in these clubs - and the hundreds of thousands, no millions of men who have frequented them.

 

There are occasions that a group of guys will go in these places when here in town on business. I can see how some guys who wouldn't normally go in these clubs might then go along with the crowd. Also - there is the bachelor's party thing - that was my first strip-club experience.

 

But lap dances are like sex with your clothes on. Anyone who has seen one of these will know exactly what I am saying. I feel that would be cheating unless such arrangements were agreed that this was Okay.

 

Married men who go to a strip club with the guys should not be getting lap dances, period, imo. That is a skanky experience to be bringing back home to your wife and family.

 

So if the man didn't understand this I'd worry.

[cantexplain]

Inspired by the "Do you have right to ask your partner to stop looking at porn" post but taking it a step further...

 

What do you think (esp. the ladies) if your partner is going to lap-dancing clubs? (And getting lap-dances, of course).

 

imo, I think this is like asking if someone has the right to ask a partner to stop having sex with other people.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It would not be the woman’s fault for his lies though. If a woman believes in something and the guy knows that, but deceives her so that she stays with him how can he deserve any respect? He lies and is violating the trust of his partner, is fun at a strip club worth a relationship? He is showing a lack of respect for her choices and ideas, undermining her decision to remain in the relationship for his own purposes. If he truly wanted a committed relationship he’d find a woman that shared his opinions and not act like a fake.