Calling all men!! Tell me the truth!!

[Ash]

Lilady, if you were shallow you wouldn't have posted and participated in this thread the way you have. Your concerns as you've seen are quite normal. Please don't be down on yourself about it!

 

On the other hand, there's been some helpful advice to all, that's a good thing.

 

And yes, when most men say their partners are beautiful, they really mean it.

[lilady]

Thankyou you Ash, that's reassuring. Yes, there has been some very good advice I need to take more often. In the end I just want to please him and KNOW that he is pleased with me.

[lipostudio]

Men are, in my experience, a hell of a lot less judgemental and negative about your body than you are.

 

Most of the time, they're just over the moon to have a naked lady who wants to get it on with them.

[jsx730]

Men are, in my experience, a hell of a lot less judgemental and negative about your body than you are.

 

Most of the time, they're just over the moon to have a naked lady who wants to get it on with them.

 

Exactly. I can't even see most of the "imperfections" my girlfriend tells me she has.

[Beec]

Men are, in my experience, a hell of a lot less judgemental and negative about your body than you are.

 

Most of the time, they're just over the moon to have a naked lady who wants to get it on with them.

 

If and when I have ever had critical thoughts about a woman's body, it's not been during an intimate or sexual moment.

[sddeaston]

I would rather see a woman who is EITHER perfect, or not so perfect, who is confident and free to be sexually expressive....because its what is behind that appearance I am making love to.

 

If the man is doing things right, his lady will be comfortable with him in all aspects. That makes for some GREAT times

[cc2006]

I actually used to get more upset at my Ex's negative attitude about her body than I could ever imagine getting at her actual body. I never noticed the things she hated about herself until she pointed them out so many times I couldn't take it any longer.

 

She was super self conscious and THAT was a turn-off for me, not the fact that she wasn't traditionally "skinny" or supermodel waifish.

 

 

 

Its a trap. The media ... magazines, movies, TV, all showing supposedly "perfect" airbrushed models and actresses that would only date "perfect" airbrushed male models and actors. We're all being brainwashed into thinking that unless you're the Hollywood definition of perfect we're unattractive.

 

 

Personally, and for many men I'm sure (and I told my ex this OFTEN) a woman's attitude is far more appealing to me and "turns me on" more than how perfect her body is.

 

Think sexy, and you are sexy. If your partner is with you and you know he is attracted to you ... enjoy it. I'd much rather have a partner who was uninhibited in the bedroom and let herself get wrapped up in the moment then was busy worrying and being frightened.

[Siriana]

Oh your poor fiancee, not only that he has bad vision, he is trained to be an owl. LOL this was just me kidding - please don't get offended.

 

The fact is I wear glases and when I take them off I see everything as a sfumato picture. That means he even can't see your imperfections.

And he doesn't care - like you care about his imperfections, I bet he's perfect to you, right?

 

Someone mentioned candel light. I think it's a great idea to try. Just one small candle at the back of the room and remaind your fiancee how this is a huge step for you. Guys like to watch, they're visual creatures and no way they will complain about the looks of the woman they love.

 

You can dress something that will cover the things YOU find not so great about yourself. How about a nice corset (romantic one) that covers your belly? Or one that is slightly transparent..and then candle light. If you don't feel good about it - you can easily quit having candle light.

Oh, and maybe one small glass of wine for encouragement? (I am not saying get drunk, but small glass of wine is good for relaxing if it's not a habit)

 

Go with baby steps and ask your partner for support. Tell him how you wanna be more self confident and how it will take some time and effort from both parts to achieve that. Tell him how to act when you put that candle in the room (maybe pretending that he's not looking for several first times?)

[lilady]

cc... I certainly don't want him to view me in that light (pardon the pun lolol) one where he is turned off by my being insecure with myself... I want him to be proud of me - acutally "in AWE!!" of me would be nice....

 

its true, I can't keep my hands off him and I think he is totally sexy! And I'm not offended SYRIX that was funny acutally ... it is sad really that he has to cater to my insecurities which is why I posted... I need and want to "get over it"....

[ImThatGirl]

Its a trap. The media ... magazines, movies, TV, all showing supposedly "perfect" airbrushed models and actresses that would only date "perfect" airbrushed male models and actors. We're all being brainwashed into thinking that unless you're the Hollywood definition of perfect we're unattractive.

 

 

Personally, and for many men I'm sure (and I told my ex this OFTEN) a woman's attitude is far more appealing to me and "turns me on" more than how perfect her body is.

 

Think sexy, and you are sexy. If your partner is with you and you know he is attracted to you ... enjoy it. I'd much rather have a partner who was uninhibited in the bedroom and let herself get wrapped up in the moment then was busy worrying and being frightened.

 

I agree with your post perfectly. The recipe of all these "perfect" airbrushed models and our less than perfect bodies = worry of not being good enough or flawless.

 

We all have flaws. MY xbf may not be perfect but wooowhheee is he perfect to me!

 

I was having issues with feeling very unpretty a month or so ago. My bf(xbf) never told me I was beautiful like yours does. He would occasionally say "You're so hot." yay. i'm so hot. PLEASE!!!

 

I finally made myself think "You are beautiful" everytime I looked in the mirror. I'm probably 10#'s up from the weight I'm comfortable at as well as the other flaws. But you know what? I've been living it up and feeling absolutely beautiful lately!

 

Start coaching yourself "I am beautiful."

 

Start with candlelight and something shear and maybe eventually you'll be okay if the light is left on.

 

Hugs to you!

[heartbaby14]

Its a trap. The media ... magazines, movies, TV, all showing supposedly "perfect" airbrushed models and actresses that would only date "perfect" airbrushed male models and actors. We're all being brainwashed into thinking that unless you're the Hollywood definition of perfect we're unattractive.

 

This is so true. Think about it, ladies, how many of us are noticing our bf's imperfections when we're being intimate? So why should we assume that he is being critical of us? Really. It's the influence of the media and the shallow men we see on TV. I do not have a perfect body, and I have had my occasional moments of discomfiture, but in the end, I know my fiancé loves me the way I am.

 

As for the problem with your tummy lilady, I wouldn't worry so much. I haven't had children yet, but my cousin has and the women in my family tend to have very horrible stretch marks. Her tummy looks like cottage cheese, but she confided to me one day that none of the guys that she had been with cared at all. So I say go for it and take it off!

[New_Horizons]

Well I think it's cute if a woman is moderately self conscious about her body. It would be a turnoff if she was totally uninhibited and confident but maybe that's because I lack in the confidence department myself. However, extreme self consciousness is also a big turnoff. If you consistently refuse to let him see your tummy, it's a big turnoff because it'd make him feel he isn't good enough for you to trust.

[Happysadness 3]

Like I read on someone elses post, if he really does love you then he'll love all of you no matter.

 

My gf sometimes doesn't like somepart of her body and i don't like it, and it does turn me off when she isn't comfortable with her body.

 

Just take it all off.

[Helen67]

Floppy boobs are fun. You get to slap them around and they fly all over the place.

 

Oh that is sooo funny

 

But seriously, thanks to all of you, as I too have had two kiddies, and like Lilady the man I'm with now is not the father, so I understand how she feels totally. I'm very insecure from this in the bedroom.

 

Your caring views and advice are priceless, and I will be taking them on board too.

 

You guys are the best!!!

 

And good luck Lilady, I hope we can both overcome!

[lilady]

You are SO right Helen. And it helps to remind myself not to take myself too seriously.

This weekend I was braver in the daylight hours (shocking)with my fiance when we were intimate. I resisted the urge to "cover up" and even tho my mind was going crazy I lay still while he ran his hands over my belly. He did this for a little while while we lay there. I didn't move his hands or stop him or put my hands in the way- all things I would have normally done. He seemed to be fine and I think he was trying to actually show me that he loved and accepted all of me. He also made a point to tell me numerous times thru out the day and even this morning how beautiful he thought my body was. He's so good to me!! Thankyou all, I actually thought of this post too while laying there, which I thought was a hilarious. : o)

[Ash]

lilady, this is very good and very nice to hear. It appears this thread has made a difference and I'm happy to hear it has increased your self esteem and confidence level. I was hoping from the way you were starting to sound last week that something like this would happen, so it's not actually at all surprising to hear you say you though of this post while you were laying there.

 

Well done!

[Helen67]

Oh Lilady, I am soooo proud of you, that is an enormous step you have taken.

 

I shall follow your fine example...all the best xx

[Siriana]

Jupi!Great!

[treefrogkate]

I was *very* glad to read your last update!

 

I was going to chime in with "He's asked you to marry him. If he didn't think you were beautiful, he wouldn't still be with you." But I think other people have already written that.

 

Think about it this way: Does your fiance have "the perfect body"? My boyfriend is on the chubby side (I am too) and has a beer belly, and you know what? I love him and his body, and can honestly say that I think he is the most gorgeous man on earth. I wouldn't change him... so why would he be thinking any differently about me? This is why I can feel comfortable getting nekkid in front of him (and I know all about having a flabby belly!). Being naked with my man is one of the best things ever, and once you can feel comfortable with it, I'm sure you'll find the same!