NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[Rainz]

I wasn't doing too bad but now the longing, aching, the missing him is really going through me. I've been trying to keep myself occupied but it's all just futile. It's quiet here at work as well.

 

This is the longest it's ever been with NC between us. I thought I'd be feeling better about things and more stable emotion wise but I'm really getting worse. I feel like I'm literally punishing myself. I'm wondering if it was better in our situation to remain in LC.

[Romi]

Hello to all my friends of NC Bandwagon (I consider all of you my friends because you people help me a lot!)

 

First of all, Rainz, I'm feeling just like you lately. I was feeling better but now I'm feeling worst. Maybe because today it's holyday here in Argentina, and we used to spend holydays together with my ex and now I'm alone. I have a lot of good friends but I feel really really lonely. I'm thinking that he is with this other girl (who I think is a rebound), and he's doing all the things that he used to do with me but with her. (I can't hold my tears right now).

Also I'm thinking in breaking NC. I know that is the wrong thing to do but I need to hear his voice...

Yesterday I feel hope that he might come back. Maybe that is why I'm feeling so bad today... Or maybe is because I been reading this post

Rainz, we need time to heal.

 

Eyeswideopen, please show to your ex that you are a strong person. And like Alteer said, hold your head high.

 

pablovblack and Notanymore, I'm glad to hear that you are better.

 

HUGSSSSS

 

Romi

[notanymore]

another day of NC goes by day 19 to be precise

 

had another night where i slept in shifts,wake up heavy again, forced myself to work,maintaining NC,loose day in office as boss is away, no real motivation in anyone to work beyond limits.keepin myself busy by not thinking about her but just cant force myself out of it,hope it gets better,folks am running a little low on hope, give it to me.the more i tell myself not to think bout her, more her thoughts come to haunt me.i need hugs.

 

romi, read that thread u mentioned,its sad.think twice before breaking NC, if it makes you feel bad afterwards then dont break it.take care.rainz i d suggest u the same.

 

ppl i need an advice here,she cheated on me,because of which i called it off so wht does that make me, dumper or dumpee?

 

good luck to u all, keep up NC as alteer said hold ur head high

cheers

[mikeca]

1month....kinda getting shaky...signed onto an old msn and saw her name was with someone else...shook me up a bit...went for a run..feel better now...just gotta improve myself and wait.

[Rainz]

I've seen that thread before, it's growm much longer now though. There are many posts on there of people who were dumped and their exes straight away or very quickly went into new relationships.

That's not the case in my own situation.

From the talks me and my ex have had we're both not even trying to jump into anything in a hurry with anyone.

Even from the recent LC talks me and my ex had it was looking quite positive that we were re-discovering one another again. Even close friends of mine are telling me that I may have shut things down a little too prematurely. Part of me feels that way too. The only reason why I went NC is because of how up and down I was emotionally in LC, but NC has not been helping at all, emotionally it's just made me even worse.

 

I'm thinking seriously about breaking it. NCin my gut really doesn't feel "right" not at all.

[alteer]

Notanymore I understand how your feeling. For some reason the longer it goes on the more difficult it is becoming and I don't understand that at all. I really thought it would start to get easier now. But it's not.

 

I haven't had the best couple of days and thoughts of him have come back to the point where they are almost constant. I'm wondering if that's because I did chat to him on msn, even though at the time I felt strong and didn't regret it, maybe that's why I've slipped back. I don't know. I'm very confused still.

 

So are you the dumper or the dumpee? Well the way I look at it if someone cheats they have pretty much already checked out of the relationship. I don't think it really matters that you decided to end it after finding out because she had, in a way, already left you.

 

I know I'm not helping much. Sorry.

 

(((hugs)))

[Romi]

Hey people!! It's day 16 for me and I'm glad to say that I didn's break NC. I feel very strong because of it. We all have to feel this way.

 

Notanymore, it doesn't matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee, she cheated on you, and thats why you can no longer be with her anymore. And believe me when I say that I know how much that hurts, becase I saw my ex with another girl in his car, kissing her, only 3 weeks after we broke up a 4 years relationship.

It's better this way. We are better without them. Maybe we can't see it right now but it will be better later when we meet THE ONE that can give us their love and RESPECT as we deserve. I promise...

 

Rainz, what is your story? Did you break up by a mutual agreement?

I know that if ur ex boyfriends doesn't contact us, is because they don't want to. They don't miss us. But maybe if we keep the NC thing, they will miss us and they will be able to see that there's still a feeling inside of them.

What is the point of breaking NC for you? I think that if there is a possibility that they come back is by doing NC.

 

HUGS amigos!

 

Romi

 

Yesterday, I dreamed about him. I allways dream that we are ok. That all this moment it's just a nightmare. Then I woke up and face the reality.

Mornings are hell! Nights are better.

[Rainz]

Rainz, what is your story? Did you break up by a mutual agreement?

I know that if ur ex boyfriends doesn't contact us, is because they don't want to. They don't miss us. But maybe if we keep the NC thing, they will miss us and they will be able to see that there's still a feeling inside of them.

What is the point of breaking NC for you? I think that if there is a possibility that they come back is by doing NC.

 

He broke up with me, one night whilst we were once again talking about our differences. It was still very much in the beginning stages of the relationship, we had one bad month basically and based off of everything that happened during that month he broke it off.

 

Our differences were due to things like him investing time into the relationhip and me, then other important areas of his life taking a back seat such as hiw job which ic very demanding on him, and also outside of that he is studying for his degree. Then when he invests in work and studies the relationship for him takes a back seat. I start feeling neglected he feels like I'm not appreciating his efforts, tension mounts up we argue.

 

We've talked about it loads since as we were in LC basically since the break up. neither of us are "fine", we've both expressed that since it happened we've been living just day to day, he says he was confortable with what he did in the context of what was happening with us at that time, however he said he's not been fulfilled in his life since then. I asked him what's so unfulfilling about his life he said he wanted things with us to work out and be rosy with us. That since then he's just been living day to day, he's not happy. While in LC he still would intiate contact, even at points where you would think there's nothing more to discuss, by now there wouldn't be any reason for him to be calling if he didn't want anything to do with me or us.

 

Both of us are strong willed people and at the end of the day if I'm walking around going about my business as I am, an outside person would say the same about me, oh she doesn't miss him, she's not thinking about him.

 

You say our boyfriends don't call us because they don't miss us. I've not called my ex does that mean that I don't miss him? No not at all.

No-one would ever look at me in my day to day routines and think or see how much turmoil I'm going through inside over this. He and I are both strong willed people and quite similar that way, and it I know would be the same with him.

 

As a friend reminded me the amount of time and respect alone that he has shown you in general much less even since the break up alone speaks for itself.

 

And I've told him you don't have to call and stuff to make it easier for you or out of guilt. He said if he wanted to avoid having to deal with that side of things he would by not calling in the first place and that the first thought in his mind when he calls me is my feelings. That he doesn't do this out of guilt, or to make himself feel better because when we talk about what's happened and I expree my hurt and upset etc that's not "feel good" talk.

 

We've both expressed that we're not jumping into anything in a hurry as a result of what's happened between us.

 

Right now the only reason why he's probably not called me is because he's trying to respect me asking him to no contact me anymore. Also because he has his exams on as well. In fact to probably deal with the NC from his end he's probably immersing himself even further into his studies and work.

 

Both of us have always been clean break/NC people in the past and we both have talked about this break up as being different for us on many levels such as for one reason or other.

Personally speaking, if a clean break is really what he and I were going to have then that's what would have happened ages back.

 

We've basically talked about everything and said everything between us except for "reconciliation" it's as though our conversations cover everything and anything else but skate round that.

 

All of my close friends think that he's deep down regretting his decision, as by the way it as executed you can see that he han't even really thought about it. It really was a case of him throwing his toys out of the pram as they say, because of feeling up against the wall.

 

So after 2 weeks today of NC, I actually think I was too hasty to go from LC to NC as we were getting to a point where we really seemed to be rediscovering one another and getting on nicely.

 

The only reason why I went NC is I panicked thinking that all we were going to do was remain in LC and never get past that point.

What I've done is just upset myself even more, and put myself through even more pain and turmoil.

 

I think you have to take from these forums and look at what's applicable to your own situation. In many cases full NC is the right thing, but only I know my relationship, my ex and me , the break up how it came about etc etc

[Rainz]

Didn't get to finish my reponse there.

 

As I was saying only I know what happened and what step is best for me in my situation.

If during break up and LC he said this is the best thing, he doesn't love me, not attracted to me, no spark, cheated on me, lied, he wants to see what's out there, etc etc....started seeing someone else etc etc, Ignored me, blaknked me, hung up on me, blew me off didn't make the time to call me or anything, even going out of his way at times still to show interest in me then I wouldn't even be contemplating breaking NC, but none of that is applicable to my situation.

 

And as I already said 2 weeks of NC has not helped me at all, it has just made me far worse than I already was, far worse. And I've never been the sort of person to "struggle" as such with NC and things of that nature because it's always been the right thing for me in those situations, however I'm feeling more and more it isn't right at this point in this situation.

 

That's my story Romi

[blemished]

I don't like to keep track of the days, because I think counting something makes you more aware of it. Instead, I try to say "it's been a while" even though I know the date in my head (May 22 or 23 was the last time we talked).

 

After my last time talking to him and getting REALLY upset, I spent an evening in agony and woke up the next morning and decided to never talk to him again. Period. I based this decision on experiences with my other ex (my first ex, we kept in LC until I met this other ex), and due to the fact that my latest ex totally wronged me and what he did to me was unforgiveable, and I have no interest in remembering our time together (ie validating it), or in having him as a friend. So, this is more than NC for me-- it is NC forever. I will post again on this thread to tell you how it is going for me. Within a few days, I started feeling IMMENSELY better, and am able to spend the holiday weekend totally by myself with no qualms. My tears have been shed and I have accepted the rational conclusion that this was for the best, since I was not happy in that relationship, and I deserve someone better. I hope you all feel that way, too. You deserve to be happy, not pining over someone in your past! Live for the future, not for the past.

[Romi]

Rainz: For what you are telling me, I think that you and your ex still have a chance as a couple.

 

There are 2 posibilitys about NC

 

1) Is that you break NC and follow with LC. Maybe you can get a positive reaction from him and the relationship, rediscovering one another again as you said. Or maybe you can stay in LC forever, with your ups and downs..That is not right for you.

 

2) By doing full NC, you can make him miss you and contact you to see you by his own choice. Or not. Maybe he will stay in NC until you contact him again.

 

I know NC is not making you feel better. It doesn't work for me either. But I think that in my case is better stay in full NC because I saw him with another girl. Maybe is not your case..

 

I really hope that wathever you do, can work for you.

 

Good luck!!!

 

Romi

[alteer]

Ok it's now 5 weeks since the break up (don't know how many days I've been back to NC, just don't want to think about it)

 

It's just getting harder. I was better a couple of weeks ago and now I'm a complete mess again.

 

I think the reason may be that I'm still holding onto some hope and as time goes on, and the more days and weeks pass, I'm getting more and more depressed that he isn't calling me.

 

I can't stand this feeling any more. It is driving me crazy.

 

I stayed at a friends house on the weekend. The guy is my ex's best friend and his wife and I get on extremely well and didn't want to loose contact because my ex and I broke up (she is my only real girl friend and we can talk about anything). Anyway she was telling me that my ex keeps calling her to see how I am. He has never called her directly before, and only ever calls to speak to her husband, but because he knows that me and her are still in contact he has been calling her all the time.

 

It's like he still wants to keep tabs on me without actually having to speak to me himself. I just don't get it. I'm still very confused. What the hell is he up to? He broke up with me........why does he keep asking people how I am?

[alteer]

I feel like such an idiot right now. Everything is suffering.....including my work.......I just can't concentrate on anything. I hate this.

[blemished]

The biggest driver for NC for me is that I know that my ex and I are not on the same page and could not reach agreement-- so talking to him only put me in pain. I even deleted his last emails to me so that I will not read them again. Reading his words just hurts.

 

Tomorrow will be 1 week since I have heard from him. Thank GOODNESS, and may I never hear from him again. It may not be what I want, but it's what is best. I hope you all agree.

[Sobo]

Im on day 3 of my NC, following my BIG NIGHT post, i was ok, i went out with another girl, she was a friend, but it was weird, to the point that b4 the "date" i had called to make sure we were meeting at the specific time and I almost said I love you to her by accident, i guess it was from habit. Not only that but I talked about the ex a lot, it wasn't too bad bc the girl i was out with had gone thru a similar thing recently.

 

The next night me and a bunch of friends went out, had a good time, but near the end of the night I was getting a little depressed, I just want things to be back to normal, as in I want her back, I want to feel her hug me, but I keep thinking to the last time I saw her, when we laid in bed and I looked into her eyes and could instantly tell something was missing.

 

like i know she made the right choice for both of us, but it still hurts, hopefully I don't break NC, it is only day 3 afterall,

[notanymore]

i had made up my mind not to post on the thread till i was feeling okay. been low most of the weekend,am slightly better now,sticking to NC but am miserable,and no i am not giving up on myself and all of my fellow NCers.

 

i dont know if NC has helped me heal or not but it has made a difference in my life, i m looking towards self introspection, what can i do to change myself that i dont feel sad anymore about it.wish you all the very best, hope i was of some help.please have faith in yourself, u ll surely come out of it, i know i will,when .. is the question to be answered, back to my fake smile,

[majord23]

I may as well jump on this thing

 

I've been in NC for 33 days and it has become easier as time has gone by. There is no expectation on my part for anything to change, and I know that I am getting better with each day....however that progress only becomes obvious when I reflect back to how I felt a month ago.

 

I have days when I want to call, but the reality (which isn't always easy to see in the early stages of NC) is that it won't change a thing except push me backwards. So I battle through the urge...and feel much better for having done it.

Staying strong does wonders for your self-esteem. Not seeking an external source to ease an internal pain....it takes strength, but it also *builds* strength.

 

I also have other days where it is no effort - I have moments of clarity when I realise that contact is the last thing I want or need.

 

A litmus test I apply to myself if I am ever tempted to break NC is this:

"Would you want to contact her if you were happily seeing someone else?"

 

That pretty much stops my dialling finger in it's tracks. I *know* that I will meet someone and fall in love again - it's the fact that I haven't yet that sometimes has me wanting to call my ex. Once I realised that THAT was the catalyst for wanting to break NC, it became alot easier to stick to my guns.

[taleahmage]

Well I'm doing the NC thing too. I fell in love with him but all he could give me was a "part" of his heart because that was all he had to give. BS! A friend of mine gave me a reality check by saying that a "part" is only good enuf for low ranking people. If I meant anything, I'd have gotten a lot more! I gave him everything I could, but I guess that wasn't enough. He came down here for 5 weeks to visit and I feel drained. I said maybe we should just be friends until he gets his life straight, but I don't want to just be friends. So, I took him to his grandfather's last weekend. When I left, I told him that he had my number if he wanted to talk. He told me I had his too. I broke the NC rule by calling on Thursday. He took a bus back home to VT and I found out that he made it okay. It was a nice conversation but I screwed up by telling him that I still love him. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. Altho, stupid me called yesterday only to get his voicemail to say hi and hope you're having a good holiday weekend. Still no contact from him. So, I don't know what day you'd count as NC. Yesterday I was so depressed. Today I'm angry because I don't deserve this! Or rather, he doesn't deserve me... especially if he's gonna treat me like this!!!! I'm glad I can come here and have some support. It makes me feel less alone! Thanks.

[Romi]

Hello people. It's day 19 for me.

I'm glad to see that there are new people jumping into this NC Bandwagon. Specially Majord23 (I love all your threads).

 

Well, my weekend was pretty down. I changed from a good feeling to a bad one. Sometimes I'm feeling ok thinking that a new love is waiting for me in the future and sometimes I feel that I will never meet someone so "perfect" as he was...

 

I was also thinking that the most important thing that I need to do RIGHT NOW is work in MY self improvement. Let go of the idea of reconcilliation and started working on getting me back.

We may feel worthless or depressed but we need to get up and say "I deserve better, You may not love me but I love myself and THAT is what matters."

I know that the amazing feelings we had with ur ex, we can have it with someone else as well.

 

We just have to believe in that and most of all we have to BELIEVE IN OURSELVES.

 

Alteer, I'm here for you. You can write me a PM or anything that makes you feel better. But please don't break NC. Hang in there buddy.

 

Romi

[alteer]

Not another good day for me I'm afraid. I've really slipped back. I'm upset all the time, on the verge of tears most of the day, get in my car to drive home from work and cry for an hour. Walk in my front door with my fake smile and pretend to be happy for the kids. Then I cry myself to sleep. I think I'm actually worse now than I was in the beginning........

 

I'm so emotionally drained.

 

I hope everyone else is doing better.

 

I know that I can come here and write all these feelings out without fear of being judged, and that is a comfort.

[notanymore]

well i m on day 20 something,not intrested in looking my old posts to find out how many days have gone by.she s not even worth a second of my thoughts.

am doing great today,thanks to a full night's sleep last night and partly due to the posts by majord23.thnx romifor letting me in on major who i must say is brilliant, read ur dumpers's guide , laughed my heart out.

 

welcome major,hop on

."Would you want to contact her if you were happily seeing someone else?"

this sums it all for ppl having the urge to break NC.great to have u .

 

cheers to all, good luck with NC

[majord23]

Thanks for the welcome Romi and notanymore, glad to be here.

 

Today is the best day I have had since the break-up. I woke up, thought of my ex and didn't miss her. I really do have a bizarre sense about me today - I'm wating for a pang of pain, or a thought of her to enter my head and make me feel bad....but it isn't coming.

 

It might be a turning point or it might be a 'healing mirage'...whatever it is, I like it.

 

Keep hanging in there guys. I can't say it enough - it *does* get better with time.

 

Looking back at previous break-ups, the thing that hurts me most is the fact that I reflect on them now and feel a bit pathetic about the way I acted. I can't believe that I would break NC and make myself vulnerable for girls that weren't worth it.

 

Self-respect is FAR more important than ANY ex.

 

I've lost my self-respect a few times over the years, and that is what hurts most about some of my previous break-ups....moreso than the pain of losing the girl. Hold onto it.

[Spawn]

i am probably reachin the 2 month mark......its been a roller coaster for me.

 

I don't miss her but still think about her.

 

I somehow found out her phone was back from the dead but i don't feel the urge to contact her.

 

She is back with her ex probably even happier than before.....who cares.

 

I just wanted my life back.....staying away from her helps.

 

I used to feel bad about whatever happenned between us but time has made me realize that the breakup was not entirely my fault although i got blamed for all kinda reasons. Anyways i did tell her later she made me feel like a second fiddle to her ex and hurt my feelings on many occasions, so i blamed her too.

 

I don't wish to see her or hear from her......thats what i told her when i last contacted, hope she understands that remainin in contact with exs can really harm relationships.

 

I feel i may never love again but only time will tell.

[mikeca]

Been NC 5weeks now...having some intense 'cravings' haha...I dreamed of her the last couple nights and its made me want to contact her again...but so far I've been good. But the thought of trying to regain contact so she can see where Im at is nagging away, especially when said something about a book on link removed that suggests this....any ideas on this book?

[thlst3]

I haven't been on here for a good month or so but wanted to let you know NC does help you.

 

At the beginning it was hard, you wonder... you want to know... etc.

 

Currently I'm at 30 days and it feels good. I don't dream about my ex. anymore. I do think about her at times but I'm alot happier... why? 'Cuz I don't have that extra stress in my life... trying to be friends... hoping to get back together... wondering if she's thinking about me... blah blah...

 

Lately, I've been getting back into the game... dating.

 

My advice for those who are having a hard time... it'll pass... if you feel like you want to call? don't... you'll regret it and feel crappy afterwards.

 

Good luck.