"Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like"

[steve33]

Ouch. I can see myself falling into this same position (well, I used to, not anymore in my current situation) but I suppose it could go both ways and that the girl will find it rude; hey everyone's different. I suppose the point is to just be on your guard like you might be on dates; if you get enough go for it.

 

The point is, playing it safe, being not too aggressive makes you look like a wuss. Can't tell you how many times I have lost out because of this. If you "respect" you pretty much lose. Not in all cases, I'm sure some women appreciate this, just most don't.

[bostonbruins24]

But what you're doing is eliminating vast amounts of women from your dating field. You've narrowed it down to women that are religious and like shy men. That's not common. It's like when women only will date 6'4 millionairs with 6 pack abs but only work 15 hour weeks. It's not common.

That's my preference,I didn't say I would only date those type of women exclusively.However by your rule of thumb the vast majority of women are not going to be interested in me because I am shy.I am not going to change my personality to accommodate the vast majority of women when I am only looking for one woman .Maybe I am wrong but I have faith.I believe somewhere out there,right now is a woman who will love and accept me the way I am [shyness and all]right now.

[bostonbruins24]

Even fat men want thin women. The same way shy women still want confident men. Confidence in men makes women feel "safe", plus they are more entertaining.

What's your definition of confidence anyway? I am shy and quiet but I wouldn't say I was unconfident.

[bostonbruins24]

The point is, playing it safe, being not too aggressive makes you look like a wuss. Can't tell you how many times I have lost out because of this. If you "respect" you pretty much lose. Not in all cases, I'm sure some women appreciate this, just most don't.

How can you say that steve,without knowing anything at all about the woman you are trying to make move on?You are generalizing far too much and assuming all women are going to react that way.Just look at the diversity of responses in the other thread about women preferring shy or outgoing men.

[dr_styles]

Nor are your observations [or mine] of what we see happening in our daily lives.

 

But we trust our eyes - or more specifically years of experiences (or lack of) - more than words on a message board.

 

I am not going to change my personality to accommodate the vast majority of women when I am only looking for one woman. Maybe I am wrong but I have faith.

 

OK but I wonder how long till your faith falters. As unhappy as I am now I am glad that I've still nonetheless woken up sooner rather than even later. If you are successful than great! But after so many years faith just becomes foolishness.

[bostonbruins24]

But we trust our eyes - or more specifically years of experiences (or lack of) - more than words on a message board.

 

 

 

OK but I wonder how long till your faith falters. As unhappy as I am now I am glad that I've still nonetheless woken up sooner rather than even later. If you are successful than great! But after so many years faith just becomes foolishness.

If you are so shy that you are not approaching women or even agreeing to be set up by your friends then ,ya ,that's a major stumbling block to meeting women.A dramatic change in personality is just not going to happen for most guys though.

[bostonbruins24]

But we trust our eyes - or more specifically years of experiences (or lack of) - more than words on a message board.

 

 

 

OK but I wonder how long till your faith falters. As unhappy as I am now I am glad that I've still nonetheless woken up sooner rather than even later. If you are successful than great! But after so many years faith just becomes foolishness.

Blind faith that the Lord above is going to send a woman into my arms would be foolish,without any action on my part.However there are many shy men happily in relationships with women who find there shyness endearing.Just look at the other thread.For me to turn into ''Mr. Joe confidence '' isn't likely to happen anytime soon.

[dr_styles]

Well with the upbringing I've had (my family/relatives are a very isolated people ...) I'm starting from a long way back and on my own.

 

You're right I don't think I can be Mr. Joe Confidence but I'm gonna have to just keep trying - the faith approach that I can somehow still be shy/reserved (not to say effortless) is not something I will do anymore. It won't work.

[Brightest Dark]

It's cool you think that way, but the vast majority of women, even shy women, will find shyness repulsive. It reminds them of themselves, a girly trait, so they will not like you. Women love confidence in men, and shyness is the opposite of confidence, so you have to accept that the vast majority of women don't want you the way you currently are, hence why people work on their shyness to overcome it.

 

That's complete crap. You can't speak for women. I'm shy and I like shy guys. Well, I like shy good looking guys. If you're not liked, it's not necessarily because you're shy, it's because of other factors. And just because you overhear 2 women on a subway talking about wanting a man to be more aggressive it doesn't mean that every girl does. Everyone is different. 2 girls talking does not equal 'every girl thinks this way'. There's a difference between letting a girl know you like her and 'being aggressive'. If I got some little subtle signs that the shy guy I liked might be interested, then I'd be more likely to give HIM more signs in return.

[steve33]

That's complete crap. You can't speak for women. I'm shy and I like shy guys. Well, I like shy good looking guys. If you're not liked, it's not necessarily because you're shy, it's because of other factors. And just because you overhear 2 women on a subway talking about wanting a man to be more aggressive it doesn't mean that every girl does. Everyone is different. 2 girls talking does not equal 'every girl thinks this way'. There's a difference between letting a girl know you like her and 'being aggressive'. If I got some little subtle signs that the shuy guy I liked might be interested, then I'd be more likely to give HIM more signs in return.

 

 

 

Wow, that's great, so if Brad Pitt is shy, you won't have a problem. Problem is most guys don't look like models, just like most women don't look like models.

[Brightest Dark]

Wow, that's great, so if Brad Pitt is shy, you won't have a problem. Problem is most guys don't look like models, just like most women don't look like models.

 

Yeah. That's my problem. I have high standards as far as guys looks go, so I've been single forever. But I've liked one particular shy guy (as some people on here may recollect) for probably the past couple of years. He's not 'stunning', but he's not bad looking. I knew him for a couple of years without actually finding myself attracted to him. It was only when I found out that a) he was actually quiet and shy, and b) he was single, lol, that I started thinking 'hmm...'. The crap thing is that he lives in another country. Bumped into him a few times when I've been over there or he's been here, last time being in December when he came over to me and gave me a hug (but I was sat down with things on my lap so it was a little awkward), but although from his lack of response to a couple of emails (I emailed him a couple of months ago and said he ought to come back with his friends when they were coming and he didn't reply), I still find I don't want to give up - because I know he's shy - and I know we'd get on so well if we just had a better chance to hang out or get to know each other better. Either a) he's totally not interested in me, b) he thinks because we live in 2 different countries there's no point, c) he's busy with his career and doesn't want a girl, or d) too scared and shy to make a move or hasn't picked up on my subtle signs so doesn't know I like him. But yeah, I would love to get to know a shy guy that I was attracted to and have one as my boyfriend. I would prefer a shy guy than a loud guy, because I could relate more to a shy guy. I would feel more comfortable with a shy guy because I'd know he was like me and I didn't have to try and be more outgoing to keep up with a more outgoing person. I am too shy to give too many big signs too though, which is why I wish shy guys would also try to give some signs. I really urge everyone who's shy to at least try with some small subtle signs. You don't have to tell a girl or guy that you want to go out with them, but just do little things, smile, seem interested in them, try and make conversation, tell them they look nice, respond to them if they make an effort to communicate with you. These small things won't make you look like fools - but if the other person is interested it will give them a sign and they may then give you a bigger sign back.

[bostonbruins24]

It sounds like a long shot of ever happening,if he lives in another country.Send him another email,you really don't know why he hasn't responded.It definitely sounds like there is a ''need for speed'',if you are going to kick start the relationship.Perhaps you and a few friends could take a vacation to his country .If you went with realistic expectations[i'll have a good time with friends if we don't happen to meet and hit it off]you may be rewarded.

[Brightest Dark]

I do think I need to be in his area more. I'm actually going back to the US (I'm in England) in the summer but I'm not going to his area. There's an event on elsewhere that I decided to go to and while I was thinking 'I'd really like to go to his city too' I don't want to have too much time off work - so this time I'm not going to. So I doubt I'll see him. I daren't try emailing him again because I'm already paranoid that he might not be interested in me and think I'm a pain for even trying to communicate with him. Also, another reason he might not be interested is because his friend used to flirt with me all the time. I knew his friend before him so I hung out with his friend a lot - and barely noticed him (because his friend was always more outgoing and specifically took time to talk to me). His friend flirted A LOT - so I wouldn't be surprised if he knows his friend liked me (or maybe even still does) - and that's another reason he keeps his distance. Shy guy sent me an add request on facebook the other month although he's got 300 or so friends so he's not picky lol. I really don't want to write to him again though first unless I have a really good reason to - and at the moment I don't, because I don't want him to think I'm annoying. This is why shy guys should give more signs. I'm less inclined to make an effort until he does, because I'm too scared that I'll make a fool of myself.

 

I'd give up and move on but I'm so picky there are no guys I'm really attracted to. I get lots of guys on POF writing to me but they're so not my type.

[DaBladeRoden]

Hmm, you're going to the US but not his area eh? Not talking to him eh? He probably thinks you aren't interested

[bostonbruins24]

Your only means of contacting him is by email though,right?So,I think you need to send him an email or send him something on facebook,just wishing it will happen is obviously not enough.

[steve33]

How can you tell someone is not your type from a dating site? If anything chicks that would have dismissed me online have given me a chance in person. Websites just give you excuses to dismiss people because you have a list of 10,000 other guys. You can't know without meeting them.

[Brightest Dark]

How can you tell someone is not your type from a dating site? If anything chicks that would have dismissed me online have given me a chance in person. Websites just give you excuses to dismiss people because you have a list of 10,000 other guys. You can't know without meeting them.

 

I know they're not my type because I am not attracted to them looks-wise. I can tell by a bunch of pix whether I fancy someone or not. A guy is not going to suddenly look gorgeous in real life if he looks bad online. Most guys who write to me are bald, look middle-aged and could do with losing a few pounds! Or they've got shaved heads and look like they're into hip-hop or something! Or they're even 10 years younger than me (and I'm not that much of a cradle-snatcher!). Even then I've yet to see one I thought was really good-looking. No offence to anyone on here who is like anything I've listed but that's not the type of guy I go for. I do have my own personal preference (if you find a Jared Leto lookalike, send him my way!). I am particularly picky and won't lower my standards (except for the shy guy in USA who doesn't look too bad!). Sorry if you don't like that some of us choose looks as the most important thing first. I think even most guys who say they don't do too - they just don't want to admit it.

 

Obviously a guy should also have a nice personality - but I can tell straightaway (as I think most guys and people in general can) whether I am attracted to someone. A lot of people aren't as picky as me and might give members of the opposite sex more of a chance, but I am notoriously picky (hence being single for 14 years! - I'd rather stay single than settle for anything less than what I'm attracted to). I'm not the type of person who NEEDS to just be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Of course sometimes I wonder if I'll be single forever and it can get depressing, but still not enough to make me lower my standards! There's just no way I could be with a guy I wasn't attracted to. I mean, you've got to kiss him and other stuff. The thought of stuff like that with someone I'm not attracted to is horrific! It would be like how I imagine prostitution to be! I mean, why be with someone you're not attracted to? It wouldn't make me happy. Sure, a guy can have the most wonderful personality - but I still won't fancy him if I'm not attracted to him aesthetically. I've got a bunch of male friends who each originally were attracted to me - but they're not my type. I love them as friends and they are awesome people, but there's no way they'd be anything more because there is no attraction there for me.

 

Sorry for waffling on!

 

Back to the US guy... I really daren't write to him again as I've given him enough chances over the last couple of years. One time I wrote to him when I WAS gonna be in his area and said 'hey I'm gonna be over there, I think you should meet up with me!' and he didn't reply at all. So from things like that it makes me think he's not interested. You'd have thought he could have at least replied with an excuse rather than not at all though. On the other hand, then there are the times when I do bump into him and he gives me big hugs (initiating them first), the smiles and stares, and then he sent me the add request on facebook. I think I will just have to wait till the time is right. Maybe he'll come over here at some point and I'll get to talk to him more then. Or maybe I'll just have to try and get him out of my head.

[bostonbruins24]

Did you add him to facebook? There must be some other guys you are attracted to.I am interested in 3 women at the moment.Yes,like you there is one in particular that I really want but it may not happen.I wouldn't read anything into him wanting to add you on facebook[it seems like most people's ''friends'' are often people that they barely know].However I would read something into him not responding to your email for the two of you to meet up.Since you don't see him regularly [day to day]what have you got to lose by sending him one last email[with your phone number] telling him you are interested.Personally I would rather know than try to keep some fanatasy alive that some guy in another country is interested in me.There must be other men you are interested in .If you really tried I bet there are five guys that you could see yourself with.

[Brightest Dark]

There's really no-one in the UK I am interested in. I am THAT picky! I already gave him my number the other year when I wrote suggesting we met up and he ignored it, so I'm really not going to write again. I honestly gave him his chance and he's not used it - this is why I posted in this thread. You shy guys really have to pick up on the chances and not lose them because if you do you lose out. You can't just sit there and not bother doing anything because then you will be single forever. Ok, I could say that to me as well, but I've honestly tried with this guy, and he just hasn't responded.

 

I did meet up with a guy in Jan off POF who wasn't bad but he decided he was in love with his ex so after meeting him 3 times that was it. There's been no-one since then. Was just thinking the other day about this other guy I've met a couple of times in the US. He's cute - but I've recently done some digging around and found out he's engaged. Typical! The good-looking ones are ALWAYS taken. (Apart from the shy one of course, who as far as I know has been single forever too)

[bostonbruins24]

The good looking ones are not always taken.Maybe you wouldn't think I was good looking but many people do. I don't have much of a social network,most of my friends have moved away,I work nights and am very shy.That's why I'm single,it's not because of my looks.Focusing on guys in other countries isn't a good idea,unless you are visiting regularly ,so I think you should forget about your shy guy,I think he would have responded to your email if he was interested.Are you sure he recieved it?

[Brightest Dark]

The good looking ones are not always taken.Maybe you wouldn't think I was good looking but many people do. I don't have much of a social network,most of my friends have moved away,I work nights and am very shy.That's why I'm single,it's not because of my looks.Focusing on guys in other countries isn't a good idea,unless you are visiting regularly ,so I think you should forget about your shy guy,I think he would have responded to your email if he was interested.Are you sure he recieved it?

 

Ok. Yeah, I sent it through myspace so I know he read it.

[JusticeLaw9]

Ive heard this from quite a few men......

If a guy is truly interested, Shyness wont stop him?

 

Is this true/false?

 

There are two types of people in this world. Those who are fearful and those who are fearful but use it as motivating factor.

[shygal2008]

If a guy suffers from love shyness or social phobia which are extreme cases then they may never be able to get over it..they may want to desperately to be with the one they love, find attractive, see a future with, etc. but if they have a chronic shyness, they may never be able too..very sad

[LightbulbSun]

If a guy suffers from love shyness or social phobia which are extreme cases then they may never be able to get over it..they may want to desperately to be with the one they love, find attractive, see a future with, etc. but if they have a chronic shyness, they may never be able too..very sad

 

Exactly.

 

It's damaging to think what the OP said in her first post. Shy guys do not approach girls. If you're shy, you don't approach. If you're shy, you don't approach.

 

Get it drilled into your head.

[Panther_Dude]

Ive heard this from quite a few men......

If a guy is truly interested, Shyness wont stop him?

 

Is this true/false?

 

It is false. It's BS.