NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[alteer]

Oh hurting I'm so sorry you are going through that. Internet love affairs suck. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better most of the time though. Prepare yourself as much as possible for when she goes overseas. This forum is fantastic, seriously I'd be more of a mess without it. Are you looking after your kids while your ex is away? If so spoil them rotten. I have 2 kids as well......they are not my ex's kids but they feeling it. He was close to my 11 yr old son who doesn't have a male role model around (my kids haven't seen their father since they were very small but thats a whole other story).

 

And mean people really do suck....even though I'm off my face right now I would so love to call him. But I'm not....strict NC all the way. Actually I'm not feeling as crappy as I thought. I'm feeling ok. Although it's taken me a hell of a long time to type this reply!!! Lucky I type for a living or I would be in a real mess

 

Thinking of you hurting........

[Romi]

Hey Notanymore and Alteer. Please have faith that there's someone for all of us out there that can love us as we deserve to be love. I know it!!

Also I know that is really hard right now to be open for a new love. But we all have to be strong and not call our exes just because they don't want us in their lives. If we call, we are back to square one. So why do we have to do that?

 

I was feeling down but now that I read all this posts I know I'm not alone. There's a lot of people feeling like me, but there's also a lot of people that was like us before and now you can read their posts and they're happy. They have a new love or they feel better because they moved on. How? Doing exactly what we are doing, NC!!!!!

 

Hang in there! It's day 10 for me and I not going to call him!!

 

Hugs

 

Romi

[pablovblack]

Day 5.

Man its tough, I just want to go to her house and see her face but I know I cant, I dont have anything to do Im so bored, This is like living hell........

Thats Better.

[alteer]

Hey Notanymore and Alteer. Please have faith that there's someone for all of us out there that can love us as we deserve to be love. I know it!!

 

Hang in there! It's day 10 for me and I not going to call him!!

 

Hugs

 

Romi

 

Thanks Romi. Not sure how I'd be without all the support in this thread. It means alot.

[alteer]

Day 12

 

As you know I was a complete mess yesterday. But today was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

 

Hang in there everyone, it's tough I know.

[Rainz]

Day 8 for me today.

 

After having a "good" day 7 yesterday and not even thinking about the ex much or having the urge or interest to call him....today is the opposite.

 

I've really been missing him today and can't stop thinking about him. It's horrible

 

Pablovblack...like you, I'm so bored too. I'm trying to do things to "occupy" myself but it's not helping at all. I've just got no energy or interest in anything much today.

[Hurting4Sure]

Well yesterday sucked bad!! Ended up going over to her house, and she was talking to him on the webcam, usually when I surprise her she shuts it off, but this time she said she did not have time. So I looked at him, he could not see me though, I did not get in front of the camera, and they were typing to each other "i love you" "we cant' do that online can we" I can only imagine what they were talking about.

 

So with that man, it really hit home, now there is a face to put with this affair for me. It just made it seem so real, and seeing her say she loves him, wow that was a killer!!! I just have to stay away from her completely, not call not anything, this is going to be hard as hell as we all know, but today I am starting over my life without her.

 

I am going to bust down on this LC (because of kids) and I know she will miss me, she has before. But I think she really blew her last chance, if she goes overseeas, I don't think I can handle being with her after that.

[kickedwhereithurts]

He did break it off with me. Very suddenly. He went from calling me everyday for the past 2 1/2 yrs to literally ignoring me overnight, for 3 days he didn't return my calls or my messages, until I went to his house (the worst part is that I thought there was something seriously wrong with him. Like he was lying in a morgue somewhere) how stupid did I feel?!. I've never received any real answers and the pain is killing me.

 

It appears we were both ended very similarly, from one extreme to the other litereally overnight.

It also appears we are coping about the same, real rollercoaster of highs and lows, maybe from never really having proper closure or answers?

 

Its been a funny old weekend, after sending the message to her on Thurs night and feeling much more positive, Friday evening (DAY 1 NC again now) got back to feeling down again.

Saturday was the same, went out with friends on the night time to try and cheer myself up, but I really did not want to be there and it served no purpose to me.

Went out with them again today (now DAY 3 NC) for some "retail therapy" to try and again take my mind of her, only to see it actually made matters worse for me.

Couldnt wait to get home alone and wallow in self pity, done that now and feeling better again!!....How stupid is that?....one minute I think I understand why everything happened, the other minute absolutely nothing adds up to me at all and cant see any logic or reasoning to anything other than lies must have been involved somewhere.

I still think breaking NC was the right thing to do for me personally, as it just drove things home harder to me and gave me more to focus on, trying to stay focused on these is a whole different ball game though!

I know I need to move on, I know I CERTAINLY CANT contact her again now after my last attempt, I know I am SICK of feeling like this, but I don't know why I am still feeling like this at this stage, I should be over it, I want to be over it and move on, however, trying to force myself to do this is just not working.

[Rainz]

 

 

Saturday was the same, went out with friends on the night time to try and cheer myself up, but I really did not want to be there and it served no purpose to me.

Went out with them again today (now DAY 3 NC) for some "retail therapy" to try and again take my mind of her, only to see it actually made matters worse for me.

 

I get like that as well, even when I get invited out and have the opportunity to get out and do something, there are just times where I know it's going to futile, and as you say serve no purpose, may as well have not bothered. I had a birthday party to go to last week with friends and as much as I knew really I should go, the way I had to really force myself was just too much so ended up not going.

 

Couldnt wait to get home alone and wallow in self pity, done that now and feeling better again!!

 

I get like that too, can't wait to get back home and just mope it out sometimes! Especially after a hard day at work with the "mask" on, interacting and getting on with people as though I'm fine when I'm just about putting one foot in front of the other.

By the time the day is over all I can do sometimes is just sit indoors and wallow as well.

 

....How stupid is that?....one minute I think I understand why everything happened, the other minute absolutely nothing adds up to me at all and cant see any logic or reasoning to anything other than lies must have been involved somewhere.

.

 

My mind does that to me as well, one extreme to the other...(sigh)

 

Thanks for posting, I really related to where you're at and it's made me feel a little better.

[kickedwhereithurts]

My mind does that to me as well, one extreme to the other...(sigh)

 

Thanks for posting, I really related to where you're at and it's made me feel a little better.

 

I'm glad it helped 1 person at least.

I've never been like this over anyone, now in my late 30's (too near 40!) and my mind is still doing 180's nearly every hour.....never been so upset over anything before, and this is now 2 months after the break up, so I am now seriously thinking I need some therapy, but because my mood keeps constantly changing, I know when I need to make moves towards this, that I will be more posititive about everything and think I'm strong enough to handle it.....I've handled far worse before this (or actually maybe not?!), but for some reason, this one has hit me for 6 leaving me not wanting to get back up again.

[Psylocke960]

So yesterday afternoon, I heard my cell phone ringing...Yea, guess who it was? The ex. I almost picked it up thinking it was a friend I was going to meet up with later. It was weird but I just stood there staring at his name on the phone. Heart pounding and everything. But I didn't answer. A few seconds later, he calls my house phone. Didn't pick that up either. Well, he left a message saying that he wanted to talk and to email or call him when I could.

 

I'm still sticking to NC. I know he probably wants to discuss the stuff we have together but I'm just not ready to talk to him yet. (It's been 9 days of NC so far...)

[alteer]

I broke NC last night.

 

I signed into messenger and hadn't deleted him as I had previously been advised to do. And sent a message saying 'hi'

 

He replied and we actually had a really good chat. Nothing about the breakup and nothing about our relationship.....just a chat like we used to do, about life and stuff.

 

Anyway I don't feel bad about it at all........that's the second time i've made contact since we broke up a month ago. The first time I felt really down in the dumps and beat myself up over it. But this time I don't. I actually feel ok. More so because I could just chat to him and not bring up 'us'. I still miss him a lot and I know in the long run it's better if I don't contact him at all. But I'm just glad I could chat to him rationally.....and sound happy (even though I'm not) and tell him how great my life is (even though it's not).

[Psylocke960]

Even though I'm not ready to talk my ex, I think that's they best way to approach it. Just talk about other things and nothing about the relationship or how much you miss them. I do hope one day we can possibly good friends and just put this past us and laugh. Good for you for being able to just chat. I think it would be too hard for me right now.

[alteer]

Even though I'm not ready to talk my ex, I think that's they best way to approach it. Just talk about other things and nothing about the relationship or how much you miss them. I do hope one day we can possibly good friends and just put this past us and laugh. Good for you for being able to just chat. I think it would be too hard for me right now.

 

 

Thanks Psylocke,

 

I actually think I turned a corner by being able to do it. I certainly didn't want him to know how I really feel, and I feel stronger because I was able to just go on about normal stuff. I'm not carrying any 'hope' around with me, I know it's over but I really feel good about myself for being able to do it. And I said goodbye first after chatting to him.......which made me feel good as well. I wasn't hanging on and didn't feel the need to!!

 

But I have to say your stronger than I am.........I wouldn've answered the phone.

[Psylocke960]

Thanks Psylocke,

 

I actually think I turned a corner by being able to do it. I certainly didn't want him to know how I really feel, and I feel stronger because I was able to just go on about normal stuff. I'm not carrying any 'hope' around with me, I know it's over but I really feel good about myself for being able to do it. And I said goodbye first after chatting to him.......which made me feel good as well. I wasn't hanging on and didn't feel the need to!!

 

But I have to say your stronger than I am.........I wouldn've answered the phone.

 

Believe me...It took all my strength to not answer it. Of course in my silly mind I was imagining that once I picked up, he would say "I've missed you terribly. Let's start over and make it right this time." Even though I have been thinking positively on how to make ME feel better, I know at times I have that feeling of "hope." I need to stop since I know it's over between us. I just miss him so much...

[alteer]

Believe me...It took all my strength to not answer it. Of course in my silly mind I was imagining that once I picked up, he would say "I've missed you terribly. Let's start over and make it right this time." Even though I have been thinking positively on how to make ME feel better, I know at times I have that feeling of "hope." I need to stop since I know it's over between us. I just miss him so much...

 

I'm sure it did take an enormous amount of strength.

 

I carried ton's of hope around for the first couple of weeks. I was a complete mess the other night. But I thought, man I know him better than most people and once he makes a decision that's it...he's not changing his mind.

 

I suddenly feel a lot stronger...and he's not consuming my thoughts today like he had done for the past few weeks.

 

I'm hoping this feeling continues and that this isn't just because it's a 'good day'.......we'll see.

[notanymore]

day 14 n 15 for me

just dragging on,NC continues, more of a self imposed exile,pushing myself to the brink of pain, just wanna know how much i can take it.a friend called me yesterday tol me she and her new had a wild night on saturday at this club.though i did not ask him still he told me,people get cheap thrills by upsetting others.not contacting anyone at least for the next month that i m away frm college.

 

am disgusted with life right now,went out with a friend yesterday was feelin so sick that i did not talk much and we cut short our evenin, jus wanted to get home and have self pity. i can relate to it, kickedwhereithurts.was too suicidal yesterday,somethin i never was,just pushin myself through the day.

 

 

wish u all the very best with NC,hang in there

[fifregister]

broke NC for the third time....god i'm so weak...probably because i'd never gotten through a breakup on my own. each previous breakup, i'd just replaced the guy with a newer model. but this time, i really am in love, and i'm on my own to deal with this heartache.

 

this is so tough...not only talked to the ex but hung out and slept with him...talked about the relationship and that i miss him, love him, and want to give the relationship another chance. he said it's not a good idea for us to be together right now, that he needs to work on himself first. insisted that he loves me, does not want another girlfriend, but that we broke up for a reason (i ended things).

 

so much in pain. stuck in an awful limbo state. can't go back and can't go forward...

[pablovblack]

Woke up this morning and felt so upset again, Dont think this pain is getting better, I think the only thing getting me through is the thought that she might begin to miss me and want to contact me sometime.

 

Im also very scared that she will fall out of love with me while we are not speaking. This sucks.

 

I'll hold this head high though, I mean what else can one do.

[Rainz]

I'm glad it helped 1 person at least.

I've never been like this over anyone, now in my late 30's (too near 40!) and my mind is still doing 180's nearly every hour.....never been so upset over anything before, and this is now 2 months after the break up, so I am now seriously thinking I need some therapy, but because my mood keeps constantly changing, I know when I need to make moves towards this, that I will be more posititive about everything and think I'm strong enough to handle it.....I've handled far worse before this (or actually maybe not?!), but for some reason, this one has hit me for 6 leaving me not wanting to get back up again.

 

Ohhh, you sound so much like how I feel with my break up. This one really has been a heavy one for me. I'm usually quite "good" at handling these kinds of things as well. I'm in my early 33, 34 this year, my ex is 40 in a couple of weeks.

I remind myself that I've been through "worse" than this in the past, but then I was younger and more resilient, had more stuffing to take the hurt and pain with.

 

I just feel like relationships just take the stuffing out of me more and more each time round when they fail. That's why I think break-ups for me get harder.

 

Spending time investing in myself etc etc...going through all that healing, growing, evolving, etc etc...for me to let someone else in again and go through all that all over again? Sometimes it seems like it's all for nothing.

 

Like you I'm all over the place mood wise and it has been 2 months so far as well. I thought about therapy, but in all honesty I don't think it till help me per se. They're going to only tell me in therapy speak that which I already know. Not only that to me unless the thing that is hurting you is restored back to you or replaced, even with therapy your still going to be hurting. That's just my take on it. Many people on these boards go in for it, some say it helps, others say that they're in it for years and they still hurt and go through the motions just the same.

[Rainz]

Day 9 for me.

 

I'm at home.

 

The rollercoaster motions of pain and hurt have just drained me physically. I talked it out with a guy friend last night, I did feel a little better and still feel just a tiny little better. He had very encouraging and supportive, optimistic things to say to me. Encouraged me to rebuild myself spiritually and pray, as that whole areaa of my life has fallen down over the course of the break up.

I prayed a little prayer last night, it did help me feel a bit better.

Overall still sad and missing him etc, just not feeling all the angry feelings and thoughts right now like I did yesterday.

[kickedwhereithurts]

I just feel like relationships just take the stuffing out of me more and more each time round when they fail. That's why I think break-ups for me get harder.

 

Spending time investing in myself etc etc...going through all that healing, growing, evolving, etc etc...for me to let someone else in again and go through all that all over again? Sometimes it seems like it's all for nothing.

 

I SO relate to that!

Also hearing or seeing the old age line of "you need to go through this to find your true love" etc does not help.....what happens when you have been through everything, coped with it all, and then found "THE ONE" only to have it thrown back in your face?......what the hell is the point in moving on then, after its taken your whole life to find, every break up you have ever gone through previously, no matter how much it has hurt, you have bounced back from in your eternal quest to find "the one" because you think all the knock backs are "character building" and "good for you" in some twisted sense.

 

Then if your told "well she cant have been THE ONE if things between you ended", yes thats understandable if you have closure or answers to the reasons things between you ended, (then you would see obviously she was not "the one" and carry on your eternal quest yet again!) but if everything was the best ever, with no problems bewteen you, only to have a 180 done on you overnight, then how does any of that help one bit?...infact, why does getting back up for more of the same help?.....oh...to character build myself more eh?......Well no thanks, I dont need to become any stronger,(obviously I do at this point as I'm down) or character build any longer, not every break up is down to us or our faults.

 

As you get older, it also becomes more obvious that finding your true "mate" is very hard and takes a lot of time (some are lucky and find it quickly)...by the time I've recovered from this, then go out and maybe find someone else, who I can almost now guarantee will not be anywhere near the level of last "romance" I'll probably be 90!

 

Life sucks, then you die!

[Romi]

Hey everyone. It's day 11 for me and I'm feeling really down.

I went out on saturday night with my friends and have a good time but felt so empty without him. I miss him so much! And I'm thinking of him all the time, if he is still with this other girl...

 

Yesterday I saw that he delete me on the MSN. I delete him first but it hurts to see that. I think his trying to forget everything about me.

I would really like to know a man that makes me forget about him but it seems like impossible. I'm still not open for that. Do you people have the same feeling?

 

I'm in therapy right now and it seems to work for me. I need to talk about me and my feelings because I have so much pain and I don't undestand why my happiness depends on someone else. Rainz I think you should try it. It's very helpful

 

Ok people I need hugs this time. I don't want to break the NC..

 

Romi (from Argentina)

[notanymore]

hey romi

we r all there for each other, u gave me hope yesterday, i m giving it to u today, but before that, here s a big hug to you.dont worry, u ll come out of it, divert your mind with something else,think about the suffering he made you go through, u wont feel like contacting him.besides , the moment you exchange this thought of contacting him with some other thought , u ll lose the urge to do so, keep up NC, hang in there.

[pablovblack]

Ok people I need hugs this time. I don't want to break the NC..

 

Romi (from Argentina)

 

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

You will be ok, Its so very hard for us to be in this position, I too wish someone would come and take my mind of this pain but I dont think that would help, Its like delaying the pain till a later date, Its all about pure strength of the mind, Its all psychological after all.. My ex works accross the road from my house and only 5 minutes walk away it takes evrything for me not go and talk to her and try and reason with her, which we all know only pushes them away.

 

MORE HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS