What's up with chics always wanting a guy who is taller than she is ?

[shes2smart]

This is why I get confused, some girls have said that they look only for guys taller than them, then others say that physical attraction does not matter. I understand when they describe it as "primal" or when they say they can't explain it. So why do some girls still try to argue that height doesn't matter?

 

Because to some it DOESN'T matter. You're trying to lump ALL women together as if we all liked the same things and found the same things attractive.

 

Anyone who tries to figure out what ONE individual likes/wants by trying to categorize them by their gender, race, religion, or any other group affiliation isn't going to figure out anything.

 

When I was younger and single, I used to rage about how ALL men just wanted thin chicks, which left me out in the cold. I was dead wrong. SOME men prefer thin women, SOME don't. The ones who don't...well, why waste my time on them? So, I don't fit their preferences...so what? It doesn't matter, and it sure wasn't worth my time making myself miserable over it. I could yell "shallow jerks!" til I was blue in the face, but it wasn't gonna change their preferences, nor would it change the fact they had a right to have those preferences. The more productive thing to do was focus on men who were attracted to a woman with a larger body. Dating got easier and a lot more fun when I changed my approach.

 

Most of the time, you're only dealing with people one person at time. Don't assume that the one person you're dealing with is some sort of "representative" for everyone with the same gender, ethnic background, size, shape, color, religion.

 

I just think, "most women only want taller guys, and every guy in the room is taller, so why should I bother?" From most of the responses of females on here, I should be right when thinking that.

 

This is where you start to go wrong in your thinking. Even "most of the females on here" are not a vaild sample size for every human with XX chromosomes. This is where you start ceasing to see an individual and instead see that person as just an interchangable part of a larger group.

 

I am NOT responsible for my hesitation, women are.

 

Hogwash. You are 100% responsible for your thoughts and actions. We all are. However, if you relinquish that responsibility, there are plenty of folks who'll be happy to do your thinkin' for you and tell you what to do.

 

I did not wake up one morning and think, "I'm going to assume that women will judge me by my height." It developed over time by how girls treated me compared to other guys. Maybe these other short guys that find women have been treated differently. Just because they found someone doesn't mean they were still rejected because of their height.

 

Maybe they were, but they didn't let that rejection define who they were in their own minds nor did they let it limit their own vision for themselves. Your assumption that because "x" happened in the past, that means "x" will ALWAYS happen. If that "x" is the only possibility you can see for yourself, then that's what you will create.

 

So that just means I'm limited to a very small number of women that will even consider being with me.

 

All you're really looking for is ONE compatible one, correct? What do you need with multiples? And what do you need with someone who doesn't accept you and is attracted to you AS YOU ARE?

 

I remember specific times when I heard women discussing why they think guys should be tall so they exude a feeling of security for women. I totally understand why women want taller men, which is why i have this insecurity, because I know I lack that trait.

 

Any person who is looking for "security" from an outside source -- be it a tall partner or the approval of others -- is bound to end up feeling very insecure, indeed. People who have their #&*% together feel secure from the inside out....not the outside in.

 

The thing that makes me angry is that women here are basically tell me that my insecurity isn't justified, that I shouldn't feel this way or I'm "just making excuses" for being single. Are you kidding me? This insecurity didn't come out of nowhere, and it is won't go away just like that. I know it sounds like I'm blaming everyone but myself, I know I could have tried to be more confident growing up; but after so many years of nothing changing, I can't help but think it is out of my hands.

 

No, it won't go away just like that...it will take work and effort on your part, and it might even take changing the way you look at the world, yourself, other people and your place in all of that.

 

It doesn't matter if you believe this or not, but each of us creates our own reality. We can take hold of that power, and consciously choose our thoughts, our actions, and those people who we allow into our lives so that our lives can be supportive, positive places to be, OR we can choose to focus on our weak areas and where we are lacking.

 

We cannot change other people. The only thing we can ever change is our own thoughts, attitudes and actions.

 

Fortunately, that's more than enough to create the life we want for ourselves.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I don't like taller guys really, I like them the same height as me or 0.5 inches taller.

 

Anyone over 5ft 10 or so would be at a disadvantage with me.

[Salucious]

I think a major factor here is that when I say women prefer tall men, I mean average to tall, as in I am below average height. I am reading a lot of research and surveys conducted by a number of places, and they all seem to come to the same conclusion, that taller men get more women simply because of their height. Whether you believe it or not those are the facts. I just don't know why people insist attraction is determined by something more. I know those women who replied here were just being honest, but it still isn't enough to convince everyone that height does matter. Anyone who tells me that I'm just making an issue out of it, or that I'm wrong to assume girls prefer taller guys, obviously have not been in my position. Why don't all you girls ask a few of your friends about guy's height, in the contetext, "Do you prefer and/or limit yourself to men average height or taller" see how many of them say "As long as I like who he is it doesn't matter" The question here is not whether it is superficial, I don't believe it is, the question is are women who don't care about height simply the minority? If so, I'm right to be insecure, because it would be true that most women prefer average height/tall men. so a few don't care, that means I could never meet as many people or go on as many dates as average height/tall guys. You don't understand that because of those few women, I have significantly less potential dates. I see other guys going out with several women, even if just to be friends with them in the end. I could never have that kind of freedom to meet girls, because they reject me before even meeting me. Because of these things, I find it EXTREMELY hard even to try and find the girls that don't care about height (all of whom are probably short themselves) Ultimately, most women will reject me before even meeting me, that is what my insecurity comes from.

[New_Horizons]

Good post Salucious. Reminds me of a female 'friend' I had in my freshman year. She 'friendzoned' me as soon as she met me (fine by me as I wasn't attracted to her anyway). One day her true feelings came spilling out, when we were having a discussion about how I could get a date. She said "but you are sooo TINY!!". How was I supposed to react to that? I laughed it off but I was deeply offended. I'm 5'6" and she was 5'8" so she was really comparing me to other guys, not to herself.

[itsallgrand]

The question here is not whether it is superficial, I don't believe it is, the question is are women who don't care about height simply the minority? If so, I'm right to be insecure, because it would be true that most women prefer average height/tall men.

 

Women who don't care about height may be the minority.

 

Why you would want to use that to justify insecurity is beyond me.

[New_Horizons]

Women who don't care about height may be the minority.

 

Why you would want to use that to justify insecurity is beyond me.

 

If you had blonde hair, and the majority of men rejected you instantly just because you were blonde, and made you feel inferior to other women, wouldn't you feel insecure?

If no, you have a thicker skin than most men.

If yes, why can't you empathize?

[bluef1n]

Last night, out at a local bar, I walked in alone and ended hanging out with 3 chicks.. one of them was married, another was engaged, and a third - one of those short girls who stated she prefers really tall guys.. after this girl blew off a guy about my height who tried to flirt, the subject came up and the short girl stated tall guys tend to be bigger in other places that are important in bed if you get my drift.. can't argue with that, however I'm 5 ft. 6 inches, and I think I'm proportioned as one would expect for a guy wo's 5 ft. 6 inches, never spoke to her before and that very same girl ended up going home WITH ME and we had a great time ..

 

I know I've been filtered by height before, sometimes I think it's legit, hey - you NEED to be attracted to your partner - same reason I wouldn't date a stereotypical looking black, asian, or any girl who's got so much extra lbs on that she looses her figure (although I actually prefer girls in the size 8-12 range over the 6 and unders).. I just never find them attractive.

 

However being a guy who's 5 ft. 6 and about 190 lbs when I'm at the point where a six pack is coming through and about 210 if I'm out of the gym and carrying extra weight, I kinda get a kick out of the whole primal protection thing. I outweigh, out-muscle, and intimidate alot of guys who are much taller... not to mention I can pick up and throw a 180 lb girl around, no problem.

 

There are downsides too.. I can't reach stuff on top of the refrigerator .. I need to yell or stand on a stool to get attention at the bar... and we allready went through the parts of your body that are proportional to your height thing..

 

Anyway I don't get too bothered by it except for things (which I attempted briefly at one point and got turned off to really quick) like online dating where alot of girls seem to literally filter guys by everything - ie over 6 ft. over 6 figures 6 years older etc.. etc.. there I feel like I don't get a chance.

[Salucious]

I don't want to sound like a smartass, but did you start working out and get that fit because maybe you were compensating? Because with the exception of myself (I worked out enough one summer to at least not be skinny anymore) all the guys I went to highschool with and all the guys here at my college who are short, work out a lot and try to be muscular. I've thought about working out a lot but I hesitate because I think I would be doing it for the wrong reasons (it would be like admitting that I'm not attractive enough and that I'm only working out so girls will find me more attractive). While it might be true, that would probably make me feel phony. I'd say I have a small body generally, I mean I've seen people my age and older who are the same height, but they still have a mature physique for their age. My parents told me I spent time in the hospital when I was really young for tests because they were concerned that I wasn't growing healthily. I think girls see me as not just short, but small in general. I admit that while I'm not really intimidated by women, I would feel awkward with a girl that was taller(by several inches), because I know girls want a guy that can throw them around, that they can hang off of and feel protected by. That feeling can't be covered by a guy they feel emotionally attracted to, because the feeling is purely his physical presense.

 

I can't help but feel cheated that because I'm short I am limited to girls my height or shorter (with very few exceptions) It makes finding girls harder when I want to have a chance with any girl and I can't because of something beyond my control.

[annie24]

I know lots of women with shorter men. I know a woman who married a man 4 inches shorter than her....

[HurleyBabe6917]

any guy that's shorter than me is either a 10 year old or a midget. I'm only 5 foot tall, so i deffinatly want a taller guy I think it's important for girl to have a guy that bigger in not only height but also in size[muscle wise] because it gives them a feeling of comfort and protection.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with 5'10"

[New_Horizons]

Don't get me wrong but I don't think women should be asking for men to protect them. It harks back to old stereotypes. If women really love these stereotypes then they should also accept their stereotypical gender role of weakness, inferiority, cooking, cleaning and earning less than men. If you claim to be equal to men, then you can't expect protection from a man! Unless he's a cop or something.

 

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Decide between total equality or stereotypes.

[annie24]

Don't get me wrong but I don't think women should be asking for men to protect them. It harks back to old stereotypes. If women really love these stereotypes then they should also accept their stereotypical gender role of weakness, inferiority, cooking, cleaning and earning less than men. If you claim to be equal to men, then you can't expect protection from a man! Unless he's a cop or something.

 

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Decide between total equality or stereotypes.

 

well, like I said, it's a primal thing, not something that is rational.

 

it's like a few years ago, when the super skinny heroine-chic models were in style, like kate moss. many guys aren't attracted to that look, even though it was very popular in the fashion magazines. it's another primal thing. most men, in general, are attacted to a woman with hips and boobs, it's primal. men want a woman who looks like she can push out a few babies.

[bluef1n]

Sal -

 

I've seen alot of all body types working out, even real giants, no I don't think it's compensating.

 

The major benefit of weight training when you are a short stalky guy is you are allready pretty buff naturally, ie people that fit this build naturally have muscles in sizes typical for a much taller person..

 

Add a little muscle to a short stalky build and you become very noticably muscular.

 

In all honesty when I was 18 or so I think I weighed about 165, never been thin really.

 

Then I did 2.5 years in jail doing strength training 1.5 hours or so on most days. I put on about 25 lbs in a few months, had stretch marks that were pretty close to bleeding at times. I worked out, ate, and slept. Pretty much the ideal workout regime as far as gaining mass goes..

 

Why I did that was mostly the obvious, to protect myself, but at the same time it was also out of bordem.

 

As far as what women are attracted to, you really can't argue with it - I mean as guys we like T&A.. what do they have to be attracted to?.. only thing besides the typical facial features is muscles.

[itsallgrand]

If you had blonde hair, and the majority of men rejected you instantly just because you were blonde, and made you feel inferior to other women, wouldn't you feel insecure?

If no, you have a thicker skin than most men.

If yes, why can't you empathize?

 

I used to. I am no super model girl. I am short, dark hair, and not typically attractive. Many men have rejected me based on physical characteristics, I am sure of it. Soceity pushes a certain ideal and we do not all fit it.

 

I can empathize, still find it more harmful to Sal. to hold on to that as an excuse not to love himself as he is.

 

I bet if I saw Sal. I could find a lot about him that is attractive. I would not be comparing his size and shape to other men. I would be looking at him as a total person, a total package. Lots of other women will too. He deserves happiness with one of them.

[New_Horizons]

Lots of other women will too. He deserves happiness with one of them.

 

Ya, this is where I haven't had any luck. So far ALL the young women I've met (without a single exception) have treated me like I was non-existent or like some worm that crawled out. One female 'friend' told me that I was so tiny I was just not noticeable.

I've only had one woman hit on me and she was 32. I was 20 then. That tells you a lot about when women mature.

Forget about dating, I have a hard time making female friends. For example in my college, if I smiled or said hello to a girl I recognized from one of my classes, she would coldly look 'through' me as if I never existed. This has happened with three different girls. From then on, I stopped smiling at anyone unless they smiled first.

[CyberCowBoy]

" because I know girls want a guy that can throw them around" - Salacious

 

That was too funny, Did anyone else pick up on that, The poster before salacious referred to throwing a 180lb girl around but it came out contextually awkwered. So Salacious referred to the importance of being able to throw a girl around. Dying laughing. Both post good

 

Also, Promise, everyone, that you wont tell, but I think I kinda like that Hurleybabe. Ok , keep that on the dl

 

[Salucious]

" because I know girls want a guy that can throw them around" - Salacious

 

That was too funny, Did anyone else pick up on that, The poster before salacious referred to throwing a 180lb girl around but it came out contextually awkwered. So Salacious referred to the importance of being able to throw a girl around. Dying laughing. Both post good

 

Also, Promise, everyone, that you wont tell, but I think I kinda like that Hurleybabe. Ok , keep that on the dl

 

 

lol, I meant in the sense that girls want a guy that can pick them up, and fit in their arms; the idea being the guy is bigger than her and has a dominating presense. The poster before me referred to it, but I had discussed it before.

[Kitz]

I prefer taller guys too. I'm not sure why, just something about it -- makes me feel more secure, protected, they seem more masculine and all that. I would also put "has to be taller than me" in a list of requirements too, I guess.... because it would be a bit of a shock to meet someone and realise that they're shorter than you.... but this said, i'm totally in love with some guy who's exactly the same height as me, and a few years ago I was taller. So there you go. Lol.

[now_better]

i'm 6' which is freakishly tall for an asian person. last weekend when i met up w/ this girl for a drink, the first words out of her mouth "wow, you're so tall"... when we were leaving about 1.5 hrs later "you're so tall".

 

last nite, my cousin had a date over at our place and the first words when she saw me to shake her hand "you're so tall". i'm not even sure what to say to react to that. "thanks, you're not!"

 

i'm not even sure why girls say that. is it suppose to be a compliment or is it like you're at the zoo and commenting "wow, that hippo is so fat?" i just smile and say thanks...

 

btw, i tend to be attracted to short girls. i dunno why. maybe because i'm secretly afraid of girls and believe the smaller they are, the less likely they'll hurt me? haha, i dunno.

[aggierocker]

OH MY GOD, it is hopeless. I'm 5'2. Another factor contributing to the emptiness.

[arwen]

Ah, don't worry aggie. I know quite some couples with a taller woman (I have been that woman on some occasions). In addition, many women are smaller than you I think. I am tall even for a Dutch girl, so please don't use me or other tall galls here as an example. I think esp. Asian women tend to be a lot less tall than Caucasian women, but it always varies of course. I know no woman who is taller than me and the only one of equal length is my sister. Yeah, we have some crazy genes!

 

We are just stating preferences. Doesn't mean that we expect all preferences (aside from length) to be bundled in one person. We'd all be single if we'd wait for that person

[New_Horizons]

I think esp. Asian women tend to be a lot less tall than Caucasian women, but it always varies of course.

 

You're right. It doesn't help that I'm physically attracted more towards Caucasian women ](*,) FYI, I'm not Caucasian. Perhaps this is an evolutionary urge to mix my genes (or rather, my kid's genes)? I don't know.

[arwen]

Haha, could be. For you guys, would you prefer to be taller, or not mind to date a girl taller than you?

[Caterina]

Attraction is weird. I used to date pudgy guys. But after I had a bad relationship with a guy who was overweight, something happened. After that, every overweight guy seemed unattractive to me, like he represented that guy, like he represented laziness, or failure.

 

When it comes to height, I've mostly dated taller men, but its not a must. I've had crushes on guys slightly shorter then I am. But not too much shorter, not abnormal. Like I said, attraction is weird. Also, people are very influenced by conventions. Since the guy is usually taller in the movies and we usually see taller men with shorter women, it might relate to a need to fit in for some women.

[Salucious]

all I know is that short guys finish last; however much people say it doesn't matter, it obviously does; and whoever says it doesn't matter obivously isn't a short male. I don't think I'd mind being with a girl taller than me, but it has never happened, I don't expect it ever will. The real kicker is that women my height or shorter will still prefer guys of average height or taller. This may sound pathetic but it makes me feel like less of a man, especially when women describe why they prefer taller guys, "they make me feel secure and safe" "so he can put his arms around me" "it is just primal" It makes it sound like any woman who doesn't preference height is desperate or has bad instincts. My biggest problem is that I have absolutely no reason to have a positive attitude towards attracting a woman. To have confidence you need some glimmer of hope or some reason to think you are worth something to the opposite sex. How do women expect short men to have confidence? You can't get confidence from nothing, you have to start somewhere.