Too many handsome hunks for me to stand a chance

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

This post is a long rant, sorry. This is basically what I go through just about everyday in life.

 

Either at a party, the workforce, the train, the bus, school, the bookstore, a gathering, a meeting, ect.

 

I'll use an example that happened to me last night because this was probably the lowest I've felt in a while when it comes to this evil plan called attraction.

 

I am at the holiday party. My company is huge, thereforeeee the crowd was huge. I wanted to chat up some of the women there, but naturally I got my glass of sparkling spring water and headed for the nearest corner. But then I kept thinking to myself that this could be my shot to meet someone. So I sucked it up and began my journey.

 

So I go to one crowd where I recognize a few of my co-workers and we're chatting about invoices and all. One of the girls there was very stunning, smiling yet kinda quiet and shy, so i put my pretend radar on her... beep beep beep beep LOCK! Target in sight. \\ Kyo, use that humor of your's to make your marc. No soon as my lovedar goes on lock, here comes this tall dark and handsome guy from another department. Wouldn't you know it, Georgeous Gal #1 couldn't take her eyes off my God-like Nemesis. She did the whole look, look away-look again-look away bit that I did with her only moments ago. I think she looked at me once, and that was because I was standing in front of his too-cool silver striped tie. Whatever. He was funny, about 5" taller than me, had a killer tie that dominated the convo and was popular in his department, so he beat me 5-0.

 

On to the next crowd, where a few of my co-workers from that previous gathering spotted some people they knew from another department, so I followed them. This time I decided to put the radar on two gals in that crowd, still steaming over the first loss. Alas, no gorgeous hunk to come and make me look like a toad, so this is my chance!! So we talk more about invoices (which are a pain at my job) and I start to go on my rant about trying to pay people, calling people who speak bad english but no other language BUT english, ect. and I'm reeling them in. But since I don't know them that well, my rant was sort of short and sweet, yet effective. they laughed. Swish! \\

 

But lo and behold, I forgot I was in the presense of the most popular guy in my department, and he literally snached the ball from me, kicked me in the stomach and shoved me to the ground. And since he had more experience at the job that I did, he went deeper about the invoices than I did with my "basic rant." I was soon a ghost. I think the girls looked at me one other time, but only to ask me, "Isn't he funny?" Whatever.

 

Throughout the night, I would eye a girl, not stare, try to make my way to them, only to realize that this party was loaded with so many hunks that even I would date them if they asked me, and I'm not gay. I tried to believe in myself, that I am an individual and what I am (ugly) should not be compared to what they are (immortal statues of hunkness) But from the vibes I got, I realized I had absolutely no chance with anyone there, so I split.

 

This party helped me stamp what I've wondered all along. Why would a girl want to date me knowing there are so many other guys out there who are thrice as good looking? What do I have, humor? Only goes so far. Kindness? Whatever. I realize that I am a rotting slab of horse meat on a garden salad in a vegetarian's world. No one wants this meat.

 

This happens to me all the time. I'm 33 and running out of patience. I need someone in my life to at least talk to, hopefully develop a great friendship and beyond. But it stops at friends, if it gets that far. I guess I should just leave society.

 

If anyone knows an isolated swamp with HBO and the football channel, let me know.

 

Sorry to bore you all.

 

Sincerely,

 

Eff Le World

[Blue Skittles]

Just from reading your post - I can tell you have a GREAT personality. I usually don't read the really long posts, but yours was interesting, funny, and kept me intrigued. I like that

 

Now, I may be just speaking for myself, but I like a guy that has personality over insanely good looks. Most of the time I don't even give the "HOT" guys a chance because based on my experiences they are jerks. I know not all of them are, but thats just me. Now if a guy came up to me at a party and won me over with his wit and caring personality, I would be in.

 

That being said, sometimes when you are out looking for something, and expecting something to happen, life plays this game with you and it just doesn't. Don't give up hope. You have a lot of good qualities and one day when you are least expecting it you will meet someone. I know this from experience, because when I am out searching for someone I am NEVER successful, but I always meet great guys when I am least expecting it. Like when I'm just out with my friends having a good time.

[hosswhispra]

Hey Kyo,

 

I've felt EXACTLY like you at parties/social gatherings. I am naturally introverted and at times I find social gatherings extremely DRAINING. It's yin and yang with me. There are times where I am in the 'spotlight' and then most of the times I am not.

 

There's always pressure during the holiday time. It's like it's cracked up to be a time of the year when everyone has bliss with a significant other or within their family. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone on this. I have felt the very same way you have. Interestingly, lately, I am glad that I am single....I think romantic love is as real as Santa Claus. I don't want to sound all 'scrooge-like' but it does not exist. It may exist very briefly at the beginning when there is a barrage of feel-good hormones (namely dopamine) fogging the brain. Then reality hits and romantic love fades and we search for that 'high' again. It's a never-ending relentless pursuit, that if obtained--is obtained VERY briefly and then ends....because EVERYTHING has an 'expiration' date.

 

hugs,

hosswhispra

[heartlessromantic]

Let me just say that I enjoyed your anecdote!

 

I don't really know what to say other than to offer some practical advice. I would hardly consider myself a piece of gorgeous hunkitude but I've had the fortune of dating some pretty cute women in my time. And I've found that the best advice I can really give anybody is to just be yourself and not be so worried about how you "stack up". Worrying about factors outside your control only leads to frustration and anxiety. Women can sense that you are ill at ease and it is a turn-off.

 

However, being yourself is a bit harder than it sounds. The reality is that you have to be somewhat interesting. So do what it takes to make yourself more interesting, to give yourself more stories to tell. Broaden your horizons so you can chat people up about more than "invoices". How would that "gorgeous hunk's" invoice story stack up against a story about encountering a bear while hiking in the backcountry of Alaska? What if one of the women was more literary and you could talk to her about something you saw in the New York Times magazine or some book?

 

I'm not saying that you should go seek out danger, start extreme sports, or become a pseudo-intellectual but you get the idea.

 

The reality is that really attractive people will naturally have an easier time and more opportunities but you will get your opportunities as well. Just be ready to kickass when it's your time.

 

PS: But don't put any pressure on yourself. Whenever I talk to a girl I don't know, I always think to myself that I'd be happy just to make a new friend or I'm just passing time at a party or whatever. And then I see what happens, but I don't put pressure on myself.

[hosswhispra]

I tried to believe in myself, that I am an individual and what I am (ugly) should not be compared to what they are (immortal statues of hunkness) But from the vibes I got, I realized I had absolutely no chance with anyone there, so I split.

 

If you were speaking to someone else (other than yourself) would you tell them they are ugly? I don't think you would, Kyo. Why are you telling yourself you're ugly? Negative self-talk is damaging to one's self-esteem. I really believe that how one feels about themselves influences how others perceive them. Please try giving yourself some compliments and avoid negative self-talk.

 

hugs,

hosswhispra

[Dako]

Kyo,

 

You always slay me.

I just wish you were having a better holiday season.

You're a gem, and deserve better.

[AwdreeHpburn]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

And yet you keep a sense of humour through it all -- and a great one at that. I love reading your rants -

 

 

... posts, responses....

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I think your unique personality is your strenght.

[Juha]

Kyo, I always read your threads...

 

I think if you took this to the stage you could make alot of money

just telling the stories and rants...

 

You are very witty and funny...

 

 

[heloladies21]

If you think it takes good looks to get girls, then how come my friend Bobby (he's annoying, poor, no future, no friends, looks wise 5 out of 10, drives a $900 car) can get girls at will? He completely kills me when it comes to this and I'm about an 8-8.5!

 

Your observations are not reality. It all has to do with your flawed perception of how male/female interactions should be and your lack of skill with women. Lucky for you, this is something you can change, but you have to want it first.

 

I used to be very terrible with women. I am not an ace yet, but I'm a whole lot better (currently have a gf) and I'm nobody special. Everything I've learned how to do is something any guy can do too.

 

Some of the ugliest guys have the most beautiful girls. Looks can only help you if you're a guy, but it is not necessary and a very overcomable obstacle in getting girls.

[maryale]

Hey. I'm a girl and let me tell you, as far as I know, there's no more sexier man than a man that has a positive attitude, self confidence and great personality.

I prefer a dude with a great attitude, than a dude who's hot. It's all in the attitude.

[itsallgrand]

If anyone knows an isolated swamp with HBO and the football channel, let me know.

 

NOOOO!!

 

Sometimes, K, your rants make me sad. You really have no idea how many women out there are looking for a decent guy like you, do you?!

 

Right, lots of us aren't 'perfect' and we wouldn't be spotted as 'most gorgeous at an office party' ....but give these other gals a break.

 

I'm wringing my hands, 'cause I see this sit-com situation where there is this lovely girl who is so perfect for you, watching as you agonize over all these socalled deficiencies of yours and beating yourself black n blue about it.

 

You may think that women only want the guys you see as gorgeous and socially extroverted to the max, but not everyone thinks that way.

 

Any girl going after you would be screwed if she did, screwed if she didn't. If she liked you and showed it: you'd argue with her, or have to decide she isn't so great because she 'somehow isn't good enough to go for the realprizes/men'.

 

Sorry, someone has to defend the poor women who are banging their head on the wall over you.

 

Take care.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Finding love is not a game.

 

It's not a set of strategies that you can produce commentary on as you would a sporting event.

 

I also resent heloladies post when it says "..some of the ugliest guys have the most beautiful girls".

 

Well done to you for implying that to "achieve" the most beautiful girl is, naturally, the best outcome.

 

Why not just have the guts to live in a good (even, shock, respectful/ethical) way, and have the faith that life WILL present you with suitable partners providing you are interacting in the world enough?

 

(I'm not a believer in God, if this was implied I am keen to assert this is not from a religious viewpoint.)

[timlondon]

Finding love is not a game.

 

It's not a set of strategies that you can produce commentary on as you would a sporting event.

 

...

 

Why not just have the guts to live in a good (even, shock, respectful/ethical) way, and have the faith that life WILL present you with suitable partners providing you are interacting in the world enough?

 

 

You're missing the point somewhat. Many men never learn how to behave in a way that's attractive to women when they're growing up, which leaves us at a huge disadvantage when trying to find a girlfriend. The fact is that behaviour forms a huge part of attraction for women in the early stages, IMO much more so than simple looks - and your behaviour is something that you can change relatively easily.

 

Learning how to change this is neither unethical nor disrespectful.

 

In any case, just waiting for the right person to "present" themself to you may well mean a long wait...

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I wonder if I am cursed. Or if I abolished Love on some distant planet, in a former life, and this is my payback.

 

I cannot phathom how to attract this species they call Female. It is a head scratcher. I am the magnet, they are the rubber band.

 

The Hunkazoids that surround me barely lift a finger and barely notice the women I see from afar, yet the HkZs are admired like some painting by a long gone famous artist. So how can my canvas, which looks like Crayola's Worst Nightmare, reel in the ones they call Woman? Am I to assume that this trick in the bag called confidence is the be all end all of what brings Male and Female together? Or should I face reality that as long as I am in the presense of The Incredible Mr. Adonis, that I am nothing more than a fly on an elephant's ear?

 

My good looking co-worker is shy and he is called just that, which women consider cute when he turns into a blushing Cabbage Patch Kid as they compliment him on every thread that drapes his oh so super duper body.

 

I am shy and left alone, assumed to be a stalking weirdo before a word is spoken, only to be labeled an aloof goof when I struggle to talk in their presense. So I am left alone.

 

I thought my threads were cool, too. Guess it must be the fabric of his delicious being and not the fabric of his clothing. Thanks Perry Ellis.

[agualibre777]

soooorrry, i didn't mean to post here.

[Markers]

how about being positive? I gather you did start talking to those girls, despite the fact that they were focusing on that other guy. Well, you have just taken the first step - you actually started talking! Next time you'll do a lot better, and maybe you picked up some tips from that guy everyone was adoring so you can use them and next time etc.

 

I started socializing more in parties ages ago and I'm still learning. But I'm also getting results. Do the same, you can't expect to be successful immediately, you gotta spend some time learning, right?

 

By the way, the more you learn, the easier the learning gets, that's a promise.

[hosswhispra]

Kyo 'it's' really how you feel how about yourself. If you think of yourself (in your own words) "Crayola's Worst Nightmare" those feelings will emanate outwardly. Trust me, those other people that you describe in your thread have insecurities also. They could be just 'faking it, to make it'.

 

For example, when I have to ride a new horse that appears to be a bit rambunctious I get scared before I climb on it's back. Once I am up there I will do anything within my power to settle my mind and believe I can ride this new horse. I am determined like that. I am NOT going to let this new horse think it can take advantage of me. I am determined to ride it like Alexander the Great. In my opinion, it boils down to believing in yourself and knowing that you're worthy. Joy is a birthright. Fear and self-doubt (learned behaviors--we aren't born with those emotions) take bliss away. Claim back your birth given right of joy and start believing in yourself. You are worthy.

[silentalways]

that's the ticket hoss. just look at the confidence pouring out of that post! you can tell just from reading it, that its not fake, its true. people always say actions speak louder than words but i believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. or its equal. any knight in shining underwear can slay a dragon if provided with the right sword [notice he didn't make the sword only used it], but i would be more impressed by the local serf that confidently walked up to the dragon and instead of killing it, comforted it with prose and let the dragon know that not everyone wants to kill him - there are those that value even dragons.

 

give me willy shakesponder over vin desieler any day

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I can assure you, I know what I'm talking about, and we simply have a problem of communication here.

 

I merely think that differentiating between Men and Species Female is an incredibly unhelpful principle to base your dating outlook on. I never "learnt" how to attract girls, but I can do it. It's just....its just so blinkin' obvious with a bit of common sense, right?

[itsallgrand]

I agree with you Anti. We are all just people through and through.

 

K, if you were reading your post objectively as though the poster were a woman : what would you think?

 

What if it were another guy's post?

 

Will you reply or will you write another monologue?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Reading your posts, it seems like you are having trouble obsessing about how you 'rate' in relation to other men, and are worrying far more about how you are doing in relation to other the other guys in the room (in looks, success, conversation etc.) than you are about just having fun and making friends and conversation.

 

a very simple principle: you should be focusing on making friends with the WOMEN, NOT focusing on some other guy's tie or how much women laugh when the other guy makes a joke, or whether you are unattractive in relation to him etc. etc.

 

yes, there are plenty of handsome guys, but the world is FULL of tons of people who would not be considered attractive by some standard or another, and they meet and fall in love and marry etc. you need to STOP constantly rating yourself against other men, and STOP looking at every attempt to meet and converse with women as some contest you are about to lose. wrong focus, focus on the woman and having fun, not on 'scoring' yourself in relation to some other guy...

 

really, start going out and meeting all kinds of people doing things you like, and talk to LOTS of women and don't invest every interaction you have with every woman as being some kind of evidence you are unworthy if she doesn't start drooling over you the first time you meet. spending time envying other men and hating yourself won't get you any closer to what you want.

 

and if you can't stop obsessing about what you perceive as your flaws, then you need to go to a counselor and learn how to live your life feeling good about yourself and others, not feeling envious and miserable when you really shouldn't...

[timlondon]

It's just....its just so blinkin' obvious with a bit of common sense, right?

 

I'm pleased for you that you find it obvious - a lot of people don't. This is the OP's problem, he's faced with a social situation that he can't respond appropriately to, and is clearly drawing the wrong conclusions from what is going on. If he can learn what he's doing wrong I think it's appropriate that he should.

 

I merely think that differentiating between Men and Species Female is an incredibly unhelpful principle to base your dating outlook on.

 

Hmmm. maybe I'm being a bit thick - are you annoyed that it's info on "how to attract girls" rather than "how to attract people"? Your previous post suggested you were generally opposed to advice on changing behaviour generally. Apologies if I have misconstrued. I'm sure it will work equaly well if applied to attracting men.

[heloladies21]

I'm sure it will work equaly well if applied to attracting men.

I personally don't endorse the use of any tactics or gameplaying (although otherwise implicated which I don't appreciate), but some of the same things that attract women will attract men, but for the most part it's different. Like while being friends might work from a women's point of view, the same method doesn't work for guys. Men and women percieve the world and think differently. To ignore this is to ignore the truth.

 

There's nothing wrong with learning about male/female interaction. You learn by discussing and hearing other's point of view, getting feedback on your experiences. Criticizing this is usually a result of feminism but it's easy to tune out. As a result of my learning, I know what it means when a girl does certain things. Like when she tries to make me jealous, and now I know how to react. I personally don't resort to any tactics, I just respond. Other than that I am very much being myself.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Everyone here makes sense, but I am having a hard time seeing it because what I present isn't how I feel. I am very upbeat on the surface, I just come home and put on the sad face. Everytime I see someone I am attracted to, I have a smile, my shoulders aren't slumped, and I don't look to the ground anymore like I used to. I somewhat switch roles and I do gain a little confidence, whether it's fake or not. When I am chatting the ladies up, I make them laugh and, well that's it. That's why from what I've seen so far in my life {who I am

 

And it doesn't help having a best friend who is anti social, frowns much of the time, is good looking, yet has women flocking to him. Although he smiles a ton more, he has no problem with women. I've seen it several times with him. Once on an airplane, he made eye contact with one of the fellow passengers, ten minutes later he had a phone number. I could never do that with how I look, even if the humor thing is a positive for me.