alteer Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Ok I have a serious problem. I'm not coping with this whole NC thing at all. One day I'm fine and the next I'm a friggin basket case. I deleted him from msn, my phones, my email address book, everything. But today I undeleted and unblocked him.....stupid, stupid, stupid. It was like.....I just couldn't help myself. Anyway he was online and said 'hi'. Now here is my dillema. I have a heap on contacts on msn that I sometimes just can't be bothered speaking to for a while so I delete and block them. But then I undelete and unblock them and speak to them again. So I'm always in that stupid blocked contact list rearranging contacts. I want him completely gone so I can't be tempted to contact him. And the only way for that to happen is if he deletes me also. Then the delete button on my side won't be greyed out and I can delete him permantly. So after he says 'hi' I say 'listen I don't want to talk to you anymore so I need you to delete me.' Then he comes back and says 'u want to delete me?!!' like he's shocked. And I said 'yep I do I think that's best'. Well he agreed but still hasn't deleted me. I can't stand this. I feel like I'm 16 again and out of control. Now I know I should be stronger. I know I should just keep him deleted from my side. But this has become an obsession and it's really irritating me. I just want him to help me out and delete me already!! He doesn't want me so what the hell is his problem? Link to comment
sooky Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 hi! sorry for jumping in on page 18 of this thread...but just a quickie to high five you all for being so strong!! im on day 8, (we broke up a month ago) and he's not on my mind all that much, save for the fact that my flatmates and closest friends have moved home for the summer and i dont leave until thursday, so am all on my ownsome. no temptation to contact him though. just wonder what went wrong. and frankly, the boy is a fool for letting me go! ah well. good luck to everyone! and alteer, i dont know your story, but it sounds like his failure to delete you is a bit of selfishness on his part - a reluctance to let you move on. you dont need to delete him to resist the temptation... xxxx Link to comment
Romi Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Hey people! I'm still counting the NC days. It's day 26 for me! I'm having ups and downs. I been dreaming about him a LOT. I really want to stop dreaming! They are also not good dreams, they are nightmares... I went out on saturday night with some friends. I meet one guy that was perfect for me but when he ask me for my telephone number I couldn't give it to him. I'm not ready to date yet. I need more time. I still think about my ex a lot! Do you guys have the same problem?? Link to comment
onayrb Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Dear Romi, If this guy was "perfect" for you then why not get his number!? I have experienced the aftermath of a breakup many times. Once I went for a year without meeting somebody who I remotely felt anyhthing for and on another occasion only two weeks after breakup, I met someone I really fell for -and not just a rebound thing, but a lasting thing. You can never tell what might happen but never deny the chance of something good happening. YOu could be surprised. Link to comment
sooky Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 romi - on the other hand, if you feel it's not right to give out your number just yet, then it probably isnt... perhaps if this happens again, take the guy's number, so the ball is in your court whether to call him or not. it's always nice to feel a little more in control. have fun! oh...and i totally feel your pain regarding nightmares and dreams...hence being on the computer at 3 in the morning...tum tee tum xx Link to comment
mikeca Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 * * * *ty...day..some customer was wearing her perfume, of course I began looking around as if to see her, felt like an idiot. Time to go running.... Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 hi ppl down in the dumps for the upteenth time, been like this for the past 3 days, did not go to work, been drinkin everyday, my life s a mess. thought i was doing great , then i m back to my blues again, how the hell am i supposed to recover ,not just my breakup , i m sick of life itself, NC continues but it hasnt made me feel any better. am a total wreck, help Link to comment
pablovblack Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 hi ppl down in the dumps for the upteenth time, been like this for the past 3 days, did not go to work, been drinkin everyday, my life s a mess. thought i was doing great , then i m back to my blues again, how the hell am i supposed to recover ,not just my breakup , i m sick of life itself, NC continues but it hasnt made me feel any better. am a total wreck, help notanymore, come on buddy, we get these cycles of pain they come and go, you've helped me and others out loads here and you know inside yourself that this pain will subside, they way I look at it when I'm down is that yeah Life is a b * * * h, no one said it was going to be easy, we need to stand up and fight, fight to succeed, throw away the toughts If you can and be selfish, think about yourself and how you can improve yourself as a person, booze aint the answer too man, I've tried it and it gets you no where. Go visit friends do anything you can to get your mind away from her.. I visited a friend I aint seen in 5 years and let me tell you it took my mind of my ex the whole night, I slept like a baby, first time in months... We are here for you man, we all are... Life....... Well you either grab it by the balls or you wither away and die, no one will feel sorry for you if you take the "losers" road, you will only have pitty on yourself and from there its a downward spiral... You need to breath life in and spit it back out, take from it what you want and go where you want to go... The harsh reality that we have to accept is that ours ex's may never walk down that road, that path or even that Wedding Isle with us, so what should we do, curl into a ball and give up, no,we are just getting started... come on join in the beggining of the rest of our prosperous, happy and love filled lifes.. thats where I'm going anyone care to join me... Theres a girl out there and we dont even know it yet, but damn are we gonna have some fun..... chin up buddy I know ill see you along the way.... Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 hey pablovblack thanks man, i needed that ,i m not curling into a ball anymore, no more self pity for me,i ll come out of it. well here's how it all started ,i know i m ranting about , skip it if u wish to. i started remembering my ex on friday and slowly started feeling miserable about everthing in my life.started blaming myself for everything that has happened to me, though all i wanted to do was realise my previous mistakes , but ended up feelin gsad about it. went out with friends over the weekend ,even though i did not want , enede up getting drunk , then the cycle followed, so much so that i had to take yesterday off from work just to get over the hangover. i am not letting myself down , thnx for being there pablovblack.i m feeling better. Link to comment
pablovblack Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 started blaming myself for everything that has happened to me, though all i wanted to do was realise my previous mistakes , but ended up feelin gsad about it. went out with friends over the weekend ,even though i did not want , enede up getting drunk , then the cycle followed, so much so that i had to take yesterday off from work just to get over the hangover. Ive been there man, blamed myself, swore at myself, actually hit myself becuase I was ashamed of what I had done, until I couldnt do it any more, We need to realise that the reason we acted the way we did, is because we knew no better at the time... Kind of like being blind..... We know now in hindsight so it hurts but we simply cannot beat ourselves up anymore, no one can turn back time as much as we try and believe we can..... We can however improve ourselves... And that next girl we get will reap the rewards, and you know what she will thank you for it mate.... To the future... Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 i realise it now that u ve mentioned it.u r right , its actuallly being blind. guess i ll be a great lover for the next lucky girl ,who might be jus aroud the corner. cheers man to the future... Link to comment
jojean Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 hey all, ready to join this NC bandwagon. Don't know how I would feel. Got some messy months behind me. Starting all fresh again into NC day 4 now. But now really to get over him and not trying to have his consuming my mind anymore. My heart is with you all. BIG HUGS jojean Link to comment
pablovblack Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 hey all, ready to join this NC bandwagon. Don't know how I would feel. Got some messy months behind me. Starting all fresh again into NC day 4 now. But now really to get over him and not trying to have his consuming my mind anymore. My heart is with you all. BIG HUGS jojean All I can say is it works... you will wake up one morning and the pain will be a lot less, that for me was the first day of the rest of my life. It was the first time I didnt feel much anxiety or loss, I could breath again if you will.... I was 2 weeks into NC and 6 weeks into the split, but everyones different. Link to comment
jojean Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Hi, i thought I had that moment too. Into 2 weeks of NC..and stupid me.. I felt back into square one. not as bad though.. I should have just not reply to his txtmssg. I wasn't ready for it after all. My story is.. 3,5 months split up. 1,5 month living on my own.. Yeah did some LC/NC..but wasn't as strong holding to it. Link to comment
fifregister Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 jojean--i did the same...half-hearted NC. it ends up prolonging the healing process. half of me hoped that doing some NC would make him change his mind. half of me thought i was over the idea of being together and was ready. i found excuses to call after a week or two just to "check" this only ends in more pain and confusion, and sets you back so much more than you think. it's day 3 of NC, third attempt. felt the horrible AM sadness because once again i woke up with the reality of not having him in my life, and the thought that i probably never will again. he had a lot of good qualities which kept me hooked, and i have to get unhooked. saw a therapist yesterday for the first time, which helped put things in perspective...but it doesn't make the pain go away. the depressive waves have come back. Link to comment
Psylocke960 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 It's been about 26 days of NC for me. I've definitely been in a better mood. Just going out and having fun with friends and family. Spent 4 days of quality time with my sister who lives in LA. It was very nice and relaxing to just go away to a different environment. A mini vacation is so worth it! Take care everyone! Link to comment
Romi Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Hello everyone! Ok, day 27 and feeling stronger! Still having nightmares, mornings are really hard. Feel a lot of pain.. But then it gets better. Thank's Onayrb and Sooky for your answers. I agree with sooky, I'm just not ready to meet new mans yet. I need more time to forget about my ex... Next time I will ask the guy's number and maybe have some fun when I feel ready! I know I can cure my broken heart! Stay strong people. Keep the faith, It gets easier every day!! (HUGS) Romi Link to comment
fifregister Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Day 3 third attempt. Nights are bad, and mornings are terrible. I'm forcing myself to get up on my own two feet again. Saw a therapist yesterday. Throwing myself back out there to experience new things and meet new ppl; I need the distraction. I've actually gone on friendly "dates" with understanding, trustworthy guy buddies just to get my mind off things. Going on an actual "date" on friday. No physical stuff though, that's the absolute bottom line. Tired of sitting around moping, or sitting around whining to my friends. Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 another day has gone, me lousy but improving, hope i mend the fences before the end of this month when i have to come face to face with her. i cant say whether NC has helped me or not, lets see, am just dragging on. Link to comment
hpsowce Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 It's been a week of NC for me today and it's certainly tough but when I compare it to the alternative then I can't see a choice. I want to forget about her and I want to move on, if she doesn't love me anymore than why should I waste my time loving her?? Morning's are tough and so are the work days - we work in the same place, she's in the next door office, I haven't even seen her in a few days but knowing she's there seems to get to me. Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 how is everyone today am feeling much better today, have made up my mind to stay happy and cheerful whatever be the situation, whether i remember her or not, whether i get her back or not, i am not going to be sad. not even the fake smile, i am not going to let myself go down. i cannot control what is happening to me and what will happen , but what i can control is how i react to it. NC or no NC, single or with someone, my happiness lies inside me. have a happy day fellas,hugs to all cheers Link to comment
jojean Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 hey notanymore, good to hear you've a better day. It should be like that. No matter what you're the one controlling how you feel. Ofcourse there would be still moments we think about our ex's. I choose to let it go through my head and after 5 minutes get up and do anything. Doesn't matter what. Because otherwise there will be a day or night I will feel worse. Today it's day 6 of NC. There are moments I think I shouldn't be bothered about NC too much. And ofcourse it shouldn't. But not when you're not over your ex. Today I got an urge wanting to contact him again..with an excuse in the back of my head thinking that I can handle it. But I'm not sure. It's better to wait at least a month... Link to comment
notanymore Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 hey notanymore, good to hear you've a better day. It should be like that. No matter what you're the one controlling how you feel. Ofcourse there would be still moments we think about our ex's. I choose to let it go through my head and after 5 minutes get up and do anything. Doesn't matter what. Because otherwise there will be a day or night I will feel worse. Today it's day 6 of NC. There are moments I think I shouldn't be bothered about NC too much. And ofcourse it shouldn't. But not when you're not over your ex. Today I got an urge wanting to contact him again..with an excuse in the back of my head thinking that I can handle it. But I'm not sure. It's better to wait at least a month... you are absolutely right jojean its just our own mind which is playing games with us.to get in control is what is important. please take ur time about breaking NC.its that temptation which just needs to be let go and if u succumb to it, u ll regret why u broke NC in the first place. have a great day, cheers Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing well and hanging on in there. Well, I thought I'd post a quick message to say I cannot recommend NC enough as a method for healing. For the last few months, I've been maintaining LC with my ex (as friends, I had one month of NC). I genuinely thought after the (1-month NC) that I was able to be friends with my him and not expect anything other than friendship. But that's theory and my rational mind speaking, not my heart. Yesterday, I heard through the grapevine that he is dating another girl. The news has hit me harder than I thought it would. During my time of LC, I did everything that's recommended after a break-up: discover new hobbies, go out with friends, go on holiday, visit family. I was not seeing my ex very often, and had also gone on a couple of dates. I'd been enjoying myself and have grown in confidence in the last few months. Nevertheless, the news of a new girlfriend has hit me hard. So although in theory I thought I was ready to be friends and maintain LC, I wasn't. Secretly, I still had hopes that we could try again. I'm certain I would have healed even faster if I had maintained NC from the very beginning, rather than staying friends, being civil and spending time with my ex. I also feel slightly guilty and selfish today for feeling low, as I should be happy for my ex that he has met someone. I love him, and so I should be pleased for him that he is happy... Aargh, it's difficult I like my ex immensely...problem is, I like him too much! So there's an imbalance between him and me, which isn't healthy. Sorry guys, just needed to vent! Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Hello again folks, sorry to post again... Today I've blocked my ex's e-mail address - I still feel pretty guilty as I haven't told him I'm going back to NC...I don't know how he'll respond, but then again I shouldn't really be worrying about how he'll react. I need to do this for myself and keep working on myself, until I'm completely healed...I've also decided to stop dating until I feel ready again. How's everyone else doing? Link to comment
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