Hurting4Sure

Don't get your hopes up. Doing that will allow you to make mistakes that you will regret. Just go to lunch, think of it as lunch and thats it. You don't bring up the relationship, let her do it. Act happy!!! Don't push anything, remember it's only lunch. Be like it's you r first lunch together. Would you be needy, whiny, throwing all your emotions on the table.. NO!! You would be cool, smooth, confident, happy. Be like that!!! Good Luck!!

I am listeneing to all your advice, I am not sure if this is fixable or not. We have had some good talks to this point and she says she now realizes that it was a "fantasy", I guess. I am not sure, about this situation she is really crazy!! Normally she is an awesome smart woman. Now, let me tell you guys the real story, as she has told me. You guys ready..... She has been talking to him for a long time, fell in "love" with him and wanted to meet him. Well here is the kicker, she put him against the wall about buying the ticket to bring her there, and he did not pull it off! Why you guys may ask.... This is the part I cannot believe, HE STILL LIVES WITH HIS WIFE!! They were going to meet in a hotel room for a week? She thought she would marry this guy, he would be a good stepdad etc.. She fell for this hook line and sinker, now I am not sure what the guy was getting out of this, other than talking to someone on the internet and phone. I am sure it was all the compliments etc... I am taking it slow, I feel bad for her, almost too bad to be with her becasue this was not the woman I married, that would travel to another country to be with a married man. I thought she was smarter than that. I guess love is blind and stupid...

My "wife" was supposed to go see her internet boyfriend overseas this weekend, and well he did not come through with the ticket as promised. I also found out he is still married and living with his wife. We are separated, becasue of the situation. At first she said if he did not come through with the ticket, she was changing her phone number etc. etc. Well now she says he just won't call her and she does not need to change it. The real problem is I have been doing Lc, preparing myself for her trip etc. and feeling pretty good, now she is not going which is also want I want, becasue I thought there would be no chance for us ever is she met him. Well now she is kinda all over me, wanting to go swimming, we went out to eat for fathers day, we were intamite, but she wants to take it slow, which I understand, but you guys warned me on this board about feeling like second choice and I guess thats my problem. I feel weird I guess. All her family and friends knew she was going to see him and they are like ohhhh sorry you did'nt get to go, like I am the only one that it sounds crazy to? I feel like the other guy, I am not confident that if he calls she wont talk to him, I mean after all she would have went to see him. While we were together she said " its just a shame I talked to him all these years and wee never met" I am like thinking whatever! I guess I am upset becasue I got no I am sorry, that was a mistake, or anything like that, just here I am. Lets be friends and see what happens.

Well, guys as you know from my posts, today is the day my "wife" is supposed to get her ticket from her internet boyfriend she thinks she loves and fly out tomorrow overseas to spend the week with him. I have tried to be strong, do LC because of the kids, all week when she talked to me she would say she has not gotten her ticket yet, and she was beginning to doubt that the guy was going to buy it. Even yesterday they had decided that he would transfer the money into her account and she could buy it to save money or whatever, and as of last nite the money was not in her account yet. So here is the killer, I was excited to be honest, I thought well maybe she won't be going, that would certainly help me if we ever tried again But then I realized, if she did not go it would be because this guy didnt come up with the ticket, not because she decided not to go. Even right now I want to call her as see if she got the money in her account, but I can't I must be strong and let her go, and get her out of my head. Now I have been better, and believe me everybody the less you see or hear from them it is easier to get over them. We have kids together and I keep it short and to the point (or try to) . When I talked to her yesterday and she thought she might get the money to go, she was STILL giviing me bread crumbs of chance to chew on. Saying now, that she does not know if she loves him, people do get over it sometimes when the other spouse is with someone else, etc. I said sometimes they don't!! As hard as I have been trying, I feel like I have been in limbo, and if she goes, at least I know where I stand, and I can start to fully heal. ( Ihope). Thanks for everyone support here, I am glad I found this place, just wish it was under different circumstances lol!

Long story short my "wife" is supposed to be going overseas to see her internet boyfriend this weekend, but as of yet he has not come through woth the ticket. So due to the kids I have been doing LC, she calls me I do not call her,and I have been reading the forums here and taking that advice. I answer the phone and before I do i smile, it really works. I sound happy when we talk and I have still been there when she has needed me. So also I have been going to church. Well last nite she calls and leaves me a voicemail while I am in church. I call her back after and I said I was in church and she went "crazy". She just got mad at me about everything, said she did not want a "churchy" guy etc. This was the first time I went on a wednesday mind you. She said she wanted a divorce right now, and she would get the money to do it, I said ok thats what I figured we were doing. She also said we are on different paths, I said duh you are in love with some other guy, so I would agree we are heading down different paths. That she did not like. Now I also want to note that after awhile she did call back and apologize. But during the whole thing I was calm, cool not arguing, and confident, not cocky. She did admit her life was going to crap and mine seemed to be going good. Now I don't know if we will ever be together again, at this moment she could be packing for all I know, but her internet boyfriend seems to be letting her down and I find comfort in that. Also with the LC I am not so much a basket case anymore, it really does help. It is hard to fight those text message urges, the I love yOu's and the calls, etc. But in the end they do wonder, what is he doing? Just a progress report on my situation. Thanks guys!!!! You have been great!!!!

STICK TO NC!!! If you know my story, my wife (were are separated) is getting ready to travel halfway accross the world to meet her internet boyfriend. I had not talked to her since Friday, talked to her this morning, I was upbeat, she sounded down. I said everything ok? and she was not sure if she was going or not, he was suposed to buy the ticket and has not yet, and she said if he did not she would stop talking to him. I know what you are thinking, so what how pathetic are you, she still wanted to go. Well I did get kinda excited about that, then about 5 hours later I dropped off the kids and fell into the TRAP!! I said everything work out ok? she said yes and now she is going and she will have the ticket. There I am again all these fresh feelings coming back, but now not as bad. I think reading the posts on here have made me realize I am worth more than this. She is crazy is what I am thinking. I am not going to talk to her again until Thursday when I get the kids, and that will be brief and I will not ask about her trip, she leaves saturday. I need to get over this, so I am off to other parts of this board to read inspirational posts!!

Well next week my wife goes to Sweden to meet her internet boyfriend she "loves". I am trying to get a backbone and go LC, have not called her, wanted too though. Went to pick up the kids, had a plan of not going inside her house, just get the kids and go, and well she was talking to him on the internet, and just kinda pushed the kids out and shut the door before I could do anything. My oldest daughter also got a birthday card from him? I mean he has not even met my wife yet, and they are in love? I am just drilling it in my head that its over, she keeps stringing me alone, and that is going to stop. From now on if she wants me she knows how to get a hold of me! I am making a stand this is crazy, am I the only one that thinks an internet relationship from overseas, when she is still married and he is still married, and he is supposedly going to move here and work, so they can buy a big house together, and bring his daughter over here half the time, all this telling my kids that he may be their stepdad, and him talking to my oldest daughter saying he is not trying to take my place, and all of this before she even meets him? Is this crazy? They have been talking off and on I guess for 3-4years, and I know some times these things do work out, I just have to think at this point there has to be some things built up, some type of fantasy? I know it sounds like I wish this would fail and yes I do, but I am still done!! Any thoughts on this fantasy?

Well guys, I have realized my self esteem is at an all time low. I need to fix this before I can go further with her, I am not sure if that means I will not hang out with her or not, have not decided that yet. But I am looking at this as we are done at least for now. Let me tell you about my deciding factor in this. I talked to her last nite, good conversation, had her laughing, felt upbeat etc. Then at some point I asked if you had the money right now would you divorce me? She said "probably, dont' know" and I was ohhh yea, she could have just as easily had said yes, but she said probably. Then this morning I realized what the hell, I am excited about probably? Talk about low self esteem!!! Also I realized one reason why you do LC, it's becasue we as being dumped want more of course, and just about any opportunity we get we stick our foot in our mouth and do something or say something stupid!!!

we are separated, I moved out in March when I caught her talking to him again.

I guess the true fact of the matter is that she left me for another guy. I guess that's all I need to know, talk about coming down off an emotional exciting high of wanting to win her back. Right now is not the time, all she thinks about is this guy and going to see this guy, that really hurts....

You know after all these posts, maybe you guys are right. Maybe our time has ran out. I did just find out she is buying the tickets, not that that matters, but she said if he wants to see her he would have to make the sacrafice and buy the tickets. I guess I am such a fool for sticking with this?

Kellbell you are right in some instances cheating is a deal breaker, but it does not always have to be. A lot of couples are stronger after something like that happens to them, alot don't make it either. You are right, currently she is not wanting to work on this, why would she? She talks to this guy and everything is great, no fighting about bills kids what to do saturday night, etc. And then she talks to me and I am like "ewwwwww please come back to me I love you, I cant make it without you I I I I " Which would yo do, fantasy man ( easy) or real man (hard) I do mean real man by being present and here, not like cocky real man. lol

Thanks skippy for the reassurance, and during this adventure I will be sure to find myself and not get walked on anymore!!! Why forget the flowers? Just a sweet little thought placed in her head before she leaves.

I asked her the other day if she wanted to get divorced and she said shes not sure, when I asked her about swimming tonite, she said she did'nt know. She could have just as easily had said Yes to the first and No to the second, but she did'nt. I know these forums are more about NC LC and healing, but where is the fight? I read these forums, so many times there are people that are posting things that dont seem that bad, and if they are depending on the situation, I agree it's best to walk away. But lets get rocking and rolling with the pain, sure it's hard and it hurts like hell, and yes it's easy to just walk away. But I feel anything that is worth something is worth the risk. Let the Pain begin I also want to stress I am not talking about begging,crying, pleading etc.

You are right, It was her decision, not the guys fault. I mispoke that statement, let me say that I am not going to be over everynite bugging her. I feel as though she does love me, but is very confused. I am going to be cool, not needy, send her flowers etc. Check on her once a week or so and see how she's doing etc. Granted I feel like this now, and this feeling could change, but I just feel in limbo and need to do something, there is a fire in her heart for me, its wet and barely flickering but its there. My plan is send her flowers tomorrow, not hassle her, she is leaving next weekend and not mention it, be in a general good mood and when she gets back possibly send her flowers again, saying welcome back or something, I don't know I am not that far ahead in my thinking yet. I guess I am not ready to move on and heal as of right now. I am doing Lc with a little flirt, friend action mixed in. Who knows next week I may be in the getting over divorce forum?