"Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like"

[Dako]

Well, it's just my opinion.

[Batya33]

I agree with DN that a woman should make the first move with a shy man but only if she is comfortable being with a person who is that shy that he cannot even manage to ask a woman to have coffee with him. For some women I am sure that is not a problem - for me it would be as I need to be with someone who is reasonably comfortable in a variety of social and work situations.

 

I also think many women mistake lack of interest as shyness- as in they see that the man is reasonably outgoing and extroverted with others and they know he has had serious and casual dating relationships in the past, yet they delude themselves into believing he has not asked them out yet because he is "shy."

 

 

Extreme shyness can be a terrible affliction - I have never had it to any extreme but have suffered from a phobia that limited my ability to do certain activities, be in certain situations, as well as from a mild eating disorder in my teens/early 20s that similarly limited me. Those who chose to date me during the eating disorder time had to put up with some annoying/restrictive behavior from me - and at times I wouldn't have blamed them for not wanting to! Similarly, I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to date an extremely shy person if it would mean incompatible lifestyles, etc.

[DN]

Well, it's just my opinion.

I wasn't referring to your post but the original idea of the thread.

[Budman]

False,

 

A guy can actually adore a woman, Want to be with her, see himself with her for the rest of his life, and never say the words "I love you" or "I want to be with you"

 

He'll be her best friend till the day she dies.

 

Watch the movie dirty love, thats what happens when a guy grows b a l l s.

[Taomagicdragon]

Preaching an open-mind while using biased language is hypocritical though how many can read between those lines I know not.

 

For the quote mentioned above..

 

Completely false and here are some reasons:

 

The girl is already "taken"

The girl outright has no interest in him

The girl happens to be of a different orientation

Their religion/family/society won't allow it (this can be chagned at times)

He's already taken

He chooses the safer alternative (friendship) in lieu of a riskier one

There are many more examples.

 

Now for the view "guys ask out the girl not vice versa"

 

I know of two cases involving my friends where the girl did the leg-work and both relationship happen to be healthy into their third year.

 

I believe both genders have the equal chances of starting and messing up a relationship as well as making one work. If you want to maintain equal rights then do yourself a favour and relinquish your right to be passive.

 

If you have asked out guys and it hasn't worked then either keep trying or become a lesbian (the last part was a joke) as you can't make such a generalization while still maintaining both genders are equal.

 

(unless you want to be bare-foot and pregnant cooking a "sammich" for you hubby while he watches the game)

 

Finally shyness is not debilitating and if you are shy and try to be bold and bombastic it will back fire and you'll implode into yourself (that was nice wordplay).

 

It is when you couple your fear of rejection with that shyness that you end up perpetually single (again awesome wordplay). Shyness is nuetral and it is up to us how we use it. Same with being confident..you can become either proud of yourself or be full of hubris (both use the same innate quality but with vastly different ramifications).

[charley]

That depends on the guy. However, for a truly shy guy, the more attracted he is, the more difficult it is for him to go after her.

 

So I have to definitely say that shyness does often prevent shy guys going after a woman.

 

If someone says otherwise, I then suspect that they are not shy and thereforeeee don't understand shy guys.

[Batya33]

I have been asked out by very shy guys who decided to "take the plunge." Shy men should understand that by acting in an outgoing way other than around the woman in whom they are interested the woman might be confused as to whether the guy is truly shy or just not interested.

[TheDMan05]

Some shy guys might be interested in a girl but would never approach them in such a way because they feel like they're too shy to have a girlfriend, even though they want one.

 

I'm one of them. ](*,)

[Batya33]

yes, and that is why I always say that if a guy is interested AND available most of the time he will ask a woman out on a proper date. Right now you are not available for a relationship - you are choosing not to be based on your shyness. I hope you decide someday soon to reach out despite your shyness. My boyfriend did and is glad he did!

[New_Horizons]

I

I also think many women mistake lack of interest as shyness-

 

The reverse of this occurs way, WAY more often. Shyness is often interpreted as disinterest, or worse, arrogance. Many women pass up on great shy men because of the stupid concept that "men are never too shy to approach a girl". If she just doesn't like being with a shy guy, well then that's understandable. But if she rejects him because of the above (wrong) notion, then she is automatically excluding a huge chunk of the interested men.

 

Or let me put it this way - it would be easier for a starving vegetarian lost in the woods to catch and eat a wild animal than it would be for a really shy man to approach a girl.

[DN]

It is easy for men who are not shy, or for women who will never approach a man, to give their opinions about shy men and whether they will or will not approach a woman if they are really interested in her - but those opinions are of no real help because they can't possibly understand what the shy man is going through and the opinions are usually counter-productive because they put even more pressure on the shy man and that is the last thing that he needs. To say that a man is choosing not to available because of shyness is a case in point - it betrays a real lack of understanding.

[Batya33]

I would never say an extremely shy man was choosing not to be available - but sometimes due to shyness he is not available at that time for a healthy relationship (depends on the particulars of the shyness) and if he wants one, he should choose to work on the shyness either on his own or with a counselor or some other objective third party. One of the posters admitted he wasn't available to have a girlfriend because of his shyness.

 

I assume the "never approach men" was not directed at me - I have asked several men out in my life, and approached many men with direct interest. I have never found asking men out to be an effective way to find a serious relationship and neither have any of the people I know. If it were effective I would have done it more often.

 

I have heard many many stories from women about women assuming a man was too shy to ask them out - only to see those same men ask out the women they were truly interested in.

 

I feel sympathy for shy people in general and do understand that someone can be too shy to ask someone out but not too shy in the context of a relationship. I have been approached by and asked out by several extremely shy men and many more "shy" men - I have an approachable look and way about me - I know this from experience and have been told this many times.

[Batya33]

The reverse of this occurs way, WAY more often. Shyness is often interpreted as disinterest, or worse, arrogance. Many women pass up on great shy men because of the stupid concept that "men are never too shy to approach a girl". If she just doesn't like being with a shy guy, well then that's understandable. But if she rejects him because of the above (wrong) notion, then she is automatically excluding a huge chunk of the interested men.

 

Or let me put it this way - it would be easier for a starving vegetarian lost in the woods to catch and eat a wild animal than it would be for a really shy man to approach a girl.

 

That has not been my experience, having been asked out by several extremely shy men.

[New_Horizons]

That has not been my experience, having been asked out by several extremely shy men.

 

That's kinda paradoxical. If they mustered the courage to ask you out, then they weren't extremely shy. I don't want to split hairs on the different degrees of shyness but those men were probably a 3 on a 0 to 10 scale, with 0 being the most shy. Just my guess. Of course shyness can also vary with the situation. I have become moderately confident speaking to small groups and interacting with people in a businesslike manner. But I still clam up when I want to talk to a girl I really like.

[Batya33]

Yes - I know the feeling and I can get that in certain situations including approaching men, public speaking, etc. I understand about the not wanting to split hairs - I am talking about men who I knew already to be very shy and who nevertheless asked me out. If that makes them "not that shy" then that is your definition. I don't consider a man to suffer from extreme shyness if it only comes up in a situation where he has to ask a woman out for coffee - I might call it situation anxiety or the normal fears we all get - perhaps magnified - when we have to approach someone where we might be rejected.

 

If a man only became "shy" in the situation of asking out a woman I likely would be fine with being in a relationship with him. If he was extremely shy in most social situations that would not be a good fit for me/my lifestyle although of course I could be friends with such a person, and have been.

[JustYourAverageGirl]

FALSE! big time.

[corvidae]

Re: the title of this thread...nonsense, utter nonsense.

[Survictor]

If YOU are too shy to approach a girl/boy YOU really like then there is no hope for YOU! YOU are doomed to wander through life kicking yourself for never having the courage to do so.

 

In the end though, the person left suffering is yourself!

 

At some point, you have to stop worrying they might say no because a yes is not an option if you don't!

[xxsoftwarexx]

I approach the ones that make me say to myself "I could marry her", not the ones that I think "good god, look at the butt on her". I think any guy that is genuinely interested in the woman herself, can easily find some way to approach.

[GeneralLee]

Thats about as false as a statement can get. I've known several girls that I honestly think I could have wound up marrying, but not one of them has any clue (atleast on they got from me) that I liked them.

 

J

[Gunner6543]

False.

 

The more attracted to a woman i am, the more unlikely it is will attempt to approach.

 

If like me he has problems with self-confidence he will be fearing rejection from speaking to attractive women, much more than women he has no interest in.

[Gunner6543]

yes, and that is why I always say that if a guy is interested AND available most of the time he will ask a woman out on a proper date. Right now you are not available for a relationship - you are choosing not to be based on your shyness. I hope you decide someday soon to reach out despite your shyness. My boyfriend did and is glad he did!

 

That is a silly as me giving advice to a herrion addict on how to kick the habbit.

 

I have no understanding of what it is like to have the problem.

 

If someone if really shy then that is not a 'choice', that is a deeply phsyioical problem brought about my many things in life (in my case bullying at school). It is not something you chose.

 

Shy people don't approach girls because their problem is preventing them, if someone is truly shy, then you will probably not have a relationship until you get that problem under control.

[Batya33]

That is a silly as me giving advice to a herrion addict on how to kick the habbit.

 

I have no understanding of what it is like to have the problem.

 

If someone if really shy then that is not a 'choice', that is a deeply phsyioical problem brought about my many things in life (in my case bullying at school). It is not something you chose.

 

Shy people don't approach girls because their problem is preventing them, if someone is truly shy, then you will probably not have a relationship until you get that problem under control.

 

You may not choose to be shy but you choose whether to seek help to overcome the shyness, just like people who fear public speaking can get help to overcome the fear if it is worth it to them. I would think that with few exceptions, a shy person could work on the shyness issue sufficiently to be able to ask a woman out for coffee.

[Shudder]

I think any guy that is genuinely interested in the woman herself, can easily find some way to approach.

 

i have to agree here and to the title of the thread... i've done so many things to get the attention of a girl and some were really stupid. at first i do have to say that i was more conscious of what the results were but after a bit i just laugh it off

[Luke Skywalker]

I would consider myself an introvert person, not necessarily shy. However, I would agree with some posters comments that I may have a negative interpretation about women's responses, and may pull the 'she rejected me' eject button prematurely while her responses may be impersonal.

 

There is also another effect, that if the girl is talking to a guy that's perceived to be more outgoing or masculine and appears to have a good rapport with him, then in those cases I feel too insecure to even make eye contact or talk to the girl to try to make a rapport because I'd assume she already had her 'fill' with that other guy and would not be interested in talking with me. So, in that case, I would not approach that girl, simply because she appeared to have a good rapport with someone else that she was warm, friendly, or laughing with, while I would be struggling to get a hello out.

 

When I'm with my mother, then I usually turn myself off to approaching women, and often just blame it on being around my mom because I'm worried what she may say or think if I'm trying to hit on a girl around her, or if she may wreck it by introducing herself to them as my mom or something.