rachaelg

wow. Robowarrior That is NOT it at all. I do enjoy sex with him, and I do love him. HOWEVER! I also have self respect..and if the only reason someone wants to be with me is for the sex, then I'd rather not be with him. I think for BOTH males and females sex is important..however it is not the only aspect of a relationship. There are other needs to be met as well. (ie. emotional). He says he wants to get back together, but then DOESN"T...and yet still wants to have sex with me. I believe that you should BE TOGETHER in a RELATIONSHIP..which is why I was trying to curb this sex thing. BUt honestly..sex is not the big issue here. MY POINT was him being back and forth.

hey. thanks for your replies. Believe it or not..SEX isn't THAT important to me. I have suggested to him that we just try being friends (he said it would be too hard) or that we just date (ie. no sex) and he threw both ideas out of the window. I think he is the one who wants the sex, not me. I do think he is taking me for granted. I do believe he loves me, and wants to be with me. but at the same time...I think he is enjoying getting everything he needs right now without the commitment. I am not. SHould I bother giving him an ultimatium? (ie. be with me or goodbye)...but at the same time...shouldn't he WANT to be with me without fear of consequence??

Hey all. My ex?!? and I were together for 1.5 years. We broke up almost 7 month ago. I did 5 months of no contact (with him trying to get me back), and then we started school again. During the past 2 months we have bonded and have been and forth about getting back together. We hang out, kiss, talk, tell each other we love each other, and even have sex. It is like we are a couple, except without the title. I hate this situation! I have talked to him about it, and he has told me that he is positive we are going to end up together in the end. That it is fate that we will be together. That we are meant to be. This frustarated me, because it seems like if he felt that way, why would he be back and forth about getting back together. WHenever I begin to pull away because I want MORE outta this he gets upset and asks to get back together. This happened 2 weeks ago because I said I didn;t want to have sex anymore. He gave the "it will work" speech and asked to get back together. I never anwsered, but assumed we were.. turns out today after 3 days of him not calling, anwsering calls, emailing etc...i find out that we weren't together after all. SO CONFUSING. I dont get it. How could he love me, And i truly believe he does, but be so stupid and confused. I think if u want to be with someone u DO IT!. I am really hurt, because I feel like my trust has been violated and I love him. I just dont know what to do. I told him he needs to decide and has to stop stringing me around. Can someone help me figure him out???? Thanks. Much appreciation.

Hi guys... for the past 1.5 years I was with my bf who I loved. However, he kept breaking up with me (2 times we got back together saying he was sorry and regreted it) However, this last time we have been apart for 3 months. I have been doing NC strictly.he kept emailing me and trying to talk to me...I have had no intention of seeing him. However I ran into him the other day, and we ended up talking, and one thing led to another, and before I knew it we had spent 7 hours together and had said that we are still in love with each other, and we had sex. I feel so horrible. I know that he has no intention this time of getting back with me, but not only that. I should have had more respect for myself. It is just so hard, because I still love him, and he still loves me. However, I know the relationship would never work unless he was willing to change, but he wont. We both have just gotten home from travelling and are trying to readjust to real life, and I suppose that has something to do with it....because our real lives at home used to include each other. We both said that it just felt so RIGHT to be with each other....but I dont want to get hurt again. I am torn because I know in my head that I was stupid and that I should do NC again, since I will get hurt. But my heart just wants to see him all the time and kiss him and stuff. I didn;t expect to feel like this, but I haven;t stopped thinking about him since we hooked up.However, I know that the likelyhood of him wanting to try again for the 4th time is VERY slim.. any advice? thanks guys

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THis sucks. Since I received this email..the last 3 days all I have done is think about him. Thoughts keep coming...Maybe he wants to get back together...but deep down i know it is a bad idea. I just miss the comfort and the companionship. Since i got this email I have been thrown back in the healing process. I cry all the time and think about him. I heard through a friend that he is asking why i haven't responded. I dont know what to do. I still love him. Its so hard not to write back. but i know that being in contact with him will only lead to further heartbreak.

Thanks so much for your replies To anwswer your question HOPE75 THe first time..we just had a yelling match and he broke up with me. We were broken up for 3 days. Not really important. The next time 6 months later...it was the real deal. We had all these plans for the summer and they were just going to begin, when he pulled this "we have been together for 10 months and I am not in love with you yet...I think that I would be in love with you if it was going to happen..so I think we need to end it" I was crushed. I did NC for 1 month, and sure enough. just as the summer is ending and our last year of university is starting. He emails and emails, and leaves notes at my door. Saying he made a mistake. That he DOES love me. He wants no one else but me. That I am the girl of his dreams... etc. Thigns were great... And then..this last time..6 more months. And he starts acting odd. I thought it was cause of our university finals, and him leaving (even thou we had talked and agreed that we would wait the 2 months for each other) I was being supportive. But I sensed something was wrong when he stopped talkign to me for 2 days! Then he begins acting normal.. we have a wonderful night 1 week before his plane leaves...he is dropping me off after studying for our finals..and he hands me a letter dumping me. Saying that it is time. Something about us doesn;t click.

The things that confuse me about this letter is when he says that he hopes we can email FOR NOW, That he hopes I have been wondering about him, That there are so many things he has wanted to tell me, And then when he states that he thinks of me often. He knows that I dont like being friends with ex.s And the past 2 times he dumped me I went straight to NC..and then the emails started (i ignored)and he began to want me back..But I just dont know if this email is THAT kind of email. Maybe he just wants to be friends? No matter what. I am not going to email him back. I dont feel strong enough to do this. EIther way. I am not emailing

well. I mean...I dont want to be friends. ANd I dont want to be that GIRL who takes a guy back after he dumps her time and time again. I want to have more self respect than that. BUT Is that what you are thinking he is emailing about? You think he is having thoughts about getting back together? Thinking that he is going to come home, and wants to have me lined up waiting...like I was before?

I dont want to be friends with him. I am not over him. I still love him. But i am very upset with him too. What he did to be was horrible. Breaking up with me during 4th year university finals..IN A LETTER. I think he just wanted to be single in Thailand..and now that his time there is coming to an end..he wants to see waht I am up to at home... NO!

Hey everyone. I am sure some of you remember my story. My bf of almost 2 years dumped me during my 4th year University finals. The 3rd time he has dumped me..this timing because he was leaving to Thialand with some buddiesfor 2 months. He gave some lame excuse that 'things aren't working between us' -see old posts if you want to better understand. After 1.5 month of heartbreak and anger...and 1.5 month with him being out of the country with NC. This morning he emailed me. I am not too sure what to think. It seems like I was doing so bad..not being able to move on..but really trying. but these last few days I have been so good. and thinking that I am better off without him. Then out of the blue he wrote me Here is what he wrote Hi Rach.... How are you??? I don't want to just write an email and pretend as though we're best friends, but I would really love it if we could at least correspond via email for now. Anyways, there are sooo many things that I've been wanting to tell you - things that you'd definitely want to and be happy to know. First of all, my sister is pregnant!!! I found out just before I left that her and scott are going to be having a baby, and it's due early December. I'm going to be an uncle!!! Second... I'm sure you got into teachers college, and I'm hoping you're a little curious about me.. Well, I didn't get in... I'm on the waiting list, but I think I'm like 35 out of 38 or something, so there's not really any chance of me actually getting in. Finally... this trip has been an incredible experience, but I don't know how you stay away from home for so long... I'm completely homesick with still another 3 and a half weeks to go.. what am i going to do... I hope all is well for you - I think about you a lot. With love, ____ OK...so I am so confused. This email sounds like he misses me. And the last two times he dumped me. I did NC. and he did the same thing. emailed me all the time. then started begging for me to take him back, and I did. BUT THIS TIME. I dont want that. He is a jerk. I know that he doesn;t deserve me. But i just want to know WHY ...i mean. WHY is he writing. He obviously has an intention. He doesn;t just email some girl just to say hi. He knows that I dont keep in touch with ex's. I guess thats why I am confused. I am NOT GOING TO WRITE HIM BACK. but..I just want to know what people think. I am just confused about a few of the things he wrote..like saying he was thinking about me, and that he wants to email FOR NOW...etc... ANy advice or insight? Thanks so much.

Hi there, I am sure a few of you remember my story. My bf (well ex) is leaving for Thailand on Friday. He will be gone for 2 months. He broke up with me 1 week ago, and we haven't talked since. THis is the 3rd time in 1.5 years he has broken up with me. (sounds horrible writing that) and he did it in the middle of my 4th year university final exams (i have to write 2 more tomorrow) AND he dumped me in a letter...after we had a great date...he pulled over to drop me off and handed it to me. Sounds like a great guy eh? God. He was though. I really dont understand why he is doing this. I have been NC for 1 week, and have been ok, mainly because I want to really focus on my last finals. HOWEVER....he leaves on friday. For 2 months. I miss him so much, and I am feeling weak, as in wanting to contact him or see him before he leaves. I know that this probably isnt a great idea, and that it would probably make me more sad, but I hate the fact that he is leaving and I dont get to say goodbye. THe reason he broke up with me was because he said it "wasn;t working...that there was something about our personalities that clashes"...that we have tried...I dunno. I disagree, and this was totally a shock for me, I thought he would go away and we were going to stay together, we had talked about it before. When he handed me the letter he was crying and telling me he loved me, but that he needs to do this, cause he knows that it wont work, and this way he wont be able to come crawling back to me (as he will be in Thailand....and the last 2 times he dumped me, i went NC and he came back and begged for me to take him back) I just dont know if i should contact him. I miss him and still love him, but i know that he is a jerk for doing this. Especially during last year university finals... but i dont want to regret not saying goodbye. ANy advice?

ha. i sound like the biggest loser now. I was recently dumped (wed) for the THIRD TIME by the same guy. WHo i am madly in love with. Every 6 months it seems he does this. We have been together for 1.5 years. And this time it was because..we are graduating university,and he is leaving to travel for 2 months, and he just doesn;t think that we are good together. how horrible. He did this right in the middle of my 4th year university finals. I am a wreck. I think he just wanted to be single to meet girls in thialand. I know he will regret this.

Hi there a few of you may remember me. I wrote about my bf leaving to travel to thailand for 2 months. He leaves in 1 week. THe last few weeks he has been acting odd...not calling as much, being distant. I knew something up, but tried to be happy and stuff..so he would remember me like that when he was gone. well last night after an amazing night. he dropped me off at home and handed me a letter. he made me read it, and in it he dumped me. He said it wasn;t cause he was leaving..just cause the relationship was nt working. that he wasn;t happy. but he still lvoes me so much. I am devestated. In the next week we both our finishing up 5 year of university. I have 6 final exams in these 5 days. BAD TIMING. he knew this, yet decided to dump me right now. I am so mad about that. It will be so easy for him, who only has 1 essay, to just do it and get uop and leave the country. forget about me. I dont understand. he is so selfish. He kept crying and saying he loves me, but he isn;t happy and that we have tried and we cant do it. He broke up with me 2 times before...once for 4 days and once fo 1 month. And both i did NC and he came crawling back begging to get back. I let this happen. I dont want that to happen. but to me..it jsut seems like simple things could fix the rel. if he just TRIED> not expected that the relationship would work on its own. I am so horribly upset. I feel like puking. he told me that this isn;t about him being able to just go off to meet random girls in thaialnd. I am not sure if I believe him. he said that this way..he cant come crawling back to me. I dont understand how when u both are in love, that there can be no way to make it work. I gave it my all. no regrets. always gave 110% and tried my hardest to make him happy. no regrets about that. I just wish he coulda tried as well. this sucks.

to anwser your question...he broke up with me the first time....then went on to regret it, and I put him through hell while he was trying to get me back.... he finally suceeded. I know he cares about me. I think that I will just sit down and have a talk with him. Ask him, like you said, where he see's us in the future. Ask if he he has plans for us in the summer when he returns...because he isn;t talking like that...he isn't saying anything like "when I get back this summer we should go...." or whatever...but that may just be because he isn;t, like I said, very thoughtful like that. but I agree. I need to ask him if he can honestly see us being together, when he gets back/in the future..

wow. thank you all so much for your thoughtfulness. It is truly wonderful. I understand what you are saying. I know deep down that he does not see himself with me forever sometimes. Yet, we have broken up before for a period of 1 month...and by the end of that month he was crying calling begging..telling me we belonged together and that it is meant to be. One thing I know, is that he does not appreciate me at all. And he just says things like that comment about me not being the girl of his dreams..without thinking. He just says stuff. He doesn;t try to hurt people, or say things that are intentionally mean, but he often just blurts things out without thinking. I have learned to grow a tough skin, and just shrug them off. But they still hurt. I know that he has stated that he wants to be together while he is away, and that we both DO love each other, and that he would be very upset if we ended it. But I agree with you all here. Something doesn;t feel right. I shouldn;t be this concerned after 1.5 years. I should be thinking that 2 months with him gone is no big deal as we are strong enough to handle it. But he is not giving me any reassurance of that. Quite the opposite really. I dont want to jump the gun and break up because I think he migth not be faithful, or because i think that he doesn;t really see himself with me...because like I said...he isn't the most thoughtful or sensitive guy of others feelings. And he often says things without realizing how they sound. (ex. once he told me that I am the most 'un-understanding person in the world -but that is a different story) I guess I just dont want to be sitting here at home..while he is in thailand ..and feeling sick..worrying or stressing out that any day there will be an email from him ending it, or saying that he met 'the one'..... but then again..no one can tell the future.... sigh....sorry for blabbing on again. I really appreciate all of your kind words and thoughtful insights. Thanks again. Rach

hey all. thanks for your kind words and advice. I guess that I should explain that comment a little better. We had a talk about what was going to happen when he was going away. And he said that "he had morals, and is going knowing that he has a gf" and then went on to say, but "who knows, I could meet the girl of my dreams while I am away, you could meet the guy of yours. Heck. I could meet the girl of my dreams while I am in the doctors office tomorrow. But it isn't very likely". That is the full extent of it. I think that it was his attempt to kinda tell me who knows what will happen. I dont know why I am so worried about this. As horrible as this sounds, I really dont think that he will be able to be faithful to me for 2 months. I dont even know what wouold make him want to go there. I tried asking, but he cant seem to explain it. He is dieting now so he will look good on the beach. I know that isn;t a big deal. But I really feel that in his head he is going there with open eyes, and not with a heart soley devoted to me. I know he wants to have fun and a good time. But I just dont feel like he really is thinking long term for us after that comment. which sucks. Cause I feel 100% different. I know that no one can predict the future. but i almost want to let him go single, so I dont have to deal with the pain of hearing over the internet that something happened. I know that is silly. But I guess I just dont have much faith in him. And I feel really guilty about that.

Hi there, I have posted a few times regarding my situation. My bf of a year and a half is leaving for 2 months to go tbackpacking through Thailand with 3 buddies. I think this is a great experience for him, and totally support him. We are both graduating from University this semester, so that is the reason he is going. I know that we both love each other, and that I will miss him so much. We have decided that we want to try to stay together, but he has said "who knows what could happen, I could meet the girl of my dreams while I am away". When he said that I got a knot in my throat. I mean, we have had good times and bad, but I dont want him to go there and meet someone else. I want him to go, and realize what he has..miss me, and then come back in 2 months and attend our graduation ceremonies together. 2 months isn't super long to be apart. But we have never ever been away from each other. Never not talked for longer than 1 day. We both know this distance will make our break our relationship, and that it will test us to see if we are meant to be. I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement. If anyone has ever been in a similar situation, and how it ended. His departure date is in 3 weeks, and I have been thinking a lot about it. Just thinking that these three weeks might be the last I ever spend with him. And it just depresses me. ANy help would be appreciated. Thanks.

wow. ok thanks.... I guess now I just dont know what to do. We are really good friends. Should I tell my brother? It isn't my place...maybe I will just urge her to talk to him before they become sexually active. It is just hard because she is sure that they are GONE because they haven't appeared in months.

Hi there, I have a quick question. I have a very close friend who unfortunately recived genital warts from a cheating bf last year around September (that is when she noticed them). I went with her to the doctor in October and confirmed it. She received some cream medication "Aldara" and supposedly they were gone by Mid november. Recently my friend has just begun to date my brother. And as horrible as this sounds, my first thought was her warts. She says that they can just disappear and she is clear forever. Is this true? Supposedly since they cleared up in November, she has not got any more. This is great news. Is it true that after 6 months of being clear she is no longer infected? Thanks.

Hi there, I have been on Minestrine the birth control pill for almost 2 years straight. I have never missed a pill, and am super religious about taking it. I have an alarm that goes off at 9pm every night at take it then. I usually get my period pretty reguarly, but a few times when I have been stressed with school or something, it will be late but I always get it in the week off of the pill. However, I stopped taking the pill this last Saturday, meaning that I should have gotten my period on monday or tuesday. But it is now Thurday night and it still isn;t here. I am getting worried. I have told my boyfriend and he is freaking out. We haven;t even had a lot of sex this month only 2 times beause he has been away. I have been stressed and stuff, but am not sure what to do. I have been so responsible. I am just wondering, like I have heard that the pill takes a while to get out of your system, and that even after you stop taking it, you still wont get pregnant for a while. Also, like, is it possible to miss your period while on the pill? ANy help would be great, Thanks

Hey Everyone, I thank you for all of your advice. I really am not too sure what I am going to do now. I was so sure that I wanted to send a letter to tell him what I was thinking, but everyone on here is saying that it is a bad idea, and that I come accross as needy. Perhaps I feel like I need to talk to him about this because he hasn;t really brought it up to me. He hasn't asked what will happen when we are apart, hasn't started a conversation saying that he will miss me, heck, he doesn;t even know where my new cruise ship job will be going. He just hasn;t talked about anything. The only things that we have spoken of are questions I have asked, -are you thinking of breaking up before you leave -he said no -You want to stay togehter and graduate when we get back -he said yes But I mean, Maybe I am just more of a talker, but I think that there is a lot more to hear than just those simple anwsers. I want him to say he will miss me and that he will be faithful. I dont know why, but I need to here him say it. It isn;t 6 weeks, It is actually going to be 7. I know that doesn;t make that much difference. I am just confused. i know he knows how I feel, I guess my point in writing the letter is so that I will be able to ask him how he feels, and give hima chance to talk about it for me. Becuase I dont want to talk about it in person and start crying because I know how much I will miss him when he leaves. I think that would just look like I am not being supportive of him leaving. And I am.

Hi there THank you for all of your replies. I agree with what you said, about my letter coming accross as insecure. I guess that is perhaps, because I am. I have always had problems with believing that he really wants to be with me, and understanding why he would pick me over other girls. I always have this thought in the back of my mind about him waking up and leaving me. I think this is perhaps because of my father deserting my family when I was younger, and never being in my life since, as well as being cheated on in a previous relationship. Is there any way that I could fix the letter so that it sounds better? I really want to give something to him, because we haven;t really "talked" about this, only once when I said a stupid comment like "well we will be broken up when you go away" he said something like "well if you keep talking like that then maybe...but I was hoping on staying together" SO we really haven;t discussed what is going to happen. The thing is, we have our university graduation ceremonies together when he gets back, and it is sonmething that we have been working so hard on together for so long. I think that I wrote that "i dont want to be a hinderance to you while you are gone" part, because I want him to tell me straight out that I wont, and that he wouldn't ever think like that. I dunno. I guess that is just a weird thing I need...reassurance I guess. I am so scared to lose him. Is there a way I can send him a letter and get him to address my concerns? Like can I edit or take something out to make the letter better? Thanks a lot once again. I appreciate this so much.

Hi all, Thanks for reading this. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We both love each other, but our relationship has been kinda rocky, including a one month break up last summer. Since then thigns have been great, and we went on vacation to Mexico together this xmas. We are both graduating from Universirsity in April, with the grad ceremonies in June. He has always wanted to travel with his buddies, and decided that in between those two times, he would go to thialand with them. Him and 3 single guys for 1.5 months in thialand. I knew he wanted to travel, but didn;t think it would actually happen. He just booked his trip yesterday though, and I am super upset. I love him and dont want to lose him. He has mentioned that he wants to stay together, and grad with me when he gets back...but I am just unsure of everything. I wrote this letter to him. I am hoping to get some feedback before I send it. ANy advice? Thanks for reading. Dear _____ I have put off writing this letter to you for a while, mainly because I wanted to make sure of my thoughts and feelings before I confront you with them. I don't really know what sort of form this letter will take, but I just wanted to let you know a few things, and hopefully address some of my concerns, cause we both communicate better about important things via. Email, and this will give you a chance to think about what you want to say before you write it. We have said many times before that the night that we met was magical. There was an immediate connection between us, something indescribable. The last year and a half we have had our ups and downs, our good times and our bad. But we have survived through it all, and hopefully have come out stronger. You mean so much to me. And I guess, I just can't let you leave without me telling you how much I love and care for you. (ok, I got weepy just writing that. Haha) You mean so much to me Greg, and losing you for a month last summer when we broke up made me realize that. You make me happy, and hopefully I return the favor. We have fun doing stupid things like cross words and competing in jeopardy, debating in the hot tub, or just relaxing together. Nothing can top our trip to Mexico though.  When I first heard you talk about going to Thailand I got a little sad. I knew how much I would miss you, and how sad I would be watching you leave. It was selfish of me to feel this way, and think only about my feelings. I guess I felt like you were just leaving me, but now I realize it isn't like that at all. Part of loving someone is also supporting their dreams….as their need to grow as a person. I understand that this is your dream to travel and experience life, and I do not hold that against you at all. I completely understand that. 100% . I have dreams as well, but I guess I just have been scared to live them out, because I did not want to risk what I had going on here in Vancouver. I would love to go work on the ships again, backpack through Europe, teach English in Korea or Japan, volunteer at an orphanage in some foreign country. These are my dreams. And, as weird as this sounds, having you leave to pursue your dreams will enable me to go do mine. I have accepted a contract to go on the cruise ships while you are away, and am really really excited about it. I can't wait to be out in the sun again, meeting new people, and traveling around the world. I have wanted to go back for so long, and because of this, I guess it has helped me understand why you want to go to Thailand. And why you need to go. The only thing that I am scared about, is losing what we have. As much as I understand you wanting to travel, I know how hard it will be to carry a long distance relationship for a month and a half while both of us are off "experiencing life." I trust you 100%, but I know that you are going with 3 single guys, and I just don't want to be a hindrance on your experience in Thailand. I don't want you to loath the fact that you have a girlfriend…if you know what I mean. I know that you are the person that I want to be with in June. I want to graduate with you a few days after you return. I can't wait to see you get your degree after all the hard work you have done, and I want you to be there to see me get mine more than anything. I want to experience a summer mini-trip with you (fingers crossed), and hopefully be invited to Mexican night at your cabin this summer (once again…crossing fingers.) I guess that I just wanted to let you know that I am willing to try to make this work. That if our love is true (god that sounds corny) that we can make it through this. It will take commitment, compassion, and understanding, but I know that it would work. I truly hope that both of our separate experiences will not only let us experience a small part of the world, but will also shed light on what we have, and how special that is. Maybe it will even make us appreciate each other more. I guess that is all that I wanted to say. I have addressed my fears and concerns, and have told you how I hope things will end up. I am so proud of you for doing this, and as much as I know I will miss you, I completely understand and am happy for you. And if we do end up being apart for that long, I trust that our hearts will be able to reach further than our arms ever could. If you can write me back and let me know what you think, if you feel different or the same, what you are thinking etc…that would be great. I love you.