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About Northalius

  • Birthday 02/02/1979

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  1. Don't do it, unless you're really into wanting to read while at a nightclub. The best thing to do, is be yourself... not act! No matter where or what you're doing, don't try, just be.
  2. She may be comfortable with you, but with that comfort, comes taking you for granted, and in turn, finding it easier to simply disrespect you to your face. It's totally disrespectful to point out things like this. Either you're satisfied with the one you're with, or you're not. If not, you're going to look for more. She's simply showing you, that you're not good enough for her. She's also immature. If you ask, that's one thing. If she feels she can say these things to you, she's either into playing mind games with your insecurities, or simply just rude and not very caring; well, I don't see the two being very far apart from each other. It's just not good.
  3. Did you read my post correctly? I don't see anywhere in it where I say those that watch porn want to kill others? lol My point remains valid, until someone can come up with a reasonable counter. Sorry.
  4. The thing is, the smallest things can become the biggest deal breakers, if you look at it in the ultimate picture painted. If he's not willing to merely drop this bad habit of his for you, what else would he refuse to drop, in light of respecting and loving you? That's what you must think about. I hate to bring politics into this, but it's just an example: When Bill Clinton lied about having sex with Monica, a lot of people said "Oh, what's the big deal, he just lied about having sex with another woman..." I said "Yeah, but if he can so easily lie under oath about merely having sex with another woman, what else did/could he lie about so easily, then?!" So, when people say "Oh that's just a small problem" don't always take it as just that, but view it in 'the big picture'. Oh, and it doesn't matter if it's 'the norm', because 'the norm' doesn't = 'the right thing to do!' So, don't go asking if watching porn for guys is normal... of course you're going to get the "yes, it is!" That doesn't make it right nor good for a committed relationship, however! What your boyfriend is doing, is visually cheating on you right now by fantasizing about other women. He's having sex with them in his mind.
  5. Who said maturity had an age? When I say mature, I mean within their emotions and morals to know what is right for a relationship. If you're mature enough, you'll put aside your fear of anything you assume will happen, and break through to get things done no matter what.
  6. I think it'd show a sign they're not fit for a relationship then; if they can't confront their own partner about issues in the relationship, then they're not mature enough to learn how to stand up for themselves, care enough to have open communication, and finally fix the problem, or respectfully break up. I also agree that it's disrespectful to complain about your problems to another person, when you should be confronting your partner about them first; if you can't resolve the problem(s) through speaking about them, then seek a counselor to help the both of you; but, keep it as personal as possible... since it's just that... personal. So, I'd also steer clear of the "my relationship sucks" kind of yappers. Not a good sign of relationship material.
  7. Sounds like the ol' stereotypical "woman trying to change her man" thing. lol He really should just drop her, because she obviously doesn't respect him enough to let him follow his dream! Especially since he's good, as you say? Come on. She sounds like she'd be a control-freak in the long run! If you read up on Mariah Carey's background, you'll see she had multiple jobs, walked in the snow with holes in her shoes, etc. but she strived, and pushed to make her dream come true as one of, if not thee, best vocalists ever known. It's all up to how much you desire to succeed. You can make your dreams come true. Mind over matter!
  8. Locke, if you were a woman, and heard of many rape cases out there, you'd be just as defensive. Then again, someone can take it further, and say "Hey, I like touching someones private parts when talking to them! Just for fun, not sexual! You don't like this? Lighten up! It's natural!" And where would it end? There are levels to everyone's personal boundaries! The right thing to do, is to learn that you've got to respect that... with understanding. If they don't like it, don't bother trying to talk them out of it. It's like someone saying you're uptight because you won't have sex with anyone you bump into on the street; whether they're 10 or 95. Then someone more extreme than they are will say something even crazier. It goes on and on. Again, just learn to understand and respect others' boundaries.
  9. Of course I'd confront her about this. I'd be speaking with a counselor about it, as well. The longer you keep this in, the worse it's going to become. Trust me, there's no such thing as "sucking it up, and forgetting about it". It'll be put in the back of your mind, and your subconscious mind will ultimately effect your conscious attitude toward her over time. You'll use this as the foundation of how you see her from now on! How she has willingly betrayed you, deceived you, and has constantly kept the truth from you. As I said in another thread a couple weeks ago: It's like steam in an enclosed area -> eventually it's going to explode if it's not let out. Keeping this in is a bad thing to do. Fear of confronting her thinking it'll make matters worse, is up to how mature she is about telling the truth; if she can't be mature enough to handle that, then she's seriously not worth staying with. Look at it like a test. Stop trying to hopelessly hold on to what's not worth holding on to. A marriage shouldn't be, if both adults can't handle a "storm" that comes by once in a while.
  10. Well, I've never experienced your feelings personally, but, I'd feel it's best you just come forth and let him know how you feel; either that, or see a counselor. I think it's okay to feel these feelings. It's a defense in your mind, from getting hurt again; however, it can hurt you (your relationship, specifically) also, in the long run, as you might've already known. You'll be closed in from certain feelings that've come naturally to your boyfriend already, and it'll be a one way street relationship. If anything, this might make the relationship fall apart! So, you must make the choice: 1) Let go, take a chance, tell him (and a counselor?) how you feel; not let the past rule your present and future? Or... 2) Keep holding onto these feelings, eventually ruining this and every other relationship you'll be in for the rest of your life? Your second option is only making the relationship almost 100% positive to break up... just about; eventually, he might be opening up to you, but you're closing up to him, and it's going to create friction. Your first option depends upon how openly you communicate with your boyfriend! How much you're willing to let go of the past, to save the present and future. I'd go with the #1.
  11. I like my woman to be conservative, not dress skimpy. I don't like those women that try to make guys like them for their [skimpy, sexy] looks. If they're confident in their own self to where they dress conservatively, and are conservative in their personality, it's a huge turn on for me. I'm pretty conservative, myself, after all. The sexy look shows me (just my opinion, not saying it's always fact) she's not really looking for a long-term, serious relationship; but most likely a sex fling. That's just not for me. A conservative living in NYC, is like a sheep living amongst wolves, I tell you! I like a girl that can laugh and play, but also be serious, when the time is right; romantic, compassionate, understanding, truthful, modest, open-minded, has a certain level of morals; one who is hard to get (not simply plays it); doesn't play games with others' minds; one who is philosophic, and deep; not one who is shallow and chatty all of the time; a woman who's not into watching porn, nor fantasizing about other men while in a relationship with a man; one who is comfortable with sitting in silence, or listening to light music with her man... just being still and taking in the moment. I play guitar, and can play some nice, light, love songs... so she has to put up with that, as well.
  12. Looks matter, but by how much? That just depends on each individual person. Smell matters, but by how much? That just depends on each individual person. Hearing their deep, medium or high vocals matter, but by how much? That just depends on each individual person. Feeling their soft, medium, rough skin matters, but by how much? That just depends on each individual person. Taste matters, but by how much? That just depends on each individual person. There you go. All five physical senses of the human body. Now, the mind (character / personality) of the person - ah, that also depends on each individual person... to like, or not like. The mind of the person can give way to changing the things you, at first, don't physically prefer about that person, into something you'd actually grow to like. Imagining it's like our mind is clay, and we use their personality to mold our mind into viewing their physical features differently over time. It's really all in the mind. Mind over matter! Adaptation of the mind? "One man's trash, is another man's treasure."
  13. To think of it in a more scientific way, I'd imagine it's something in the brain, an emotional defense, to live in denial; it hurts much more to just give up and break it off with your partner: Fear of being alone? Fear of being totally wrong? Fear of overreacting about something that's possibly not there? That's how I'd look at it. I'm not like that though. As many've read my self respect posts, I let my anger overcome those blinding emotions of denial. No one disrespects me. I remember a few years back, my mother saying "That's the Sicilian in you! (I'm Italian) lol! As if to picture an Italian mafia boss screaming it "No one disrespects me, nor my family! Fugeduhbodit!" ***bang bang bang*** I have many soft spots, and you'll know this, if you get to know me. Hard as it might seem by reading my posts, because I've not revealed much. But, if you willingly disrespect me, you'll see this lamb turn into a lion. Of course, not physically, but emotionally. If you disrespect me by cheating, I'll turn my back on you in a heartbeat, and move on. And someone said it's possible she didn't cheat? Oh yeah, anything is possible... but what is probable? You tell me, according to all the clear signs he has seen thus far? I'd definitely say she most likely went further than kissing. Oh, and being drunk is no good reason for cheating... sorry! We can still think, even when drunk, if we really care about the situation, and who we're going to hurt through the situation. "Your honor, I'm sorry I lit my ex-wifes house on fire, but I was drunk! So, I'll just go home now... thanks!" - "Uh... sir? I don't think so..."
  14. Well, there's nothing wrong with your face, my friend. I'd go with the others: try a different hairstyle... if you want to. Only change what you want to, though. If you like your hairstyle now, then keep it. If you want to take a chance, then do it. Just try different things out: clothing, hairstyle, bodysprays (like AXE or Tag), etc. You can go back to your old self if you don't like'em... but it's always worth a try to change! You just never know what you'll like until you suck it up and go for it. But, again, always change to what you like... not anyone else. It's like those people that say they hate their job, they're miserable, but it makes 'em good money. Worth it? Not in my opinion.
  15. A, b and c are clear signs she likes you! Ask her out. If she says no, then at least you tried. Try not to put it off too long, because it might come off as if you're just not interested in her... and she might get nabbed by anothe guy in the meantime!
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