Down I go..

[desertnomad]

yeah you better like that cat 8P

[sandyv]

Good mornin all, just getting ready for work, I will be heading to work shortly, but of course I will abuse my time at work and chat with y'all from there....

 

hey maybe I should try the leather jacket idea?

 

Nah... probably look like a tough biker chic... lol

[Vynde]

Hello Guy/Gals

 

 

I have been having a bad week and felt it was time to jump on the support train again.

 

I tried to cut my support options down, as a type of experiment (which didn’t go to well) in an attempt to see if I could go it alone. A type of progress check if you will…

 

Well, it failed and I realize now that it wasn’t one of my best ideas. It has set me back a bit. I guess from doing it, I have realized that I still need the support and that I am still very much in a lot of pain.

 

It’s been just over 60 days for me, since she walked out of my life and into someone else’s. No attempt has been made by her to contact me, nor have I made any attempt to contact her. I know our reasons for NC are very much different, mine being fear, her, well who knows….

 

I’m struggling again – and very depressed. I try so hard to see the improvements, which I won’t lie to you about, there have been some. Many techniques that I have been provided by members here DO work. However. My heart still remains very much sad.

 

I miss her damit. I shouldn’t. I don’t want to anymore. The connection seems unbreakable for me. Going out, keeping busy, helping people, hobbies seem to only mask the pain.

 

Everything I do feels so fake and dream-like. /ugh I guess I’m being impatient and unwilling to go through the slow (and what seems to be, tortures’) healing process.

 

I hate to bring down the upbeat threads, which by the way I’m very happy to see but I can’t hold it the darkness.

 

How is everyone else doing in regards to there “situation”?

 

john

[sandyv]

Sorry to hear your feeling down. I'll be honest with you, I try to not admit that I'm not great yet...... so don't be fooled.

 

I still frequent the cafe me and my ex used to hang out at..... and yes I've seen him but have been acting nonchalant, but inside I'm hurting still very much.... and sometimes I wonder if I'm not going there because I still long to see him (the ex Jack). He tries to do the eye contact thing and I pretend he isn't there. So I guess John the only thing to do is hang in there... easier said than done, I know. You are a kind, good person, obviously you gave your ex your heart totally.

 

Hang in there, we are all here for you.....

[LONESOUL]

John,

 

Hello. I'm sorry to hear things are difficult for you this week. It's a process John, I know you have heard it before, but it's true. It just is. It

takes, as long as it takes, and sometimes~well, that's a long time. It won't always be as bad as it is right now though, you will begin to heal and move forward. You know this is true yourself because you are saying this has set you back a bit. It's normal to miss her, and it's okay to miss her. You feel what you feel. But you will have to go through the process of healing. It's like

loosing weight, you can't cheat it~fast weight loss is almost always regained.

But if we recondition ourselves through proper diet and exercise it can be done. You can't cheat the process, you just can't~ (I personally think that is sort what people do when they rebound, they try to heal the wound quickly, but it often

fails and in some cases the same issues arise in the next relationship)

It is painful, the other I cried like a child a few days ago. My tears seems so heavy. I cried those deep sobs, the ones that echo in the night and awaken us from our slumber. I know it hurt, all of us here know, it hurts. Use us, lean on us, allow us to hold you up and do the same for us until these terrible wounds heal and our shattered lives are repaired.

You do not simply have to simply survive, you can and will overcome this and live a wonderful life once again. You are right when you say keeping busy only masks the pain. At this point, that is what it will do. But one day ,as you are moving along you will notice you had an hour in which you laughed or

you told a story or you built a bird house and you didn't think of her, and you didn't hurt...and a week later you go two hours....and on and on and life ...goes on. Make a choice to do what you must do to LIVE move forward and heal.

[sandyv]

Oh Lone, your post actually put tears in my eyes...... so sweet....

[LONESOUL]

Hey Sandyv Lady, what's going on today? The post is true, we all just hurt do bad right now. We just need to hang in there, thats all. Our wounds are very fresh. There is hope on the horizon though, and I am so glad we all have each other.

[sandyv]

Yeah I'm really glad to have found this place and people like you.

 

This has just gotta be the best thread on here though I think

 

 

[Vynde]

Sandy / LONE

 

Thank you. Your words are deep and soothing.

 

It’s good to know that when I fall, someone is there to pick me up and dust me off..

 

Your right, the things we do sometimes just mask the pain, but it is necessary and an important part of the healing process.

 

The pain sometimes can be so great, it’s a pain that I never have felt before, nor did I ever think existed. It’s very much real.

 

So you guys know, I thank god everyday I met you, and found this place, I know it seems odd, but I don’t care, its true. My life is empty, and friends for me scarce. As much as I try to go out and meet new people, I still have many lonely nights home.

 

I haven’t slept in “our” bed in two months; my couch has become my bed. If fact I have slept in my car many nights as the apartment is sometimes too much..

 

However, I wake up every day, I do whats necessary to get through the day, and try hard to keep positive – I keep moving forward, and try hard not to look back ( not until im ready anyway)

 

How have you guys been doing? Do you see improvements in yourselves?

 

John

[sandyv]

Well John I'm still a basketcase, I have slept with a night light since I've been going through the sadness, strange never could sleep with any light on before... now I cannot sleep without the night light..... hmmm weird..

 

I have quite a few friends, but still feel lonely even with a bunch of people around at times, I don't talk about my ex, I don't want people saying behind my back "oh no, its her again with her Done Somebody Wrong Song........" and I guess thats why I feel so lonely..... I guess I'm still in denial maybe cause I still imagine Jack walking down my patio stairs or maybe that he will call..... god I want to stop with these false hopes.... they just take us back to square one...

 

Only way to go, put one foot in front of the other and keep going for all of us, I guess.....

 

 

[Biffy]

Hello all you lovely people,

 

Nice to hear from you again John... slapped wrist for staying away from us though. Keep posting here, you say yourself it helps you so keep it up!

 

Lone, lovely words there.

 

There's this song that I've kind of adopted as my own personal national anthem of late, in the initial stages of my breakup I was listening to break up songs and the like.... not helpful.

 

Just thought I'd post the lyrics as I find them really inspiring - wouldn't recommend actually listening to the song though unless you like very heavy music!

 

 

Supremacy Of Self

by Hatebreed

 

 

SOME WARS MUST BE FOUGHT ALONE

 

Am I the only one standing in my way?

Am I my own merciless enemy?

Can I stare back looking deep into death's gaze?

Can I turn and face myself and the knowledge of what shouldn't be?

 

To look into my heart was to look into hell

Controlled by the voice of fear I was completely overwhelmed

So concerned with the things I could never change

Now I must assure to never fulfill that prophecy

 

I must attain

Supremacy, of mind

Supremacy, of body

Supremacy, of spirit

Supremacy, of self

 

The war you want is the war I'm willing to give

Farewell to all the disbelief suspended in the depths

 

To look into my heart was to look into hell

Controlled by the voice of fear I was completely overwhelmed

So concerned with the things I could never change

Now I must assure to never fulfill that prophecy

 

I must attain

Supremacy, of mind

Supremacy, of body

Supremacy, of spirit

Supremacy, of self

 

THIS WAR WILL BE WON ALONE

[LONESOUL]

John, YES YES YES I see improvements in myself, but I still hurt everyday...

sometimes I take huge leaps forward only to land square on my a**, but

yes, I am improving. I can listen to music (I love music, but I couldn't listen to a frigging thing for months, 3 I think) I can't watch movies, and they don't have to be Sci Fi only~they can have people, and those people can be in love and even kiss and I don't die inside! I can't shoot pool with my pals,

I can drink beer. I have even been to a party, and had a good time!

None of these thing were possible at first, for me month one, could barely get out of bed~wanted to die thought about how to do it. Month two, could get out of bed, but didn't make it far for the tears, got on zoloft. I felt so so much of that deep pain we both spoke of today right during those times. I hope that deep pain doesn't ever return and so far, other than for a few hours at a time now and then, it has not.

Month three found this place and make the choice to heal, whatever it took,

went in to NC...the rest is history. I hope you no longer sleep in the car.

Make the apartment your own so you want to go there. I imagined myself to be 20 again, and it's my "love pad" lol (not really but I honestly did tell myself

this was my chance to do whatever I wanted to my place, if I wanted

a picture of dog playing poker, well then darn it, I hung it...okay I don't have that either, but you get the point..lol) My place has nothing of her, I won't have it. I can't have it, I don't want it.

[LONESOUL]

With A Little Help From My Friends

 

A little help from my friends

What would you think if I sang out of tune,

Would you stand up and walk out on me.

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,

And I'll try not to sing out of key.

I get by with a little help from my friends,

I get high with a little help from my friends,

Going to try with a little help from my friends.

What do I do when my love is away.

(does it worry you to be alone)

How do I feel by the end of the day

(are you sad because you're on your own)

No I get by with a little help from my friends,

Do you need anybody,

I need somebody to love.

Could it be anybody

I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight,

Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.

What do you see when you turn out the light,

I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,

Do you need anybody,

I just need someone to love,

Could it be anybody,

I want somebody to love.

I get by with a little help from my friends,

Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,

With a little help from my friends.

[LONESOUL]

John, those are CAN's not can't, sorry, working and posting...thats what I get.

[sandyv]

With A Little Help From My Friends:

 

Lone: Thats a good tune, and oh how true..........

 

And about making your place your own, its a good idea but what about leftovers, my ex was an artist, I have many beautiful pastels and work he has done, and I just can't bear to throw them out.

 

What I have done though is hide them behind dressers, under the bed, in the back of the closets, actually this morning I went into my bedroom closet to get a blouse, and his watercolour of a flamingo fell out of the top shelf and hit me in the head, the corner cut my forehead. Bad omen or what, yikes.....

 

 

 

[LONESOUL]

~ouch~is right...you were hit in the head with a watercolor flamingo,

ahhh the wonders of life.

 

Anyway, I put everything I wanted to keep of

"ours" in the attic. I figure in time I'll forget about allot of it, and then sometime in the future my new girlfriend can find it, and comment on how what bad taste my ex had. (my ex had good taste, but you know how it is...lol!)

[sandyv]

Yeah I do know Lone, god as I'm typing this i feel so sad, the flamingo was the first bird watercolour, he said I was his inspiration, that the flamingo turned out good because I made him feel soo good about himself....

 

God Sandra stop it...... talking to myself......

[desertnomad]

Well good morning everyone, just catching up on the thread dont have much to add here yet. You guys are the best. Hey only one we are missing here these days is TBD that right LS? That move on thread was pretty good too. Fortunately the weather here will be almost 80 today so that will help my mood a little.

[sandyv]

Mornin Desert

 

 

[LONESOUL]

Hey Desert, Good Morning. That was good thread too yes, and yeah TBD comes and goes now and then in enot, I see him once in a while posting. Hope he drops in on this one. Camber hasn't

checkin in this morning yet.

 

It's okay Sandy, everyone gets down now and again~there are better days down the pike, with a better guy for you if that is what you choose someday.

[sandyv]

Thanks Lone:

 

Can't even imagine being with someone again..... wouldn't want to go through all this misery again..... might finish me off to do it again......

[LONESOUL]

Oh sandy, I understand. I feel the same way, right now. But the human heart

is incredibly stong and resilient. The chances are very great that you will love and love deeply again, so if you do, choose wisley. But for right now, keep working on you! You doing so much better, can you tell?

[sandyv]

Yeah Lone, you are definitely right, I am feeling lots better, still have the down days, but thats normal......

 

So many triggers though, I hear from people about the ex all the time, I don't wanna know, but you know,.... somehow you do want to know too, I hate that..... driving me nuts.....

[LONESOUL]

Remove yourself from those people if you can, for a while Sandy.

I had to do that, it's hard when you have the same circle of friends.

I did have to actually ask a few of my friends to refrain from speaking about

her to me for a while, but they have. We don't about her anymore, excaept a comment now and again, but it's usually just a refference.

[W1nter]

Just thought I'd throw in an update of my own here. Still having my ups and downs. Periods of uncertaintly and loneliness, and days I feel good (the last two days, actually). The weekend wasn't good, and I realized I was feeling a great deal of anxiety - something I've never had much of a problem with before.

 

I used to take valerian root now and then to help me sleep, and after doing a bit of a peak on wikipedia on anxiety I found that it's good for that, too.. so I've been taking a pill of it now and then and it's really helped me stay relaxed and NOT focused on my negative feelings and anxiety.

 

One thing I found interesting in that article was this:

"The cognitive component entails expectation of a diffuse and uncertain danger. Somatically the body prepares the organism to deal with threat (known as an emergency reaction)"

 

And truly, that makes a lot of sense, because things ARE uncertain now. The solid future I had envisioned when with my wife has been blown away leaving me with not only a sea of possibilities but also this sense of danger.. this feeling that things might not work out and I might never get what I want in life.

 

Of course, having anxiety doesn't help deal with that... rational thought, time, and working on confronting those fears will help.

 

Tonight I'm going to go see a movie with a local woman I started chatting to online - not a date... just something to do with a potential friend. Something to force myself out in to the world and continue on with life.

 

W1nter out