NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[rachaelg]

Hey all

 

I am hoping on this thing. I am on day...hmm.. well 1.5 months of NC. and I have to say I feel quite a bit better than I thought I would. My bf of years dumped me in a letter during my 4th year university finals ... he left to go off to Thailand with some buddies a week after. He has been gone for 2 months.

 

Having him gone has made things easier. He emailed me last week..first time of contact since we broke up (this is the third time he has dumped me btw..and he always starts emailing after a while) He is still gone..and the letter said that he misses me and thinks of me alot . blah blah. I was a wreck. but i didn;t write him back. no reply at all. And I feel really good about that.

 

He comes home in 2 weeks. and I have been getting worried about how I can maintain NC....I dont feel ready to talk to him...and I know thats what he will want....so I cashed in my savings and am taking a trip to Europe. I have been saving for years...this is a little ahead of schedule. but this way I leave the city before he comes home. I get home 5 weeks later...and hopefully by that time I will have fallen out of love with him. But NC works...It is making me feel stronger. Keep it up everyone!

[alteer]

Hi everyone. Hope your all keeping your heads held high. I know I am.

 

Welcome rachaelg you've done well. Have a blast in Europe.....!!!!!

 

 

I've come accross a quote that I think most of you should get a kick out of, I know I did. Just change men to women if your a guy!!

 

Here's to the men we love, here's to the men that love us….

Since the men that we love, aren't the men that love us…..

screw them all….here's to us!!!!!

 

Cheers,

Alteer

[notanymore]

hi rachaelg

welcome to the NC bandwagon.stay strong and by the time u r back from europe u ll be surely out of it, maintain NC,its for ur own good.

 

Fellow passengers on the NC Bandwagon,we have completed 1 full week of our thread.I hope NC has benifited each and everyone of us, even those who have broken NC and are back to square one,be positive and start again,it really does not matter what you have done, what matters is what u plan to do to make YOURSELF feel better.Three more weeks to go.till that time, lets hang on to each other and cling on to faith... a faith that this bad time in our lives will pass and we ll all be back with a bigggg BANG.

 

(((((HUGS))))) to everyone

 

Keep up with NC, Cheers

[pablovblack]

Im not being funny one bit.

What happens at week 4 though? Is that the guideline to about how long it should take to feel better.

 

Cos I think thats when I think I might go take her stuff back..

[mikeca]

1 month strong....its coming up to our anniversary date....First time we went out would've been monday, and the first kiss would be this thursday...I think its funny she always said I didnt remember things. HeH?

[notanymore]

Not really pablovblack

4 weeks is no guideline nor is it a prescriptive time duration to make u feel better.it is just a target we have given ourselves to continue with NC,if things get better, NC is working and we continue our journey with NC besides helping and giving hope to each other.

 

if i may advice u,dont stick to this 4 week deadline to get ur stuff back,whenever u think u are ready to communicate with her without bringing any of the feelings, go ahead n do it. its entirely up to u to decide.dont forget, whenevr u go and whatever happens ,rest assured ,you have the rest of us there for your support.cheers

[pablovblack]

Not really pablovblack

4 weeks is no guideline nor is it a prescriptive time duration to make u feel better.it is just a target we have given ourselves to continue with NC,if things get better, NC is working and we continue our journey with NC besides helping and giving hope to each other.

 

if i may advice u,dont stick to this 4 week deadline to get ur stuff back,whenever u think u are ready to communicate with her without bringing any of the feelings, go ahead n do it. its entirely up to u to decide.dont forget, whenevr u go and whatever happens ,rest assured ,you have the rest of us there for your support.cheers

 

Well today is day 8 and I feel a lot better already, I really think NC is working it must be its the first time I felt ok, or maybe I'm feeling better becuase deep down I think she might be missing me now I've stopped contacting her.

I think in 4 weeks Ill be ready to confornt her and severe the tie completely though, but I still feel like I want to just ask her one last time after the four week mark If she has no feelings left for me or If she still loves me... oh well... heres to the future, and thanks for the support.

[Rainz]

Day 11 for me today. The longest it's ever been so far.

 

I had another night of interuppted sleep. Even cried this time when I woke up last night. Which made me feel sad this morning. Then the sadness turned to anger and now the anger seems to have turned to numbness and now that seems to have somehow turned to me feeling "ok" Or as "ok" as I can be under the circumstances.

 

The ball of emotions and anxiety has stabilised for now and I'm not filled with all the knots of pain and angst in my stomach, so I know the healing is working it's way through. Still can't say I'm over it. Still miss him. Still thinking about him etc.

[kickedwhereithurts]

Day 6 now.

Still in massive ups and downs Yesterday and the night before were strange, after being so happy the day before them and going to bed on a positive, I woke up at 2am, thinking of her, trying everything to take my mind onto other things, stayed awake until 7 in tears, then slept til 9.

Got up with the biggest butterflies ever, stomach really churning, almost apprehensive like I was expecting something to happen.

Felt really down, tried to work and gave up....went out in the afternoon trying to force myself to be happy, saw some friends and then I dont know what it was, but some vivid thought of her and how she used to be with me came bounding into my mind, absoloutely overwhelmed me with emotion....had to leave!

Drove home in tears an they kept flooding for most of the night, just cant shake the good thoughts or feelings (never had any bad ones of her though!)

This isnt her fault, its mine, only me is making me feel like this and its a real battle to fight.

Later in the night, I started focusing on the negative of her not being bothered about how I may be feeling (the thought to myself of her going through this pain is crushing) for someone she claimed to love, thats cold to me.

It got me so angry, really made me want to send her a message saying she is a liar and a coward, that I've showed her understanding, respect and curtesy all the way through this split and she cannot even be civil to me now and just ignores me......needless to say I did not send it, but the thought of it helped me a little.

 

Today, I dont really know how I feel, numb, confused and pretty neutral, feeling embarrased about how stupid I've been all the way through this, should have just gone NC from day 1 of the split.

Even although she claimed to be on the same level of feelings with me and initiated them, its pretty obvious this all meant far much more to me than it did to her and that makes me feel like I was led on, lied to and stupid for going with it.

At my age I should know better!

[Romi]

Hey everyone. It's day 14 and feeling a little better.

 

Yesterday I have contact with my ex partner. She works with him everyday. She told me that she misses me and wants to get out and have dinner with me and other girl of my exes group. I told her that I was bussy with my work and other stuff and couldn't go.

Everytime that someone from his side contact me, it feels like a setback. But I can't just erase everyone of my msn list right?

 

Kickedwhereithurts I know what you are saying about gone NC on day 1. But I don't regret what I've done. Because I know that I fought for ur love and that makes me feel good. Confidence about myself because I always knew what I felt. And if my ex didn't knew how he felt about me after 4 years together, I think he is emotionally unstable and inmature. You should feel the same about yourself!

 

I really hope that at the end of this 3 weeks, we can all feel beter. If not, can we please keep on with this usefull post? I don't think I will be ready in 3 weeks and this bandwagon is very helpful!!

 

Kisses

 

Romi

[kickedwhereithurts]

Kickedwhereithurts I know what you are saying about gone NC on day 1. But I don't regret what I've done. Because I know that I fought for ur love and that makes me feel good. Confidence about myself because I always knew what I felt. And if my ex didn't knew how he felt about me after 4 years together, I think he is emotionally unstable and inmature. You should feel the same about yourself!

 

 

Thank you Romi, that just brought a smile to my face

I tried to hard to show her that I was honest, sincere and consistent with my feelings, to a point of pushing her further away!...I've also admitted that to her!

[mmaurer6]

Well I guess I should jump on the bandwagon as well. Today is my 23rd day of NC. My Fiance left me about a week after new years, so it's coming up on 5 months apart. I did the whole begging and pleading thing like most others to no avail. Tried doing NC at times, but always had something happen to drag me back in. The longest i've ever gone before this is about two weeks. When I would get around that point, she would do something to reel me back in. I've gotten texts from her telling me that she isn't closing the door on us, that she doesn't know how she feels and doesn't know what our future would be. She even came to my place two days(for sex) before I left for a week to go visit my best friend in California. That same night she told me that she is dating two different guys. I get text messages when she knows i'm out with another girl. Right before this NC started we talked, and she told me that she would call me so we could get together and talk about everything that happened between us. Well, three weeks later and no call. I've decided the best thing for me is strict NC. I don't want to see her or talk to her at all. It's hard as hell, as some days are unbearable. Our wedding date was set for June 3rd, so once that day passes, hopefully it with get easier. If i make it that far it will be 5 weeks of NC.

 

Trust me, don't try the friend thing. I've been through that, and it only makes things worse. Remaining friends only makes them feel better about what they did to you (less guilt). Do NC to help yourself heal. If your doing NC to get your ex back, your doing it for the wrong reason. I've tried it. If your ex realizes that he or she wants to be with you, they will come back to you. Nothing you do right now can make that happen, so stick to the NC.

 

Part of me still wants her back, but after 23 days of NC those feelings are slowly starting to subside, and the bad days aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. It's nice to be feeling good about myself after months of beating myself down. Be strong people, NC all the way until you KNOW you are strong enough to talk to the ex.

 

Thanks to all who posted here, and best of luck to all. I know this is probably the hardest thing most of us have ever gone through in our lives, but we have to stick together and stay strong. The last five months have been a living hell for me, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I'm a long way from being over her, but I'm getting there one day at a time. Gotta learn to crawl before we can walk, and walk before we can run. It will take time. There will be setbacks along the way.

 

It is their loss for letting you go, and someday they will realize it and it will be too late. One day, the NEW love of your life will go up to that EX and thank them for letting you go.

 

Sorry this is so long, but i've been reading the posts for a long time and just had to join in and share what i feel and what i've been through. I'll keep checking in and letting you know how my situation is going.

 

Marc

[kickedwhereithurts]

Well, its been another funny ole day again.

Feel like I have a concrete heart at the moment, immune to anything, nothing has stirred me today, up or down.

Cant remember being upset, although I am so used to being so now, sometimes I think I must have been at some point during the day, but honestly dont think I have?

Sort of feeling today how I used to feel before I met her, but without any emotion, just all middle ground, flatline.

 

Who knows what tomorrow will hold?

[eyeswideopen]

OK. It's been almost a month or so since the last little e-mail. But here we are.... three days away from the wedding of mutual friends.. and what's worse, I'm sure she'll be bringing the new guy, the guy who she had feelings for which is why we broke up.... I don't know how I'm going to handle this. Trust me, I won't be saying anything or especially doing anything stupid, but I have a strong feeling it's going to tear me up inside, on a day that I'm supposed to be celebrating two great friends and their union... I've debated not going but these are just two of my best friends.. I don't want to get knocked back to square one.... I don't want to be even this sad anymore.. Despite saying she's not worth the anguish, the anguish won't go away... frustrating I tell ya.. really frustrating.... wish me luck.. I'm going to need it.. Stay strong B... stay strong.....

[alteer]

Well I don't even know what day of NC I'm back to now after I broke it. I still don't regret it though.

 

It's exactly a month today since the break up. I'm more ok than not I think. Although there are sill those almost unbearable moments of pain that I"m going through. I'm really just trying to smile my way through it.

 

I'm not thinking of him constantly anymore, but I do catch myself thinking about him from time to time. Which I hate, because then I start to wonder if he's thinking about me.

 

Anyway....onward and upward....

 

Life's too short to be sad.

 

*hugs* to everyone.

[Psylocke960]

Well I don't even know what day of NC I'm back to now after I broke it. I still don't regret it though.

 

It's exactly a month today since the break up. I'm more ok than not I think. Although there are sill those almost unbearable moments of pain that I"m going through. I'm really just trying to smile my way through it.

 

I'm not thinking of him constantly anymore, but I do catch myself thinking about him from time to time. Which I hate, because then I start to wonder if he's thinking about me.

 

Anyway....onward and upward....

 

Life's too short to be sad.

 

*hugs* to everyone.

 

*hugs* back...I still think of him constantly but I try to keep myself occupied so it won't hurt as much. But today, I cried a little when I thought about all the promises he used to tell me. I am getting better through time. Yes, onward and upward (Although I wish time would fast forward to a year when I hope all this will just be a fading memory).

[Rainz]

Hello fellow NC'ers,

 

Day 12 for me today.

 

Feeling quite ok but at the same time kinda vacant inside?? I really don't know. Just getting on is all I'm doing and that's it.

Though I still woke up last night I for once had a more relaxed, rested sleep.

Still finding it a struggle waking up and feeling so alone and sad in the world.

I've not got balls of anxiety swirling around inside me at the moment and I've not cried for over 24 hours so far.

[notanymore]

rainz

I m feelin the same,had a much comfortable sleep,but ended up feeling sad as usual, got myself busy in work and it was all gone.besides at work , i ve been loaded with so much work that the fact that i was sad completely slipped my mind.keep urself busy,stop ur thoughts whenever u start thinkin about him.

 

Day 18 for me ,

had a bout of anger , started hating her,i want her to suffer for all the suffering she has made me go through,i loved her more than anything else in the world, now i hate her more than anythin.please forgive me but i feel like cursing her, i know now that she is a b**** and all dreams and hopes with her are gone.thanks to NC, or else i d have had a change of heart everytime i contacted her.dont have the urge to contact her,not even the slightest.may she rot in hell,wont even bother looking wht she s up to.

 

Lets hope i forget tht she ever existed .i m smiling again,still hanging there

 

a big ((((hug)))) to all my buddies in the bandwagon.we ll make it through, we deserve much more happiness in life,good luck with NC,hang in there.

[Rainz]

Quick Update: Just got back to my desk at work after locking my self in the Ladies and having a quiet cry, again.

 

I've never been this bad with NC before, this is really "unlike" me. (sigh)

[pablovblack]

Day 9

Feel better again today, keep thinking of her but its no longer killing me that much, this is working, I think!!!

 

Also Hugssssssss for you Rainz....... Be strong.....

[notanymore]

rainz ,

relax, take a few deep breaths ,and dont think about him.it is just ur state of mind ,try n divert urself to ur work it ll go away in a jiffy, j

 

just shake urself whenever these thoughts start coming, very improrant, start smiling.u ll do just fine,very much unlike u, u desreve much more happiness.be strong, hang in there.we are all there for you

[Rainz]

Thank-you for your post.

 

I'm trying so hard. I really am. Thanks again.

[Rainz]

rainz ,

relax, take a few deep breaths ,and dont think about him.it is just ur state of mind ,try n divert urself to ur work it ll go away in a jiffy, j

 

just shake urself whenever these thoughts start coming, very improrant, start smiling.u ll do just fine,very much unlike u, u desreve much more happiness.be strong, hang in there.we are all there for you

 

Thanks....Thank-you....

[alteer]

Hi all.

 

Rainz I know it's hard. But you will get through this, I promise. *sending giant bear hug your way*

 

Thanks for the hug Psylocke960, sending one right back at you. Keeping busy does help, but sometimes it's a challenge to redirect your thoughts. You just have to force yourself.

 

Good luck with the wedding your going to eyeswideopen. Be strong and hold your head high.

 

pablovblack glad your starting to feel better.

 

notanymore so glad your smiling

 

To all the NC'ers I've missed. Stay strong. Thinking of you all.

 

'That which does not destroy me makes me stronger'

- Nietzsche

[patience]

Wow! Cool thread!

 

I am 7 days NC with my cheating exbf!

He has not called or emailed to apologize or anything!

I feel angry a lot, sometimes very sad.