"Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like"

[scotty77]

As long as the woman is willing to be patient then yes I agree.If the woman has been friendly and perhaps initiated some converations,then yes a man should be willing to step up to the plate and ask her out.Usually the shyer a man is he will have a tough time trying to decide if she really is interested.Shy men often have a hard time trying to tell if a woman might be intereted.Perhaps this is off topic but I am currently working my way out of being shy ,I have come to realize that I am actually quite a funny and witty guy.My mom always tells me that I don't realize how funny I am.So I have been working on this aspect of my personality.I recently started working in the health care industry and get a lot of opportunites to interact with women,now most of these women are already taken[married or have boyriends] but I can still practice on them.Sometimes I hit and sometimes I miss with my bantering,but I am actually am having a lot of fun experimenting.

[Batya33]

That's great to hear! As far as being patient, if you mean that the woman should not accept another man's invitation while she is "waiting" that may be too much to ask

[shy2cool]

False. I have not approached her because I fear that we are too different, which may or may not be true.

[Leonhart]

Whenever you see a "never" statement in regards to human behaviour, it's pretty well always false.

[Dako]

You mean it's never true?

 

JK, and I agree.

[txblues]

i did have a five year crush on a girl, who had offered to give me a ride to this group function; worked up the courage to email her after five years of suffering.

 

but when i see random girls in public i won't approach.

[This is Horrible]

here is my experience from my situation.

 

i posted this in another forum here about a month back...

 

anyways, there was a girl at the gym i go to that i had such a BIG crush on. she is super pretty and from the second i saw her (2.5 years ago) i was like OMG shes hot LOL

 

so anyways i got into a lt relationship for a while and didnt see this girl for all of that time....when that relationship ended and i got back to the gym i saw her again and the crush i had on her came back. it was driving me so crazy i forced myself to make conversation with her.

 

she was very, very nice, and i wound up asking her to coff or lunch in an email and she said no.

 

to be honest i am happy i did it because it felt like the weight of the world came off of my shoulders.

 

now i am over it and i have moved on.

 

so that is what I did as a shy guy in the situation with the girl i really liked.

[scotty77]

That's great to hear! As far as being patient, if you mean that the woman should not accept another man's invitation while she is "waiting" that may be too much to ask

I didn't say she shouldn't accept another man's invitation ,I just meant if she has her sights set on Mr.Shy guy,it might take a little longer [and more obvious flirting]to get the ball rolling.

[Batya33]

Yes, it might take longer - fair enough - and in the meanwhile he is risking that she will meet someone else.

[scotty77]

Yes, it might take longer - fair enough - and in the meanwhile he is risking that she will meet someone else.

That's the story of my life,Batya,I wait too long and then the moment has passed .Hopefully I can change.

[DatingIsSoHard]

Ive heard this from quite a few men......

If a guy is truly interested, Shyness wont stop him?

 

Is this true/false?

 

I think it's true *BUT* being so shy, and having this feeling that "I can't believe I'm doing this" they are going to look so insecure and stupid that the girls will mostly reject them. After one or two times they will no longer even attempt because they will think that anyway it's always and systematically a failure so why bother. Well this is my experience.. maybe others are different?

[bubblyblonde11]

Sorry to ask but what is the outcome of this thread? Curious for my own situation at the moment whether he might be tad shy (didn't seem so but then I am a little and I don't come accross that way either).

[Batya33]

Being "a bit shy" will not stop a man who is sincerely interested and available. In my experience -- I often got asked out by shy men - my boyfriend now was very shy when we met many years ago and he asked me out back then and we dated for awhile back then. The "he might be shy" is a convenient way to rationalize contacting a man who hasn't contacted you.

[sao2]

I used to think I was shy, but . . . let me just say this, I think it would be a mistake for anyone(male or female) to let shyness and/or insecurity get in the way of getting to know another person better.

 

My thinking is this, if I am too shy to ask a girl I like out, then I just don't like her that much. It's a related statement but worded differently. I have never regretted letting my interest in someone else be known. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I went down swinging.

 

By the same token I generally don't ask girls out that I have just met, I have done it before but I tend to try and get to know them a little bit before I decide if there is an attraction(attraction can fade after you get to know someone a bit).

[shyguy1]

This topic is basically one big loaded question.

 

I can say unequivocally that it can... and has stopped me.

 

Granted my issues go well beyond shyness... how far beyond I don't know, as up to this point I've not talked to an expert and have instead practiced the art of self diagnosis. I do think in my case something like social anxiety disorder, is a very real possibility along with the shyness.

 

It comes down to this:

 

Shyness is a common enough trait, that it's fair to assume that it might not be enough to stop one person from approaching a girl, while at the same time stopping another person dead in their tracks. I unfortunately find myself in the later category.

 

People are wired differently. One person's 'slight' shyness, could very well be debilitating for another person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being "a bit shy" will not stop a man who is sincerely interested and available. In my experience -- I often got asked out by shy men - my boyfriend now was very shy when we met many years ago and he asked me out back then and we dated for awhile back then. The "he might be shy" is a convenient way to rationalize contacting a man who hasn't contacted you.

[anon.]

In your statement:

"I got lucky that my ex (who i just got out of a 5 year long relationship with) was a mutual friend of mine, so it just kind of gradually started up between us."?

 

What does "gradually" mean? Weeks, months, years? How long should I let a guy that knows I like him, and seems interested in me, (but says he wants to take things slow) have a friendship with me before he asks me out? (we've only gone on one date, and that was a month ago, and I asked him out. We've been friends for about 4 months)

[Batya33]

It depends on what your goals are. I've always been relationship oriented so if I go on a date with a man unless he is out of town or there is some temporary emergency or crisis I expect to see him at least once a week/every ten days and for him to call me at least once or twice a week. If I asked a man out and he didn't ask me for a date within a week or two after that (with some exceptions as I mentioned) I would not assume he was just taking things slow, I would assume he wasn't that into me and I would shift my focus to someone who was more responsive.

 

To me taking things slow mean you date about once a week, talk on the phone about once a week and take things slow as far as intimacy. I think your guy is just making excuses because he is either not interested or available for a relationship which is why he didn't ask you out in the first place.

[shygal2008]

There are men out there that can be crushing on a girl for years and just too shy to ask her out, even if he knows her. My brother is 33 yrs old (turning 34 soon) and has suffered from extreme shyness for all his adult years. I also have a cousin who is in his late 20's and has never had a girlfriend...anxiety, low-self esteem, shyness, etc. keeps him from ever pursuing anyone ever, even if he likes her alot. He is on meds and that does help him somewhat he has said.

 

Me being shy myself, i have never asked a guy out, its too nerve racking and i may pass out if asked...lol...i find other ways of letting them know.

 

So, yes some men can be crippled by their shyness..and unlesss you know someone who suffers from it, or you are very shy yourself, its so hard to understand the struggle.

[MD Geist]

Ive heard this from quite a few men......

If a guy is truly interested, Shyness wont stop him?

 

Is this true/false?

 

Yes its true.

 

I used to be shy till last summer when there was this girl I really really liked and shyness did not get in my way. I wanted to ask her out, I did and failed. But atleast I can say I'm not shy.

[l0vel0rn]

Absolutely false. Shy guys, like shy girls, will usually avoid the one they like at all costs. The last thing they will do is approach, or technically they’re not shy. In most cases, they will not even consider asking a girl out unless she works very hard to set them up for it. She has to flirt, lead them on, and do a lot to convince the guy that she is actually attracted. Once his confidence and self esteem are built up enough, then he may come out of his shell and make a move. It can be devastating if he is rejected at this point. I would assume this is similar for girls as well.

[mattlman1]

It's great that people who don't fit the description of said character in OP can answer the question so readily.

 

If an excessively shy man fits the bill of an excessively shy man, he will, under the vast majority of circumstances, not ask the woman of his affection out.

 

If you've had a "shy" man ask you out, whether or not you shot him down, then clearly that man did not fit the bill of an overly shy man. He overcame his hangups and put himself out there.

 

Many truly shy men are unable to do that. That is why they are excessively shy. And that is why the answer to the original post: False

[MattW]

Well, now, I don't know; I consider myself "shy", but if there was a girl I really liked, I'd definitely make the effort as best I could. Good example of this, for me: there's this girl that I knew for many years when I was a kid, and when we were kids, I was SO head over heels for her. I was too shy to be direct at the time, but I didn't avoid her, I tried to put myself in situations where I could get closer to her.

 

Anyway, we didn't see each other for many years after grade school, but a year ago, we got back in contact on MySpace, and my feelings for her ended up bubbling back up. I've spent the last year just kinda making dopey small talk online with her, but it hasn't been so much of me being too "shy" to go for it, it's just... I have so little experience with girls in a "romantic" sense, that I've been at a complete loss of what to do. In other words, I knew I wanted to take a shot with her, very very badly, but I didn't know how to express it, how to not go too overboard, etc. Well, recently, I decided to just seek a means to an end, and I wrote her a sincere message from the heart, just clearing everything up, and basically asking her out. No response from her yet (it's only been a few days, though, so it could still happen), but one way or the other, no matter how she responds, at least I'll have closed that chapter of my life.

[somethngwrng]

I'm shy in the sense that I will usually not make a first move in making a connection with someone. For example, there's a cute blonde girl in one of my classes, but I highly doubt I will talk to her once this entire semester. But in 90% of situations, if I have met the girl and I like her, I've already made a decision that somewhere down the road I will make a move (granted she doesn't have a boyfriend).

[DaBladeRoden]

This thread title lies

[Jake]

This thread title lies

 

 

Agreed, it is too much of an over-generalization. My friend's and I totally do not match what that thread title says. (As others on ena do as well).