txblues

encouraging post taurus, i had a moment of hope, a very quick moment. like you i've started a job that puts me out there in front of people and being able to make presentations, being confident is a must. qualities i lack. often times i get so down on myself for not doing any better. socially i'm not happy as well, since work is the only thing i have and don't have life outside of it. no friends... no girlfriend. i wish it were so simple as just picking up a sport or hobby to make myself happy. but i base my value on job performance too much and i'm happiest when i'm able to achieve and do things at work. i run for exercise and run harder when i'm frustrated with myself, its almost punishing myself for my shortcoming. can't say i really enjoy it or think its life change. so no social life, not good at work, no passion for personal interests. im quite jaded.

what about phone convos in a long distance relationship? wouldn't you want them to last longer since that's the way to maintain the emotional connection? i have interest in a girl that lives far away

i've never noticed her looking away the times we hung out. in fact i was the the one being shy and looking away from her eye contact. i think she's the confident type.

eye contact is good. especially when you have so much confidence when her eyes meet yours you hold your contact and she holds contact, both knowing you were checking her out and you're not ashamed of it as for touching i'll do the hand on the back but no rubbing because i'm so shy and i haven't gotten that far with anygirl to think i could rub, or tickle. i'll let the girls do the rubbing if they like. i love when dancing the girl starts stroking the back of my neck and head, starts dancing behind me and rubs my stomach and chest. another technique i've seen and used is when talking to a girl and standing near the wall turn to her, extend an arm and rest your hand against the wall. preventing you putting your hands in your pocket, and also extending your personal space and sort of isolating her. another technique when talking and near the noisy bar is lean into her ear when you talk to her. and when she talks, turn your ear slightly and lean toward her. this wil make her lean toward your ear in return. even if you can hear her from arms distance lean in and pretend you can't hear.

There's this girl that i want to hangout with more. I've been in email contact with her after meeting her once about a year ago. it was on her hint that i visit again. which i did. when i went there and called her on a friday night to see about saturday she said she wanted to hangout and sight see the city that day. i call her late saturday and she told me she tried calling to see if i could do come out to dinner with her friends. well we met late saturday and had a lot of fun at the club, flirted alot. though we don't talk on the phone much she tells me to call her when i visit again. how do i maintain this momentum to let it proceed from hangingout to something more? what signals do i look for? what signals of interest/flirting do i give off without getting too far ahead of her comfort level? she lives far away. so it makes it difficult.

this happened to me also. i decided to call a girl on a monday night, most of the time they're in. but i also decided to watch a game at a bar and have a beer to relax me. i stepped out from the bar and called her. couldn't hear much but i did ask to meet her sunday noon, phone convo lasted 5 minutes, but she still wanted to meet. so have an exit strategy to keep your convo short, like the bartender is bringing food out and you have to get back in.

thanks, i don't think i'm good at anything...jack of all trades and a master of none. but i just gotta keep improving...

is anybody having a difficult time finding something that they're good at and they'll enjoy also? growing up there was so much pressure to succeed in school for me. i floated around majors, received two bachelors of science, and now with the end of my current job contract approaching i'm at a loss as to what i'll be doing. my current job involves business management and so it requires interpersnal skills which i sorely lack. i do enjoy the challenge of working with people. i always had negative self beliefs of myself. I was the quiet introverted type so i never considered business. but my current job would best suit me moving into a business career, but like i said i don't know if i can succeed because o my personality. i'm going to try to work on it more in the next year. i'm considering an MBA with a concentration in accountancy so i'll have a broad business foundation as well as technical expertise. anyone face similar challenges, problems?

girls in the city just have their defenses up. in this large city in the east coast, girls will just ignore me when all i want are directions. young girls don't know any better. or maybe their attracted to the older mature 20 something, it increases their popularity and image among peers dating someone out of high school. i guess.

i was at a crowded club saturday night just walking around making eye contact. saw a girl and we held eye contact as i walked by. didn't think anything of it. later that night i pass close by her and made eye contact again(3 seconds or so). this time she was looking at me first. i didn't think anything of it again. but i should've stopped hung around and tried to talk to her. *note to self*

i'm sortof in a similar predicament with a girl about 3 hours away also. only i have her number but haven't made it as far as kissing; definitely alot of flirting between us when we hungout, perhaps this had to do with the amount of drinks she had, couldn't quantify how much and how much it affects her flirting. she's called me up a few times. i wish i would hear back from her more often but she tells me to call her when i visit the city. seems like its just a hangout and flirt type thing. maybe this is the way they want the relationship to progress at this point. i would say wait until you hangout again and let it develop from there, but in the meantime try to meet other people, have fun, date, etc... its hard not to think about what could be if there isn't the barrier of distance or what if i called her up myself more often. but then this is wishful thinking for a relationship and girls can be in a the mode of single, flirting, but not looking for anything serious right off the bat.

might be easier to give her your email instead; girls could be reluctant to give personal info out to complete stranger; but like they say girls are unpredictable;

Its true that you have to have a positive outlook even before trying to meet girls. i've never had a girlfriend and i'm much older than you. i would go out to bars or clubs, feel down and negative all night and never talk to anyone, continuing a vicious cycle; being shy, not able to converse, flirt, it was mounting frustration. friday night i was on a high note because a girl i've emailed for a few months wanted to meet up on sunday. so i go out friday night feeling good, waving to people, offering to let in the guy at the security door. i went to the bar and flirted with the bartender making her laugh, tried to get her to do a shot with me; she declined unfortunately; when i'm down i would never have anything to say. well i continued on to the pool table and offered to help a lady with the coin slot. we started talking a little and i met her friend and started talking a little; didn't progress as i wanted to but major improvement versus standing against the wall all night. so do little things to be positive; the other day i was on the highway and let someone change into my lane. another time i sat in traffic for about 30 minutes instead of feeling hateful i decided to practice smiling at every car that passed; didn't matter that they didn't notice. go to the mall. prep yourself by talking to the sales girls about stuff you maybe interested in buying. be nice. try the food court to see if any single girls are out. maybe sit a few table away and make eye contact and smile. and don't pay attention to other guys; i used to watch guys on the dancefloor and hate myself also for not having their success; pay attention to the single girls, what they're doing, how they're acting, try to make eye contact, smile, etc...

yes, back then i went through stages where i would constantly romanticize about a girl. first one was beginning of High school through start of college. in my free time that's all i would think about: how she looked at me here or there. what our future could be like; the things i would say to her. there were a few more girls after that...maybe 2. recently i've been emailing a girl and discussing we should meet up. i felt too lazy really to make a drive and visit her but i said i owe to her since we've been discussing it. when i called her to confirm i was a little bit giddy, then it wore off. now i'm just looking forward to meeting and having a good time; nothing more nothing less, no dreams of a romantic future or anything of the sort. so i'll just take the moment for what its worth and we'll see what happens. maybe that's the way its supposed to work.

well for a while i've been tossing around the idea of learning my native language better and possibly work there for a few years in the land i was born; so it would keep me busy to study that as well as studying to get into an mba program. am i running away from my problems if i do this? i am an asian male so you've heard all those male asian dating situation rants. i wonder what it would be like to live for a year or two, travel a bit. i've heard of a middle aged asian man who tried to earn a living in america, got married, divorced and plan on moving back to his country. i thought what a waste of an opportunity; but now i see why. what's the american dream with no one to share it with?