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Salucious

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Everything posted by Salucious

  1. The thing is, when girls say they want to meet a "nice" guy it sounds like they're looking for a guy who will treat them the way they deserve to be treated, an honest, loyal, caring etc. The problem is they also want one who is exciting, mysterious, good-looking, and will give them a sense of adventure. But those guys don't exist. There is no perfect man out there, you either are looking for a guy who will treat you right and give you the healthy relaionship you need, or you go for the guy who will entertain you for as long as you let him. I think girls have two categories of men they go through in their life. 1. "Mr. Right" 2. "Mr. Right Now" Girls will date #2 many times before finally realizing that #1 is what they're looking for. Because #2 is the fun guy who makes their life exciting from the moment they meet them. But he'll never settle down or change the many flaws he has, no matter how much you wish he will. Guy #1 is the one that will give you a real relationship. But it is hard to find him because he may not be as exciting as #2 at first. That doesn't mean you can't have more fun with him than guy #2, you just have to stick with it longer. No one offers themselves all at once at first, you have to work at getting to know them. I think the "nice guys" will treat you better and better the longer you're with them because staying with them and keeping that interest shows you care and are committed; so he'll open up more to you. There's nothing really wrong with a relationship with guy #2 but if you keep feeling that the relationship isn't serious enough or that he's not giving you what you want, then you have to try and stop letting yourself get involved with that type of guy. Like others have said already, a large portion of the guys that come to you are looking for a fling. A lot of the ones that are genuinely interested in treating you right may not be so obvious, because they see you going for that exciting, outgoing type. Go after a guy yourself you think is nice, especially if you know what you want and think he has it. I think too many women complain about not meeting the right guy when all they date are guys that approach them But if you do go after guys yourself, good for you, you'll have a better chance at finding your nice guy. does any of this make sense to girls? I don't presume to know everything, it is just something I've been going over in my head.
  2. This is what confused me, that is awesome that this works for you, maybe it can for me but I don't see where I could go wrong. So what exactly do you do, I mean in a public place where there are a ton of guys, what made you different from the other guys that didn't talk to her? Because I've heard of this kind of thing and have tried it; like there was a girl in one of my classes that sat next to me who was cute as hell, and the three other guys that sat next to her/me would all try and get her to laugh and flirt (which most failed miserably she'd usually just give a polite laugh. usually never engaged them in convo herself.) I might have talked to her once, and only to ask her a question about a class I missed (totally legit). Only indication that I might have got that it was working is she asked me what page the class was on a few times. would that be considered "mysterious" guy behavior? Maybe I have to hang with you ghost to get it down
  3. I think 99% of "hot" girls know they're "hot". Which is usually why most of them are more confident and outgoing than guys. Guys in general never really know if we are physically attractive to women; cause women never (at least for me anyways) tell it to a guy up front. Guys will do that with women. Though I think this "mysterious" kind of guy will only appeal if the guy is at least moderately physically attractive to the girl. Because there are a bunch of girls I have maybe had a few words with, tried to get to know them to show some interest, and then would ignore. Basically the previous posters described the mysterious guy as one who enters her life but keeps his distance. But again, that happens quite a bit with girls I meet but none of them likely consider me "mysterious." It sounds like that they would know little about the guy (aside from finding him physically attractive or not). I'm just sketchy on how mysterious is different from a guy who just ignores a woman who is used to attention.
  4. As kind of an update, she messaged me back to say thanks for the message, mentioned how time flew after high-school, blah blah but she ended it with "good luck with everything" so I feel like the communication is over. She did mention traveling she did over break, maybe I could ask her about that. Would it seem creepy to her if I messaged again with some conversation, or IMed her? I originally pretended to come accross her IM name by accident, even though I knew it was her. The thing is I messaged her originally with just a "happy birthday" and to ask how she was doing and she answered those questions. I guess I wouldn't know where to go with it without seeming like a stalker.
  5. If an attractive girl showed interest in me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be intimidated. I'm like you, very independent, so maybe you can relate. People who are independent generally are easy-going. Any guy that seems intimidated by you is a sign that they could be insecure. First of all they don't expect it, since overall girls aren't well known for initiating interest. Guys who are interested in a girl will think of ways to talk to her and initiate interest beforehand. When you come up to them you're kind of catching them off guard; they might feel like they have to come up with something significant to say or they'll blow it with you. Guys who are more secure, or ones that think you're just being friendly usually won't act as intimidated. Is it that you think guys are intimidated by your looks and thats why they don't approach you? All I know is that I would be glad if girls initiated conversations with me, but they rarely do You could be right about not showing enough signs, give him a big smile that is the best indication that you are interested.
  6. I'd like someone to explain to me why a guy would be considered "mysterious."
  7. Here's my $0.02: I basically agree with those who said that the "nice" guys are generally the ones that are shy and reserved, who aren't as aggressive towards women. I think girls fall for jerks (or guys who end up being the wrong choice) because they were simply the guy that took action. I'm all for being forward, but the guys who go out and "hit" on girls might get more dates, but that's the thing, they get dates not serious relationships. The biggest misconception I think girls make is that because a guy is exclusively dating them, the guy wants a relationship. Truth is that many guys stay with one girl because otherwise he has to work to get another one; it is easier for him to get sex/attention when he is seeing a girl. He has the emotional/physical needs and they are being satisfied by the girl. But eventually many of them get bored or find a different girl they feel compelled to have. MEN HUNT AND WOMEN NEST. There will always be more women that want relationships than men. I think that is why we all have heard the cliche of women complaining "there are no nice guys out there" It is because they usually go for the more aggressive guys, the ones that make it easy for them to get a boyfriend because the guy comes to THEM so there is little effort for the girl. So the more aggressive guys are the more likely they are like that because they're going for numbers and not relationships, or they just want their emotional/physical needs fullfilled. I think the "nice" guys are the ones that actually want a relationship, that will treat a girl with respect and devotion. To me a serious relationship means that you hold your significant other's well being very high, while still focusing on your own needs. One step further is marriage, where you always put your wife/husband's well being before your own. The nice guys are the ones that are into the girl for his needs BUT ALSO for a greater reason: for who the girl is, because he is mystified by her and seeks specifically her company and wants to be the guy who makes her happy. Does that make sense?
  8. well see if this is weird: I just noticed that her IM name seems like it has her birth date in it (it has 4 numbers with an appropiate year ending for our ages), which was recently. So I facebook messaged her to say that I noticed her IM name seemed like that and was curious if it was her birthday, and that if it wasn't I'm using the oppurtunity to say 'hi'. Now if I'm right about the birthday I'd think it was a genuine reason to contact her. If not, then I'm afraid it might seem creepy.
  9. There is a girl I had a thing for in high school. Whenever summer comes around, and I go home for that duration, there is NObody to hang out with. My friends that I used to hang out with all moved away. The girl is in my facebook friends, so I could contact her through that first, and I have her IM name. We never talked during high school (which we graduated from 4 years ago) but I'm pretty sure she knows who I am. would it be creepy/desperate if I tried to contact her over summer, or maybe start talking to her soon to get a good rapport? Be honest, because at first I thought it would be a good way to start a summer fling and now that I'm not as shy as I was in highschool I'm willing to try. But then I started to think I'm grasping at straws. What do you think? I guess girls' opinions would help. If a guy from your high school you didn't know well contacted you, would that be weird. Keep in mind I was a nice guy in high school, well liked, and anybody who knew me in would probably say so. I wasn't popular, but I always got along with people and a lot of people knew me.
  10. I'm thinking about asking this girl out. We know each other, casually and only see each other in passing. But I know she is very social and has a lot of friends, and she goes out dancing quite a bit, apparently. Now I'm not as social, mainly because I dont' have a lot of friends. Though clubs and dancing are not my thing. I just never felt comfortable at them; I wish I could but I'm not. My concern is that she may think I'm uptight or not much fun since I don't go to those types of places as she does. I just picture her asking me to go or assuming I would go because of her liking them; and then me being honest about not wanting to go. In that case would it be a big turn-off? I just prefer not to go to social-heavy places where dancing/mingling are the primary activity. I guess I feel if I ask her out I'd feel obligated to do those kinds of things with her. If we do go out and at some point she does want to go those kinds of places, what should I tell her?
  11. I, like most guys I would imagine, find it flattering for girls to approach us. It shows guts and interest since it isn't common and there's pressure for girls to sit and wait for the guys. Trust us, he will be flattered. Maybe a little flustered at first, but I'd bet he would be bragging to his friends later that girls come up to HIM. (I would)
  12. Right, some people you can tell are trying too hard, they are the people who are just seeking acceptance, which confident people don't do. My thing is that I can be confident, I'm just quiet. I'm not as outgoing as most people so it is hard for people to notice me. Then again I never felt the need to be really outgoing, I always thought a person is either naturally outgoing or they're not. If I tried to be it would most likely just look like I'm trying to impress. I'm the "strong, silent type" (if there is such a thing) I like to sit back and take it all in. I get involved when I choose to. Unfotunately most girls prefer the outgoing type, I'm still waiting to meet some girls who don't need that kind of flashy personality in a guy. I'm not really looking for that type of girl either, just one who is fun, sweet, and REALLY likes me
  13. I think for some people it is hard to understand or accept that looks don't control whether you would be accepted by the opposite sex. People who know they are physically attractive (in the broad sense) may have more confidence. For example, a girl who constantly has men approaching her and have been told they are beautiful may gain more confidence. Girls who rarely have girls approach them or hear it less may have less confidence. I think it comes down to comparing yourself to others. If you want to be confident you can't do that; you gotta focus on yourself and your good qualities. I know when I see other guys at my college I can get jealous and depressed that I don't have as many cute girls in my social circle, or that I don't have them wanting to be with me. But if I shut out those thoughts and think of just being myself and my own social interactions I do better. there is a very cute girl in a class I have and I was partners with her once or twice. We talked just a bit, I was really just being friendly cause I knew she had a boyfriend. She actually came looking for me when she needed a partner the other day. Now if I had my old mindset of thinking girls found me unnattractive I would have never approached her in the first place, at all; I'd just be one of the other guys glancing at her throughout class but never talking to her. But now she's comfortable enough around me to be friends, and who knows, she's a freshmen; she may break up with her boyfriend (pre-college relationships tend not to last). If you just put yourself out there, even just a little at a time, you'll see that most people won't dismiss you because of your looks. There are SO many girls out there, I've come to a point where I don't fixate on a few, I start thinking about how/where I can meet new ones. The more you meet, the better chances are of you meeting one who thinks you're the bee's knees. I like saying bee's knees
  14. I have no doubt that women desire a good personality. But I've been around enough couples, young people my age, to know that without good looks, many of them probably wouldn't have attracted their mate. I'm not just talking about people who are good looking, but including average looking people as well. In other words, I believe girls can be just as attracted to "hot" guys as average looking guys. It is when the guy is below-average looking that I think looks play a deciding role in whether or not girls will even consider him. I guess I've just been witnessed to too many people critisizing others' looks. This story may have no relevance but here goes: I was taking a make-up exam in an empty study room at my college. An instructor asked if I'd mind some students using the room for some quiet work and I said fine. I couldn't help but listen to what they were doing. About 4 or 5 girls were asked to go through photos of random guys and rate their attractiveness. The girls made comments on most of them, one I remember had a dog in the picture and a girl said that the dog was cuter than the guy. I think if it is easy for a woman to judge a man (even before meeting him) on his looks, than looks are probably more important than she would admit. Now by no means am I saying that it makes them a bad person or conceited. It is just from my experience and observations that many girls would not consider certain guys as possible love interests due to how they look. And not just the stuck-up girls but the average young woman. Even though I'm comfortable with myself, I know for a fact many girls look at my short height as a deal-breaker. I can tell by the way they act around me compared to other guys. I used to let it affect my confidence but no more. So I think when it comes to good-looking to average-looking men women give them equal chance. But guys who are maybe less-than-average looking or lack some "masculine" look to them, women will weed them out. Women go for guys with great personalities, yes, but they will generally go for the good-looking/average ones first, consciously or unconsciously. It is easy to say you go for personality first when the person you go for IS attractive to you. I don't believe personality can overcome an otherwise unnattractive mate. I just never see beautiful women giving below-average-looking guys a chance when there are ten times as many good-looking guys trying too. And I'm not calling any previous posters liars, but if they are being honest then they represent a VERY small population of women.
  15. So I used to be VERY shy and not able to talk to most people. I believe I have grown out of it for the most part. I am able to talk to cute girls without being nervous at all; for example a girl that lives in my building who I think is cute has talked to me and I was able to hold conversations. And in one of my classes I was able to go up to a very attractive girl and introduce myself and ask her to be my partner for the class. So I've gotten over the biggest hurdle of feeling comfortable talking to women. So now I think my problem is that I'm not the sort of guy most girls go for. I am not a big partier, so things like parties/clubs/dancing is not my thing. I do go to bars to drink and shoot pool, go to movies, bowling, out to eat, leisurely stuff like that. I think my social circle (or lack of one) might also be a problem. I don't have enough friends to be busy each weekend. The two guys I was probably best friends with and went out drinking with moved away (which bummed me out these past few months). The only real friends I have are my current roomates; and most have girlfriends or have girls they usually hang out with on weekends. I am shy, but when I do talk to girls they never seem interested and would never initiate conversation with my on their own. I think I lack that charm and confident personality that girls are attracted to. I wouldn't say that I have no confidence, it's just I never try to stand out because I don't feel like I should have to impress anyone. People like me once they get to know me but I feel that I just get lost in a sea of people who are so much more outgoing than me. I've never really had the kind of friends that would seek to spend time with me, that would call ME and invite me to do things. I look around and see everyone else my age that have lots of friends and are social. I think that is my big disadvantage with girls. I appear to be anti-social and not have friends; thereforeeee seeming to be no fun or not popular enough. It also limits oppurtunities for meeting girls. I guess the problem is that until I meet a girl, I appear shy. And after they do meet me, I'm comfortable talking with them but I don't seem attractive enough to them because I'm not social enough.
  16. I think part of my problem with attracting women is that I don't spark their interest. I can be friendly at first impressions, but I could see the same girls I talked to in class or wherever but none ever would come up to me and start talking again. Then I notice other guys my age having female friends of theirs calling THEM and having girls want to hang out with THEM. I just don't know how to act to get girls that interested, and wanting to be around me. "Being myself" is a bad suggestion because I'm always myself. I've been better at trying to start conversation, but like I said so far none of the girls I've talked to have kept enough interest to seek me out. I know girls respond to cocky guys, (although some deny it). I'm not really talking about getting girl's numbers for dates, I mean trying to create a social circle, make some female friends to hang out with and help meet other girls. I feel that if I can get girls to like me as friends then I know I can at least appeal to girls. (not that I'd make friends to turn them into girlfriends). I just would like some clarification that women enjoy being around me, and so far I've never really had any. I know first impressions are important, so what makes girls want to see a guy again and hang out with them? For example, I met this girl in a bowling (PE) class, I tried to be friendly, getting to know her etc. I paird with her like maybe 2 times and then a next class I just sat away from her, seeing if she would come up to me and say "hi" but she didn't. I thought that if she enjoyed my company and wanted to be friends she would have come up to me. I feel more comfortable with meeting people than I used to, but I guess I'm not interesting or "fun" enough for girls to want to hang around me. Any suggestions?
  17. I met this girl (friend of my roomate's) several weeks ago. occasionally I see her around campus and we talk on the shuttleride to campus. Weird thing is she seems to like talking to me. I mean, I'm no Rico Suave, but I'd also say I'm not intimidate by women. I just don't have that charm that other guys do. I think it's because I don't seem "fun" not that kind of exciting fun guy that most girls are into. Anyway, back on track. when i first met her I didn't really do/say anything different than I normally would first talking to a girl. Just make casual conversation, we talk about school and what we like about our majors. she smiles a lot and laughs when we talk. I mentioned how getting an internship is a good idea while in college and she fairly quickly mentioned a kind of internship meeting taking place in the future that was out of town. She asked me if I wanted to accompany her (we have the same major). I said yes (maybe not just because of the meeting ) So I'm racking my brain wondering if she is just being friendly or maybe she's into me. It is just that NO girls have ever been as friendly to me as she has been. whenever i just even try to talk casually to a girl they never seem interested, and they'll never initiate conversation again with me unless I come to them first. I wish I knew how to be that exciting, fun guy that all girls go for. I never got invited to parties and was never part of a big click so being popular never sunk in with me and I never tried to be. Now it is like if you aren't one of those guys that constantly entertain girls with their personality then you are looked at as a loner or someone with low confidence. I asked here once if not having female friends was odd, and most said no. but it seems that every guy that gets girls' attention has lots female friends. I try to seem friendly, but girls never seem to gain interest, and when that happens it hurts my confidence. I see other guys start talking to girls the same basic way and the girls will flirt; but not with me. I makes me feel that my looks/height are what is holding me back; Girls, how do you react when a guy you first meet seems friendly and asks questions about you to get to know you? Because that never seems to work with me...
  18. exactly, but it just seems that every attractive girl is like this. They all seem to have guy friends they are so close to that I wonder why guys who are interested would even bother talking to them. Like you said, I hesitate even to bother getting to know them because I feel like I'd have to fight their friends just to get their attention; and even if I did get somewhere with them I'd be paranoid about her behavior with those guy friends. That might appear to be jealousy but not to me, especially considering circumstances I described.
  19. I've become somewhat more easy-going with talking to girls, but it seems that most beautiful girls are constantly surrounded by "guy friends" who get territorial when other guys try to talk to those girls. Why do girls surround themselves with guy friends even when they want to meet new guys? It always seems like even girls that are single act like everyone of her guy friends is her boyfriend. They sit in their laps, give them kisses etc. I'd have to take their word for it if they told me that it is just innocent friendly behavior; but to me it contributes to that situation where girls wonder why guys don't commit. I mean, if a guy has a large group of beautiful girls for friends that were constantly hanging on him, sitting on his lap and basically flirting with him all the time, odds are he won't want to give that up. And it just helps his reputation with getting girls he can use and abuse. Guys that are seen with scores of beautiful women will attract more women, because it boosts his social status. It is sort of like that phrase "Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" It makes me wonder how I'll know if a girl is truly interested when she is so affectionate and flirty with guys so easily. When girls act like that I assume she just wants to party and isn't "available" so I would just assume not try getting close to her. Maybe I don't get it because I've never had beautiful girls that wanted to hang out with me. What makes girls hang out with guys in that way? I feel like I'm missing out on being friends with great girls because I"m not as wild and fun as the guys girls hang out with; as if the only way to be friends with hot girls is to be a "party animal" cause those seem to be the only kind of guys attractive girls are friends with.
  20. Hey allie, I remember you posting around here and you always seemed like a nice girl with a lot of sense, so hear me out. Being a guy, I of course can understand having that need for physical intimacy like you described, even though I'm a virgin myself. But being a guy I know the kinds of guys out there and you REALLY need to be careful if you're having those kinds of urges. I don't see anything wrong with having a "sexual appitite" but if thats all you are looking for then you will probably only find all the wrong kinds of guys, cause they'll take advantage of you. You seem to have run into that fact already, by the way you described the experience. Like I said, I have no sexual experience but I believe if you wait for the kind of guy you can trust and have fairly strong feelings for then you will be able to safely satisfy those feelings. some people just need to be "close to another warm body" but maybe you are just intepreting it as physical intimacy and it is really more than that. I would worry about any female friend of mine that said she only missed the physical apsect of a relationship. Maybe I"m too old-fashioned but that would make me nervous, cause like I said you will most likely only attract the wrong kind of guys.
  21. That sounded pretty innocent to be honest with you, they just seemed like they wanted to talk to you; maybe not the fact that they kept doing it even when you ignored them was smooth. But if the guys in that car were attractive, would you have felt different? I just wondered because you called them ugly.... I've never yelled cat calls before, and I've never witnessed other guys using them. Though as long as girls react to them guys will keep trying them. I think the reason guys say them is because most often it is in passing, and there is a slim chance they'd see the girl again; There is also the chance the girl will think it was just funny and that way it acts as an ice-breaker. But like some already said before, it is primarily used by guys who don't have a clue how to talk to women.
  22. I'm short as well, and I never understood why other short guys really bulk up and try to compensate. Though it may be only that they enjoy the exercise, I think it makes them look even shorter. I used to blame my height/looks for my lack of girls but I realized it is just my confidence. (though now i have that to work on that!) I believe that going through that turmoil has helped me grow as a person (no pun intended) that I can be more in control of my life than I thought. You should just realize that confidence has nothing to do with your looks. That is kind of assuming that people who are physically attractive or "average" have confidence because of that fact; which is hardly true. I'm willing to bet most girls/guys have had some confidence issues at some time or still do. unfortunately confidence isn't something you can just wake up with, it has to accumulate slowly and surely. If you try to make it happen too fast you may just come off as cocky, which most girls hate. Trust me man, I totally know what you're going through, you're not alone.
  23. Not that I doubt what you heard, but somehow it is hard for me to believe those results. I still see girls hanging with guys who may be funny, but are immature and more about flirting and playing games than actually talking. From what I've witnessed I see more girls reacting to guys who act crazy and are "life of the party" type and less to a guy like me trying to talk to them and show his intelligence and maturity. I find it hard to be funny with people I don't know well. Especially with girls, they never appear enthusiastic enough when talking to me for me to use humor anyway. I guess it would make more sense if a girl gave an example of a conversation she had with a guy that got her interested in him.
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