yasmina Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I have some words of wisdom to shed...even though many a person has said this..it certainly will not hurt to say it again....ALWAYS trust your instincts...most times, if you suspect he is cheating, there probably is something going on...heres my bit... I have been suspcious for a long time...but every time he would say how much he loves me and nothing is going on...we even go engaged...today..i intercepted emails that they have sent to eachother ( she is a married woman). I am devastated but relieved at the same time...he does not know yet as he is overseas and gets back on wednesday...(still professing his undying love to me) Some people would burn his clothes or confront the girl ( i kno her), but instead I will act like a lady with dignity and not even give him the satisfaction of how i know. I will merely say, I know what you have been doing, you were once a man i admired and had respect for, now you are nothing in my eyes. Please leave and if you have any dignity left, do not contact me again... Right now i feel like i will never recover...but there is a light... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 -hug- I admire your self restraint. You are an inspiration Good luck, hopefully he will also act with dignity instead of embarrassing you both with grovelling Link to comment
arwen Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Hey yasmina, I too admire your attitude towards what happened. It takes strength to leave a situation like this. I hope you will be as calm as you are now when he comes back. Are you going to pack his things for him? Girl, I am SURE you will recover from this. You seem to have a strong sense of yourself, and you know that you want something else in a relationship than he is giving you. This will help you in redirecting your life and starting over. Keep us posted, ok? Arwen Link to comment
Fisch Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Hey Yasmina, I admire your approach to this situation as well. You know that taking the higher ground will lead you down a brighter path. This guy doesnt sound very honorable but you do, you will recover with that kind of strength. What I like to do in situations like this is accept the emotions I am going to go through, know I have to deal with them, but plan to get better. Work towards and motivate myself to become happy and get what I desire again. So chin up, time heals wounds. Good luck. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 You're an example to follow for many and me myself see this act from you as a class act, I hope you will get through this, show him you're more than his playtoy, he is SO getting what he deserves Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Thankyou so much for your support guys...i cant begin to mention how helpful it is at the moment. I still have a little while to wait till he gets back, but that will give me time to collect my thoughts and put the emotions aside. I have packed his belongings for him, im not going to be petty and wait for him to do it, he will only prolong it and the pain. Even though i am extremely upset I know that reacting in a rash manner (confronting her, telling her husband) and the rest, will only give him and excuse for cheating. So acting calmly and ice cold will give the cheater absolutely no reason to justify the affair, only more reason y u are a good person. I believe one day he will realise how special I was, but when that day comes I just wont care anymore. I will keep you all posted and let you know how the big day goes down..no doubt I will need the support.. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Wow!I'm sorry to hear your story but i admire you for taking the high road. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Sorry for what this loser put you through, all that work, engagement, for nothing. But at the same time I admire you for having self-esteem, now never look back. If he wants an explanation just say "Well you know it already, you're a loser". Link to comment
JoeWho Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Good for you!! Kick that loser out and never look back or listen to his lame excuses. I admire you for your composure. Link to comment
radioheader Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 i've been in this situation...and i'm so glad you found out his tru ways b/f you got married. i wish i would've found out b/f marriage! see this as a true gift and move on! you know you desereve so much better and you do! just look at the mature way you are going about all of this. you do need to feel your emotions and let that anger out but don't give him a second chance if he begs you back...you aren't attached and free to walk away without a messy divorce or invloved kids!!! stay strong...you will feel better soon!!! Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 I am certainly letting my anger out, my tears and every other emotion I never knew I could even feel. THe best medecine is talking talking and more talking. Thank God I have a wonderful support network. He may infact end up with this girl, and in the beginning this bothered me to no end, but now I am coming to terms with the fact that they deserve eachother. A very helpful quote for me - If they will do it with you, they will do it to you. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 You really should tell her husband, forward the emails to him. Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I will merely say, I know what you have been doing, you were once a man i admired and had respect for, now you are nothing in my eyes. Please leave and if you have any dignity left, do not contact me again... ... Kudos to you for standing strong, and I have to say, that one sentence will probably crush him more than anything else you could say. Just the simple matter of factness of it... seems to have a nice punch. Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Yes I really wanted to notify her husband but I have no way of getting his contacts...I know who she is but I dont know anyone else in her family... I cant even begin to tell you how hard it is trying to keep it together and not being able to tell him while he is away..from what I can gather she will be leaving her husband for him...I know they deserve eachother but its so hard knowing he will go onto somebody new and he wont deal with the pain of seperation... I am holding as strong as I can, what goes around comes are right? Link to comment
Northalius Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 You're right, there is a light! And you've shown it to us in this very post. You've taken the first step to recovery: You have self-respect enough to end it with him, rather than the typical beg / plead / live in denial attitude you'd see in those that lack such self-respect for themselves, to where they'd sweep this under the rug. So, you will totally recover. Have no doubt! You've shown the first and most important step in that recovery! Good job! Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Just a little development..he has extended his stay by a week...so that means he wont be back till wednesday week...I just dont think I cant hold it in any longer...all the while they are sending lovey dovey emails to eachother...I dont want him to come back and say he is leaving me... Would an email do the job? SImply... She rang me. I know everything. I know how you got the mark on your neck. I know that when she gets back from overseas she is divorcing her husband for you. Your belongings are packed and will need to be picked up upon your arrival. Link to comment
Juliana Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 "Yes I really wanted to notify her husband but I have no way of getting his contacts." You really don't want to do that. He might kill her. There is no way to predict how a total stranger will react. You don't need to stick your hand in that hornet's nest; you have enough to deal with in your own relationship. You can break up with him any way you want, but bear in mind, you were the one who was getting him; she was the one being strung along. It doesn't seem that way, because you didn't know the truth about what he was doing, and she did, but you were the one he had chosen. She was second best. You can leave with your head up, and not have to take revenge; he's done that to himself already, by losing you. Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 You just shone a bright torch for me Juliana thankyou! You are right! I can end it with him in any way I like, ofcourse with my morals and dignity still in tact. I am just pro-longing the pain by waiting till he returns, and why am I still so worried if I ruin his holiday or not- he and his emotions are no longer my problem! I will send the email and let the universe take care of the rest. It is time to start my healing. (keep you all posted on his reply - if at all) Link to comment
radioheader Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 i agree...you end it however you need to end it...i wouldn't do well trying to put up a front for that long either...stay strong and take care of yourself...you deserve so much better and will find better someday soon! Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Yes I really wanted to notify her husband but I have no way of getting his contacts...I know who she is but I dont know anyone else in her family... I cant even begin to tell you how hard it is trying to keep it together and not being able to tell him while he is away..from what I can gather she will be leaving her husband for him...I know they deserve eachother but its so hard knowing he will go onto somebody new and he wont deal with the pain of seperation... I am holding as strong as I can, what goes around comes are right? If they cheated with each other, they will cheat on each other. You may not know when it happens, but karma will get them. You really think that two people, one whos engaged, and the other married, will suddenly have a loyalty fit and decide never to do this again? Doubt it. They are a perfect fit for each other. And on the plus side for them, they shouldnt be surprised when the other cheats on THEM next time. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Affairs are always fantasy relationships, where the excitement is frequently due to the 'naughtiness' and secrecy and sneaking around... while they are still safe to go home and get nurturing from their other spouse/partner... I am sure they will go through a giddy period when they first get together, like 'Hah, look at us, we did it!', but that is ALWAYS followed by a big crash when the reality of day to day living sets in and they start to see that their fantasy affair partner is not the perfect lover or sould mate they thought... So don't spend too much time torturing yourself thinking they will be happy as a result of this... 95% of all affairs, even if they marry later, end up broken up because you have two liars/deceivers who have no reason to trust one another trying to make a go of it... usually falls apart in another affair, or they just realize they sacrificed a lot (their former partners who were most likely people of better character) to be with another cheater... so don't focus on them, they will eventually implode, focus on youself and finding someone who you can trust. there are many people who would NEVER consider cheating on a parther. if the relationship wasn't working out, they would end it honorably before doing that... good luck to you, you are handling it maturely and with grace... he doesn't deserve to have such a nice person as you as his partner anyway, so better that it happens before you marry him and then have a divorce to deal with, much more complicated then... Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 Thankyou for your helpful post...and I know you are right...I have been meditating, doing everything I can to better myself... An update... He rang me (still hadn't checked his email) so apparently excited to talk to me. Could tell by my voice something was wrong and asked worriedly if I was ok. I simply said...I know everything...she called me..check your email..he just said ok and hung up...whats the deal with that? Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 OH snap! He knew he was busted thats what. He didn't want to futher incriminate himself just in case you two weren't on the same page....and not talking about what he figured you were. Link to comment
yasmina Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 well...the drama unfolds... he rang me an hour later...bawling his eyes out...saying how much he loved me bla bla...every sweet thing any girl would die to hear...he said to me she is nothing he hasnt spoken to her since he has been away. BUSTED - he has been emailing her telling her he misses her. Lie number one. Then oh this is the best..he says to me...I thought I didnt love you anymore so I had to be with another girl to realise you were the one for me. When I heard this I honestly felt like laughing...the phone then cut out..he has cut his trip short and is at the airport on standby..I am standing my ground and will not be at home I am staying at my mums. The emotions and pain I have been through in the last while have honestly had me thinking I was dying. I will not turn back all of my hard work and even give him another chance. I have been faced with this obstacle for a reason - this union was cut short before I married him and I am thankful. I will hold strong for everything that is still to come my way. There is a wonderful life out there you just have to get through the rain to get to the rainbow. I couldnt have done this without all your loving caring words. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 When ppl cheat they get very good at not telling the whole story. He said he hadn't 'talked' to her since he's been away.....maybe not, but he has been emailing her...get my point? He put it that way so as not to completely tell a lie! If you talk to him...be prepared to hear more things like this...read between the lines. I was told....'I never laid a 'finger' on her'...oh yeah....well you 'laid' something else on her... Hey, keep your chin up.....be stong for your own dignity. I wish you the best. Link to comment
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