Calling all men!! Tell me the truth!!

[lilady]

ADVICE please!!! Calling all men!!! need your help!! I am embarrassed to ask this question despite my anonymity. Nakedness or darkness?

I have had two children from first marriage. I am now engaged to a guy and I insist on never taking my shirt completely off without darkness in the room because my pregnancies made my once tiny tone belly look like a deflated balloon. I think it would be a turn off for my fiancee but I also worry that he gets turned off by my inability to be comfortable with my body.

 

So given a choice of seeing a woman confident with herself and free to be sexually expessive and unihibited... or seeing a not so perfect body of the woman you love, which would it be?

 

PS. woman out there; am I the only one with this hangup?

HELP!! I think I'm frustrating him!! but I'm afraid he'll think I'm not so pretty anymore.

[gfein347]

In my opinion, if he's in love with you, then he'll love your body just the way it is.

[m_darko]

Take it off lillady!!

[Ash]

I would have to think if you could make the great leap of faith and show him your body (which I am sure is not as bad as you seem to think ) that you might start to become more comfortable with it yourself and in time you will find you can be confident, free and sexually expressive as well.

 

Remember there is also beauty in maturity.

 

That aside, what about some enticing lingerie?

[Beec]

TAKE IT OFF!

 

If you want an interim step, sheer lingerie. If you really want to make him wild for you and make your body seem a little more toned, etc., get a bodystocking. Let him know you are wearing it when you are out somewhere. He will be forced to think about it until you get some place where he can have his way with you. And then he get's a glimpse, and still wants it.

[jsx730]

There's no bigger turn on then a woman who is comfortable with herself and sexually open and eager.

[lilady]

Yes, I'm running out of shirts to wear that give him access to my breasts but cover my tummy. What is a body stocking exactly?

[Baby Carrot]

PS. woman out there; am I the only one with this hangup?

 

Oh no, ur not the only one.

 

I so have that same hangup. I haven't had any babies and I'm slim, and I still can't just "take it off". I simply don't feel comfortable if it's not dark. I don't like walking around naked and I don't like having my torso uncovered. The sad thing is, noone seems to be able to respect that... the attitude is... either you are uninhibited and expose yourself or you have major trust/confidence/selfsteem issues.

 

I hate feeling pressured to "take it off", turn on the lights and being a pornstar without inhibitions. Like, what is this, are we having sex or filming "Girls gone wild" dude? Honestly, if it's gonna be like that, I rather not to have sex, at all.

 

I mean, I probably have issues, and you have them too, so what? Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with just to please someone else or proving you are someone you're not, that'd be my advice.

[ImThatGirl]

lilady - I can relate completely. You are not the only one!

[Ash]

How about lighting a couple of candles instead of complete darkness? The flickering, soft glow can be very appealing, and it leaves things quite shadowed and mysterious.

[lilady]

What's even more sad is that I'm secretly glad he wears glasses that he takes off when we have sex; that way he doesn't see clearly!! Thankgod for small favors... lol

[lilady]

I like the candle idea but even that is too much light for me... they have to be clear on the other side of the room!! I just turned 40 this year and at least with my first husband it was his children that did that to me... my fiance doesn't have that endearing reason to hug and kiss my belly in appreciation that I birthed his children... I just fear he secretly will think its gross.

[Beec]

He won't think it's gross. He made his decision about whether you were attractive enough or not before he saw you naked, and that has not changed.

 

For an example of a bodystocking see: link removed. there is not a red-blooded, straight male alive that thinks a women in a body stocking is anything but as hot as molten lava.

[ImThatGirl]

What's even more sad is that I'm secretly glad he wears glasses that he takes off when we have sex; that way he doesn't see clearly!! Thankgod for small favors... lol

 

hehe.... I've thought about that before too!

 

Hugs

[Dilly]

Your fiance' is in love with you. He prolly thinks your shyness is slightly charming and endearing, but over time, it's a bit of a burden for anyone to deal with someone's insecurities. Did you ever think he might be insecure about anything? I mean, if you weren't so focussed on your own feeling of inadequacy, you might have more energy to turn to him. As for the tummy, I think you could get it back to a form you're happy with - if you really want to. I roomed with a girl who had never had kids and she was quite thin, but when she took off her shirt, she had some deflated looking abs. She never worked out. The 5 minutes a day it takes to do a few crunches might turn your stomach into a washboard. You never know.

[lilady]

Hey thanks for the sight!!! I think I will go get one and try it out!!!

[Dilly]

BTW, I have totally felt like you and I bet you just set high standards for yourself, but just keep in mind, if you're thrilled with him, it's quite likely he's thrilled with you too!!! The idea about candlelight is very good because it's just a nice warm soft glow that doesn't cast shadows.

[lilady]

My problems had more to do with (sorry if its gross) streached skin verses flab....its like if you took one of those plastic grocery bags and pulled hard. UGGGHH!!! There is no getting back to normal after that... however I am doing more crunches. We are getting married in May and I want to at least be as fit as is possible but I realistically know only surgery can make it "go away".

[lilady]

What grosses me out is that it reminds of my 80' something year old great grandma's underarm skin that flopped back and forth while she kneaded the dough to make bread... in "kid fascination" I'd stare at it and touch it as it giggled to see what it felt like..it was soft and all but still gross... THATS what my belly is like and its hard for me not to think its a turn off that will work against me ...covering up just seems more tolerable.

[chai714]

My advice may be far out from the rest.

 

If you're not comfortable with your post pregnancy stomach and you've done all you can in terms of exercise, then look into getting a tummy tuck. I don't think any person can be responsible for the way you feel about your body except you. And if you're not comfortable, then I assume changing it would make you more comfortable.

 

If getting a surgical procedure is not a consideration then I would go with the gradual steps as Beec prescribed such as sheer lingerie.

[lilady]

Believe me! If I could afford it I would.

[ImThatGirl]

Believe me! If I could afford it I would.

 

 

Many of us are in that boat. Don't feel bad. Actually - that thread "what would you do with $10k...?" There ya go. But honestly, even if I had a lump sum of money, I wouldn't throw it away on that.

 

Beauty is only skin deep. Right? You are beautiful even with this issue. We just have to find a way for you to get past this!

 

How long have you and your fiance been together?

[RayKay]

Just in my experience, we always have a much more critical eye of ourselves than others do, especially that those whom are crazy about us do.

 

We tend to pick apart every individual part of ourselves, and think it is obvious to everyone else. Those whom love us, tend to look at us as a whole, and often love the very thing we hate.

 

Be proud of yourself, that belly carried your children and gave them life! I bet you he does not see it how you do at all.

 

My mother had surgery last spring, a double mastectomy, which left her really scarred and she went from a D to an A within hours, she also had huge scars on her tummy from where they removed some fat to try and make some new breasts. I know she was very self conscious, and felt like a rag doll when she saw herself in the mirror. My stepfather still thought she was beautiful. My mum laughed and said he was always a butt-man anyway, but point is we are more than the sum of our body parts and someone deserving of you knows it.

[lilady]

I'm that girl - We have known each other for about 4 years and been engaged since last March. and thankyou for the reassurance... yes beauty entail the "whole" person in and out.... and at some point we have to trust our men when they say "you're beautiful" that they mean it for what it is.

 

RayKay - I feel for your mom and hearing that makes me ashamed to be so shallow. I just need to let my inhibitions down and swallow my pride so we both can relax and enjoy each other... I do know that....

[Call of The Zombie]

My girlfriend has a bit of a belly, but you know what? I do not care, I love her for who she is and not how she looks.