NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[need2bme]

I broke NC/LC last night, because I wanted to tell her how I felt. She still told me that it is a breakup, not a break and she does not feel the same anymore. There is a hole in her that I cannot fill. I told her I was going to do everything in my power to make her love me again. I so want to do that. How can I do that and have NC. We have been together for 13 1/2 years. I am still calling her my GF, when speaking with others. How can I do this. I miss her terribly. I know she is hurting, 'cause she was crying like a baby. How can she handle this and stick to it, when I cannot. Help me please! IT feels like Day 1, all over again. I just want it like it was. CRAP!

[lioness726]

Ok, I'm jumping on the NC bandwagon as well.

 

DAY 1 for me. We broke up yesterday.

 

Myspace sucks, first and foremost.

 

Tonight, I'm going to have to go to my ex's house to pick up my stuff. I'll be going with a friend and the ex won't be there. His roomie will let me in.

 

Although, I know it will be hard because I'll have to see this place where I spent practically every day at for almost 3 years. Granted, it's dirty and disgusting but the memories are soo many that it will be hard. His cats will be there and I love them dearly. They love me as well.

 

It could have been wonderful between us if things weren't the way they were. I know for a fact that this is the best thing in the world for me, but it's hard to forget the good times, the years spent together, and lots of little things we take for granted when they're around.

 

But I couldn't go on and be with him after all the hurt he inflicted upon me (this is our third break up). His wishy-washy wants of "Do I want other women?" and the lack of appreciation.

 

The second time we broke-up I did not do the NC and look where it ended me. Right back to where I was in December. Broken up over the same thing, although this time I've just suffered more and got soo fed up and tired with it that I broke up with him. He didn't argue though. He agreed and said, "I'm not ready for a committed relationship."

 

I must recommend a book. The title of it is, "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken."

[Romi]

Day 35 and feeling OK!

I still miss him very much but I don't think about him all the time.

All I can say is that NC is the best in every situation. No matter what your story is with your ex, we need to be strong and stay in strict NC.

 

Yesterday a friend of mine told me that her ex of 6 months that left her for another women came back. He called her and told her that he wants her back. After 6 months of NC! He said that he miss her and think of her a lot. Ok this is couple number 14 that I know that after a long period of been apart, now their are back together.

NC is the only way, first this is for you, to heal (THE MOST IMPORTANT THING). second, if you are lucky, maybe your ex will realice what he/she lost...

 

BIG HUGS FOR EVERYONE THAT HAVE A BROKEN HART OUT THERE LIKE ME...

 

ROMI

[cheecago]

Day 30 here and it's hard. I'll post my story later as I'm not in the mood right now. I thought I would have a break by sleeping but she comes in my dreams almost all the time, it's getting old.

 

Still caught up in the "what if" mode, I just can't help it. I know I have been less than perfect but when I was in the relationship it's like I didn't know what I was doing. But now, sitting in the spectator seat I realised a lot of things. I told her that but she said that it was too late...I didn't cheat or abused her or anything like that. I guess I'll know for the next relationship.

I feel like calling her and beg and everything but I know that's not going to solve anything. I wish all of you here a good healing.

[lioness726]

Day 30 here and it's hard. I'll post my story later as I'm not in the mood right now. I thought I would have a break by sleeping but she comes in my dreams almost all the time, it's getting old.

Ah, yes. I know this feeling. The hardest part for me is that he's still my bf in those dreams. Then when I wake up, it's a break up all over again because I have to remind myself it's over. (Granted we just broke up yesterday.)

 

In a way I feel the way you do, cheecago. The whole "blaming yourself" thing. I know that wiithin the past few months I kept fighting with my ex and blowing up at him. I thought to myself that if I had not fought with him soo much, maybe he would not have said, "I'm not ready to be in a committed relationship." (Man, those words get OLD!)

 

But in reality, I know this to not be true. He's felt this way before and the patterns of our relationship and the history PROVE that it was NOT just me. I think I fought with him soo much because I sensed or knew in my gut that he was always curious and wanting to get back out there and see what was there.

 

So don't beat yourself up too much. Now you know to do better with the next one. That's how I feel.

 

And if he does try crawling back to me... I hope it happens so I can tell him NO!

But I don't think he will.

[cheecago]

Thanks lion, I appreciate.

 

I feel you when you say it's a breakup all over again when you wake up. It's so sad.

 

Must...carry....on...

[lvlyldy]

Day 28 of NC.. YAY.

 

I never imagined that I could get this far. Its been a painful process definetely with ups and downs. I still have dreams about him, but now I dont wake up crying thinking about how sad I am he's gone. Today was a tough day, for some reason I started thinking about the days initially right after the breakup. They were so hard... he and I made eachother so angry (he and i yelled at eachother like crazy, made eachother cry wtih frustration), i couldnt let him go and he became angry and mean. I started remembering those times he was almost heartless towards me and I started to cry. I felt like there was no way he'd ever want me back and thought there was no way he could ever miss me. I put myself to work doing chores and went out with my dad to pick up my brother, which help put my mind at ease for now. Im still sad and missing him,but not hopeless and crying anymore.

 

Lately these days I have this weird feeling that he'll call. I know he wont, but I cant get it out of my head that there is no chance. I still miss him, and I still want him back

[notanymore]

Hi everyone, firstly i would like to welcome our new members at the NC bandwagon 2 iwillsurvive bstrong2day need2bme lioness726 cheecago , glad to have you all on board, these are tough times, please trust me they ll go away soon and you ll be in love again , with yourself this time.

 

We are all here for each other giving each other faith and lifting each others' spirits when we are down.hop on

 

romi its only a matter of time bbefore they realise what they ve been missing, if they dont well , its their own loss.

 

Let me tell you all a good news first,the firm where i was doing my internship is very happy with my performance and would like me to join the once i finish college, and the money they are offering me is much more than i even expected,more importantly this is the job i always dreamt about and now its finally mine.

 

now the sad news, i called my parents and a few close buddies to tell em about it, they were no doubt happy for me but i felt sad when i could not call her and tell her about it.... wht the hell... its her loss..I remember when we were together, i was not doing too well for myself, i knew i had it in me and would certainly prove myself so i always told her "Dont u underestimate me" i guess she always did.

 

i am so tempted to break NC and tell her what she s missed out on. but i dont have that desparate urge to do so, just a mean intention

 

sorry if it was too long, just wanted to let u guys know the good news and the fact that having faith in yourself and believeing that, one day it ll all be over and sun will shine again.

hugs to all

cheers

[lioness726]

Hi everyone, firstly i would like to welcome our new members at the NC bandwagon 2 iwillsurvive bstrong2day need2bme lioness726 cheecago , glad to have you all on board, these are tough times, please trust me they ll go away soon and you ll be in love again , with yourself this time.

 

sorry if it was too long, just wanted to let u guys know the good news and the fact that having faith in yourself and believeing that, one day it ll all be over and sun will shine again.

hugs to all

cheers

Thank you notanymore. It's the small things lately that has been putting a smile on my face, and just being welcomed helped. Hey, any kindness from people is the best thing right now. It's funny because I find myself being very nice and polite to strangers lately.

 

And no need to be sorry. There's no such thing as a long post when it comes to things like this and matters of the heart.

 

My update is that I went to my ex's house to get my stuff today. He wasn't there, but his roomie was. That was the plan.

It probably was a little too soon, but at the same time I got it out of the way and don't have to do it later. Ugh, except for money he owes me. But that will be handled through mutual friends.

 

I also had told him yesterday upon breaking up that I just wanted to hurry up and get my stuff and cut off all ties from him. He got pretty upset and angry at the whole "cutting off all ties" thing. But I then said, "I'm sorry, I guess that was harsh." Can you blame me though? I was pretty angry.

 

Well, since I had only just been there on Monday and cooked him a dinner, and it's now Wednesday, there were still place mats on the table from when we ate. And the wine glasses were still next to the sink. It's like nothing had changed.

 

I also had to go up into his room to get some stuff. THAT was the hardest. I just opened the door, like I used to, walked right in and collected my stuff. There was an empty beer bottle of mine from Saturday night that was still sitting on his computer. And the shirt I had slept in on Monday night was still in the same spot on his bed, where I had left it.

 

It was soo hard because, I still feel attached. Like nothing has changed. And that he was my bf and I was just there to pick up something I needed. And that later that night, I would be putting on that same shirt to wear to bed. His bed.

 

AAAHHHH! ](*,)

 

And when I left, I knew we were broken up and I had to choke back the tears. Luckily my guy friend had gone with me, so I didn't want to cry in front of him.

 

Ha, and that's the kicker. I'm sure there will be plenty of gossip how I brought a male friend over to my ex's house to pick up my stuff. A male friend that my ex knows I had a sexual history with (but never dated) once upon a time.

 

The other thing is, I haven't out-right bawled once over this break up. I mean, I've had tears in my eyes and am on the verge of it (ya' know, the voice gets all shaky). Is it because I'm still in shock and I FEEL like we're still together, eventhough I KNOW we're not? Or is it because this is our THIRD break up, things had been rocky, and deep down I was expecting this?

 

Ha, that last one should answer it. But I'm just soo afraind that I AM in shock and all the pain will come later. I remember that horrid pain. I felt it the first time he broke up with me. I cried and cried right away. Maybe I'm just too used to crying over him. I hope it doesn't come. I hope I just continue to get better.

 

Anyone experience a break up like this? Where it wasn't the first and you always felt deep down, that after all the problems, it wasn't going to work? But you just didn't want to accept it? Or thought that you knew it would end but you just didn't want it to happen yet?

 

*Sigh. I hurt but I think it's the three years and past memories that I'm hurt over. I'm also starting to think that I was in love with the memory and IDEA of him...

 

But I need to stop looking through his email. NC should be easy for me since I'm a Leo and am soo stubborn and carry a lot of pride...

But looking at his damn Myspace too... It's hard.

[notanymore]

hey lioness

we are all here for each other.i m sure u ll come out of it in no time.keep doin NC

 

lettin u on a secret ... my ex is a leo as well ,stubborn as hell, never admitting any of her faults.anyway thts besides the point.

 

wish u the very best with NC, take care

[lioness726]

lettin u on a secret ... my ex is a leo as well ,stubborn as hell, never admitting any of her faults.anyway thts besides the point.

 

Ha ha, ain't that the truth. My ex hated that I was soo stubborn. He would always say that I could never admit I was wrong, that I would fight and fight for it. Sometimes I would admit I was wrong and apologize. But that was after I had time to cool down and think about what happened.

 

He was a Gemini. Explains his wishy-washy feelings about "I want to be with only you" to "I can't commit. I want to be with other people".

 

He was always so back and forth and never sure about anything. His answer to everything, even the most important things was, "I don't know."

 

Yeah, you put Loyal Leo with Flip-Flopping Gemini. Doesn't work so well.

[Romi]

Notanymore, CONGRATULATIONS!! This is a very important step in your life and you do it by yourself. Glad to hear you are ok!

 

HUGS to you and the new members too.

 

Romi

[pablovblack]

Thank you notanymore. It's the small things lately that has been putting a smile on my face, and just being welcomed helped. Hey, any kindness from people is the best thing right now. It's funny because I find myself being very nice and polite to strangers lately.

 

I hear you lioness726, I find myself being much more friendly lately too, one thing to remember, when you get totally back on track try and keep that attittude becuase Its a wonderful feeling and makes the world such a better place. We all need to remember this new found feeling and strength and not let it get away.

[notanymore]

thanks a lot Romi, I could not have managed to come out of my blues without your help and that of others as well.feels great to have you for support.hugs to u

[Pikey1972]

Yeah, you put Loyal Leo with Flip-Flopping Gemini. Doesn't work so well.

 

Haha, yes I know exactly what you mean. I never used to believe in horoscopes until now...My ex is a Gemini and displayed typical flip-flopping behaviour. I'm a Scorpio and....well....there are quite a few negative characteristics there which I've been working on! ;-)

 

Hope everyone's OK today - almost a week of NC and still miss my ex, but have a weekend away lined up with friends which should do the trick.

 

Keeping busy and not spending too much time on my PC also seem to help...

[Sobo]

Yeah, you put Loyal Leo with Flip-Flopping Gemini. Doesn't work so well.

 

Haha, yes I know exactly what you mean. I never used to believe in horoscopes until now...My ex is a Gemini and displayed typical flip-flopping behaviour. I'm a Scorpio and....well....there are quite a few negative characteristics there which I've been working on! ;-)

 

Hope everyone's OK today - almost a week of NC and still miss my ex, but have a weekend away lined up with friends which should do the trick.

 

Keeping busy and not spending too much time on my PC also seem to help...

 

The PC is a big one, for me I just found out from a friend that she did in fact get into my school for next year, the PC is bad you end up searching for things, like today I was on MSN.ca and read a bunch of stuff on relationships, the link link removed

 

I can't really stay away from it tho, Im at work and I use it so...

[iwillsurvive]

Hi everyone, firstly i would like to welcome our new members at the NC bandwagon 2 iwillsurvive bstrong2day need2bme lioness726 cheecago , glad to have you all on board, these are tough times, please trust me they ll go away soon and you ll be in love again , with yourself this time.

 

Thanks for the warm welcome.

N/C and going strong..

 

"Don't Break N/C, it's not worth it"

[lioness726]

Soon it will be Day 3 of my NC and I have set myself a realistic goal for NC that I think I can achieve. I am going to try the 30 days of NC and after that point, I may not even care anymore.

 

How am I doing?

 

Ok, so it's 2 am for me and I just got back from a bar with some friends. It's this usual Thursday night spot for a lot of people I know, and I knew that there was NO way my ex would be there.

 

At first I was scared because the one person I was meeting was mostly an acquaintance, and the others were people I had either never met before or met them once or twice at a party.

 

Now, I've never been one to be able to go do things by herself. And this situation was new and a little uncomfortable for me because I usually meet up with people I know well and am comfortable with. And if they're not, I would have gone with my ex.

 

Wow, a first on my own! But I stuck it out and went because hey, how am I going to meet new people? I also figured that being around new people would cause me to put on a happy face because I don't want to be a downer. Plus, I've always been social by nature.

 

Now, I was also scared that I would drive home from the bar crying because I was alone (something I had done in my past break ups with my ex). But I knew I wasn't going to drink alcohol because that's the worst thing! Going home drunk knowing you have no one to be with that night or even the next day...

 

But, the experience ended up being very uplifting! I met a lot of new,cool people (some I shared a quick synopsis of my break up story with) and they all told me wonderful things. I also ran into some people I hadn't seen in awhile. And the funny thing was that I ran into a couple of people that I hadn't seen since my last break up with my ex. Funny.

 

I didn't get depressed when an ugly guy aproached me. And I didn't even want to kill all the loving and cuddling couples there. In a way, those couples kind of gave me hope. And I didn't even get sad when some people asked "Where's your bf?"

 

I mean, it stung a little. But there were no tears or a string of apologies to the person I was crying on.

 

All in all, I think I'm doing alright. For now, at least. I didn't think of him much when I was out, so that's good. I just really have to stop thinking about him when I'm alone AND STOP dwelling on things. That's always been my problem with everything that bothers me, though. Dwelling on things.

 

But good luck to everyone else. And really, NC is the best. This is a turning point for us all. This time is really all about YOU. You spent soo long thinking about another person, that when you start to only think about you, you will realize how much fun it can be.

 

Don't waste any more time, energy, or thoughts on someone who really isn't worth it. Work on you, then you will find someone who really IS worth it.

 

EDIT: I did have two glasses of wine. I didn't get drunk but I think it's going to help me fall asleep. And that really is a good thing! We all know how sleep can sometimes be hard. I just hope I don't dream about the ex. At all.

[fifregister]

lioness726 -- good job! i can totally relate to the bar experience. it isn't so bad is it? some days will suck, and some days aren't so bad. proud of you for taking that first step.

[Pikey1972]

I can't really stay away from the PC tho, Im at work and I use it so...

 

Yes, I know exactly what you mean and can sympathise...I use my PC every day for my work (I'm a translator so need to be online a lot), and it's very hard not to visit my ex's profile on various websites.

 

If I feel the urge to visit his profile / e-mail him, I visit enotalone instead!

 

Lioness, great news, keep up the good work and you'll be fine!

 

Hugs,

 

Pikey

[fifregister]

you can block the websites with your ex's pictures from your own PC

 

go to internet options and enable content advisor. every time you visit that page, you can choose to generate a system prompt that makes you enter a password. this will at least give you that extra 2 seconds to think about it. or have a friend configure the password and you won't be able to access the page at all.

 

in the end though, we are our own worst enemies. i've devised booby traps against myself which i've surpassed. the only thing that ultimately works is willpower.

[Spugly Fuglet]

you can block the websites with your ex's pictures from your own PC

 

 

well I did not know that cool

[lioness726]

lioness726 -- good job! i can totally relate to the bar experience. it isn't so bad is it? some days will suck, and some days aren't so bad. proud of you for taking that first step.

Thank you! I'm just not looking forward to the days that suck.

 

So, the mornings are the hardest. Once I get into the world and am around people, I feel better. It's just the nights and mornings. There's also little things I think like, "I would have been calling him right now while I'm on my way home from work." Or, since it's Friday I would be thinking, "What are we going to do tonight? Maybe I should e-mail him at work and see what he wants to do." Just little stuff like that that I've been doing for the past three years. Everyone knows what I'm talking about.

 

And I'm soooooooo thankful for this site. It keeps me from going to look at his stuff (Myspace, emails, etc.) And it helps unburden my friends' ears.

 

But here's my question:

Should I not be constantly thinking about our fights we had been having for the past couple months? Should I not think about how horrible he was and how things were going? I've been thinking about all the negative things about him and the relationship.I mean we did just break up three days ago... Wow, it's already been three days.

But is this wrong? I KNOW I don't want him back but sometimes I think, "Geez, if I hadn't fought with him soo much maybe things between us would have been a lot better?" Those damn "if's".

 

But then my friends tell me things like, "You fought with him a lot because after the second break up, he wasn't doing anything to PROVE to you that he had changed. You fought with him because you would find out when he didn't tell you things. HE WASN'T BEING A GOOD BF SO THAT'S WHY YOU FOUGHT."

I agree with that but it's like I want HIM to know that. Before we parted he told me, "I hope whoever you are with doesn't hate fighting as much as I do." But I don't remember if I told him that whoever I was with would NOT make me fight with him so much...

 

I just don't think our relationship's demise was my fault. We would fight over my jealousy and me not being able to get over the past a lot. So did I push him away? Or had he always felt like that?

 

*Sigh. Too many thoughts.

[notanymore]

"There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends."

Dear Lioness

please forgive me if any of this upsets up in any way, i am only trying to help u out.Firstly on a lighter note , i dont quite get your signature, could you please elaborate if for me.

 

Brooding about who is at fault and who is not is not going to help.Going over and over those thoughts will make you feel worse than before.Just remind yourself that u ll be feeling much worse later, let this be a trigger to stop these thoughts.

 

You will have to shake yourself once these thought crowd your head. give yourself a break and stop whatever you are doing. try n focus on yourself.what u want out of life is important and thts wht you shud be focussing on.

 

Secondly, try n accept the fact that it is over, it took me quite some time to realise the same.I kno it is a better pill to swallow but the fact is you ll have to come to terms with it.

 

If things work out between you and your ex in the future it ll be great .But please Dont keep this hope alive if you wish to get over it.Get on with NC, its great, you ll have setback now n then but trust me u ll come out stronger.much stronger.

 

How is everyone doing, had a great day yesterday, took a day off from work and just pampered myself with a nice pair of shoes and a visit to the spa.i desreve everything except the pain she gave me.

 

hugs to you all, have a great day people .

 

keep up with NC

[cheecago]

I'm on day 30 something and it sucks. I feel guilty and responsible for the break-up and thus the situation I am in right now.

 

I carry this big boulder on my shoulders everywhere I go. I'm fading away in my regrets and remorse and I can't seem to enjoy anything even if I try to take my mind off of her by going out or doing activities. I remember all the situations where I could of acted differently and it hurts a lot. I feel so worthless and stupid. I feel like bashing my head on the wall...

 

Never been this sad in my entire life...